Everything you Need to Know About Hugging

Source

More known examples of hugging

BEAR HUG
BEAR HUG | Source
MAN GETS SLAPPED FOR HUGGING HIS WIFE'S SISTER TOO INTIMATELY
MAN GETS SLAPPED FOR HUGGING HIS WIFE'S SISTER TOO INTIMATELY | Source
REAL MAN GETS SLAPPED BY A FRENCH BEAUTY FOR BEING TOO POOR FOR HER
REAL MAN GETS SLAPPED BY A FRENCH BEAUTY FOR BEING TOO POOR FOR HER | Source

From group hugs

to intimate hugs. This is the "Everything You Need to Know About Hugs," hub.

No, you are not mistaken. This is not a hub about hubbing, but hugging. Yes, hugging. That fine old, innocent, time-tested way to showing affection. Hugging. Oh how sweet it is to hug and be hugged.

Did you ever stop to think what life would be without hugging? Miserable, boring, and down-right a state of going through the motions. I know that I am one-hundred percent right about this because I gave this subject hours of extensive research and exhaustive sources of this one subject that has never been truly explored.

Not even the pure-genius, Albert Einstein studied hugging. Oh, he discovered the Theory of Relativity, but not one time did he think about hugging although his mother and the remainder of his family hugged him at one time or the other.

Actually I am offended and outraged at the how lax and negligent we are as a so-called society to think we are so, so civilized--having conquered racism, bigotry, and violence, but left hugging by itself. Oh, cursed be this society we live in.

FACT: God created hugging.

FACT: Hugging is not a signal given by mankind that says I want to have sex with you and leave in the morning.

FACT: Hugging is an international way of expressing love to one another. Don't believe me? Look it up in the United Nations Chronicles of History, then you will look at me in a different light.


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Isn't this couple adorable?

Sure they are. They are in love. Then again maybe not. I haven't checked. But look closely at the pose. They are doing what is called in the "Hugging Circles,"as an after-night-of-hot-passion obligatory hug. I know that this is sad and a lot to digest, but how do you know this? Look at the sadness in the boy's eyes. He is actually saying, "gee, babe. We had a great time, so why do I have to leave?"

And the pretty girl who is not looking him in the eyes is not replying due to the fact that she has no nerve. Who could blame her? She was lonely last night and after she met this handsome grad student in a bar called, "Hooks," it was just a matter of time before they "hit the sheets," and burned the night up with such a degree of animal lust that even Stephen Tyler of Aerosmith would be jealous.

So back to this heart-broken guy's query of why he has to leave this pretty girl all alone in her luxurious apartment? Well, truth be told. The girl, "Billie," doesn't have to answer him at all. She really is a distant lover with no mortal words to define her actions. Simply put. You meet her. Drink with her. Make love with her. Then go about your life's journey.


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People and things you can hug without being arrested

Aunts

Uncles

Mothers

Dads

Brothers

Sisters

Preachers

Teachers

Girlfriends

Old girlfriends (if the break-up was clean)

Old Army buddies

Young Army buddies

Movie starlets

Nurses

Next door neighbor women named "Barb" (who have a checkered-past)

Policemen (but not unless they save your life or your friend's life)

Pets

Your friends' pets

Trees

Dirt


Didn't I tell you in the beginning that this was a complete-study of hugging? Well you should know me by now that when I tell you something you can bank on it.

Now let's look at the various ways of hugs that are accepted and not accepted.

Light hug (to women you just met)

One arm hug (to people you do not want to talk to)

Two-armed strong hug (to hot chicks on a blind date, Hollywood starlets, women bartenders who give you free drinks for an hour for no reason, old friends who owe you money and preachers who do not mention they saw you the night before Sunday worship in a drunken stupor chatting-up a "girl of the evening."

Fake hug (only give the impression of hugging)

Tough hugs (at sporting events when your team wins the coveted championship. This also applies to the judge who lets you off with just a fine for hugging a strange lady at the same sporting event and she took your butt to court).

Gentle hugs (meant only for elderly relatives, elderly mailmen and women, doctors, nurses, sisters, nieces, pets, nice neighbors and teachers who pass you although you are nothing more than a "Grade A Flunk."

Non-accepted hugs

Intimate hugs to bridesmaids at your brother's wedding

Intimate hugs to your mom's young married female neighbors

Manipulative hugs that you use to gain favor with the boss or college dean when you are facing being kicked-out for a loud ruckus you cause during the Sunday morning worship service for all faiths

"Handsy hugs" you do when you are drinking heavily and need female companionship for a night or two

Dangerous hugs meant only for pro wrestlers. (This hug can get you locked-up)

Stupid hugs that you do when you mistake an Iranian man for your long, lost uncle "Todd.)


And now in closing, I give you my very-important

Reasons and people to not hug

  1. DISEASES THAT ARE CONTAGIOUS
  2. FEAR OF BEING CURSED-OUT
  3. FEAR OF THEIR GUARD DOG BITING YOU
  4. THE PERSON LOOKS LIKE A KNOWN-MURDERER
  5. THE PERSON LOOKS LIKE A MAFIA GODFATHER
  6. THE PERSON LOOKS LIKE THEIR GUARD DOG
  7. YOU ARE TOO SHY
  8. YOU ARE JUST DOWN-RIGHT HATEFUL
  9. YOU HATE TOUCHING OTHER HUMAN BEINGS
  10. YOU ARE AFRAID MEN AROUND YOU WILL THINK YOU ARE GAY
  11. YOU WERE NEVER TAUGHT AS A CHILD HOW TO HUG
  12. YOU THINK HUGGING IS FOR THE WEAK
  13. YOU ARE TOO SELF-CONSCIENCE FOR HAVING NO EYEBROWS
  14. YOU ARE TOO SELF-CONSCIENCE FOR NEVER BATHING
  15. YOUR HANDS HAVE AUTOMOTIVE GREASE ON THEM AND YOU CANNOT GET RID OF IT
  16. THE WOMAN YOU ARE ABOUT TO HUG IS HOLDING A SIGN THAT SAYS "I AM READY TO MARRY. TODAY."
  17. THE GIRL COUSIN YOU ARE ABOUT TO HUG IS REALLY OVER-SEXED AND YOU CANNOT AFFORD A LAWSUIT MUCH LESS A PRISON SENTENCE


So men and women who were once afraid of hugging, be free to roam around in the world and hug at will, but carry this story with you.

It just might save your hide.

Now how about a group hug as I close down?

More by this Author


Comments 12 comments

Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

Haha Kenneth ver funny stuff. Well researched info on the humble hug. Voted up.


catgypsy profile image

catgypsy 2 years ago from the South

I love being hugged and giving hugs! I have one friend I annoy all the time because he doesn't like to be hugged but I do it anyway. I told him he just had to put up with it because I'm a huggie type! Great hub.


lupine profile image

lupine 2 years ago from Southern California (USA)

Kenneth,

Very interesting hug facts. I think you deserve a hug for writing this hub...wish you were here.


Agnes Penn profile image

Agnes Penn 2 years ago from Nicholson, Pennsylvania, USA

Too funny! Your mind winds through very mysterious roads. I was not expecting the next hug description; although the theme of being before a judge does creep up time and again!

Great hub!


teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 2 years ago

Who doesn't love getting a hug from friends and family? I had a chuckle reading through your hug suggestions. Great post and advice on hugging.


tirelesstraveler profile image

tirelesstraveler 2 years ago from California

Jolly good hub. Total fan of the hug.

There are some places and people who do not hug. The first lady hugging Queen Elizabeth didn't go over too well.

:)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Jodah,

Here is your hug that is seeping out of this hub.

Thank you for commenting on this one. And take my word for it. Writing about a daily event is not that easy.

I think I will delve into Quantum-Physics and see how that goes.

Naaaahhhh. Scott Backula might be offended.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dearest Catgypsy,

I know what you mean. I have, in the past, knew people who hugged others, but not me. Hey, that's a hub idea.

"Living as a Hug Outcast."

Thank you, dear friend, for all that you have said and done to and for me.

Love you!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, sweet lupine,

You are so kind to say that I needed a hug. Consider me hugged from you.

Thank you for all of your kind words.

Love, Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Greetings, Agnes Penn,

Thank you so much for what you said about hugging. I wish I could go before a Congressional Hearing Committee and talk about the importance of hugs in our nation.

I think that if America learned how to hug again, the crime and violence stats would start declining.

What do you think?


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

teaches,

I am amazed at how nice you are. I mean in our society of selfish and cold-hearted people, you stand out as a beacon of nice and humble women.

I mean that too.

Thank you for your comments.

Visit with me again.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Tirelesstraveler,

you, my friend, have made me smile today. The other day another cherished-follower, Catgypsy, who appears on this hub too, sent me an email and asked why I stopped answering my comments.

I am so glad that I started answering them today.

Thanks for your nice words.

Have a great day and I pray that your wife or girlfriend does not chew you out for anything.

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