Dealing with "The Monster of Unwanted House Guests Who Over-Stay Their Welcome"

People who eat LIKE THIS

can make your small party a "study in tension."
can make your small party a "study in tension."

Other "Wanted" and "Unwanted" Guests

if someone wants to dance at your party, make sure the person is a great dancer.
if someone wants to dance at your party, make sure the person is a great dancer.
Couples who fight make for a bad night at your get-together.
Couples who fight make for a bad night at your get-together.
Now, this IS the perfect house guest for your parties.
Now, this IS the perfect house guest for your parties.
People who drink too much alcohol BEFORE they arrive, can be trouble.
People who drink too much alcohol BEFORE they arrive, can be trouble.

All together now, "we've been there." Thanks for your support and willingness to agree with me before even write the first word of this sensitive piece of work.


How many of you have been faced with "The Monster of Unwanted Guests Who Over-stay Their Welcome"


Sounds like an old black white horror film of the 50's. No, they were easier to deal with. Give me "The Mummy" or his pal, "The Monster from The Black Lagoon," anytime. Any day. Anywhere.


There is not really a gentile way to say this. I am not that good at dealing with unwanted house guests who you are good enough to invite to a get-together, and they stay. And stay. Until the last (considerate) guest has went home to "hit the hay." Yeah, they stay "that" late.


And you are, and I know this without even meeting you, a warm-hearted person who wouldn't hurt a stray dog. You were brought-up to respect people no matter where they are from or what they are. Yeah, I must admit. There aren't many like you in 2012, that is why this story is aimed right at you.


Like me, you need sound advice in helping to not only cope with, but completely rid yourself of this "unusual "species" of people who seemingly thrive on friendly-invitations from nice, big-hearted people like "you," and never invite "you," over to their home for any reason.


Just look, and be honest, at what "you" do for "these unwanted house guests who over-stay their welcome . . .


You provide them with feasts that would make even King Solomon envious.


You listen to their boring stories that you have heard over a hundred times


You (make yourself) laugh at their stale jokes.


You watch in dismay at how "these people" wreck your home for they have no respect for your furniture or furnishings that you worked your tail off just to make the payments to own a couch, love seat, end tables, recliners that you wanted for your own. And this was your "only" thing you ever had for "you."


You bite your tongue as they eat like hungry swine when the food is served and "these" brutes never exercise any manners whatsoever because they haven't any.


You cringe when the menfolk of "selfish brood," (eat like barbarians and) talk with mouthfuls of food and get most of the food on your clean carpet. Sadly, there are times when you wish that a crumb from a chicken leg would get lodged in this man's throat so he will be forced to leave your home and head to the emergency room, but you are a "saint of a person," and continue to clean-up his messes (without one complaint) when he finally goes home sometimes at dawn.


Your husband, "Jeff," is much like you, a "saint of a man," who gives mercy at will. Even gave the shirt off his back last Christmas to a homeless man stationed outside of the mall where you always do your Christmas shopping. You admire "Jeff," because he "gets you," when no one else on your block even dares to find out what makes you tick?


This very-uncomfortable occurrence of the "unwanted house guests who stay too long," is not a one-time event. No. It has happened on a regular basis just about the time you and your husband want to have a "few" friends over to play cards, munch Wheat Thins (made famous by actress Sandy Duncan), and just unwind with a mild glass of wine.


Seemingly, these vulgar-mannered people have a sixth-social-sense that tips them off to when you are having a small get-together. The United States Intelligence Division of the Defense Department could have used these people in World War II to detect oncoming bomber attacks by the Japanese and Germans. They are that sharp. These vulgar-mannered people that only God knows where they come from.


What happens is, you and "Jeff," agree on a Friday morning, before he leaves for work, that you will have this small gathering of friends, say around eight people more or less, come to your home on Saturday night at 7:30. And just like a finely-tuned radar system there they are standing on your front porch with their wide, hungry smiles beaming like New England light houses in a heavy fog. When they ring your doorbell about ten times, you know it's them. You are tempted to just be "quiet as a church mouse," and hope they will take the hint and leave.


But that warm heart of yours whispers, "awww, let them in. It won't hurt for them to eat your food, scour your clean carpet with their filthy shoes and cause you a great amount of mental torture. You know that Jesus walked with and ate with sinners, and "you" certainly want to walk like Him, don't you?"


Long story short. They enter. Eat like hogs. Talk louder than a cattle auctioneer in Waco, Texas and disrupt your party once again. But this time, a few more of your warm-hearted, giving, and caring friends leave. And probably won't be back. Just because you didn't know . . .
"Dealing With The Monster of Unwanted Guests Who Over-stay Their Welcome"
Just read and learn.


1. When having a small get-together, keep it quiet. Do not tell everyone. Only the people of your circle of friends you trust. If you tell a lot of people, the party is bound to leak by someone. Take no chances. Do this like the C.I.A. does an undercover investigation of a foreign dictator. With tact.


2. In the past you have felt a obligatory-compulsion to call these "vulgar" people simply because someone gave you a guilt trip. Enough. You have all but raised their children and fed them all of your food. Wise up. God is not going to send you to Hades for not issuing an urgent need for "these" people to invade your home and never leave.


3. Only invite "these" people "if" they ask you or your husband when they see you in the grocery store or pharmacy. Then be brief. Use the, "party? Well, now, "J.W., I really can't say if there is a party," for you don't. That is the truth. Just look "J.W." straight in the eyes and don't cave-in. It's your home and sanity we are talking about here.


4. If "these" people call you when your small party is going on, just calmly say to them, "well, now, we got to thinking. You and your wife and eight robust kids love exciting things and people. Tonight we four are just being quiet and taking turns reading Early French Poetry to each other as a way to unwind. Oh, be sure that the music is turned off when you are "selling" this to "J.W."


5. If, and I do mean, if, you have no choice but to invite them in because they drove by your house and saw more than one car in the driveway, and at dinner, when "J.W." begins his ritual of shady-joke-telling, eating with a mouthful of food, just lean over and whisper to him, "oh, J.W., I read an article yesterday in a medical magazine that said loud talking, laughing, and over-eating would take at least fifteen years off of your life." See how fast "J.W." and his gang leave.


6. After dinner, and "J.W." starts in begging you for stiff drinks, bring him some gingerale on ice. He will be stunned so bad that your explanation, "on this night, our faith tells us to partake of no alcoholic beverages," that he cannot get to his car keys fast enough.


7. If you have an elderly, windowed aunt, a few years older than the "nuisance," "J.W.," invite her to this get-together with the agreement that she flirt up a storm with "J.W.," and his wife will fume with jealousy and insist that they go home. Now.


8. Turn your television to the most-boring channel you have got and tell "these" annoying people to be extra-quiet for you all want to learn all about "The Mating Habits of The Eastern Amazon Flit Turtle," to expand your knowledge.

Or . . .get all of your friends and your husband's family and friends and "barge-in" on "J.W." and his intrusive family and stay all night.

I guarantee that your next small get-together will be THE BEST party ever.

Some Unwanted House Guests

love to drink YOUR BOOZE and cannot stand up to leave. This is not a good thing to see.
love to drink YOUR BOOZE and cannot stand up to leave. This is not a good thing to see.

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Comments 20 comments

bac2basics profile image

bac2basics 4 years ago from Spain

Hi Kenneth. Great hub. Only thing I can´t understand is why you don´t just simply cut yourself off from these people full stop. Mind you after saying that, some folks are so thick skinned ( and that´s the main reason they are such a pain in the behind to start with ) they probably wouldn´t notice your withdrawal anyway. Good luck with your next party...and keep more schtum than the CIA.


sassydee profile image

sassydee 4 years ago from los angeles, ca

voted interesting


tirelesstraveler profile image

tirelesstraveler 4 years ago from California

Earthy French poetry got me laughing. I imagine my monster guest would think that was wonderful.


Gypsy Willow profile image

Gypsy Willow 4 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

Even worse when they are house guests!


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Amusing tips on what to do with unwanted guests. Glad we got no one here in Riga who ever comes to stay over except for family sometimes.


Angela Blair profile image

Angela Blair 4 years ago from Central Texas

Loved this Hub -- felt like (and may be) personally acquainted with all the folks you named! I've found the statement "Y'all know my pet armadillo Charlie? Well, the vet says his leprosy is getting worse daily -- I may have to move his bed out of the kitchen!" Then, watch 'em scatter! Best/Sis


50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 4 years ago from Arizona

I had to laugh here as I feel your pain but digress as I might see this once but never twice, no one has ever accused me of mincing words. I have a gate some 1000 feet from my lair and there is but one way in and that is me walking that far to let them in and my monitor camera gives me the peek and my speaker says NO it is by direct invite only! and then like Mr. Burns I loose the Rottys with instructions to the gate and fence line.

Rude and usury begets what it gives around here.

I enjoyed this well written piece because I have had to deal with these types of vermin in the past when the luxury of owning trained dogs and a distant entry was not mine but a California town house was, it is a sad thing to know that there are those who are so overbearing and ignorant of respecting another home and mistaking kindness for weakness as they are told to leave.

Thank you for the fun, I voted up useful, interesting and Funny,

Peace 50


picklesandrufus profile image

picklesandrufus 4 years ago from Virginia Beach, Va

I remember watching a skit on "The Thing that Wouldn't Leave", on Saturday Night Live back in the 70's. I think you describe it to perfection!! Fun hub.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, dear bac2basics,

I would gladly do that, but I would receive phone calls in the days to come, "hey, bud! Heard you had a party last weekend. Guess OUR invitation got lost in the mail, huh?" would be what I hear on the phone. And sometimes, "these" parasites, God bless them, would actually hover over to my house and visit to just see why they weren't invited. And while there finding out, eat, drink and THEY WOULD be merry.

Maybe a firm-but-sweet, "You are not invited because you aren't socially-educated," would help, huh?

Thank you for the sweet advice.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, sassydee,

Thank you for your nice comment. I wish you would become one of my followers if you aren't already. That way I could keep up with what you are writing and you could give me ideas on what to write. Okay? Please visit with me again.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

tireless traveler,

Your guests might think it was interesting, but mine would look at each other and reply, "what's diz guy talkin' 'bout?" And after thirty-minutes of this, they would get to looking for the door. Of course taking doggie bags of MY food with them.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

My DEAR Gypsy Willow,

How right you are. Worse even. A living, breathing, torture dungeon that you cannot escape. Just bear the stale jokes, bad breath, alcohol abuse, sorry dancing, making passes at wives, and these are the MILD infractions. These "monsters," feed on people like you and I.

Thank you for your kind understanding.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Gypsy Rose Lee,

you are BLESSED. Very blessed. I left out the one about a guy who invites himself to our home. He stays about two to three hours rambling on and on about what HE has done since his wife left him (imagine that), and when he sees that we are sleepy and ready for bed, he says, "well, guess I better hit the bricks," and then spends two more hours telling us how he needs to leave to see more friends and give them advice. I try my best to live a Christian life and treat man and beast with respect and care, but I tell you. This man is one of the hardest guys to like I've ever met. Help!!!!!

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Angela,

you are after my own heart--love the Charlie line. I wish now that I had emailed you and got THIS to add to this hub!!! Poor Charlie. Maybe next time. Or, "Charlie loves it when he is cuddled by people, so everyone take a turn loving Charlie and maybe his leprosy will go away," would that work?

Thanks, sis,

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, 50 Caliber,

And thank you for your upfront and sincere words that I respect. Thanks for sharing with me about your place and how I would love to have that set-up. Just to get a peek of the "parasites," ringing my electronic bell 1000 feet awa would be a fantastic blessing.

Thanks for the visit and this is the first time I have gotten a comment from you. Why don't you become one of my followers? You project a colorful and interesting life. Am I right?

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, picklesandrufus,

Long live, John Belushi, the "Thing That Wouldn't Leave!" Oh, and Jane Curtain and Bill Murray were the couple who were being punished by this guy. He made long-distance phone calls; took over the TV and such. I remember rolling in the floor at his antics. Thank you for reminding me of the comic genius of Belushi and this skit.

Kenneth


50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 4 years ago from Arizona

Kenneth, I always test drive a car before I buy it, and I do read hubs and see how it goes, I'm a reader and enjoy interesting articles and I did enjoy this one.

I see your comment "I try my best to live a Christian life and treat man and beast with respect and care, but I tell you. This man is one of the hardest guys to like I've ever met. Help!!!!!"

The Bible teaches us to commit ourselves to our standard loosely "Make your Yes, Yes and your No,No" that is not easy to misread, I don't know where it is but Bible Gateway dot com has a search function and if you can't find it let me know and I will try to find it, but I assure you it is there.

If I were to be a pain, I would surely hope to be told so. I've a fair and balanced mind and could understand someone wanting to go to bed especially if I'm the last dog there. I'm not a late night type anymore but I'm good at reading people face to face. As long as one is sober has a car and keys when it's over I treat folks like I prefer to be treated and as an adult I know when to go but I do remember a few back in the day that were about a 25 watt light for a brain and needed to be told to go home. Depending on whether or not I wanted them back would be reflected in my demeanor. It is not un-christian to ask for a bit of respect. It is a shame their parents failed to raise them courteously.

Sometimes you just have to say no or enough, and the actual unkind person is the one who forces you to draw the picture that they need to go.

Send out invitation just to the one guy that states an ish time like 6 pm ish but will end at 9pm due to early morning commitments.

It's hard to help not knowing you or the offender, but seriously once of too much is enough.

Peace and Blessings,

Dusty

PS, I'll be reading a few more of your writings and may sign right on, I read a lot some days, like today at 115* outside it's easy to stay inside after seeing to my animals that live out there.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dusty,

Thanks, again, for your nice and honest comments which would make colorful hubs in themselves. I agree with your logic 100%. I guess the problem lies with "me," for I have never like the role of the "bad guy," when it came to drawing the line in the sand. But I may have to adopt a "Firm-But-Humble Policy," from now on. Would that work?

Kenneth

PS I am looking forward to you following me. That would make my day.


Debra Emerson 4 years ago

I agree with what the others say. It was very funny!!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Debra,

Thank you, dear friend, for your input. I needed that.

God bless you.

Kenneth

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