Friends with Benefits: Is it worth it? How does it work?

Emotional Roller Coaster

Let's just say if you're an emotional wreck, you probably don't want to go ahead and commit your self to casual sex or a casual relationship, as that is the equation for disaster, especially if you just got out of a relationship or you are just desperate to be in one.

Remember that friends with benefits is not a relationship, and even though a friends with benefits situation can be considered a casual relationship, that doesn't mean that it is a "real" relationship (IE boyfriend/girlfriend).

In order to have a "friends with benefits" type casual relationship, you want to make sure that you are in the right mindset for that type of relationship. You want to make sure that you are stable enough on your own before attempting this feat, and yes it truly is a feat- an endeaver that many people cannot undergo.

Flickr Image by rent-a-moose
Flickr Image by rent-a-moose

Casual Relationships

Boundaries and Relationships: Knowing, Protecting and Enjoying the Self
Boundaries and Relationships: Knowing, Protecting and Enjoying the Self

This book is about relationships-healthy and unhealthy ones with clear definitions and descriptions of boundaries, a self-assessment survey, and more.

Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting Our Children
Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting Our Children

Society tells us that sex is an act of self-expression, yet millions of American teenagers and young adults are finding that the psychological baggage of such behavior is having a real and lasting impact on their lives.


No Strings Attached

What are the rules of a casual relationship (IE friends with benefits)? Well, it's a little more complicated than you think. I mean, casual sex seems pretty simple, but if you have opted for casual intercourse and sexual activity exclusively with one person, it's a little more complicated than you think.

  • No feelings involved.

You have to make sure that you and your potential "cuddle buddy" are both in the proper mindset. If one of the two of you actually has feelings for the other, then it's not going to work. Think about it, if Jane has the slightest amount of feelings towards John, then she's just going to get hurt thinking the intimacy will lead to a "real" relationship when it probably won't.

And with casual relationships, no one is supposed to get hurt, that's why it's called casual...

  • No strings attached.

Meaning that you can bug the other person "whatcha doing?" "wanna go to the movies?" "can i come?" "who ya hanging out with?" None of that.

Basically, this goes hand in hand with no feelings involved. The more strings there are, the more feelings get involved, and if you truly are not looking for a committed relationship, then you don't want serious feelings and attachments to be involved.

  • Don't have expectations.

If you have any expectations about when you and your "cuddle buddy" will be hanging out, or any expectations about the future of the casual relationship that you've found yourself in, then stop right there. End it. Keep your troublemaker locked inside your pants.

The minute you start having expectations about when you're supposed to hang out or what you or the other person are supposed to be doing, that's it. You've got a few strings, and strings lead to attachments, which lead to feelings, and if you're in a casual relationship with one thing on your mind, you don't want to further this situation.

You don't want anyone to get hurt, and the minute one person starts to get feelings that the other is not experiencing, someone is going to get hurt, even if you don't mean it.

Casual Relationships for Men

Get Laid Now! The Man's Guide to Picking Up Women and Casual Sex
Get Laid Now! The Man's Guide to Picking Up Women and Casual Sex

It's true that everyone wants to get laid. The only trouble is that it's not as easy as most people would like. This book is going to show you that the secret of getting laid is not in finding some sort of mystic mojo that will put you through to the next level.


Casual Relationships Among Friends

With the basic rules understood, the question is, "can friends have casual relationships and still be friends?"

Personally, I think so, as long as both parties make sure to keep any sign of seriousness out of the picture. Keep things fun, playful, and string-free, and I believe friends can carry on a "friends with benefits" relationship.

Just make sure that all of the rules about the situation are outlined in the beginning before things ever get started.

My opinion isn't the same as other's though. Many people believe that if all you want is casual sex, leave your friends out of it. You don't want to lose a friendship of a casual relationship.

When deciding whether or not you want to be friends with benefits, the ultimate decision is going to be up to you, but personally, if you're going to have casual sex with someone, wouldn't you prefer that you at least know the person and trust the person? I know I would.

The one thing that I wouldn't recommend, is a friend with benefit that was once a boyfriend, or girlfriend, but you never know maybe that would work for you. You just want to make sure that there are no leftover feelings underlying with either party.

Casual Relationships for Women

The Happy Hook-Up: A Single Girl's Guide to Casual Sex
The Happy Hook-Up: A Single Girl's Guide to Casual Sex

Mindless fling, harmless hook-up, booty call, friends with benefits. Call it what you want, but let's be honest: more females than ever are choosing to stay single-and sleeping around has become an accepted, if not expected, part of the singles scene. But while casual sex is no longer a girl's dirty little secret, it's not always as easy as it's often made out to be.

Brief Encounters: The Women's Guide to Casual Sex
Brief Encounters: The Women's Guide to Casual Sex

Empowering women to enjoy guilt-free sexual encounters, this playful volume guides women through the pitfalls and pleasures of casual sex in the 21st century.

Sex and the Soul of a Woman: The Reality of Love and Romance in an Age of Casual Sex
Sex and the Soul of a Woman: The Reality of Love and Romance in an Age of Casual Sex

A provocative, engaging look at the changes in sexual expression, the price women pay for these changes, and the means God offers to help women claim their sexual promise-real stories and insights from women struggling to make their way through the sexual maze.


Think YOU could have a friend with benefits?

  • Been there done that, I'd do it again.
  • Yea don't plan on finding out, not worth it.
  • Maybe, who knows?
See results without voting

Worth... Is it there?

Now, if you are seriously thinking about a friends with benefits situation, good for you, give it a shot. I don't recommend it for everyone, but if you think you want to try it, go for it.

And, you never know, that friend with benefit situation may actually turn into more, but don't get your hopes up and don't go into the situation thinking that!!!

Just remember that a casual relationship is a lot of work on both parties. It's not something that is truly as care-free as it seems, and whether or not it is worth it in the end, that's something are going to have to decide.

Personally, whether a casual relationship is worth it or not, depends on the situation and the person.

An example being, an old friend comes to town for a month. You've been talking for about a month prior, and you've decided to "see where things go," but at the same time the friend will be moving over 12 hours away at the end of that month. You can either 1) truly see where things will take you, or 2) have a good time no strings attached. It's really up to you as to the decision, but if you go into the situation wanting to see where things will take you, what happens when the friend leaves and you or the friend has more feelings than intended, what then? Would you move? Or would you rather not stress the situation, and just have a good time for a month?

I'm a stresser, so my decision is to limit the amount of stress to undergo. I'll opt for pure fun for a month. But, what do you do?

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Comments 77 comments

Ginny 3 years ago

FWB does not work! Especially for women who are bound to get attached sooner or later. It is a HUGE risk to try it. Not worth trying. FWB works as an exception, NOT the rule. Many times, we try these things because we are lonely and then once things get started, human physical connection feels so nice that we go in denial. In other words, the women who are able to be in an ongoing FWB situation must be made of steel and/or get distracted easily by other things so that this becomes a ritual. Other than that, they are in denial about their feelings for the guy. FwB does not work, it causes only pain and frustration of not being able to have that person "present" in your life the way more committed couples are.

isecondthatemotion 4 years ago

so my situation likes others is complicated. as i sit here and listen to smokey robinson's smooth tenor sing out you've really got a hold of me, it spins this new relationship that i've gotten myself into running circles through my skull. so i am 21 (22 in august.) the fella i'm seeing is now 29.

I just recently got out of a relationship of four years with my first love we'll call him "randy". it was a toxic relationship, full of drugs and cheating. but my fella "bob" is my fwb? we all used to live together during this toxiness, "bob" is/was "randys" friend with whom he had met through work, but then we all became roommates. all we did was party and do drugs. at this point i loved "randy" with all of my naïve heart (despite the suspicions of infidelity and all the drug use). i wasn't so close to "bob" we hardly ever really spoke when "randy" wasn't around. but i could sense some sexual tension between us in the beginning. either way, i was madly in love with "randy" and within a few months of all of us living together "bob" met this girl at his work and they began dating.

everything seemed kosher for awhile, but things started getting messed up and the drug use worsened, "bob" ended up finding out that he was going to have a baby but not with his current girlfriend but with a one-night stand he had had with a girl before her. so we all decided to go our separate ways. "randy" and i moved out and so did "bob."

things were stale between all of us for about six months. my boyfriend of then "randy" ended up going to a three month re-hab in California. during this time our relationship was rocky and "randy" ended it with me. i was upset but was going to therapy and dealing with things well. during this time i called up "bob" just to see how he was doing.

"bob" was going through some rocky stuff with his current girlfriend but loving being a father. so we made a time to meet and he came over and he ended up telling me he had always been attracted to me. we slept together but only once and that was that.

i ended up getting back with "randy" after he left rehab and had been clean for about 3 months after. we had moved to a quite town for the summer to work. but once summer was over with and the money ran dry we were forced to move back to our hometown. I never told "randy" about what happened between me and "bob" thought it didn't really matter since we weren't together then anyway. well once we moved back "randy" got into contact with "bob" and there were times when "bob" would come over and visit. it was nice to see him, and we would pass glances back and forth.

so one night i went out with my girlfriend and we had met up with her guy friend. got a little too wasted and she had passed out at his place. but since i hadn't driven my own car i was skrewed and being intoxicated i figured i couldn't call "randy" he would flip. so i ended up drunk dialing "bob" and asked if he could come get me. he did and i ended up going back to his place. we had sex and he dropped me off in the morning at mine. he was apart from his girlfriend at this point, but i knew he still had feelings for her. from then on it was steady flirting but no sex.

about a month later "bob" was dumped by his girlfriend. he could come hangout with "randy" and i and it made us both a little uncomfortable but turned on at the same time. "randy" and i's relationship pretty much was out the window at this point. he would go out drinking every night and bitch at me if i ever drank. i caught him at the bar one night after close to pick him up from work with these girl "friends" hanging all over him, as he decided to ignore my phonecalls. i could see him clicking ignore on his phone. either way...

then close to the end of "randy" and i's relationship "bob" and i started hooking up. we've been having steady sex for about 3 months now.

i ended it finally with my ex and its been about a month now. I'm really starting to like "bob" though. i know it can never work out, but I'm just a little confused to about the whole thing because he's taken me out for drinks a few times, let's me sleep over, pays for me usually. our situations are similar right now since were both trying to deal with breakups. we both have a lot of baggage, living with our relatives and going to school. it's not the stable ideal relationship that we both want, but possible down the road it might work out but if not its nice to know that we can lean on each other through these tough times. I'm just curious if he feels the same way, and he's told me he likes me, but kind skirts around the issue and he's told me "I honestly have never done anything like this before." so i guess were both figuring it out together.

and input would be awesome.

luke bryan my man 4 years ago

FWB are 2 people tht are friends tht want to be more than friends and have feelings tht are not strong but are feelings. if u want to have FWB than go right ahead just a heads up u might start to have more than feelings for tht person when u start to go hard, so like some people just go for it for the fun of it!!!!:)

H&Mlover 4 years ago

i really like this guy he said that he wants to be friends with benefits but without the sex part tho. i agree with tht but, everything is goingsto wrong sure we hang but he doesn't make a move. After when we hang he txts me and said how bad he wants to kiss and makeout with me in my head im like dude than why don't u just make a move. My best friend txst him and she tells me tht he doesn't like me but when he txts me he really really likes me i don't know what's going on or what's going to happen next plzz someone help me i really like this guy and i don't know what to do about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!:(

Bryan TheHell 4 years ago

And Whitney, I made sure I gave this every single positive rating. Liked it on FB, useful, beautiful, awesome, and interesting. Tweeted it and even went out of my way to make a Google+ account. And I'll be more than happy to pin it. Thank you.

Bryan TheHell 4 years ago

I WISH I READ THIS A YEAR AGO!!!!! THEN NOTHING WOULD BLOW!!!!! THIS SHOULD BE MANDATORY ON EVERY HIGH SCHOOL READING LIST. I THINK PEOPLE DESERVE TO LEARN AT LEAST ONE THING ABOUT LIFE. That was not anger, I just wanted to make sure it catches peoples attention. I hope it saves someones life. I know pain and physical pain is nothing compared to emotional. At least there's a chance you'll recover. I never will. I didn't think people could be so full of lust. I had someone just step in my life with a mission to ruin my three year relationship over SEX. She even admitted it. Months later so I could never go back. Do not fall for this rotten trick. If they want you for your SEX. Spit on them and let their lust turn into rust.

redgirl18 4 years ago

I have been in such relationship it definitely doesn't work out without feelings esp. from the woman side.

This guy treated me like im the best girl he ever had regarding everything in his life.He listened tome for few days he said he liked me and have a thing for me but he keeps on talking about his ex-gf.... now for past a week he doesn't call me , doesn't meet me where we met every single day....he treated me like im his gf,introduced me to his pals. Now he says he has a problem of staying alone that's why he behaves like this but he stays with his friends 24/7 and also flirts around....Im not getting any of it ? Does he really like or he is just using me :S im getting hurt each time :( i on't know what to me out someone

Stacey 4 years ago

my fwb ended nasty. i wasn't the only girl - which was fine - but he didn't end it with me, instead he just introduced me to his new girlfriend. seriously. no clean break at all. then i find out he's been bragging about shagging me to his mates and the local pub who are now talking about what a whore i am

Linda 4 years ago

My husband and I started as Friends with Benefits. Now we have 2 children and about to celebrate our 9 year anniversary.

Mel 4 years ago

Well,he approached me on the face,we were in contact for a month before we took it to the next level,as I just passed through the long & unsatisfied relationship,I told him it would be best for both of us to be just FWB,he agreed on that scenario,but we hear each other

every day & see & we fit like gloves togethet.I have a feeling that it's impossible for day to pass & not to hear to him,&he the same,now I just don't know what to think or do,'cos he is the best that happened ti me in a really long time?& think I'm falling for him,a lot,so naturally beung afraid for myself...

kristin 4 years ago

i am no expert but i am ready and willing to jump into this kind of thing. I used to be an insecure emotional wreck and could not see me doing this at all.

I am with the poster who was a single parent. I'm one ( was a young one and that is probably partly why i want to do this,maybe for the lost last few years i should have been having fun like others in their 20's) to and it really made me grow up and may have a lot to do with being stronger? that or knowing that you already have a child and there is no huge rush as much as before to reproduce?lol.

no guarantees but at this point i can see it working for me :)

SouthernYankee 4 years ago

I am in one right now and it is hard. He has told me he has a girlfriend and another fwb he sees about once a month. I am emotionally involved now and it sucks. I am trying to be a big girl about things, but I can't seem to shake the feelings.I personally am not cut out for this type of situation. I actually liked him to begin with that is the real issue. For me it's a no go. Even without spending time together I developed feelings....*Crying on the inside*

Rebekah 4 years ago

I have been in a FWB realationship for 2 years now with an older man. It is amazing. I get to be young & free but still have what we both want when it comes to intamacy & sex. I would consider our "rules" pretty simple & easy to follow. This is def not for the weak minded & you truly have to be a strong women to handle some of the aspects of an FWB relationship. We are both single parents & have already had the failing marriage or relationship so this type of relationship is SUPER easy for us & 100% do-able! We are best friends & couldn't be happier. We tell each other everything. We both consider this a normal way of life at this point. We have dinner & a night together sometimes once a week, twice a week or once a month, we go days without talking & pick up where we left off every time! I could spend the rest of my life in this type of relationship. It just works for us.

stardust 5 years ago

sorry, it doesn't work if at least one of the buddies is a woman... :(

Been there 5 years ago

It does work if both parties are clear with the agenda. I've been in an fwb relationship for over two years. We see each other every week, things are doing well. No complications at is a committed one, we have not had sex with anyone else ever since we got together.

A. Nonny Mouse 5 years ago

I think whether this can actually works or not depends on the individual. I suspect I may be asexual, but I'd be willing do have sex with a boyfriend if he wanted to & is clean. But seeing as I have little/no desire for it, I'll pass on this one.

ashley 5 years ago

can someone please give me some advice on what ishould do? so imet this guy at the gym and we talked and he asked me to come hang out with him a couple times so idid and it was fun. he then told me he wanted me to come over and cuddle with him because he liked to cuddle so of course isaid yes and we started watchn tv and he started to kiss my forehead and face then we went into his bedroom and we just kissed more and although we didn't have sex we both deffinitly wanted to. we hung out alot more and have been casually having sex on the weekends for the past 3 months. i don't know what to do because he told me he has no interest in hanging out with me other than to have sex. and idont mind that but i don't know if ishould continue this anymore. i think im starting to develop feelings for him. also ijust like the attention from him. ialso don't want it to come off as having no respect for myself (in his eyes) can anyone tell me what ishould do please? im in desperate need of help.

EmCi 5 years ago

It's simple:

If you're a female and you're considering a FWB relationship...make sure you don't suffer from the pussy-heart syndrome. If you have the slightest thought of wanting commitment with this guy...forget it; it is not going to work at all! You need to be emotionally detached from him; don't even entertain the thought of it working when you know you have underlying feelings.

Set the boundaries from the get-go and just do you.

After all, it is casual sex...not making love (that's for committed relationships).

I'm all up for FWB. It's less intense and strictly blissful. Relationships are overrated and unnecessary, especially when you're young and you have your whole life to live. I personally care about accomplishing great things by myself now and for the next few years; commitment's for later.

Now, I don't mean going around sleeping with every guy and considering them FWBs, no! I do mean, sharing in this temporary bliss with someone you know and trust. You're safer then I suppose.

demi007 5 years ago

Just be very, very careful.

Got into a FWB situation with my best friend. Looking back, I think we've always had feelings and FWB was an easy way to channel that without ever having to admit it. We had rules, but when you're playing with feelings, things never go well. The situation got explosive, and we had to stop, but the friendship, though we're still best friends, has never been the same.

Finally we managed to admit the feelings, but neither of us are really in the right place for a relationship, him especially. Now we're stuck, unable to go back to friends, and unable to be anything more, and I tend to think it was FWB that brought this on us. So just be very careful, because, like it or not, in these types of dynamics, you have feelings like putty in your hand, and they can go very bad, very quickly.

Skell 5 years ago

When I was in a relationship, I hated how my girlfriend would ask me where I was, who I was with, wether she could pick me up that day, etc. I didn't like just cuddling, holding hands, or getting all gooey. The times I did enjoy with her were mostly just watching movies or having sex.

My friend, who I always consult for relationship advice offered to 'experiment' (I sound like an alien now,'-.-)with me while my girlfriend and I were going out. I said no, of course. A little later on I was slightly delusional and we just ... almost, I stopped it before anything could happen. But now I am out of the relationship, she offered it again. She just got out of one FWB relationship and a normal one.

SO, I already know I'm a really detached person, but here are my questions - Will I still be able to just hang out with this girl after we have sex?

Do you think she will developed feelings for me?

(We are both girls, if this changes the diagnostic any.)

reeltaulk 5 years ago

This type of relationship is for the spur of the moment individual. The type of individual that respects themselves and more than likely to respect others. Good relationships may come out of this type of relationship or if not mature enough someone is liable to get hurt. Personally I cant say I see or don't see anything wrong with this type of relationship, but it's obvious it happens all the time and people are still unhappy and single

lonlygirl 5 years ago

well ive liked this guy for 6yrs. and he was my first kiss at 18..ive been the side girl and became tired of being in the friends found we were just friends after having sex with made me confused i was hoping it would turn into a relationship and i cannot handle this friends with sucks ass and you get hurt bad and feel rejected!!

Luci Lu 5 years ago

I've been in a FWB fir the past six months. We both managed to respect each other's space and separate lives and maintain our casual status. It's has been the most amazing stuff I ever done. We met every single weekend but my partner in crime is moving to another country and a few weeks ago I realised that I won't gave him around anymore so now my fun is about to end. The big question is, would I do it again? No! I've realised that cozy afternoons/ early evenings of hot, passionate sex made me feel appreciated, desired and admired. Something I haven't felt for a while. Also no matter how casual I wanted it to be it turns out that it is a very close and intimate situation and guess what? I ended up falling in love, so no, never was worth while it lasted!

amanda 5 years ago

Friends with benefits is not my kind of thing, but I got told after spending two and a half monthes with this man that he only wanted that. We were not even friends before and we went on many dates prior to getting intimate, now I feel like I have to worry that this friends with benefits thing may be something people aren't up front about and they hit you with it after you get attached. If you can handle it great, but never be deceitful. I never would have started anything with him had I known, and I don't see him anymore.

KITTY 5 years ago

i met my FWB.. on the internet on a dating site that was just for sex.... and weve been seeing each other for 8 months now... he lives quite away from me and travels down once a week. sometimes might be a month before we see each other.. we get on well and have amazing sex.. theres no cuddling.. he dosnt even stay over.. he comes down we have sex then maybe watch a dvd, chat then he goes home.. it works great..we both understand that its nothing more than sex ... hes GOOD FRIEND AND THAT'S ALL... it can work..

Maryjo 5 years ago

FWB works if you are both upfront and set rules about it! Its not just sex...its about being friends too but setting limits on what your expectations are. We care about each other and TRUST each other! If I don't want to know something, I don't ask! vice versa. We see eachother 1-2x/wk and text almost everyday. We eat diner, talk, do things and set aside OUR time. We have fun! Then go back to being friends. I would assume most women can't handle FWB relationships d/t emotional attachment... DO NOT go into a FWB with a Man Unless you are emotionally and mentally STRONG! Keep it simple and fun...If you can leave him/her when you wake up with a smile and know its the best friendship...then the thrill will always be there!

J@ne  5 years ago

Fwb does work... I've been in a fwb relationship for the past 4 years and still going strong. It's just sex with someone i know and trust. We see each other once a week, sometimes more and sometimes a month come and go before we see each other again.

This only works cause we both know that it will never be more than fwb. We do this cause sometimes you just get a bit too lonely at night. We respect each other and this is the most important factor. If he has a gf - we don't see one another until it's over.

We'll always be fwb, nothing more.. :-)

sexkitten 5 years ago

I had sex with this guy I've been friends with for 6 yrs now, we dated yrs ago but it didn't work out and recently caught up and flirted a bit, but sex wasn't on the cards until he brought it up a few days ago and after having sex with him I was hit with the 'where does this leave us now' speech and he wants to be just friends with benefits.. I liked him yrs ago and still love being with him although it wouldn't work being bf gf but it felt weird after even though we said we wouldn't let it be weird and i don't know if he wants to do it again or if it was a once off im still processing what happened, should i wait to hear from him or text him or something?? ive had fuck buddies before but never had sex with a guy friend until now and don't know what to do.

* guest* 5 years ago

I have been in a relationship for 7 mths with my now ex which was amazing, we clicked and got on like house on fire he works away in the week due to being in forces, he split up with me 2mths ago out of the blue and says i mean world to him and he cares for me loads the sex did fizzle abit and he said chemistry went and he was confused. he is due to be posted away in few months and he has recently made contact and asked if he could come over , he has also put feelers out for this to turn into a fwb relationship as he is leaving. so can tow people who already have feelings become FWB and maintain it , possibly get back together or will we both get hurt????

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femmeandglam 5 years ago

Situations like this one do really happen in real life. We cannot control our own path, that's why. That's why if you think that you're getting to this stage, then be prepared on the consequences that you might face.

Daisy220 5 years ago

thank you cassie, your r so right. i guess some how i wanted this to work out but it can't because being attached and being hurt is not a good feeling when the other party don't feel the same way. I'm too afraid to confront him so i will simply just stay away and accept this part of my life and try to move on.

just a fwb 5 years ago

I am curently going through a divorce from a man that I was married to for 18 years. Right now, I am not looking for any type of serious relationship, just friends with benefits and booty calls. I saw a guy at a bar and passed my # to him on a napkin. He texted me a few hours later, and I went to his house and we had great sex. We've been doing this now for about 2 1/2 months on weekends. He is 12 years younger, and great in bed! We don't really talk much throughout the week, but when the weekend comes, either of us will text each other for the booty call. Most times, he is drunk. He is very mysterious; we don't know much about each other, and while having sex, he is very quiet, barely even moans! It is very hard for me to read him, but of course, I think I am developing feelings for him. A few times now, he has randomly sent me beautiful pics of him out on his boat, or a pic at the races. Is he developing feelings for me, too? I'm 42, in the middle of a divorce, and have a 15-year-old son. This booty call is 30, never been married, no kids. I'm sure I am being crazy to think anything could ever happen between us. What do you all think?

Cassie. 5 years ago

It's fine IF you can truly handle it....and im speaking mostly to the females because we generally get attached in some way.......Please please please don't do it if you have even the slightest amount of feelings for the other person...u don't know the heartache you will endure if you TRULY want more.....also if you know you're the type to get attached and you're doing it to keep the guy but tell him will get hurt. period. he will want to play and thought you had an "agreement" so as you look at his facebook or twitter etc (u know ur doing it lol)..and you see other girls...all you will be thinking about is if he hooked up with if hes really really really good looking you're trouble. He probably IS hooking up with most of them. And guess what? they're doing the same thing you're doing. Also don't do it for your ego...some girls who think they have feelings for the guy, do it because they want to be the one to claim him and then in turn fool themselves into having feelings. You'll end up with a bruised ego when he rejects you and you'll be ridiculously devastated because you now have "feelings".......Think with your head because if you think with your heart which tends to be attached to the vagina in these types of situations it will end badly. If you can think like a guy and do the no strings thing and NOT LIE to yourself in the process then do're a rarity....if not, don't do it. It's not worth it. If you have any doubts AT ALL don't do it. I learned from my experience..and my friends' experience...this was not a good lesson to go through. If you're deciding what to do right now I hope you make the wise choice.....but first HONESTLY ask yourself why you even bothered to look this up know what friends with benefits is, you know what no strings attached means.....what are you looking for? ..hope? what? u want details?...u want to see how it "may have worked out" for someone?...Please choose wisely. You don't know what you're in for if you don't.

Daisy220 5 years ago

my situation is a bit complicated, my fwb is my neighbour, both families live very close, we know each other for approx. 16yrs maybe more, aboutn 6 yrs ago we started hanging out, but it was only at eachothers home, nowhere else, i started liking him but during this time we were only friends the most we did was hold hand, and cuddle,( this is when no one was around) kissed once Eventually both families had a disagreement which caused us to stopped speaking, during this time i was devasated as i had fallen for him. We did not speak for almost 1-2yrs, only a casual hello developed after the 2yrs, when we were not speaking i always wanted to know if he did like me or why he could not call or say something, but when we finally started speaking we both had moved on, He had a GF and I my BF we both were planning on getting married. What shocked me was when i found out both of them broke up i was still in a relationship with my BF. He asked me out for my birthday which i declined because i was in a relationship, abt a yr after my BF and i broke up and my friend which we were only fried at that time were there to support me, he asked me out for my birthday this time knowing i had no one i went out. he hold my hand that night and that was it, old feeling rushed back, i denied it to myself because i was now from a breakup and i should not be feeling this way, after a couple of months of talking on the phone with him it just happened one day when we were alone (fwb) we both did not want a relationship because we were from a bad relationship and we were still hurting, the first ccouple of time it happened i felt guilty, then i started to have fun, its been about 8 months now and we still do this. Now i am getting feelings for him, honestly i don't think i want a relationship but i want him in my life, he explained to me before his future, what he planned this yr, this is what bothers me now. off late we eased up on calling each other, an i am missing him what to do? i am afraid to tell him

KateWest profile image

KateWest 5 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

Seems most of my "relationships" have been this sort of thing the past decade or so, not sure what that says about me, but whatever. What about FWB with an ex? That's all kinds of complicated, no? One of you will always want more I've found.

meee 5 years ago

My friend and i have been seeing each other and every time we "hang out" we tend to have sex. however the next day at school we act like nothing happens between us. so am guessing we're FWB but we don't say it officially. truly i somewhat have feeling for this guy because we usually txt each other saying ily or call each other names. but when it comes to school hours we don't talk as such as we do outside of school. more than likely i feel am going to end up getting hurt.. so should i just end it now or work it out?

kluptag 5 years ago

This doesn't make sense to me because somebody usually always gets hurt, it leads to emotions and feeling no matter what, there's no way around it

annoymous 5 years ago

Ive been talking to this guy for about 2 months. And just met him for the first time yesterday. And he works out of town and we both agreed on a fwb type of relationship. He works out of town and is only here about once or twice a week. so it would be perfect really. If he calls again that is. lol

Tyia  5 years ago

Hello Coreyann & Colyssus,

I came across some articles recently about FWB (or in a crude term called Fuck Buddy). Gezzz...I really hated the sight of this word, really. It knocked a lot of senses in my "whatever mind.. I should be calling it" about men being nonchalant in fulfilling their sexual desires as compared to women who are emotional; hence the women ended having strong feelings.

I recently dropped the idea of proceeding my first potential FWB partner whom I met online; he's married - btw. We chatted almost every day for two months. He's too awesome, loving and ahhh...God ! We had too much chemistry that I knew I will eventually fall for this man. In short, he's a boyfriend and husby husby material, you know...

Now, I met another guy online who wanted the same from me; also a married man. Damnit! Why am I attracting all the MBAs. The bond between us is not as fantastic as my first potential FWB. Because of this, I have all the strengths to meeting him over coffee sometime soon. My observations would be whether he has all the qualities that I am into. If no, I will definitely have the guts to start having casual relationship with him. Otherwise, back to square one, babe !

I am out of my marriage for two years. To meet someone suitable and available for a serious & stable relationship would be ideal for me. But, if the man is married and not available, keeping the FWB relationship is more than perfect. However, he must be someone that I can never fell in love with so that the emotional bond will not be there and I can remain cold as an iceberg. Just like, it's crudely called "Fuck Buddy" ! ;))))

My advice to you both, if you are looking for a good, wonderful and cherishable relationship, forget about FWB. I'm sure there must be someone wonderful out there to give you all the love you deserve.

Colossus dawg 5 years ago

Hey yall

So i have been in a relationship for two years now, but it recently started to go sour like 2 months ago. I also happened to meet this other guy, 2 months ago. we started flirting back and forth via phone and text as he is in another state. He said he isn't looking for emotions or feelings, justa friend and sex. I said he was undateable anyway and that things would be fine. However, i started falling for his personality even before we got to the sex. Once i had sex with him a week ago, i haven't been able to forget him. he says he kinda likes me, but not like that...idk what to do and i am semi-boyfriendless at the moment..HELL PLEASE! do i cut him off or just talk to him as a friend and if he is around again indulge myself????

coreyann 5 years ago

I have been in a fwb relationship for a little over a year. We "hook up" about once a week. We have known each other for over 20 years. We text message daily about random everyday stuff. I really care for him. But I know it will never be anything more than sex. Emotionally it is hard because I do wish it could be more. We get along great, have alot in common. I have no idea how he feels, nor does he know how I feel. For now it is fun. But I know in the long run I will get hurt. But for now I'm okay with it.

horny hazel 5 years ago

I think its personally great if you set the boundaries early and think every women and man should try it with a friend who they are confident with and trust.

Anna 5 years ago

@Tyia Ty - Thanks :) I guess i kinda knew it but was trying to convince myself otherwise.

The thing is, we share a big social group together and he's made no attempt at hiding that he's attracted to me and has told a lot of my close friends, but never actually said it to me. I didn't think that people could be that shallow to completely invade someones whole social life in order to just get laid. How naïve of me. I feel like a fool as I was cool with the idea at first and it really didn't bother me but when he started to tell my friends and become more involved in my social plans, i began to actually think he like liked me which kinda threw me i suppose.

I have called him shallow in the past and told him he's hurt me by the way he's treated me and he seemed genuinely sorry, we agreed to be friends because it got too serious and all is cool until we see each other again and we can't seem to keep our hands off of each other. Is it just because we both know that we enjoy the sex we have? albeit for possibly different reasons.

...I guess i need to exercise some restraint as I'm clearly not able to have a fwb relationship.

Thanks again!

Tyia Ty 5 years ago

@ Anna - This is the trap we will fall into if we are not able to detach our feelings for our FWB partner. It seems that you are developing real feelings for him and start putting hopes. I can say that you will be left hurting yourself.

Clearly, as you already know, he does not treat you anything more than his FWB. Flirting with you is nothing more than giving you the message that he wants sex. That's all.

My advise, start loving yourself as you deserve a real relationship with a man to call him your boy-friend; someone who will cherish & love you.

Take Care !

unknown 5 years ago

Tonight me and my bestfriend of 6 years just went for it. And we both want to continue but I think deep down i feel like something might grow from it.I kind of don't want anything to grown from it cause he is such a great guy and I Love the relationship we have. But this just came out of left field and now we are somewhat a together but not really.

I don't think this is good for us. I might just call it off.

Anna 5 years ago

i have started what i think is a fwb situation with a guy 12 years older than me. He says he knows he's naughty with me but says we should be friends and then when i see him again he stares at me constantly is always in my shadow and i don't know if he actually wants something or is just putting it on so that i'll fall for him enough to make me sleep with him again. i really don't kno and its confusing because i don't know whether to really like him or not. deep down i guess its inevitable that i'm gunna get hurt but why does this feeling of hope not go away?

Tyia Ty 5 years ago

This thing is really complicated. Personally, I cannot imagine getting involved with someone intimately without having the real feelings. However, looking at the latest trend on this so-called FWB. People are getting sexually involved with friends merely for the sake of lust/sexual needs without the real feelings/connections with each other. Exclusivity may or may not be alien here. And, having several FWB patners demands no jealousy.

It depends on individual, really. Not everybody is cut for this game.

5 years ago

There's no such thing really as FWB. If you have no feelings for each other, you're certainly not even friends. And if you enjoy 'benefits', you are well more than friends.

Tyia Ty 5 years ago

Thanks for your wonderful advice, Cleo. My potential FWB and I are both mentally stable but we are not emotionally stable to keep it casual. So, yes, I must say it's best to put a big full-stop at this stage.

Cleo 5 years ago

Unless you are Very Stable & know that you will NOT get strong feelings for the other person involved...

Then FWB... is a NO WAY!!!!

It just hurts too much, unless you have learnt how to be cut off emotionally & cold!!!

That's my opinion... & Ive been there for the past year and a half!!!.... I hoped for 'that' connection, which I got....

He ONLY wanted things his way... Full of control...

So if one of you is a controller... then 1 of you may just get your heart broken...

Be prepared OR Be Very Very Strong...

take care...

Tyia 5 years ago

I'm in the midst of considering FWB; still weighting the pros and the cons. If it is a yes, it is going to be my first. I am confident having the mental strengths and maturity to keep it casual but my emotional strength is part of my weaker sides.

I am in a difficult phase of my life and met this awesome man who gave me all the attention, time and emotional support that I need. We have developed liking for each other, unfortunately, and he very much wanted this FWB thing. However, the whole idea still directs to my emotional weakness as I do not want to be hurt if in any circumstances our main purpose is moved to a feeling of love and want him for life; a disaster that is worst than a doomsday. He is married for heaven sake !

Our currrent relationship level is in between of acquaintance and friends as we are still building the foundation of great understandings for each other.

No matter how ideal we connect in every areas, considering the logical sides of it, having him as my FWB in the definition of friends without the benefits is the best I can think of. But, this retarding my emotional and sexual needs. At the very most, I can lead a cellibacy life but the gap in my emotional needs deserve my attention.

I welcome sincere and down-to-earth comments and suggestions.

bruzzbuzz profile image

bruzzbuzz 5 years ago from Texas , USA

It seems kind of funny that almost everyone who said they have been in a FWB relationship ended up having feelings and/or getting hurt which leads me to think that it might not be possible to have a true FWB relationship. What do you think. Interesting hub though. Very well thought out.

Shar 5 years ago

I am contemplating this right now myself. I don't know if I can handle it because I know I'll get attached, and I know I'll end up getting hurt. But I WANT to do it!! He knows it too!!!

Alec 5 years ago

Well I'm kinda in this situation but we may have broke the golden rule. Me and this girl have had friends with benefits for like a year now but it may have turned for the worse or very unlikely but possible that this " casual relationship will turn into a serious one. I know I feel strongly about this girl but I'm afraid she doesn't feel the same way f. For a while now it has seemed like she does and I'm really confused now because strings have been attatched for awhile but I didn't realize it until now

claire27 5 years ago

oh ok i was thinkin about this friends with benefits cuz i think im in that situtation with one of the guys that i had meet a couple of weeks ago. cuz me and that guy had went out for about a day and a half til by the second day he tld me its ovr on a txt msg. but then we started talkin again so like things went bak to normal like talkin and the thing is that when we hang out we hold hands while he is driving in the car and we kiss n one day we had sex n after that we were in bed and cuddling so that is a sign of just friends with benefits or another way of sayin he still likes me?

mimi king profile image

mimi king 6 years ago

FWB is fu if you have the emotional maturity to handle it and if you are not the commitment type, i love FWb but have decided to take a break from them for a while to figure myself out. Sometimes there could be some underlying issues that is why we prefer them, i have been doing them for as long as i can remember and now its hard for me to be in a "normal" relationship anymore. Just love the freedom that comes with FWB so much!!! ;)

doggymama 6 years ago

I'm considering this at the moment.... have a good friend that has been joking around and flirting with me for months and in the past week has made a HUGE effort to hook up. Came over last night and we almost did... problem is that he lives with his gf and I'm single. I do have feelings for him and know if we have sex, the feelings will grow. Contemplating it but haven't yet agreed.

realiee 6 years ago

i think it's just having fun as long as the two of u agree in watever decission and have rules then there is no problem..u just gotta hsve fun and go with the flow

Lorraine 6 years ago

I will never recommend it. I had such a relationship but he guy messed around with 5 other women at the same time. I only found out about it 2 months after we started the "relationship". Even though it is not a normal relationship you still expect the person to respect your body

Gabi 6 years ago

I just got out of this kind of relationship with my best friend. I ended up wanting more and everything just got messed up. We barely talk anymore and I'm practically in love with him whereas he developed feelings for me, but not enough for a relationship. Everyday, I just wanna go back to how it was. I suggest you don't do it. It hurts like hell and if you gain feelings, you're going to feel used.

brokenlove 6 years ago

I have a friend with benefit. We have been sleeping together for 4+ years now. I used to love him alot, but his non loving attitude killed all my feelings for him. So after being hurt, devastated etc I'm finally exactly where I want to be: I have sex with a man I like, it does not hurt anymore, I can leave without him and if he were gone one day I would be fine with this too. I burned oout completely to the point I cannot feel anything anymore. all I do is just to enjoy sex with him. I'm in a sexless marriage; have been married for 15 years.

Baby 6 years ago

I am in this situaution now.. just been meeting up with a friend i haven't seen for a couple of years, I always kinda knew she fancied me but see im a girl and i didn't know i was into girls too, we've meet up and now im at an age (21) that i know im bi.. and weve started this fwb situation thing is im lying to myself because ive completely and utterly fallen for her, and its made coz I know she doesn't feel the same way, i want to stop now before i get hurt but for some reason i just can seem to stop myself,, i know this is gonna end up messy..!

louise 6 years ago

i am in a FWB situation, but i don't know if he has feeling or not, can you help? we were really close friends and had been hanging out basically everyday for a month, then he started flirting and texting me to come over to hook up. hes an attractive guy but i was never attracted to him as he is a bit of a player. the first night i went over to his and then came home after. the next day i saw him about and i just said hi but he had stopped for a full chat, then in the afternoon he was texting me to come over just to hang out. for the next week we hung out every day and just cuddled and kissed in bed watching films at night as it was that time of the month for me. he knew this and still was texting and calling me to hang out. i would leave after the films finished but one night he came to mine and stayed the night, we only live 2 houses apart. after that week i went to visit my parents and have been away for about 3 weeks, and have barely spoken to him which is confusing me? we spoke yesterday for a while and arranged a night in when im back. he also didn't try to hide the fact we were sleeping together and said he "doesn't it matter though does it?". so its really confusing me this situation. and when i go round he always offers to make me dinner...please help!

Mortgagestar1 profile image

Mortgagestar1 6 years ago from Weirton,West Virginia

Mutual honesty and trust are key to any FWB.

maria  6 years ago

i think friends with benefit is not a bad thing

Imajica 6 years ago

I am in 2 FWB situtations right now. The first is with a man I met online - I was very specifically looking for a sexual, no strings relationship. I have been seeing him for over a year now and while we thoroughly enjoy each other's company, there is no illusion as to the status of our relationship - we have sex, period. The other man is a long time friend with whom I began having sex with after my marriage ended a number of years ago. This relationship is very different - when we are together, we seem as though we are a long time couple and for all intents and purposes, we are. But we live 1000 Km apart and are at very different places in our lives. There is great affection, intimacy and trust between us, but a long term thing is not realistic for us. For me, I can't think of a better situation to be in - I am fourtunate enough to enjoy the company of 2 great guys and have none of the BS that accompanies a "real" relationship. And yes, they are each aware that there is "someone else" in my life. Who wouldn't want all the benefits without all the hassle? If you equate sex with love, then FWB is not for you - otherwise, go for it and enjoy yourself!

zaz 6 years ago

i was offered being in a fwb relationship ..sadly from guys i deeply liked !! but i turned them all down just because i have respect to myself & apparently they didn't... just a sexual attraction & such offer doesn't make me better than a hooker ..actually she'd be in a better situation than me by not being emotionally involved & i wasn't made that way ... and i like who i am & i know i deserve better & everyone else 2 ... why go through the pain , with someone who only sees u as a safe/garneted sex object ? and Not a friend !! only in their twisted minds .

NarayanKrishna profile image

NarayanKrishna 7 years ago from The country of Mount Everest

If I understand correctly, fwb means a good friend to share feelings, including sex as you mentioned, but not commitments for any things. Or it's a friendships only with sex. or Sex friend as and when both like.

boston 7 years ago

I'm going through this right now!! He's leaving in a couple of months, but we've become good friends. We both mutually agreed that there would be no commitment, just being fwb. We both have a great connection with each other, but we both know that it's not going to work to be together for now. So might as well enjoy things while you can!

me 7 years ago

I have a fbw relationship and I love it with this stage in my life. I just got out of a bad relationship and he had bad experiences a while back. We both don't want anything serious now and as adults we both agree that we are good friends first then the benefits after. Its going well. I have my space and so does he. We see each other often and talk often as friends. The love is there as friends. Sex is there, physical and wonderful. For us its balanced. If one finds love elsewhere then we stop but want to keep our friendship so we work hard on the friendship part. We also agreed that we'll cross that bridge when it comes, for now, we are fwb. No shame and lots of gain.

Tabatha 7 years ago

Wow. I'm actually in this situation right now, and well me and the guy BOTH have fallen hard for one another. but it's complicated, and right now there's nothing we can do about it.

frances 7 years ago

Actually I am in a situation like this, but its complicated. Last year I was interested in this guy but he was moving 16 hours away for the summer and wasn't sure if he was coming back in the fall. So we decided friends with benefits was the better choice. He was pretty much using me to get over his girlfriend who had cheated on him a year prior. I told him off and it was left for a while. Turns out this dude did come back to my school and one night he invited me over to see his new snowboard gear. So I went over and we ended up fooling around. He apogolized about the way he treated me in the past, confessed he wasn't over his cheating ex then (but now was) and said he would be different this time. So things heated up. We both were pretty busy afterwards so we only see each other 3 times. But one night me mentioned very quickly - that he didn't want something serious because he was moving back soon (in the summer for four months, but is returning again in the fall). I want something serious and I won't go through this fwb again because I ended up getting hurt. Should I talk to him about it. I mean really what have I got to lose. But I won't lie - I love the sex and the attention.

itcoll profile image

itcoll 7 years ago

all your points in the article were great pal .thanks for the nice post :)

Cathy 7 years ago

Although there is some merit to what this article says, there are two extreme fundamental flaws - 1) it generalizes too much and assumes that all people at all times want a relationship and it either leads to something bigger or it is just sex - there are sooooo many in between scenarios. and 2) that it is done without emoition........REALLY why not just hire a hooker then? the fun of casual is that you get to feel physically close to someone and that can spark all kinds of great and warm feelings.........they just don't have to be romantic feelings.

countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 8 years ago from Washington, USA

Oops I guess I am too naïve to understand that such "friendships" also existed. I always believed and still believe in monogamous relationships within marriage.

Whitney05 profile image

Whitney05 8 years ago from Georgia Author

Not exactly. Friends with benefits is basically a friend that you sleep with- typically it's exclusive, but not all the time. It's basically a friendship with regular sex One night stand is generally not with friends, but it can be I guess.

countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 8 years ago from Washington, USA

You got me curious with this naming. Friends with benefits does it mean one night stands sort of thing? Iam not aware of this terminology.

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