How to Get The Attention You Deserve

Before you read my ground-breaking expose'

please listen to the song below.

THANK YOU.

That was America with "Lonely People." Now on with this expose' that only a few chosen people will not only understand, but hopefully, act-upon and start living lives of happiness, security, and peace of mind.

I say expose' because it sounds like "I" know something that the masses don't. It has everything to do with "our" need of attention. That, my good friends, is not big news. We heard the embarrassing bulletin from our parents when we were age six, "oh, never mind him. He just needs attention," am I right? Did "you" ever hear this statement when you were "showing-out" in front of "Aunt Lillie and Uncle Rob," from Adrian, Michigan when they came to visit that "one" time on a certain Thanksgiving?

Sure. Go on and be honest. Admit it. Wanting attention is natural. And to all parents who made this traumatic statement (to me) and many who are reading this, "well, tell me why didn't you just do it? Show us some attention? Or if you were unable to do this, why pray then didn't you let "Aunt Lillie and Uncle Rob," have the time of their lives by giving "us" some needed-attention?

But soon, we grew into men and women. But that "little demon," called "needing attention," never was exorcised from our souls. But we, as civilized mortals just suffered along and pretended that we were too-adult to even dare say, "I am in need of some attention. Right now."

Too bad too. Because if "you" or "I" had been blessed with brass gonads, we wouldn't be in the shape (the guy in the photo below) we are in today--depressed, unable to laugh, smile, and mix into social events like the "normal" people who we pretend to be.

So when things seem the darkest, a hub comes along that carries that one ray of hope in its text that can change everything we were taught about "needing attention." It's not hard. In fact, getting needed-attention is easier than you were led to believe.

Try this list of "Ways to Get Needed-Attention" and then tell me if you are not a happier person.

ATTEND PUBLIC FORUMS

where famous and powerful civic leaders are scheduled to speak. Sit toward the back. And at mid-way through the governor or mayor's "snoozer" of a speech, gently wave your hand into the air. The expert speaker will either wave back at you, or stop and say, "yes? Something I can do for you?" Don't panic. He (or she) has played right into your hands. Gently smile back and reply, "I just want to tell you that I am truly enjoying your speech and appreciate you taking the time to come to our fair city to grace us with your company." Listen for it. Hear the thunderous applause? That's for you, the needed-attention that you richly-deserve.

"ACT" LIKE YOU ARE HURT IN PUBLIC

but do not go too far. A simple stumble onto the sidewalk and then holding your knee with a grimace on the face will do. "dear man, are you hurt?" asks an attractive woman out of concern for you. "no, miss, I have learned to just 'suck it up,' and go on," you reply with head down. This good Samaritan will hang-around for awhile to see that you can walk giving you ample time to get to know her and get her cell number.

GET YOUR SHIRT TORN ON-PURPOSE

in those revolving doors that some hospitals and government offices use to save energy. Simply place the tail of your shirt in the handle of the door in front of you. Stand still and suddenly, your shirt will rip from your body. Now for your acting skills. Look stunned. Shocked. Say loudly, "this cannot be happening! I am due at a high-level meeting in five minutes," you will be surprised at the people who will hand you cold, hard cash for you to get yourself a new shirt and give you that needed-attention you didn't get as a child.

RODEOS ARE PERFECT

places to get plenty of attention. Get a seat as close as you can near the arena where the bulls and bronco's try to throw their riders. At just the right time, yell, "that's my uncle out there," and the people around you will applaud like wild people. The rider, of course, cannot hear you. And the crowd doesn't know the difference, so you "have it made in the shade," by telling made-up, heroic stories of your "rodeo legend" uncle you grew to admire over the years.

HELPING A HOMELESS PERSON

may be "the" ultimate act of sacrifice in order to get some sweet attention from the passerby's in some brisk winter morning in New York City. Wait until a big crowd is front of the homeless man or woman, then take your overcoat off along with your shoes, and hand them to the homeless person with an humble look on your face. That's it. You will not only be helping a fellow human being, but maybe gain a lot of new friends who will always remember your act of charity.

SIR WALTER RALEIGH RIDES AGAIN

if you see a guy treating a lady in public with disrespect, don't pick a fight with him. Wait for the thug to leave, then hail a cab for her at your expense and talk about accolades. She will eat you alive with sweet things in your ears. I promise.

VISIT LOCAL CHURCHES

on Sunday mornings or evenings. You do not have to go inside, but stand outside on the steps. Then as the parishioners file-out, you blend-in with them and tell the pastor, " nice sermon, sir," shake his hand and then get loud by telling his crowd, "I think that this man should be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize," and "you" will recieve the pat on the back. Plus make the pastor happy in the process.

CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE

recall how you scored attention with the politician at the pubic forum? Why not show-up at your local P.T. A. meeting and sit near the back. When the chairperson asks, "anyone have anything they'd like to say?" You seize the opportunity and regale the parents on just how good you think this P.T.A. chapter is doing with the kids in the local schools. If you can get away with it, stick around for more attention from parents who are attending the meeting, plus get a free cup of cocoa and a danish.

HUMBLE COME-BACK'S YOU NEED TO MEMORIZE

when the crowds recognize "you" for something good that you did or said.

  • Shucks, wasn't that big of a deal
  • Wasn't anything to write home about
  • Anyone could have spoken for 45 minutes other than me.
  • Just speaking the truth, friends.
  • Don't give me the big head.
  • Thanks, but it wasn't like Superman swooped in and saved the day.
  • I am proud to be a free American and proud of my Free Speech
  • I am only doing what I thought was right.

This list is only "the tip of the iceberg." There are more way to get free, needed-attention without being called a narcissistic man.

And who will write them? "Me," of course.


Have YOU ever been like this guy

lonely? Depressed? In-need of some quality-attention?
lonely? Depressed? In-need of some quality-attention? | Source

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Comments 18 comments

shiningirisheyes profile image

shiningirisheyes 4 years ago from Upstate, New York

You are certifiably twisted! And I love every bit of it!

You have a natural flair for humor and any one of these stunts would certainly garner attention.

Bravo and you have outdone yourself on this one.

Of course, I have always been extremely klutzy and this garners much attention, usually unwanted!


Debra Emerson 4 years ago

You did a very good job! I am like shiningirisheyes, I am extremely klutzy myself at times. You keep doing what you do!


TexasLadyJuanita profile image

TexasLadyJuanita 4 years ago from Kemah, TX

Well . . . very funny . . . but not me. When I went to my 20 year reunion, my name tag fell off of my black strapless sun dress - and everyone knew who I was. Looking back, no, I never knew it at the time. I never won awards, made the top 5% of my class, not a cheerleader . . . just knew everyone. I thanked my lucky stars that no one else's name tags fell off, for most of them had changed quite a bit. Not in a bad way. I knew everyone I went to school with from K through graduation. They were adults that just didn't mostly look like the kids they had been.

I have been happily married for 16 years, but married some high rollers in my youth. That is the trouble with someone like me - the super nice guys were afraid to ask me out. I had less dates in high school than most. Only the high roller types, apparently had the guts to ask me out as an adult.

I do remember wishing my parents would tell me they loved me when I was in high school. Social alcoholics tend to be preoccupied with themselves. When I was about 30, I decided that I had really made some bad adult decisions with the best intentions always - and that lead to forgiving my parents. I wound up being good friends with both of them. Amazing how things turn out.

I cannot say I didn't get attention. Up to about 45 I was pretty. Loving to dance, there were a lot of entrances when I would meet my friends at favorite haunts. When I walked into a room, I know everyone looked. But when I looked in the mirror I never could seem to believe it. That was probably for the best. Kept me from becoming the wrong kind of person.

Did my best to be supermom until the kids would not let me come into the skating rink and skate with them anymore. They said it was embarrassing. Geez

Work . . . first to be promoted. Received raises, acolades, rewards, bonuses . . . always noticed for my performance and the magic of operational and organizational wizardry.

So, you inspired me to tell the truth. :) You must be a good writer.

Now I am 60, disabled, and cooking a great dinner is how I get praise. My husband must be blind to think I am more than I now am . . . the usual woman complaints about aging. I am blessed! Above all, I have the Lord's attention, and He has mine.

God Bless and keep the great hubs coming. I enjoyed it!!

OH! I just remembered I am supposed to say thumbs up if I clicked on it, and I did.

.


catgypsy profile image

catgypsy 4 years ago from the South

All good ways to get attention! I can honestly say that as I've gotten older, I don't want that much attention. I want appreciation maybe, but not just any kind of attention. Funny hub!


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Really incredible, amusing and funny. Enjoyed much but I think if I tried even on of those things the men in the white coats would probably be called out to come collect me. lol I'm not good at public demonstration at all and prefer to stay in the background.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear shiningirisheyes . . .Awww, shucks. I appreciate your sweet compliments. Hold it! What was that??? Did you see that dancing bear icon go dancing across the screen??? Oh well. I appreciate you saying these things to me. I feel better now. I have my "attention fix," for the week.

For awhile there, I thought that I was perishing.

And for the record, THESE gimmicks DO work, if applied correctly.

Ive been told.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Debra,

Thank you very much, my friend. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on this hub. Both are very much appreciated. YOU have a happy day. I mean it.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, TexasLadyJuanita,

Thank you DEAR friend, for your insightful and honest remarks. I got my eyes opened by your words that reminded me of how hard "I" worked from 1964 through 1972, to get some degree of attention, NOT ALL of it by any means.

I just craved to be accepted. Plain and simple. Sounds to me like your high school life would make a GREAT screenplay. I mean it. You have done all of the things that "I" only sat and dreamed about. I wanted to date the hot girls, drive the best cars and wear good clothes and I tell you this truth: I would have not changed. I dont have a wicked heart. I have a lonely heart, sometime even now.

But listen to me. To me, YOU have a special life right now and there is absolutely nothing wrong with cooking a meal for attention. Men like me, who cant cook, are handicapped that way too besides being NON-ACCEPTABLE socially.

I have long since quit beatine myself up for what some people did to me years ago. Have I 100% got over it . . .Honestly, no. I wont lie in Gods face. He will have to deal with the jerks who make it their business to deprive my friends and I of the same opportunites that they took for granted.

God help.

Please stop by anytime.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear catgypsy . . .:) I agree. With my age now, attention is fine and if I were to get attention, fine. If not, fine. I am still living. Thanks for always making me see life through an uncluttered perspective.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, GypsyRoseLee,

LOL, thanks for your kind comment. I loved it. Hey, if the "guys in white coats," came to ME, what I would do is ask if I might try on one of their white coats and if they agreed, I would run down the sidewalk yelling, "ice cream! Ice cream for sale!" And get more attention. Maybe some pocket change too.


Sueswan 4 years ago

Dearest Kenneth,

Simply place the tail of your shirt in the handle of the door in front of you. Stand still and suddenly, your shirt will rip from your body. Now for your acting skills. Look stunned. Shocked. Say loudly, "this cannot be happening! I am due at a high-level meeting in five minutes," LOL My sister calls revolving doors revolting doors.

Sir Walter Raleigh rides again and so do you with this attention grabbing hub.

Voted up and away

Take care :)


DDE profile image

DDE 4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

Voted Up!!!


Jools99 profile image

Jools99 4 years ago from North-East UK

Hee Hee Kenneth! I love the idea of tearing your shirt on a revolving door or deliberately faking injury in public. I think I know people like this :o), next time I might laugh as I rush to help, just to cover my bases!


Millionaire Tips profile image

Millionaire Tips 4 years ago from USA

I'm going to have to try these and see if they work!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Susan,

Your sister may be right. Revolting, not revolving. I walked around all day in a revolving door and at day's end was still the same person. I thought that revolving doors were the gateway to the past or the future. Live and learn.

Thank you for your kind words. :)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dearest DDE . . .(how about that for wording?)

Thanks for your sweet comment. I invite you to follow me if you arent already. Id love that.

Take care and visit with me anytime.

Kenneth :)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Jools,

Thanks for your input, but in both instances, acting is a plus. When your shirt flies from your body, the look of shock :( must show up on your face as well as the faking of an injury :)*** (dribble coming down chin) to pull it off, but with a month of practice, you will do great. I just know it.

Sorry to be so hurried, but I have to go and talk to a buddy in Maine.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Millionaire Tips: Believe me. They do. All of these work like a finely-tuned Mercedes-Benz just off the factory assembly line. But be careful. So much success and attention can lead to one being seflish. Kinda like Robert Downey, Jr.

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