Best Kept Secret for a Long Lasting, Happy Marriage

Oh How We Danced

It Takes More than Dancing to Keep a Marriage Happy

Following the wedding ceremony, most cultures encourage dance as a way for the couple to be seen, united in public, for the first time. The Anniversary Song composed by Romanian Iosif Ivanovici in 1880 has been etched in my memory for as long as I can recall. It was the song Jolson and Chaplin presented to the world in the fifties. Jolson wrote the lyrics while Chaplin adapted Ivanovici's music.

Oh, how we danced, on the night we were wed

We vowed our true love, though a word wasn’t said

These lyrics represent my father and mother. This is how I grew up, knowing that my parents were still dancing to the same tune that had played at their wedding. If only it was that easy to sustain a long lasting and happy marriage.

Spending my childhood in a home filled with love that was generated by the special bond between my father and mother, I had the perfect example of what to expect from marriage. It has taken me many years to understand that it is their deep connection to each other that keeps the marriage, not only strong and lasting, but happy.

Lyrics to the Anniverary Song

Oh, how we danced, on the night we were wed

We vowed our true love, though a word wasn’t said

Two hearts gently beating murmuring low darling I love you so

The night seemed to fade into blossoming dawn

The sun shone anew but the dance lingered on

That we but recall that sweet moment sublime

We’d find that our love isn’t altered by time

Darling I love you so

Are there Secrets to a Happy Marriage?

Lust and Infatuation

It takes some form of passion to ignite a spark and draw two people to each other. But for any relationship to blossom and mature, lust alone will not do the trick. Infatuation may be intense but is usually short lived and sometimes irrational.

Friendship and Communication

Being friends with your partner forms a solid basis for a relationship. Couples that have been together forever, say, well we were friends you know. The gift of friendship cannot be overlooked in marriage. Knowing you can come home at the end of the day and share your world with another human being is priceless.

Trust and Love

Of course, trust and love are absolute essentials. Without them there is no relationship.

Commitment and Security

Commitment may be one of the secrets to a long lasting marriage but that does not guarantee happiness. A partnership of commitment and security are important but the same could be said for a business proposal.

It is the combination of all these factors that keeps two people living happily ever after. But the best kept secret is yet to be revealed. It was written and sung about in the eighties and has been revived in 2010.

The Best Secret of a Long and Lasting Happy Marriage

Acceptance

Billy Joel said it first in his song, 'Just the Way You Are'. The lyrics were every woman's dream and the men of the day longed for a woman who would reiterate, 'don't go changing, to try and please me.'

Bruno Mars has recently brought out a new take on the beauty of love and acceptance. His song may have the same title, the words are a little different and the beat is certainly in keeping with the rythym of today. The sentiment is the same. Almost as if the song was written fifty years ago, in honour of my father and mother.  

The best kept secret to a long lasting and happy marriage, is all about acceptance. Spending all your time trying to change your partner or perfect those annoying little traits will bring nothing but disappointment. You fell in love with the person in front of you. Staying in love is up to you.

Bruno Mars Says it All

What To Do When Things Aren’t Going Well

We Always Talk About Things

For my parents, the connection was there from the beginning. What they have done over time, is continue to work on their relationship on a daily basis. Through fifty years this has strengthened their bond and reinforced their commitment to each other. Ask them, what their secret is to a long and happy marriage and they respond almost in unison.

“Oh well, it was not always easy. We’ve had some rough times.”

“So what got you through those rough times?”

“We talked about what was going on, we always talked.”

Copyright © 2010 Karen Wilton

Hand in Hand

Cutting the cake on their 50th Wedding Anniversary
Cutting the cake on their 50th Wedding Anniversary

More by this Author


Comments 18 comments

prairieprincess profile image

prairieprincess 6 years ago from Canada

Beautiful and heartfelt! Acceptance is such a powerful, simple thing. Great hub ... thank you!


Karanda profile image

Karanda 6 years ago from Australia Author

Many couples spend way too much time trying to change the person they fell in love with instead of accepting them the way they are. Thank you for reading prairieprincess.


Inspired to write profile image

Inspired to write 6 years ago from Wales UK

Yes nice article Karanda! Your pointers hit it right on the head especially 'COMMUNICATION' (sorry for shouting lol but that's how important I see communication between couples as a way forward.)

A nicely written piece once again. Regards Dale


Karanda profile image

Karanda 6 years ago from Australia Author

Inspired to write, I notice you have read the 'other' hub a submitted, capitals are good if you want to emphasise a point, and in your case, communication is a good point to get across. Couples that succeed, communicate well. It's not just about talking it is about listening and understanding what the other person is saying. Thank you so much for reading and leaving your comment.


outback postie 5 years ago

A lovely well written piece.I was reduced to tears, but as it is about my parents as well it is not surprising that this would happen! Certainly feeling the tyranny of distance this festive season.


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 5 years ago from Yucaipa, California

Acceptance is so important. I know it sounds a little crazy, but I am not sure how important communication is, or let's put it this way. I think most couples communicate pretty well, but it's what they communicate and what doesn't get communicated is I love you just the way you are. Now that IS really important. Change has to come from within me. No one can make me change, and sometimes that acceptance is what triggers change.

Thanks for the inspiring hub. I like to read about other people's families. It's our history. It's what makes us who we are. So precious.

Vern


TattoGuy 5 years ago

Dammit, I shud have read this 2 years ago before the wife buggered off. Oh well I guess I will just have to continue being happy ; )

Ps - Loves the cake !


Karanda profile image

Karanda 5 years ago from Australia Author

Good on you Art, always nice to see you on one my hubs and give me a laugh. The cake was fantastic!


Karanda profile image

Karanda 5 years ago from Australia Author

Vern thank you for reading and understanding the point I was trying to make in this Hub about marriage. It amazes me the amount of people who get together, fall in love with someone only to spend the rest of their lives trying to turn them into something they are not. You are right, most couples do communicate well but more often than not the relationships that last are between two people who accept each other.


Anne 5 years ago

Been married 43 years. Some bad times, many good ones. Nothing stays the same. We both changed dramatically. Going through some tough times now believe it or not. Acceptance and add forgiveness is the answer. Do lots of fun things before you marry, alone, and in the marriage.


Karanda profile image

Karanda 5 years ago from Australia Author

Congratulations Anne on 43 years. It is not easy sticking with one person through thick and thin. Sorry to hear you are going through tough times and I wish the best for your continued understanding in a relationship that has no doubt seen many changes but has learned to live through them. Acceptance and forgiveness are great tools for any partnership to stand a chance of survival. I truly hope yours stands that test.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

This one Karen is indeed beautiful and I have to vote up.

Thanks for sharing and here's to so many more.

Take care;

Eddy.


Karanda profile image

Karanda 4 years ago from Australia Author

Thanks Eiddwen, this was easy to write as the subjects spoke for themselves. Lovely to see you here.


guerrykathy profile image

guerrykathy 4 years ago

Very nice article-congratulations also on your milestone anniversary.Hopefully you have inspired couples to be more committed to making marriage work. I like the closing-staying in love is up to you.


Karanda profile image

Karanda 4 years ago from Australia Author

Thank you guerrykathy for your kind words and congratulations. I would love to think my article has inspired someone, somewhere to maybe rethink their commitment. I feel strongly about this because I have a good marriage but only because my husband and I both take time to keep the love alive.


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 4 years ago from Yucaipa, California

Hi Karanda

Did not remember reading this hub months back. I enjoyed the You Tube video and posted both the video and this Hub on my facebook page to share. I guess the Hub has a different meaning for me now, some fifteen months later as I venture forth at age 66 into the world of a new relationship, and the hub made me pause and ask how much am I trying to change my precious friend and love. So you wrote a hub that keeps on giving! THANKS

Vern


Karanda profile image

Karanda 4 years ago from Australia Author

Hi Vern, how wonderful that you were drawn back to this Hub with different eyes - a man in a new relationship. It is an exciting time and I am so pleased that you have taken a moment to think about accepting your new love as they are. Thank you for posting the links and sharing with your friends, it means a lot to me.


rearyclamycle 3 years ago

My partner and i utilized to obtain high on life but of late I have established a new level of resistance.

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