She Proposed to Him. Is That OK?

Dear Veronica,

I have been seeing this female for 1 month and she proposed to me..and I told her I don't want...

to get married...I'm only 20 anyway...now she says I hurt her pride...I thought the guy was supposed to ask...

Danielthorne

Dear danielthorne,

I've written many hubs on here where I've gone over the whole age thing again and again. At 20 you are way too young to be considering marriage. You haven't gone through your Saturn Return, let alone your frontal lobe development.

Although different people at different points in their lives require different amounts of time to figure out if a relationship is going to work or not for the long haul, one month is really a ridiculously short amount of time. You can't really know each other enough to make a major life decision like marriage.

And to prove that's true, we have the fact that she proposed, and you don't seem to think women should do the proposing.

There wasn't actually a question in your question for me, but I'm going to tackle the issue of whether or not women should propose.

It's an old fashioned notion that the man should do the proposing. In an ever changing world of evolving relationships there aren't many old fashioned traditions that are still embraced by both sexes. But this seems to be one of them.

I've had several emails from male readers that echoed your dismay.

Way back when, the man did the proposing out of design: he was the bread winner, the one in charge, the one that would make the decisions regarding buying a house, working, money, and therefore it would be up to him to develop the timeline for such events. The woman merely had to say, "Yes dear."

Nowadays relationships are not so cut and dry. Women work, they have their own schedules and agendas for what they want out of life and what they are doing with their time. Often marriage is agreement more than a question.

But even after the agreement is reached, the woman still wants the man to propose, and he still wants to be the one that gets down on one knee and makes it official.

Because so many people feel so strongly about this, I haven't advised any of my female readers to do the proposing. Daniel you are not alone in your thinking. It seems most men and women feel the same way. I'm not sure why this is, but the one simple theory I have is this: deep down, men like feeling masculine and women like feeling feminine.

I make as much as my husband does. I can take my own car into the shop, I guide my own investments, I can take out the trash and cut my own grass. There is nothing I "need" my husband for. Yet I still have this hardwired desire to be the girl and to feel taken care of in some small way. I look for these things and I really appreciate them. My husband kills the spiders, opens doors for me, and trims the hedges. These are just a few examples. Obviously I can do all these things for myself, but aside from the teamwork idea, there is just something classically feminine and masculine about certain tasks and manners. No one is being hurt, so what's the harm in indulging?

One male reader wrote me a few years ago echoing the sentiment. He said that when his girlfriend proposed, he felt emasculated. He said he knew there was no reasoning to that. They had discussed marriage, he wanted to spend his life with her. But he felt that proposing was this one tradition, this one thing, that he could give her. He thought it would be romantic and classic. And she took that away from him.

It's not right or wrong to break with tradition. The important thing is to know your partner. Respect their desires even if they aren't completely sensical, and make sure they respect yours. It's fine that you feel the man should propose. Hopefully in your future the right women will feel the same way. Or at least she will take the time to know you and learn that about you. 

Now that we've tackled your question Daniel, I have one for you.

In your question you say you're only 20 years old. Your profile says you've been an online marketeer since 1997. You started out in business when you were 7 years old?

This hub

was written by Veronica for Hubpages. If you are reading it anyplace else, it has been stolen. All text is original content by Veronica. All photos are used with permission. All videos are courtesy of youtube.com

If you have an honest relationship question, ask me. Maybe I can help.

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3 comments

danielthorne profile image

danielthorne 6 years ago

That happened when I was 20..


Veronica profile image

Veronica 6 years ago from NY Author

Ah. Then she must be out of your life now?


tom_caton profile image

tom_caton 5 years ago from The Desk

teehee...

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