He's 24, Doesn't Want to Lose Her, But He's Not Ready For Marriage

Hi Veronica, I am 24yrs old and my girl is 26yrs old.We both love each other and it is goin to be 2

be 2yrs.Everything goin fine.Her age different with my age is 2yrs gap.So now she is doing teaching course and goin to get posting next year.She will be completely stable and i am into my new job as IT engineer which is my better oppurtunity to excel in my career and life.Now,she is pushing me to get married and asking to buy house next year,and get married in 2yrs time coz her family are pressuring her for not getting married and she is getting older.Both of our family know about our relationship but her mother are not confident with my age.I don't wana lose her but I'm think i am not ready y

- kumar86

Thanks for requesting this Hub from me. 

I hear this issue you're having a lot from certain cultural backgrounds: the pressure of the family to marry is insane. So many good relationships have been completely ruined because of this needless interference. So many people wind up unhappily married either too young, or to the wrong person, because of unfair pressure from their families. 

You and your girlfriend both sound like you have made smart career choices, and are proceeding in a completely healthy and normal journey in life together. Clearly, you care deeply for each other and are making your way toward your good future together. 

The only problem that exists is the meddling of her family. It is such a shame that she is being influenced by that. 

You are 100% right. You aren't ready to get married yet. You are doing great, you sound smart, sensitive and caring. You are right where you are supposed to be for your age, if not a little ahead of the track. 

Rushing your life at this point will lead to nothing but disaster. Emotionally, financially, mentally, and otherwise. Getting married when you aren't ready to get married is always always always the wrong decision.

It's easy for me to sit here and say if she's the right girl for you she will stop trying to push you into doing the wrong thing, something you are not ready for and shouldn't be ready for. She will behave instead like a partner, and take the journey of life with you in a more natural time table.

But what's driving her to lose sight of all that is normal and healthy, is her family. 

Obviously, if you are living the life you described, you have accepted a different culture for yourself; one of natural healthy progression and good solid choices. You girlfriend sounds like she has embraced that for herself too, except for this one nagging nightmare.

You need to have some very serious conversations with your girlfriend. If she is willing to risk harming or losing your relationship over pressures from her family now, imagine what life with her will be like. What about when her family wants to bully her about when to have kids, where to live, what job to have, what house to buy. This is a pattern you do not want to be in. So you need to end it now. 

You need to be clear with her that you love her, and want your future to be with her. But that you aren't ready to get married yet, which is the healthy and normal choice. Listening to the pressure of her parents is a child's behavior, not a woman's. She needs to make the choice to grow up, and choose her own life. She should want to marry because someone was ready to propose, someone who was in love with her made the correct preparations with surety and love, and embarked happily on life with her. She should not want to get married because "daddy said so." 

Buying a house before you are stable in your work is like digging a grave. It is tying yourself to debt and responsibility that is completely needless. Her family's failure to assess reality in an intelligent way, and their choice to cling to outdated unsafe rushed responsibilities, is not in her best interest, and serves no purpose. 

I really hope you are able to get through to her, that it is time for her to grow up, think for herself, see the reality of your ages and places in life, and continue on her journey with you as a healthy mature adult and partner. The consequence of her failure to do so will be to lose out on a special man that loved her very much and would have given her a wonderful life. Good luck to you both.