Best Relationships - Mothers and daughters

My Four Girls
My Four Girls | Source
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Never Ending Love

I have four girls and I feel I am one of the most blessed mums on the planet to have daughters that I love dearly and love me just as much. Each of them are unique strong independent women and I am grateful and thank God every day for them As I write this hub I have just found out that my baby girl and her husband are moving to Brisbane to take on a job offer too good to refuse, some 1000 or so Kilometres north of Sydney. So I am writing this hub as a a little bit of a catharsis to help deal with the sense of loss that she will leave. So please bare with me as I make my way through what will probably be my most emotional hub and most likely my least professional or well written but I need to write this down and hope it will bring some relief from the sadness I feel and get it out of my head.

Beginnings... I've always loved my girls from the very first moment that I saw their exquisite tiny scrunched up perfect little faces at birth to the rambunctious behaviors of toddler hood and the bitter sweet teenage years.

I Never Knew...and it's funny but no one could have explained to me before my first child was born the depths of what I was going to feel for them...and each one since... how much in love with them I could fall... the indescribable joy of all the firsts... first smile; first word; first...you know how it goes. Or how protective I would feel taking them to playgroup for the first time when the inner lioness springs from the depths within if the big bad boys knock them down or take away their toys... or how to cope with my own sense of inadequacy as a new mum when they throw an inevitable tantrum...Oh bliss... Or packing their bags for her first day at preschool and swallow the lump in my throat as they wave good bye in their delight to play with the other kids and thankfully don't notice my heart breaking just that little bit more...or the first day at school when standing at the gate, brushing away the tears and don't want to leave them with the stranger who will take over my place of influence in their life. Who will fix their knee if they fall and scrape it you think... who will kiss their finger better when they think they break it... who will...oh well...you sigh!

Then the firsts in the school years. The first school play or group performance where the tears well up in my eyes and my chest swells with pride as I sit and watch and I say 'that's my girl'...then the awards won sometimes for academic excellence or class helper are mounted with pride on the fridge door for everyone who visits to see and to say 'well done, mama' .Yes of course it had to be me...

And all too soon the years pass bye, and I sit at the school gate and cry, and wonder why the years have flown by so fast. She's left now, she's gone, she's grown up, moved on...I know I know I get it I do but it's hard you know she is my last.

And then comes the first date... the first kiss...the first boy... and the lioness in me surfaces once more and I think go away, stay away, please don't come back.

It doesn't work, they stay and she's engaged. Then marriage... and I stand and watch breathless as she says 'I Do' and try to stop her life's video replay in my head. I cry inwardly, and she turns and smiles and I melt and he's lovely and she's happy and I'm okay and we party and dance till we are spent...

Soon their gone and I can't believe she's going... I never thought she would and I'm sad. But I know it's alright, it has to be and I'll see her often and I'll still feel that love, that intense, deep love even stronger... not so much the ferocious lion type now rises but ... that strong rip your heart out kind of love that only a mother can feel... and I know that know matter where they are that nothing can break the bond between us.

More than Love

And I've learned some things along the way and some not very easily... that have strengthened my relationship with my daughters as young women. And I just want to say that I believe as a mum of four girls that nurturing a young girl into a young woman around the ages of 18- 25 is by far the most challenging stage of parenting; in terms of letting them go and make decisions and choices for themselves, some that I didn't like or felt was right for them; but it can also be the time of motherhood that can be the most rewarding.

Some things I've learned are...

Believing in them... you have to believe in them to make their own choices and decisions even when you think they are wrong. After all who gave you the right to think you are right? It's their life and they have the right to choose what they want to be,where they will live, who they want to marry etc.

Determination... it takes determination to make your relationship work even when... they might love someone you don't think is good for them...but unless there is abuse or infidelity or neglect, chances are they have to work it out for themselves. And believe me, pouting, shouting and nagging is not a good approach. It's best to clearly and lovingly let them know how you feel and leave it at that.

Encourage their Attempts at Becoming a Woman...Your daughters are not you...and they don't have to be...they may be like you but they are their own person. I can remember vividly being a new mum and housewife living a long distance from my mum and calling and hearing mum's loving words of encouragement when I'd stuffed up another meal, burnt a cake or couldn't settle an endlessly crying baby... and feeling the strength to get up and go on again... and I decided that I never wanted to be an 'I told you so' kind of parent because I think it harms and divides a loving relationship.

And now we make a point to get together regularly to enjoy one anothers company and do things like movie nights together where we get in our pj's and eat popcorn and sometimes go out for cocktails and dancing or dinner and the theater.

So not taking away anything at all from a mother son relationship because they are pretty special too... it is such a joy to have the love and friendship of my girls no matter how far they are away.





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Comments 52 comments

Pam 4 years ago

Such a beautiful heart felt hub.

As a mum of girls of similar age it made me cry.


eriharri 4 years ago

sniff, sniff xx


rajeevelamkulam 4 years ago from Kerala in India

A touching hub.It reminds me my daughter who has just joined school.


rajeevelamkulam 4 years ago from Kerala in India

A touching hub.It reminds me my daughter who has just joined school.


carter06 profile image

carter06 4 years ago from Cronulla NSW Author

Thank's so much Pam and so sorry to make you cry, believe me it took a box of tissues to finish it, but it's all good,

And I hope you enjoy life with your girls.


carter06 profile image

carter06 4 years ago from Cronulla NSW Author

It's a bit sad this one isn't it... but I love them and they love me...gotta be happy with that!


carter06 profile image

carter06 4 years ago from Cronulla NSW Author

Oh school is such a big milestone for every mum... I can remember feeling I just wanted to keep them to myself a little bit longer...hope your not too sad:)


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

Oh so beautiful to be a Mother is special in itself. Having four girls is awesome.

I have two wonderful boys..they are my pride and joy.. they have blessed me with wonderful daughter in laws.This is a great hub.. I know how hard it is when they leave you.

Blessing to you

Debbie


carter06 profile image

carter06 4 years ago from Cronulla NSW Author

Thank you Deborah so much for stopping by... and your so right about motherhood being special...my career as a mum has been an honor really...have a great day :)


Robbie 4 years ago

What a great article for Mothers not just on mothers day but everyday!


carter06 profile image

carter06 4 years ago from Cronulla NSW Author

Thank you Robbie, so glad you enjoyed reading my hub and for your very kind comment.It is about everyday isn't it not just mothers day.

Cheers


Fennelseed profile image

Fennelseed 4 years ago from Australia

Oh yes, they are the best relationships and your bond with each of your daughters is very obvious in your words. Daughters are so special and often so like their Mums that it's easy to forget that they are individuals with their own lives to lead. I love your words here and I feel for you, having your youngest move away. My eldest daughter lived overseas for 4 years. It is difficult, but catch ups when possible are wonderful. My votes to you for this beautiful hub.


carter06 profile image

carter06 4 years ago from Cronulla NSW Author

Thanks so much fennelseed for your thoughtful comments and I'm so thankful that they are all still in OZ and not OS so we can get together as much as possible...but I'm still going to miss having her around...


bb 4 years ago

touching and thoughtful look at a major part of every mother's life.


carter06 profile image

carter06 4 years ago from Cronulla NSW Author

Thank you BB for your kind comment... it is definately a major part of a mothers life helping your daughter become a woman. Cheers.


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

Awwww a beautiful tribute to your daughters and your pride as their mother. I have two daughters...my youngest moved two hours away, but she is happy which makes me happy:) UP and sharing just in time for Mothers Day in the states:)


Sunnie Day 4 years ago

OH Carter this was so beautiful and having two girls and two boys myself I can relate to your wonderful sentiments. Happy Mothers Day and thank you for sharing a hub from the heart.

Love,

Sunnie


carter06 profile image

carter06 4 years ago from Cronulla NSW Author

Thank you so much sunshine625, it's very kind of you to drop by and read my hub and for your very kind comments and I hope you have a most beautiful day for mothers day:)

And for you Sunnie my friend, you are sweet to take the time to read and comment... I hope you are spoiled rotten and have a beautiful mamma's day...XX


pedrn44 profile image

pedrn44 4 years ago from New Berlin Wisconsin

What a wonderful tribute to your beautiful daughters and motherhood. Great timing for Mother's Day:) I have two daughters and we share a very close relationship. I fondly remembered their infancy and the many milestones that followed as I read this hub. Thanks so much for sharing. Voted up and beautiful:)


carter06 profile image

carter06 4 years ago from Cronulla NSW Author

Thank you so much for you comments & votes... we are truly blessed to have close mother daughter relationships & happy to stir your memories of special times...have a beautiful & special day...


anupma profile image

anupma 4 years ago from India

heart-touching. There is a similarity- we are also four sisters and love our Mom too much. She is precious for me. Thanks for sharing this beautiful thought on this auspicious occasion.


carter06 profile image

carter06 4 years ago from Cronulla NSW Author

Thank you for reading and sharing your sweet thoughts about your mum...so lovely to hear how precious our mum's are...it's such a special day to love and be loved...enjoy!


Heather 4 years ago

Joy and sadness, love and loss, the love of a mother never ends. This is beautifully written.


SB 4 years ago

I loved your story about your girls and no what it's like to have daughters living away as mine are both overseas and I miss them so much and am so happy to see them when I can. Enjoy your daughter while you can. Happy mothers day to you.

Sarah B


carter06 profile image

carter06 4 years ago from Cronulla NSW Author

Thanks for your kind comments SB and I hope you have a wonderful mothers day too and that you get to see your girls real soon :)


carter06 profile image

carter06 4 years ago from Cronulla NSW Author

Thank you Heather, you are very kind for commenting.


christin53 profile image

christin53 4 years ago from UK

Lovely hub. I have just the one daughter who lives abroad so I don't see her very often. She is busy achieving her dreams and has made me so proud to be her mum.


carter06 profile image

carter06 4 years ago from Cronulla NSW Author

Thank you christin for your kind comment...I feel for you with your daughter abroad...I have little to complain about as they are only in Queensland a quick flight away... but it often feels like the other side of the world...we just have to enjoy every moment when we are with them, don't we!

Cheers


Angela Brummer profile image

Angela Brummer 4 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

This is making me teary with two daughters of my own!


carter06 profile image

carter06 4 years ago from Cronulla NSW Author

Thanks for dropping by Angela...it's a bit of a tear jerker this one!! All we can do is love and enjoy time together as often as possible...cheers


MargaritaEden profile image

MargaritaEden 4 years ago from Oregon

Oh how beautiful! I am going to cry, my girls are still little, but I am becoming sad just at the thought that one day they will leave the house and will go and live the life the way they choose, and hopefully they will make a good choices. Thank you for sharing your wonderful experience with daughters, great hub, sharing it!


carter06 profile image

carter06 4 years ago from Cronulla NSW Author

Thanks so much Margarita for dropping by and your comments & share...and so sorry to make you cry...it's a bit sad this one but just love & enjoy your girls while they are little as all too soon they've grown up...and gone...


jpcmc profile image

jpcmc 4 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

When i look t my wife holding our baby, the scene is just perfect. The bond that they have is truly unique. Nothing is as powerful, not even my connection with my daughter can come close. Mothers and daughters do have a special bond.


carter06 profile image

carter06 4 years ago from Cronulla NSW Author

Thank you so much for dropping by jpcmc...yes we really do...so special...cheers


Jools99 profile image

Jools99 4 years ago from North-East UK

Mary, what a beautiful hub; you summed up perfectly how hard it is to let go. My daughter is 18 soon and I still feel like she's making the wrong decisions about some things but as I said to my hubby, she will not learn anything by being led by us all the time. She's at an age where she's discovering herself and trying to be independent in thought and deed and good on her! Time for me to just be there for her whatever she decides.


carter06 profile image

carter06 4 years ago from Cronulla NSW Author

Thanks so much Jools for dropping by and for your encouraging comments...it is so very hard at times to stand back and let them make choices and decide their own life direction for sure but it's a must as it was for us...good luck with your daughter...take care...


Denise Handlon profile image

Denise Handlon 4 years ago from North Carolina

Teary eyed here, sniff sniff. This is such a heart tug hub for me and any mom (parent). Thanks for sharing...my thoughts are with you. I was cooking dinner this evening thinking of when I first learned I was pregnant-an odd thought that popped up out of nowhere and stayed. Wishing the best to your daughter and son in law. Your hub and photos are endearing. rated up/A/B


carter06 profile image

carter06 4 years ago from Cronulla NSW Author

Oh gosh thanks Denise, you are sweet...sorry about the tears...this one was hard to write for sure...and the time is getting closer for them to leave:( which is really going to be a challenging time for all of us...Thank you so much for dropping by your kind wishes and votes...cheers


Denise Handlon profile image

Denise Handlon 4 years ago from North Carolina

BTW-beautiful photo of you and your girls.


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

Mom is beautiful, your daughters are beautiful, and I'm going to guess that there is considerable inner beauty as well. I loved this hub! Well done, Mom, you did a great job!


carter06 profile image

carter06 4 years ago from Cronulla NSW Author

Thank you so much Denise - I am very blessed to have my girls & their girls but still wish we were closer...cheers


carter06 profile image

carter06 4 years ago from Cronulla NSW Author

Aww thank you my friend you are too kind...much appreciated...


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 4 years ago from California

Very touching....I'm so glad you visited my hub today and in turn that brought me here. You write from the heart.....Very beautiful emotion in this writing.....I'm looking forward to going through the different stages with my son and daughter....good tips for the girls too....Best, GPAGE


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Dear Carter,

When we write from the heart, it can be some of our best work.

You surely are a beautiful mother and have imparted such wisdom and insight to each of your girls. This is a powerful and meaningful read.

Hoping you have a beautiful weekend and will look forward to coffee and a snack at the Cafe with you soon. Hugs, Maria


carter06 profile image

carter06 4 years ago from Cronulla NSW Author

Thanks so much GPAGE for your visit and kind comment ...I loved writing this one and this coming weekend we say our goodbyes to our youngest :( each stage is so different, challenging, beautiful & we learn so much more...cheers


carter06 profile image

carter06 4 years ago from Cronulla NSW Author

Hello there Maria...thank you for dropping by...this one was straight from the heart and so emotional but needed to write it and the time has finally come to say goodbye this weekend :( I think I will need many coffees at the cafe for a while!! Thanks so much Mar SYS...cheers


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

I couldn't agree with you more! Mother and daughter relationships are the best. I guess like you it's because I have daughters and a granddaughter...girls rock! My youngest daughter moved two hours north, not too far, but far too far from me :) Thank you for sharing your beautiful daughters (and mum) with us!


carter06 profile image

carter06 4 years ago from Cronulla NSW Author

Thanks for stopping by Sunshine...it seems we do have a lot in common, doesn't it, (commiserations btw) 2 hours can seem like the other side of the world sometimes! Oh why do they have to move :(!!!

Oh well more time for writing, yeah? Have a great day, cheers...


AvineshP profile image

AvineshP 3 years ago from Chandigarh

I also agree with carter06 that there is a relationship between mothers and daughters. Being a father, I can really understand and get to see this on a daily basis.


carter06 profile image

carter06 3 years ago from Cronulla NSW Author

Thanks for dropping by my hub AvineshP.. sounds like your girls have that kind of special relationship too..cheers


AvineshP profile image

AvineshP 3 years ago from Chandigarh

Well, I should be thankful to you Carter06 for posting such a hub. Looking forward to read such nice hubs... Cheers !!!


carter06 profile image

carter06 3 years ago from Cronulla NSW Author

Thank you Avinesh..so glad you enjoyed my hub..cheers

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