How Age can affect your Relationships.

Not bad for fifty!

When you feel the feeling you haven't felt before.

What is it about age? When do we realise that we are getting older? Is it only when your bones start to ache when you run up the stairs, or is it when you have been out all day, going to work, training in the local gym, or even deciding that I won't stay up very late tonight, as I feel really tired. I actually don't think that it is any of these things. We all are aware of the fact that every time we celebrate a birthday, it is another year on the clock, under the belt, whatever way you like to say it. we are all conscious of the fact that as we grow older, we change in some way. I remember when I was a teenager, I loved all the music that was pumped out in the clubs, even though I had my own type of music that I liked, I knew all the words to the songs in the top ten. I remember thinking to myself at the time, I would always love this sort of music, it is in me, I would never change. But time goes on, and you suddenly realise that actually, what you think was good, was only good because you were young, single and free. The excitement of climbing the stairs to the nightclub, hearing the music in the background, your heart fluttering because you just know that He is going to be there. Every note, every sound, gets embedded in your heart and mind. And you feel that you will be young forever.

Looking fed up!

A sobering Experience.

A strange thing happened to me the other night. I suddenly realised that it's not just me that is affected by my aging. I was so wrapped up in my own little world, not really taking a lot of notice that my body was aging, that I forgot how it would be accepted by the outside world. I have always been a flirt, it's in the genes! and even though I was picked on at school, and called ugly and spotty, hurtful things that go straight into your mind, and affect you for the rest of your life, it took me a couple of years after leaving school to realise, much to my surprise I might add, that actually I wasn't as hideous as they all made out. I never really had a lot of confidence with the opposite sex, but when I had a drink, alcoholic, then the shyness that overtook me at almost any other part of my life, was suddenly gone. When I say I had a drink, I never got drunk as such, as I was not that keen on alcohol. Oh, I had my moments, and I still do, but it is usually by accident, that I end up slightly inebriated! For example, if I am eating and drinking at a party, and think that I haven't really had a lot, but the next morning, well, all I can say is, never again!

So my point is that, when I have had a drink, I still act the same as usual, only a bit slower!

But back to the other night. I was invited to my friends birthday party at the local pub, and I was aware of the fact that an ex- boyfriend of mine was going to be there. He is a relative of my friend, and over the years we have got together a few times, nothing heavy, but just having a good time and a few weeks relationship here and there. I still liked him very much, but as I still live with my ex-husband, which I will explain about when I have more nerve to tell the world, I have always been reluctant to leave and go of with him. My boy friend as I will call him, is four years younger than me, and it was never a problem. Over the years he has asked me to go away with him, but as I said, I never could break away that easily, so we have had a on of sort of thing going on. More mental these days than physical, and I am sure you all know what I mean. Anyway, he turned up with his new girlfriend, and this was fine as I knew he was dating. But this was not the problem. She was twenty seven years old! He behaved like a proper gentleman and stayed with her all evening, but occasionally I noticed a small look in my direction. At this stage, I didn't realise that my age was a problem. It was, but not just for him. Another man took an interest in me, and even though I was very flatterered, I wasn't interested in him, but I did dance with him most of the night, as everyone else was part of a couple.

The trouble came later, when after being told that he liked me, my friend took me to one side and said, ' do you know John really fancies susan?' but she is married. Poor man!

I was astonished and mortified to suddenly realise the reason why he had said this. He had not taken any notice of her all night, but after being with me, he spoke to another friend of mine, and was told that I was fifty. That was that. I think he was about thirty eight. After hearing this, I suddenly looked across the dance floor at, I will call him, Pete, my boy friend, or more to the point man friend, and realised that is why he would never be interested in me again. This might sound a bit dramatic, but I realised that because his new girlfriend was in her twenties, he still felt young. Going out with someone of fifty would constantly show him that he is also aging. Don't ask me how I know this, I just do.

My point to all this? Age is a state of mind. The trouble is, however young you look, your age tells the world that you have experience, a past, and more to the point, there is something in our DNA that states that to be young is to be fruitful. We mate to procreate. The fun part is just an afterthought, albeit a good one. I realise now that time has galloped away with my genes, and I am no longer a contestant in the mating game. A very sobering experience.

So what do I do now? if I want to date, do I have to lie about my age? is that why women do all the time? I never thought there was much point in that, I presumed, wrongly, that to tell the world your age, especially if you look younger, would make people say, ' Ooh you certainly look good'. But now I know the truth. Your age is the one main factor in the game of producing children. And therefore, you are over the hill, and useless to be a mate.

I have never been attracted to older men, it is just me. Maybe I have forgotten that age has caught up with me in the dating game, maybe I thought that I would always look and be younger. But people see me differently now. And I cannot quite get used to it.

Maybe it is time to for me to grow up.

More by this Author


Comments 53 comments

msorensson profile image

msorensson 6 years ago

No...you are as perfect as you are. If the men you are attracted to are so shallow that they would consider your age a barrier, then it is their loss, not yours.

Demi Moore? Susan Sarandon? Ring a bell?

I have never considered age as a factor in relationships. Ever.

Much love,

Melinda


heyju profile image

heyju 6 years ago

Ahhh Nell...now your sounding like me lol....You meet some real A-holes in life...everyone is afraid of something...I am at a point in my life now..I worry about how I feel about myself...inside I still feel like I just graduated from High School...even though the outside wants to argue with me constantly and prove me wrong..

Young at heart...my father is living proof of this...when you accept yourself for what you are..so will everyone else

and If they can't handle the lovely you, no matter your age...then they don't deserve you : )

loved your hub...much love "Hub-Sister" keep em coming : )


Seven Day Adventist Dating 6 years ago

hi there.. great hub.. nicely done..

try to check this one too, 2 middle aged men looking for their other half. http://www.usasevendayadventistsingles.com/


carolina muscle profile image

carolina muscle 6 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

!!!!!!!!!!You look fantastic!!!!!!!!!

Looks are important, I guess.. but age isn't really.

if someone takes care of themselves like you obviously do, it speaks well for them... and anyone who isn't as shallow as a puddle can see that.

Repeat... !!!!!!!!!!You look fantastic!!!!!!!!!


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 6 years ago from London, UK

A well written and thoughtful hub. Thank you.


wrenfrost56 profile image

wrenfrost56 6 years ago from U.K.

Nell 50 is nothing, your a hot lady and don't change for anyone. Date younger guys and have fun! :)


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

Tell me you're 50!

Tell me you're twenty.

It doesn't matter.

You have beauty aplenty!

Roses are red,

Chrysanthemums are yellow.

I think you're too young,

For this old fellow!


Pollyannalana profile image

Pollyannalana 6 years ago from US

Nell honey you have at least thirty more years, heads up, live. Don't worry, be happy, that makes us all at least ten years younger and you can pass for that, just tell yourself that and believe it!


JannyC profile image

JannyC 6 years ago

Interesting hub. Its just fascinating the way people think sometimes...not the way they think but how shallow they are. Sadly I have a younger guy thing too, but Im getting a bit over it cause they are just that shallow and I don't want to play that anymore I don't think.


CMHypno profile image

CMHypno 6 years ago from Other Side of the Sun

Don't lie about your age Nell, if a guy really likes you your age will not be an issue, and he will appreciate the fact that you are a lady that has a lot to give because of your experience, maturity and wisdom.


"Quill" 6 years ago

The most important factor in life Nell is what is in the heart...the rest my dear in most cases is the gift wrappings around the package.

Blessings and special Hugs


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England Author

Hi, Melinda, yes you are totally right. I think I was feeling sorry for myself! No, but seriously I think that I have just lost my confidence, and should really start to look for someone who is, one, trustworthy, and two, maybe a bit younger than me, but not too young! thanks again nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England Author

Hi, heyju. yeah, I know what you mean. I feel ancient sometimes! but mostly young. I think it is a confidence thing. Underneath the fact that I am shy, I also have to live with how my ex husband is. The trouble is that when your husband does something really embarrasing, which I will write about, then everybody points the finger at you, and bang goes the confidence. thanks again nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England Author

Hi, Seven Day Adventist Dating, thanks for writing. I checked out your link, and I have to say that I cannot understand why you both need to do this. You are both very attractive men, and I am sure you will meet your ideal woman at some stage. good luck nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England Author

Hi, Carolina muscle. What can I say? thank you! you just gave my confidence a great big up! lol but seriously, I didn't write this to fish, so to speak, at least I don't think so! ha ha ha it was really to say how strange it is that we see ourselves as we have always looked, and It was a shock to suddenly realise the reality! but thanks again nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England Author

Hi, Hello Hello, thank you so much again. cheers nell

Hi, wrenfrost, yes you know what? you are right! I think it is time I launched myself back into the world of dating! head first! lol thanks nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England Author

Hi, Mickey, oh you do make me laugh! are chrysanthemums yellow? ha ha I have no idea, but I am sure you are not that old yet! Thanks for cheering up this old girl! hee hee

Hi, Pollyannalana, I know you are right, It was just that after taking a few knocks, this one just about nailed my confidence, but I will try and bounce back up again. cheers nell

Hi, JannyC, you are problably right, the younger guys haven't had their edges rubbed off yet!! i think I can feel an older man coming on! lol cheers nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England Author

Hi, CMHypno, I know you are right, but I think my feelings were getting in my way. I appreciate what you say, and in future, I will try not to make such a big thing about it. It was just a face full of cold water at the time! lol Also I think, as I live in a small town, and everybody know everybody, certain other attributes came into play. Watch this space as I am going to explain soon. thanks again nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England Author

Hi, Quill, thank you for reading it, and as usual you are right. It is what is on the inside that really matters, and it is a thing that should be remembered more often. thank you again nell


valeriebelew profile image

valeriebelew 6 years ago from Metro Atlanta, GA, USA

Hi Nell Rose,

You are not the only woman who is not attracted to old men. I have felt the same way you do, and don't go out at all, because it seems to be pointless. I enjoy writing, working out at Curves, staying in shape, and making friends, but I guess I gave up on romance a while back. I tell myself that if I had money right now, my life would be different, but perhaps that is only an excuse. I do feel that the lure of youth is found in needing to feel more confidence, both for men and women. We are probably attracted to younger men, because we want to feel we are still sexy. That is probably the same reason older men are attracted to younger women. Some younger men seem to like older women, so I guess we just need to find that rare jewel, as I know that I, at least, will probably never be attracted to older men. It's not a choice for me; either you turn me on or you don't. So stay in shape, and maybe the right younger man will appear. In the meantime, just enjoy other parts of your life.


valeriebelew profile image

valeriebelew 6 years ago from Metro Atlanta, GA, USA

Also, I forgot to mention that I was also scapegoated as a child, all the way through school. Perhaps writers have common issues. I am finding so many soul mates on here. Stay in touch.


Green Lotus profile image

Green Lotus 6 years ago from Atlanta, GA

I'll be the next to say, Nell you look fantastic! You're funny, eloquent and smart. Forget about all that biological baby making blabber. You just haven't met the right guy, or I should say someone worthy of you :)


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England Author

Hi, Valerie, yes you are right, we can't make ourselves like the older man, can we? I have always gone out with younger men over the recent years, but I think that I got a bit mentally wobbly when I reached fifty! lol it is a funny age! when you are in your thirties and forties, you are the 'older woman' but when you are fifty you are too old to be the 'older woman' and to old for the older man looking for a 'younger woman' lol oh, well, I think we had better keep trying! thanks again nell

Hi, Green Lotus, thank you for your lovely words. I will take them on board and try to put myself back out there. thanks again nell


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon

You are talking to a 56-year-old lunatic who rides around on a scooter behind dogs - I think age is 'a factor' but then again, I think no matter what, you are as young as you feel - or think - or act! You look great my dahling....I figure after you sift through so much rubbish, you have to come up with a diamond....lucky for me, I did so will send you the same wish!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England Author

Hi, Audrey, lol lol you do make me laugh! a 56 year old lunatic! ha ha see you made me chuckle again on this one! It's a pity you are out there, in the great beyond ' America' I mean! we would have such a laugh. If you ever come over, give me a bell ' English speak for an e-mail or phone'!! and we will hit the town! two old lunatics together! thanks again nell


Moulik Mistry profile image

Moulik Mistry 6 years ago from Burdwan, West Bengal, India

Relationship also ages as you yourself start aging. But you cannot predict in what directions it will be aging...


hypnodude profile image

hypnodude 6 years ago from Italy

Inside I'm Thirty, and outside pretty the same, lucky genetic. But I've understood that age is a fact when I saw that I'm not able anymore to eat or drink like before, forget about having a sleepless night. But thanks to my inner Peter Pan the spirit is always young.:)

Btw you made an error in the first picture; the correct title is: Pretty (Very) Good at Fifty. ;)

Rated up.


shazwellyn profile image

shazwellyn 6 years ago from Great Britain

Nell... I heard a song lyric that struck me 'no one knows your age until you open your mouth'.

Wisdom and experience always comes through, however hard you try to be young or look young even - you cant have a wise head on young shoulders - the age of experience always comes through!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England Author

Hi, hypnodude, I totally agree with you about eating and drinking, and especially the late nights! I found that out last weekend! And thank you for the lovely compliment! I am sending a great big Hug to you!!! lol cheers nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England Author

Hi, shaz, Yeah you are right! I have learned to keep me mouth shut, but it is my so called friends that always tell people LOL and yes, you can always tell age through somebody eyes, and youngsters seem so bland and empty, not in a bad way, but in a 'first page' of the story of their life way. thanks nell


shazwellyn profile image

shazwellyn 6 years ago from Great Britain

Nell.. exactly. The experience just isn't there with them. I guess we just have to 'pretend' that we dont have that experience! LOL


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England Author

Hi, shaz, I don't think I could look that bland again, unless I put a bag over my head!! LOL the thing that drives me mad, is the vacant look when they are on their mobile phones talking about parties and shoes!! especially when i am carrying a great big bag of shopping and they won't let me pass!! ha ha cheers Nell


Enlydia Listener profile image

Enlydia Listener 6 years ago from trailer in the country

You are a beautiful 50...


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England Author

Hi, Enlydia, thank you so much for the compliment. I think maybe that the facial exercises do work sometimes! oh, and a bit of makeup! lol (maybe a lot of makeup!) thanks again nell


pmccray profile image

pmccray 6 years ago from Utah

Nell Rose honey you look maaaaarvelous!!! I've never been attracted to older men either. My sister and I are both cougars and married to our catch. Hang in there the right cub will come a long. I love this hub, I too remember thinking I'll never be as clueless as my mother...yeah right!!! Hub rated and shared !!!!!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England Author

Hi, pmccray, thanks for saying such nice things. I know what you mean about your mother, my mother was of 'the old school' if you know what I mean. She never told us anything about the world, and when you get plunged into it, the things you see and experience can sometimes make you a little insane! thank you for the rating etc. cheers nell


Joshua Kell profile image

Joshua Kell 6 years ago from Arizona

Time! Time, time, oh how it robs us; but we shall take it back quickly, and without one bit of remorse! You don't look a day over 29 and 1/2. Thanks Nell. God bless you!


Sufidreamer profile image

Sufidreamer 6 years ago from Sparti, Greece

You look stunning - With your intelligence, bubbly personality and lovely smile, you should have no problem ;)


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England Author

Hi, Joshua, thanks for reading it. I love the 29 and 1/2, I wish I did! I liked the way you added the half!! ha ha that made me giggle. thanks for your nice comments. cheers nell

Hi, sufidreamer, wow, I am not sure how to answer that! thank you so much for the compliments, one question, are you married?!!! hee hee Nell


diogenes profile image

diogenes 6 years ago from UK and Mexico

Hi Girls Listening to you all talk about younger men and wanting to have money to do better makes me realise the poles have swapped ends in Britain (UK). You girls think like men used to (and still do in most other countries). The problem is dating sites on the internet when we compare others like goods in tescos. The old days were best: go to a bar and wake up with a total stranger, sometimes having to chew your arm off and escape!...Ha ha Bob


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England Author

Hi, diogenes, thanks for reading it. I totally agree with you! hee hee there is nothing better than going to a bar, having a few drinks and then weyhey!! My friend always said, after a drink, that you don't go to bed with an ugly man, but you sure wake up with a few! ha ha thanks again nell


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 6 years ago from Chicago

This article (and the comments) is terribly interesting. I am saddened by the disappearance of our youth, and with it our looks and appeal. However, I had a good run. And I now find pleasure in other things. Such as writing on HubPages. :D


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England Author

Hi, James, I feel a bit of an idiot now, writing this! I think I was feeling sorry for myself. I was just missing the chase, so to speak! lol it is a funny feeling though, when it only seemed like yesterday that I was in the young dating game. And now when you forget for a little while that you are older, the younger self comes out, and gets a bit miffed that you still can't do it! Oh well, pick yourself up and start all over again! ha ha thanks nell


Gigi2 profile image

Gigi2 6 years ago from UK

I'm glad you did write about it,it so helps.I remarried at 50 so I think it's a great age, and he's younger than me! Only four years, but it's a good age . But what's most important is meeting the right mind. You will when you least expect it. I met Hubby online...to my parents horror...lol. You look great and you are a lovely person.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England Author

Hi, Gigi, thank you so much for the lovely comment. What a great thing knowing that you remarried at 50. There is hope for me yet, finding a nice man! lol thanks again Nell


mquee profile image

mquee 6 years ago from Columbia, SC

Hi Nell, I am 61 and I wouldn't change anything. If those fellows out there can't see the qualities in a mature woman, then they are the losers. See ya.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England Author

Hi, mquee, thanks ha ha I was just feeling sorry for myself when I wrote this. Shoulda kept it quiet! lol thanks nell


BJBenson profile image

BJBenson 6 years ago from USA

My husband and I have been falling apart for a few years now. I do not know what we would do without the other,

Thanks for all the reading the other day!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England Author

Hi, BJB, Thanks for reading it. I loved reading all of yours, that sometimes happens, I read one, then I think wow that was good, and then I read some more! lol thanks again nell


fatfist profile image

fatfist 6 years ago

Hi Nell,

You look FABULOUS!!

Don't get caught up with the numbers game. Age is just a number and not a reliable indicator of who YOU are. And you can't compare someone else's age to yours. Mother Nature doesn't work that way.

If you have a positive outlook, take time away from daily life, vacation, have fun, and take care of yourself....it is easy to look & feel 10+ years younger.

Leave the medical procedures to the celebrities.

Did I mention that you look fabulous?

Cheers


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England Author

Hi, Fatfist, okay your forgiven! ha ha thanks for coming over, as you can see I am not a girly person, and at that point when I wrote this, I was feeling sorry for myself! thanks Nell


poetryman6969 profile image

poetryman6969 19 months ago

Looking good!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 19 months ago from England Author

Hi Poetry, lol! thanks so much, nell

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working