How to Spot a Sure-Fire, Shiftless Smooth Operator

If you are an average guy and someone asks you (when you are single), "What is your number one dream?" Can you guess the answer? I know. You probably think that most single guys number one dream is to have the fastest car, most money, or best job. And you might be right, but only to a certain extent.

The bona fide, true blue, number one dream of single guys everywhere is to be a "smooth operator." Do not get upset. This is a double-edge term. There is absolutely nothing illegal or immoral about a guy who is so good at talking to women, dating women, and having women adore him. But the other side of the coin says, a self-centered "smooth operator" can be compared (by men and women both) to a worm, snake, or even a shiftless jerk.

Be honest. Are you now or ever have been the "victim" of a shiftless smooth operator? Let me go further. Did he charm you, disarm you, and his words sunk deep into your heart so strong that he almost broke your will? Oh, you were the perfect lady, but you found yourself calling him at all hours, sending him steamy emails and suggestive poses of you in photos? Yep. This smooth operator was playing you. But you came to your senses and told him off. Then later married him. But that story is better saved for another time.

Can you spot a shiftless smooth operator? Do not count on him wearing a sticky name tag that reads: "Hello. My name is Joey. I am a shiftless smooth operator" or handing you a regular size business card with this same information printed on each side. No. It is up to you, girls, to watch out for yourself. Be wise. Be aware. The shiftless smooth operator are out there in bars, supermarkets, and places where you feel the safest. Just to make you his next conquest.

The sure signs of a shiftless smooth operator are. . .

The mark of a Master Smooth Operator

is really very simple. Sure it's saying just the right words and phrases, dressing "to the nines," and keeping the girl of choice interested, but I would have to say that a smooth operator, shiftless or otherwise, when he first realizes that he is at the top of his game is when

he can date four different girls in four different locations all in the same night and never get caught.

Sincerely, Kenneth

Double talks: everything you ask. "Are you employed?" you ask. "Now, uhhh, errr, (cough), I, uhh, yeah. I am involved with a good gig where I, uhhh, work from home and uhhh, this is going to be a network thing to give me a bigger, better job soon." Yeah. Truth is he is jobless and slobs around his apartment and his mom sneaks him some bucks each month to pay his rent.

Compliments: everything you do, say, and wear. "Does this skirt make me look fat?" you ask. His mouth flies open. He doesn't speak for a minute. "You kidding me? You look hot in that skirt!" Truth be known is you have had this particular skirt in the back of your closet for over eight years.

Well-dressed: yes, I give this shiftless smooth operator a little credit for presenting a good, clean appearance. He has no choice but to look sharp. Truth is a shabbily-dressed shiftless smooth operator is a lonely shiftless smooth operator.

Telling a lie: is like his second nature and he is gifted in never allowing you to catch him in the biggest of lies. "Hey, now. I thought that "I" was your girl, but last night I saw you with a skank at the movies. What gives?" He looks into your eyes with puppy dog eyes and says, "You, are, uhhh, my girl, but you see, I, uhhh, do volunteer work for the "Underpriviledged Single Girls Ministry" (no such thing) downtown and that was "Misty," a very depressed single girl who has no friends or boyfriends and her sponsor suggested that I take her to the movies to cheer her up. That's it." Yeah. Your shiftless smooth operator is an ongoing thing with skanky "Misty" and has been seeing her for five months straight.

Wandering eye: cannot be hidden from your suspicious eye. You and shiftless smooth operator are sitting in a restaurant waiting to eat and a shapely girl struts by while you are sharing your deep feelings about a certain personal issue and he only replies, "Huh? Oh, did you say something?" You are NOT his main focus. But you paying for the meals for he is so forgetful he always forgets his wallet and you use your car for his is in the shop and you are NOT his only female interest.

Sexual interest: is his only idea of fulfilling the role of a male companion in a committed relationship. You can always tell where his mind is for when you want to just sit and watch the ducks on the lake, his hands are busy elsewhere on your body even in broad open daylight.

Talking: to you is like that of an amateur circus act. He fumbles with ideas, words, phrases while looking upward, from side to side and clearing his throat to get you distracted. "Mike, let's just sit and talk for a few hours," you suggest. "What???? Talk?! Errr, I, uhhh, (squirms in seat), have to go see about my sick aunt. She is in the assisted living center and uhhh, doesn't have anyone but me." The real truth is that "just" talking to you scares the shiftless smooth operator to death.
His boldness: toward asking you for money is amazing. "Hun, I need fifty bucks until Friday," he says without an explanation. "I thought you were employed," you reply. "I am, but I had to give most of my last week's check to my needy uncle "Thad" who hasn't worked in months." Your shiftless smooth operator has no uncle "Thad" or any uncle for that matter. He is using you for an ATM.

He overdoes: the cutest things while he is with you. If you and shiftless smooth operator happen to walk by a pet store and there is a puppy in the window, he all but has a seizure and falls on his knees and screams, "Just look-a here! A wittul, bitty, puppy. Come on, wittul fella. I wuv you!" Sickening isn't it? Guys who love puppies are attractive to some girls, but this guy taken that fact over the top.

Committing: to you for a long-range relationship is always met with smooth excuses. "I would love to see you exclusively, but my allergist told me just last week that if I commit too soon to a cause or person, my "Committal Allergies" sneezing, crying, and hives will act up and you will not want to be seen with me in that condition. Can we table that until later?"

Girls, if you are dating a guy who is doing one or two of these things, you best be extra careful for your entire happiness as a single girl depends on you knowing what type of guy you are dating.

No thanks necessary, girls. Glad to help.

And good night, Portland, Oregon.