On Being Single

Single women need to stop looking for "Mr. Right," and to start enjoying in the present. There was a period of time in my twenties when I thought dating and getting married would be the best thing ever. I had not felt that way until my twenties but for someone reason social pressure of friends getting married me I feel like I was missing out. I finally realized how others live does not pertain to me, and I must be happy in my own present moment. I am not saying I will never date or ever get married, but at this moment in time, honestly this not on my mind. Often I meet someone who I like, and there is no mutual attraction, so why get upset over that? When I hear some single women talk they describe how they are looking for "Mr. Right", and that is all fine and good, but I really just do not care about that anymore.

In my late twenties, I thought about my strategies regarding dating and realized none of these ever made me feel super great. I am not the social butterfly type, and constantly meeting new people in the search for a soul-mate just began to feel wrong. I began to take stock of how precious my life is as a single person, and I began to realize this is the icing on my cake. I do not talk about daycare and diapers like many women my age who have social get-togethers with other mothers, and I do not feel I am missing out on anything. I love working and focusing on my artwork and writing. Being a single woman is the icing on the cake, and I am missing out on absolutely nothing in this lifetime. I stopped waiting for something to happen that society told me was important, and embraced my precious and amazing life for what it truly is. Life being single is not a drag, and the only pitfall is when you fail to realize how valuable life is.

Being single is the frosting on my chocolate cake!
Being single is the frosting on my chocolate cake!

Stop Waiting For That "Magicial" Thing To Happen

Be ready and willing to say my life is pretty darn fabulous now as it is, and I could not give a darn if I never get date again, or if I ever get married. Sure this buys into the super scary notion of how a woman is an Old Maid if she does not get married, but old men like Hugh Hefner is considered the ultimate "Playboy" for being a bachelor in his seventies. Society still has some what of this stereotype that an old married woman is lonely and alone, but that the old bachelor type like Hugh is living it up. The concept of a female cougar who dates younger men is helping to deconstruct the mythology that only older men can enjoy their singlehood beyond the age of forty.

I have no desire to be dating younger men when I am in my fifties, but more power to the women who say, hey I enjoy being single, and society is not going to dictate what the rules are to me. From reading biographies I have learned cougars have been around for a very long time. Some young men in their twenties are very much into dating older women, so who is to say the single fifty-five year "old-maid" on your block is to be pitied.

So even though society has created outrageous stereotypes about lonely unmarried women going home to a hundred cats, the truth is that is a vast exaggeration. The reality is even people who get married find they are lonely in their relationships, which is why there has always been such a prevalence for cheating. You can be lonely in any life situation, and you must stopping looking for happiness from outside stimuli. Seeing these things in the larger picture has helped me to realize marriage is not something anyone has to yearn for, and it is imperative to enjoy your life in the present moment because this is the most courageous and amazing gift of all. I myself find dating way too social and slightly boring, but who is to say a sixty year old single cannot live it up on the dating scene if they want to? Rules have changed, and people can define their lives beyond age old stereotypes. Leave the stereotypes for those who cannot think outside the box.

I started a thought provoking blog called: datingandthesinglegirl.blogspot.com, which used to be mostly about dating, but now it is about being a single woman who does not have any interest in dating, and how being single and not dating is amazing. Actually I think both men and woman can have an a thought provoking journey as single people, and only pld societal stereotypes makes us feel that is wrong. Break free of the stereotypes and learn to live your life in the present. Happiness is at your door, and there is no need to go looking for something that you do not already have. Work with what you already have to find contentment and serenity.


Wishes and Dreams By You!

You can make your own wishes come true.  Take that exciting trip to Tahiti on your own, and who cares if you do not have a handsome man by your side.  The Tahitian men are very attractive, and a single woman can spend her type checking out the local hotties, whereas if her husband saw her doing that he might get jealous.  The same goes for the guys, you could meet a really beautiful Tahitian woman and stroll along the beach.  Oh being single is such a drag when you can take a sultry vacation on your own to Tahiti.  I will draw the beaches and the landscape when I go, and that will be my wish and dream by me.  I am not waiting for someone to make it happen, I am doing it own my own!

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Comments 16 comments

traceysfolly 6 years ago

Rock on!


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 6 years ago from London, UK

you got the right attitude. Good Luck.


Megavitamin profile image

Megavitamin 6 years ago

Amen! I cherished my single days, and I think it makes me a better partner now. Enjoy your single life :0)


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 6 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Thanks for sharing your comments!


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago

Hey Sweetie Pie!!

Here's one happily single girl raising a joyful toast to another!! Yipppppeeee!!

Thanks so much for your delightful Hub!!

I've been single for years and love almost every minute of it!! My friend's look at my life, don't know how I do it, but sure wish they could!!

Every now and then there is a twinge of, "Wouldn't it be nice to have two-incomes and half the chores . . . ," and then I wake up!! That is a falacy of 'social conditioning!!'

Years of Spiritual Practices, prayer/meditation/yoga/writing/publishing/painting/

fasting/volunteering/learning/teaching/drumming/

dancing/gardening and an ever evolving fur-family, have given me an increased awareness I would never have been able to access had I been constantly distracted by someone else's dirty socks!

I must say however, being single, successful, alive, content, friendly (but not flirty) with everyone and really happy in my own skin, is like a men-magnet!! That part I often find exasperating!!

This Life Path chose me as well as I chose it!! Like the Dalai Lama, my intention is to honor it fully!! I am delighted it radiates sunshine and safe harbor!! Unfortunately, too many men seem to think their dingy is entitled to drop anchor in my bay!!

Not!!

There is a reason married men live longer lives than their single counterparts; and that married women live shorter lives than single women!! It's an unfair equation and it actually plays out in our bodies!! Adding or subtracting almost a decade!!

There is a reason most great spiritual teachers are single!! The idea is to be fully human and fully spiritual and of service to self and others!! I can feed 80 homeless men with less work and more heart, than I can feed one finicky boyfriend/husband!!

You go girl!! Social conditioning and lack of awareness need to be reevaluated on an individual basis!!

We all need to wake up the best we can!! Mother Earth is bleeding to death while we worry about what to wear Saturday night!!

I feel like Bill Cosby at times, "Come On People, Wake Up!!"

GREAT Hub! Thanks again for sharing!!

Blessings Always, Reverend Earth Angel!!


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 6 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Wonderful message Earth Angel, and you are right about how being single allows spiritual healers to focus on helping others. That is a very amazing aspect of it!


K9keystrokes profile image

K9keystrokes 6 years ago from Northern, California

I think you're on the right path. It will arrive when you are ready for it. Love is that one thing that we can not prepare for no matter what we tell ourselves. Your heart is a wonderful place and someone worthy of it will soon land gently there to caress your soul...in the mean time,...I like your spirit and am betting that you may well be that future hot old broad that out-does Heff in the long run! Cool hub my dear! You are a tough cookie and I am honored to read your work!

K9


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 6 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Actually Keystrokes I have arrived, with all due respect, and I am not looking for anything or anyone. That may go against the grain of what many state, but I already found all that I need or want. My goals are about focusing on my writing and art. I arrived at the destination, and know what I want. This hub is about how single people do not always buy into that notion that we need a life partner, and some of the happiest people I know do not even have one. My great-aunt never got married, and she was happier and more independent than anyone I knew from her generation. Thanks for the support, but those of us like me who have different world views need to speak out and tell the world.


K9keystrokes profile image

K9keystrokes 6 years ago from Northern, California

I guess I misunderstood the point. You do bring a good aspect to the relationship vs. non-relationship subject. Re-reading the hub I found your meaning as you intended it to be. I see now that you have arrived and good for you. It is an interesting concept and one I doubt I could endure. I respect your stand and think you may have some good considerations for those who search for something may not need after all. Look forward to your next installment.

K9


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 6 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Keystrokes,

I was not meaning to scold your nice words, but I suppose I just grew weary of people maybe feeling a little sorry for me, and like I was missing out on something, or like I was not quite where I needed to be yet. I believe people in relationships do not always know themselves, but it is about being in the right place at the right time. I am sure I could have been married by now, if I wanted that, but many men are put off by my speaking my mind. I even had one guy, who claimed to be thoroughly modern, try to instruct me on how I could put things in a more pleasing way for him. I informed him if he did not like it, oh well, he did not have to talk to me. I am not the type to cook up a lovely dinner and please my man because I feel I should, and I would probably tell him 90% of the time to get in the kitchen and make his own meal as I made myself something I enjoyed eating. I simply do not have the personality to sustain a relationship, and I am glad I discovered that early on.


K9keystrokes profile image

K9keystrokes 6 years ago from Northern, California

Your power is inspiring . I did not feel scolded, and I honestly felt that you had the good sense and respect to make certain your voice in this hub was well heard. I appreciate the response and was happy to re-read and engage in the actual meaning of hub. I get now just how important it is that you discovered your true nature and spare yourself any undue crap. I really like this hub as it brings with it a much needed 'look' into who we are.

Thanks for the reminder to keep an open mind and to deeply consume and understand what is being said! I again admire your strength.

~Always choose love~

K9


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 6 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Keystrokes,

You are a very amazing and deep thinker, and I always appreciate your comments on my hubs. I need to go comment on some of yours I have not read yet :).


citybelle profile image

citybelle 6 years ago

i love this blog! what a great attitude and such a breath of fresh air. you sound so happy and relaxed... i love it! enjoy your life, girl! :o)


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 6 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Glad you enjoyed it citybelle.


marisuewrites profile image

marisuewrites 6 years ago from USA

I have recently quit trying to wear dainty shoes. I don't have big feet, size 7.5 or 8, but I do have very sensitive feet. My toes are pinched easily and I have a high instep.

I have learned, that comfort is more important that dainty, hard, fashion.

Being comfortable at any stage in our life, and with who we are I think is a destination reached.

We are on a journey, and often get distracted from the pleasure along the way.

Many married spend time wondering what else is there, and some think there is nothing else...and some would never "go there."

I'm glad you are happy!!!

I've missed you and I'm back!! (oklahoma feels good)


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 6 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Marisue glad you are back, and I will have to comment on your hubs. Also glad to hear you are enjoying living in Oklahoma.

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