Easy Ways to Know For Sure if You Are a Jerk or Not

NOTE: Ladies, relax. This story is not about you. So enjoy some “you time,” and take life easy. Kenneth

It’s time to get serious, guys. To step-up, man-up and be the men we ought to be. What am I getting at? I want to ask you a very sensitive and bold question: Are you a real jerk? No, you do not have to answer. It’s that I am very concerned right now because each evening when I watch the news, most of the time I see stories about the police arresting a jerk who has abused his wife or children and has lost their love and trust with his stupid actions.

Right now let me wax philosophical. I asked you men if you were a real jerk? Well, in all honesty, all of us guys have been real jerks at one time or the other somewhere in our lives, so do not come off in thinking that I am your judge and that I can walk on water. I was just interested if the number of jerks was on the rise or declining in our country.

Now. If you are a real jerk, there is help. No joke. And if you are not a real jerk, great. You are now dismissed to go about your “great guy” business. Real jerks, the help that I speak of is in this list below.

Easy Ways to Know If You Are a Real Jerk or Not

1. Do you yell at your wife just to prove that you are a man?
2. Do you threaten your children (through anger) to keep your place as “man of the house” intact?
3. Do you like to tell your hard-working wife a pure lie and act sick so you can take a day off and hang-out with your pals?
4. If your wife comes out with a few extra bucks from paying her share of the bills, do you grab it for yourself?
5. Have you forgotten how to pay your devoted wife a simple compliment or your nice children a “proud of you?”
6. Is your anger getting to be a problem when you are at home with your family and not with your co-workers?
7. When a female friend asks your wife in front of you, “Why is your arm bruised?” And she gives the automatic, proverbial, cover-all answer: “I fell.” Then her friend asks, “On both arms?” What do you say? Nothing? You know the answer, but not man enough to own the abuse because you are a real jerk.
8. When your kids ask if you can come to their program at school, you lie to them and say you have a big meeting at work, but when you get home, your son says that his best friend’s dad said you were in a bar drinking with friends during the time of his program.
9. Do you constantly berate your wife in front of other friends?
10. When you see a stray dog or cat on your property, do you shoot at it instead of calling your local Pet Shelter to come tend to it?
11. Is sleeping late more important than taking your wife out of town on her birthday?
12. When she, out of love for you, gives you a little constructive criticism, you throw a raging fit and put your fist into the wall? Your thinking is: You are man and a man should not be criticized by his wife.
13. Do you watch your share of pornography and justify it by saying, “Hey, us guys need “that” extra sizzle after so many years of marriage.”
14. Had you rather drink until you are drunk than listen to how your wife feels about a problem she is facing?
15. Do you, for some reason, find ways to visit your neighbors because “Sandy,” the wife of “Bob,” is so hot? (Sometimes you stay so long that your wife calls you to come home which brings on a severe-cursing from you.)
16. When you are engrossed with your favorite “male-based” show filled with partial-nudity, violence and other manly things, and your daughter wants you to look at her artwork, you yell, “Get outta here! I’ve had a tough day!”
17. You forbid your wife from going to visit her mom.
18. You openly-flirt with your wife’s younger sister who is really pretty. (Your wife has even caught you several times flirting with her on the phone).
19. When volunteers for established-charities knock on your door, do you threaten them with bodily-harm if they do not leave.
20. Do you find reasons to not come home right away after work, but instead go with a few pals to a strip club? Then lie to your wife by saying you were in a last-minute meeting.
21. When you do finally agree to take your wife out to celebrate your anniversary, do you just throw on whatever clothes you can find in your closet?
22. And when you get to the restaurant, do you walk in front of your wife and let the door close on her?
23. Then you flirt with every woman, including the waitress, at will.
24. When trick or treater’s ring your doorbell, do you reach into their bags and grab their candy and eat it in front of them while laughing like the cold-hearted jerk that you are?
25. When an old Army pal visits you, do you get drunk and then kick your dogs to entertain him?
26. Do you refuse to let your wife buy herself a car, although she works as many hours as you do?

I do hope that this is a serious wake-up call to the male jerks who have had it their way for so long.

I am not angry. I am just fed-up.

Future project: "Are There Such a Thing as Women Jerks?"