I’m 51 and I Have a Boyfriend

“I would like to introduce you to my boyfriend. Gina, this is Thomas. Thomas, meet Gina,” Shirley said, as she gleamed with pride. Although Gina returned the greeting, she had a weird feeling that it just didn’t seem right and gave Shirley the deer-in-the-headlights look. See, her business associate was 55, her boyfriend was 59 and they had been dating for almost 5 years.

For some, Gina’s discomfort may seem strange; but it shouldn’t be. Calling a guy your boyfriend is fine if you are a teen, in your 20’s or early 30s. However, after a certain age, calling a guy your boyfriend isn’t a good statement, definitely nothing to be proud of. This is especially true if you and he have been seeing each other for as long as Shirley and her boyfriend.

Recently, I was a conversation with a girlfriend. We were having lunch and I mentioned that I felt ashamed calling the guy I was seeing my boyfriend. She asked me why I felt ashamed. I told her that I have three adult children and six grandchildren. Although he wants to meet my family, I don’t feel comfortable introducing him to my grandchildren. It would be weird and very wrong. I told my friend, “It just doesn’t sound right to introduce him to my grandchildren as my boyfriend. We have been together for almost a year and he hasn’t mentioned marriage yet. Each time he introduces me as his ‘girlfriend’, I cringe.” Of course, my girlfriend giggled.

In my 51 years, I have learned that maturity should be part of the life process. Some of us mature and some live as Peter Pan. There comes a time when we should recognize the status of relationships and that there are stages of growth. There isn’t a valid reason for women over 35 to be a man’s girlfriend for more than six months. After that, there should be an engagement and plans to marry. Of course, there will be those who disagree with my assessment and I am fine with that. However, when will women begin to acknowledge that as we mature, we set the standards for dating, courtship, and marriage?

Several young women, and men, look up to me as a mentor. My children rely on me to lead and prepare a valuable legacy of which they can model their lives. Many times, I have faltered; but I have also learned from those life experiences. This is just one of many of such experiences I realize is critical to my success. Although I am flattered to have a man want me as his girlfriend, I am not honored by that flattery. As men and women mature, we should already know what we want from intimate relationships.

It doesn’t take more than six months for a man to know if he wants to marry a woman. There are too many stories of woman being a ‘girlfriend’ for 10, 15, even 25 years! Who does that? Then, the man breaks it off, meets another woman, and marries her within months. This isn’t a fluke. Men who are really into a woman will marry without hesitation. There isn’t an excuse for a mature woman to call a man her boyfriend and introduce him to her adult children and grandchildren. It just isn’t right!

As we age, many women begin to feel as though they are not desirable and their chances of meeting the right man are slim. This is the biggest lie and most of the time it is spewed from the media. We don’t have to accept this curse as our lover. There are too many marriageable men waiting to meet us. Be firm in your convictions. Do not accept less than the very best. Raise your personal relationship expectations and don’t appear needy or desperate. The young women are watching us. They are modeling our behavior. We are TOO old to call a grown man our boyfriend. We go on several dates with him to figure out if he is the one we want to be with him long term. He does the same After several months, if he hasn’t mentioned settling down and getting married, move on. If you are not married within a year to 18 months, it AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN!

I just couldn’t imagine my grandchildren telling their friends, “My grandmother has a boyfriend!” Uggghhhh!