‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tucillo: Realists Or Rotters?

‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ is a book that, whatever your marital or dating status, whatever your age, nationality, race, gender or whatever other parameter you care to name, you must surely, surely have heard of. A publishing phenomenon, this book has sold umpteen million copies, one must assume to women who think that men running away, making excuses and behaving badly is kind of hot and a sign that he’s just deeply misunderstood and needs extra lovin’ and the care and tenderness of a good woman. But is that the truth? Or can the authors of this book provide you with the benefits of their long, profound experience and persuade you that it ain't so?

Well, it’s a book that certainly does an excellent job of exploding the excuses that women do seem to perpetually be making for men who simply aren’t that interested and are never going to pursue you, date you or commit.  Written by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tucillo, the former a self-confessed lothario and the latter a single woman seeking that mythical one good man, the book itemizes one by one the list of reasons why it’s okay for a man to mess up, not produce a ring and generally go AWOL whenever he feels like it.  And then it blows the whatsit out of them!

That’d be ninety per cent of us, then.  But how useful is this book, really, if you’re looking for the love of your life – or even a decent date – but finding that the quality of the men you find out there requires constant justification and excuses in order to put up with them? 

What are the excuses come up with by Behrendt and Tucillo? They include the excuse that a guy is too busy (not okay!), doesn’t believe in marriage (unacceptable!), that although he may have broken up with you he seems to really, really miss you… (And what do you think they made of that one?) They list the kinds of behaviour women are frequently tempted to make excuses for: guys not calling, not pursuing a date, not answering to the term ‘boyfriend’, seeing other women, losing interest in sex, breaking up with you, really you name it, some woman somewhere is managing to rationalize it!

If you are one of the (many) women described in this book, then reading it may come as a salutary shock. But perhaps a necessary and beneficial one. What good does it do any one of us to kid ourselves about the true reality of a situation. Ladies: if you’re starting to suspect that, in fact, he may possibly not really be all that into you – if there’s something about his behaviour that’s starting to tip you off – then this book may be just what you need!