Finally I Moved On- The Transition Has Taken Place

Nothing in my way to my new life, and a star to guide me!
Nothing in my way to my new life, and a star to guide me! | Source

Previously, I wrote a series of hubs called "Time to Make the Transition". I struggled with the fact that my husband did not want to be with me any more. It was difficult to me because I was more concerned about his departure rather than mine. I was concerned about how a transition out of the rooming house situation was going to be, since the landlady was becoming fond of my husband for all the extra effort to help her with the household. Then what halted my plans to move last year was when he decided to tell me that God had changed him and he was going to be "obedient" to his wedding vows.

It did not take me long to go through the transition of my relationship status this time. I viewed that there had really not been any improvement on the relationship at all, it was the same "boring" routine over and over again. The communication between us had stopped and there was no intimacy either. "Going Through The Motions" by Michael W. Smith was the song that continued in my mind. I had to make the first move out of that house we lived in and out of the relationship.

We were going through the motions

The Decision


Thank God for motivation.
Listening to my inner voice
Gave me invitation-
An invitation to new life,
To step away from stress and strain,
To turn around and walk away
And to be Single Again.

I realized the marriage
Was truly me on the rebound
Replacing loneliness with love,
A courtship that was
Only shy of seven weeks which
I thought was from the Lord Above.

If only I spent more time
To find out about his past
But a mutual agreement
To tie the knot,
And I trusted he to be the last.
The last one to say, "I do",
To make my dream come true.

This man I married was a
Very good act,
And impressed my parents
With all the right facts,
But decided not to use any tact
To reject me over and over again.

Copyright @2011 CMCastro

Reconciliation is God's Will- Separation is Over

The best way to deal with a broken marriage is to make up with your spouse and agree to what you vowed to do in the first day of marriage. (It has been ten months since I decided to leave my husband). That is my realization when my struggle to keep separated from my husband became difficult to do. I insisted on staying in the church fellowship in which I belonged, the very place I met my husband, where I received my Bible College education and where I had developed lasting relationships with the evangelists and the ministers in the last eleven years. My husband had left the ministry, and then returned. God had dealt with each of us individually during this absence. I realized that if I had partaken in any extramarital relationship during this delicate time, right after leaving a five and a half year marriage, it would have only caused damnation to my soul, so I prevented any potential possibilities of that to occur. Besides, what I had encountered by initiating communication with other prospects did not compare to what I had experienced in my marriage, so those opportunities died out immediately when my matrimony resurfaced in these last few weeks.

This marital union has reconciled almost 10 months to the day of separation. I fell in love with him again. I am truly blessed, because reconciliation is God's Will! Who really wants to be divorced three times in their own personal history? I just pray and I leave it up to the Lord to take care of everything. The Words "I love you" have been spoken to one another. There is a new smile upon my face that I feel is brand new. There is an occasional cautionary feeling once in a while, but anxiety can be taken away by the Lord as well. I know this is of the Lord, because my husband and I have the same spiritual convictions. That has never changed. We just had to be at a distance for a while. To the Lord God I am grateful; only it is He who can forgive and restore anyway. I just hope that my family understands.

When Reconciliation Does Not Work

Seven months have gone by with the hope of reconciliation. The reunion that this writer had with her husband after the ten month breakup ended up being a alley for his convenience. The same burdens reappeared after the very short bonding of matrimonial bliss. Then he met this writer's neighbors in the rooming house he moved into, being automatically liked by all. He redefined his living arrangements, and then the bills and the expenses fell on this unhappy and unfulfilled wife- Again!

Was this foolish female blind, or just stupidly hopeful? The husband was being sympathetic to an ill housemate, and to this writer that was alright, but spending free time with her while this wife is away hard at work at her full time career was not in the plans for this restart of a marriage- a marriage that was encouraged by others who wanted us to do things God's Way.

So, after no reward for being kind and loving to this individual who had no intentions of fully supporting his spouse at her time of need, the need to separate was evident. Even the family was fully dismayed and the only son of this writer did not even want to communicate anymore.

Being in a new residence away from the emotional calamity is the best decision this writer ever made. A rebound relationship with a spouse left behind does not work, at least in this writer's experience. It is good to be alone if alone keeps you away from the trouble.

Song Lyrics by Deborah Brooks Langford that quench the memory of heartache.

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Comments 12 comments

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn.

Now you are free to live your passion! You deserve that. With your talent ( lovely voice and guitar ) you can share with your voice as you share with your writing. I look forward to more videos and enjoy them so much. This song is beautiful and so complete with Debbies lyrics and your music. Big hugs! ~ Audrey


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 3 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Dear Christina,

Your written word and the beauty of your voice always reflect your goodness and inner strength.

You have interpreted Debbie's poetry, making her inspirational words come lave as well.

Voted UP and ABI. Hugs, Maria


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

Dearest Christina,

I am so sorry you have been going through so much trials. You are strong and a daughter of the King, so I know you are going to be just fine. He is our bridegroom. You are beautiful in His eyes always! Always remember that fact. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs and love, Faith Reaper


ImKarn23 profile image

ImKarn23 3 years ago

Christina - no one can ever say that you didn't give your best! At least - you have that, altho - it's never enough..

people don't change a whole lot - if we really REALLY work at it we may tweak this or that, but - after a time - with the tiniest of triggers - we are who we always were once again!

i'm so sorry for your struggles, my friend!

i do not share your faith in god taking care of all things, but i do respect it!

listen, it's not as if my relationships have turned out perfectly with NOT having faith...ya know? lol

love you and love what you did with Deb's poetry!

sharing onxx


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 3 years ago from Brownsville,TX

so very beautiful again.. my friend and so very sad..

love you

Deb


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa

Been there, bought the T-shirt. I think this kind of emotional trauma is part of the life plotted for all of us. Experiencing rejection, coping, conquering, is to be in order for us to grow.

I am in awe of the song you've written and performed. Those half tones are not easy to sing. Great lyrics from Debbie and awesome song writing and entire music performance by you......


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 3 years ago from Brownsville,TX

wow what a hub.. I am speechless. Christina.. I love this I can relate.. and thank you dear friend for adding my books of poetry to your hub.. You are the best..

if you ever want to write your wonderful book of poetry let me know I will help you get it on createspace and amazon.. the royalties will be 100% yours..

Debbie


babasanju profile image

babasanju 5 years ago from India

I don't have many words to say. But I like the spirit of yours. All I can say is to forget what is left behind and carry on in your life with positive attitude.

Its never too late to take a beautiful turn, who knows what good is waiting for you there!

Wish you a great life ahead!


CMCastro profile image

CMCastro 5 years ago from Baltimore,MD USA Author

Thank you Spirit Whisperer, I am a happy individual. I am in the right place.


Spirit Whisperer profile image

Spirit Whisperer 5 years ago from Isle of Man

You sound strong and confident Tina and I wish you all the best.


CMCastro profile image

CMCastro 5 years ago from Baltimore,MD USA Author

Thank you Fennelseed, I no longer have to try to fill someone's life without the appreciation. Being on my own is one more step to marking my own individuality.


Fennelseed profile image

Fennelseed 5 years ago from Australia

A very big and courageous step, but the time is obviously right and your determination to enjoy life rather than to continue in misery is very wise and commendable.

I was married for 22 years and after 10 years of unhappiness thought another baby (no.3) would provide the answers. I love my youngest daughter to bits and wouldn’t be without her, but the marriage was doomed and this decision was just dumb.

I applaud you on your resolve, well done.

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