It Is Perfectly Okay To Walk Away From "A Break" Without Any Regrets: Why Ending The Relationship Is Best

Do you really want to spend time trying to figure out what your significant other is "thinking" about the relationship? It is better to have the expectation that in the beginning both of you will talk things out and will pretty much be on the same page. I think men are wonderful and one day I would love to be married to the right person, but I am willing to hold out for a person that will make me happy and who communicates clearly and straight forward. We do not have to have 100% of the same interests, but I refuse to play guessing games or be a detective.

Looking at the successful and happy relationships of my parents, grandparents, friends, and neighbors I have noticed one trend: these couples were always honest with each other at the beginning and they did not have to figure out what the other person was thinking. My parents and grandparents never had to take breaks from each other because they had their own interests and activities, so why would then need a break for time apart? If someone wants time away they can do that while still being in the relationship, but you will have to decide if you are comfortable with that or not.

More power to you if you want to spend time consuming hours trying to dissect what your significant other means when he or she says they "want a break". Gee, this sounds like the most fun I could ever have! Personally I do not want to spend precious hours thinking about what my boyfriend is thinking when all the answers have been there from the the start. Trying to figure out what anyone else thinks is boring because there are no guessing games with the honest people that want to be with you. Some will say do not listen and that breaks are a good thing for relationships, but they are confused and not really as committed to the relationship if they need time away from you. I am very happy and very single because I believe in holding out for the relationship based on team work and complete honesty. This hub will investigate whether you should walk away from "a break" in a relationship without any regrets.

Talk and Team Work

Healthy relationships involve daily discussions of what both of people are thinking. This does not mean to ask "Where do you think the relationship is going?" because most men and women will take that as an ultimatum and will back off if you do that. Traditionally a man will tell you from the start that he wants to be with you and start a relationship. Many women feel this goes against women's liberation by waiting by for the man to say he wants a commitment, but settling for anything less is only setting yourself up for disappointment. In Sherry Argov's book Why Men Love Bitches clearly points out that women should wait for the man to ask her out and to bring up the issue of commitment. However, Argov also points out you can do other things and date other people if this person waits too long to make a commitment. This book shows that a woman actually becomes more powerful by holding back and waiting for the man to bring up the issue of commitment and pursuing a man will only turn him off in the long run.

Some men may enjoy powerful women who ask them out and who pursue them, but traditional men prefer to intiate the dates and to ask for a lady's hand in marriage. This does not mean women are not equals in traditional relationships, it just means they are using tried and true rules that have stood the test of time. In the book All the Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right by Ellen Fien actually shows women are more powerful in relationships by waiting for the man to make the next move. Men enjoy the thrill of the chase and by giving it to them you take away much headache and a large amount of time that is consumed by draining thoughts. To me this is even a good book for women who are not in a rush to get married because it teaches us how not to waste our time waiting around for a man to call. The author points out in many of her books that you want the man to remember he was the one that called you and pursued you. Thus, it will become evident in daily conversations and on dates that he wants to be with you because he will tell you constantly. My mom and grandmothers never had to play guessing games because their husband continually told them and showed them that being together was important.

One of the most memorable episodes of Sex and the City was when Carrie is visiting a performance art exhibit in which the lady is protesting world violence and starvation by not eating for several days. Alek is an another artist that also visiting the exhibit and he feels this is a beautiful piece, but Carrie simply states this lady looks like any woman in New York waiting for a man to call on Friday night. Many episodes of Sex and the City revolved around single women waiting for men to call and trying to figure out what these men thought about the relationships. In the episode "He's Just Not Into You" Jack Berger clears the air by telling the ladies that a man is just not that into them if they have to wonder what a guy is thinking. The characters Aidan, Steve, Sith, and Harry continually showed their girlfriends they wanted to be with them by telling and showing them they wanted a commitment. In my opinion the other men were just a waste of time because they never showed a true interest in the ladies, at least not until the end with Mr. Big.

Greg Behrent was one of the writers from Sex and the City and he has written a couple of books about relationships called He's Just Not That Into You and It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken: The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy (written with his wife Amira). These are both great books for women and men to read because Behrendt is a man who used to play low down and dirty tricks in the world of dating, but he reformed when he met his wife and love Amira. I am listening to his advice about breaks because he has clearly stated a man is just not that interested if he wants one. He used to do the same thing with women he was not that interested in, but once he met Amira that was no longer an issue. Also, Behrendt is guilty of pursuing a woman who wanted a break from him, but her break was so complete that she moved away and cut off contact. Amira also went through a dysfunctional first marriage where her then husband wanted to take breaks so he could sleep with strippers. Amira stated she always thought she could work things with her ex, but she finally realized he was the one that was not able to make the commitment. The advice in both of these books clearly shows that in a true committed relationship there is no need for a break because you will have enough of your own interests throughout the day and the week to constitute a healthy break.

Waiting for him to call is about as fun as the dentist, the only difference is the latter is necessary and the former is boring.  Find something to do and if he wants to call he knows where you are.
Waiting for him to call is about as fun as the dentist, the only difference is the latter is necessary and the former is boring. Find something to do and if he wants to call he knows where you are.

Not Accepting "Breaks" Now Minimizes The Chances Of Divorce Later

At one time I used to wait by the phone wondering if my boyfriend would call, but then I finally realized I just did not care anymore. This may sound harsh, but if he wants to be with me he will call and he will plan things with me. If he is not calling this means he has better things to do and so do I. The majority of married couples I know always tell me that holding out for a successful relationship will minimize your chances of divorce. Call me gun shy, but I do not wish to be married just to say I did it and I do not want to become a statistic. Usually when people have been divorced two or more times this is a sign they are not holding out from relationships that will work in the long run.

For me the only reason to date someone is to see if I would like to marry them one day, and if we need a break that tells me that at best things would be chaotic if we ever got married. At worst we could end up getting divorced after a few months or years, which is something I wish to avoid. We cannot plan out everything, but dating someone for a long enough period of time will usually indicate whether the relationship will work out in the long term.

Relationships are time consumptive, but these are not supposed to become second jobs. My grandpa was a teacher, an amateur carpenter, cyclist, and history buff. Many of his free hours were spent grading papers, lesson planning, bike riding, reading, and woodworking. My grandma was busy raising five children, painting, and managing their household. Once her children were old enough she got a part-time job and upped the time she spent working on her hobbies and baking. Both of my grandparents were so busy working on their careers and hobbies that they had enough breaks in the day away from each other. Once they had time alone at night they valued spending an hour or so talking or watching a movie, which shows there is really no need for a break in a relationship if you take enough breaks through out the day. In fact my grandparents have been married for over fifty-one years and have never once felt the urge to take a physical break. Part of this was because both my grandma and grandpa dated and were engaged to other people before they married, so they were able to find out what they needed before getting married. Take a break from a relationship if you wish, but I have seen enough happy and successful relationships to know complete physical and emotional breaks is not necessary in good relationships. Usually it is better to break it off completely than to keep working on a problematic romance.

I Never Regret Walking Away From "A Break"

Why would I worry about someone who wants a break? If he were into me he would not want a break from me and we would have enough breaks in our own activities through out the week. No one needs a relationship to make their lives complete, so breaks are usually not necessary when you can be doing new things and meeting new people. My life is filled with family and friends who do want to spend time with me and who do call me, so why would I even spend a millisecond worrying about some guy who does not? There are times when I decide I do not want to date someone, but I always have the kindness and decency to be upfront with that person. I never play games with them and say I want a break when what I mean is "I want to break up". So what do you want in this lifetime? To spend your life wondering about what your significant other is thinking? Or to know in your heart or hearts that he or she would have already told and shown you in the first place. Yes this hub puts the onus on men to call and make the commitment, but I am coming from the traditional standpoint and I do not expect anything less. Those women who want to be aggressive can call men and ask them what they are thinking, but I would like to argue you do not have to do this. Actually a woman is much more powerful in a relationship if she knows her self-worth and walks away from a mediocre relationship where a guy wants a break. I will also tell you gentlemen to no longer pursue women who rebuff your overtures of commitment and marriage. Men and women who believe in holding out should not be ashamed, scared, or have any regrets when walking away from "a break". We deserve so much more than that.

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Comments 37 comments

Tom Koecke profile image

Tom Koecke 8 years ago from Tacoma, Washington

You have an interesting and healthy perspective on relationships, to say the least! Too many people today rely upon outside stimuli to retain their interests, all the while forgetting that happiness is the journey and not the destination. It reminds me of an old saying: If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, it is probably getting better care!


jacobworld profile image

jacobworld 8 years ago from Ireland

good comment there


funnebone profile image

funnebone 8 years ago from Philadelphia Pa

Goodness...someone was a busy beaver today. Two things to remember: Don't ask a question unless you are prepared for an answer and men do not have lingering thoughts, if you want to know what is in our head just look at what channel we are watching on tv.


Paul Felix 8 years ago

Hi sweetiepie you know the first thing that hits me when the other wants a break is Im so offended It is about self worth the way I look at it is how dare you put me on a shelve and take me out when you want Im gone later and I wont warn ya because like you say I dont have time or energy to spend wondering why why why they want a break I know what this is like first hand I was with a girl for 7 years we broke up I started livin with another girl I met 2 weeks later with her for 1 year and she wanted these breaks every other week I was movin to a motel for a few days goin to work from there then she come find me and move me back home that happened 3 times and I figured that I lost all self worth and I think that happened after the other girl brenda of 7 years and I broke up but I had to leave debbie and move back home to my home state and I found my self worth again and its unshakable today I met a high school sweet heart and we got married been married for 11 years and neither of us has ever thought about a break its offensive and belittling right down dirty.Hey sweetiepie you sure get me worked up on your hubs I love taking a look at your hubs allways your biggest fan ~cool~cya


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Tom,

Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts and observations.  I truly appreciate these.

Jacob,

Thanks for commenting.

Funnebone,

Just humorous and great observations, so thanks for sharing you two sense.

Paul,

I am touched by your words and thank you for saying you are my biggest fan :).  I am so glad you finally left that lady who was not treating you right and found love with a person who would not want breaks.  Honestly I think people who want breaks are a little selfish and we do not have to put up with their consumeristic behavior because we are people and not clothes :).  I am glad you have found happiness with such a great woman :).


The How To Hub profile image

The How To Hub 8 years ago from Australia

This is nicely written and hopefully will give both men and women a bit of insight into happy relationships.

In my experience and observations if someone asks for a break it means one of two things. Either they want to end it and don't want to hurt your feelings as they still care for you as a friend, or, they are not willing to explore their own feelings about the relationships and possibly make some hard decisions. They are hoping that time will bring about a situation that forces them to make a grownup decision. Taking a break is just the cowards way of hiding from consequences and feelings.

If you are secure in yourself, love who you are and know what you want out of life never let another man or woman make you question your self worth. Period. We all deserve to find happiness with someone who will respect who we are & never doubt their commitment to the relationship/marriage,


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

How To Hub,

Thanks for adding some more wonderful insights to this topic. I agree, no one should ever question their self worth.


weblog profile image

weblog 8 years ago from 1India

Nice hub. I think you are now concentrating much in keywords. I love those tags.


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa

Very interesting and insightful hub.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Weblog,

Thanks I am trying to be better in using those. Thanks for stopping by.

Sixtyorso,

Thanks for stopping by.


weblog profile image

weblog 8 years ago from 1India

Fine, I think you haven't seen my recent hubs. I say this as I don't find your comments there yet.

http://hubpages.com/author/weblog/latest


weblog profile image

weblog 8 years ago from 1India

There are some tags like - girls, women - that come mostly in hot topics in HP. I think you can add them too.

I know about Tom Cruise, thanks for that info. I'm interested in reading about scientology, I got in wikipedia. You know? I'm getting Scientology related google ads in my blogs, I have never seen those ads before this or may be I have not noticed them as I did not know what is scientology.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Scientology is a little odd in my opinion, but to each his own I guess :). Well that is good you did something on that topic because I think it will give you lots of traffic. I will try the other tags you suggested.


Rob Jundt profile image

Rob Jundt 8 years ago from Midwest USA

Sweetie Pie, nice hub with some very practical insight and advice. I'm not sure what the current divorce rate is in this country, but it would be my guess it was near 50%. Simple communication and honesty up front greatly lowers the DQ (divorce quotient). Not to mention spending more than a few weeks or months together before exchanging jewelry. -- Your outlook on relationships appears very healthy and I'm confident when you find your future spouse, your marriage will benefit. Blessings.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

I try to have a healthy outlook on marriage and because I am a Christian I believe people should only get married once and I do not want to do it more than once.  Thus marriage would be wonderful with the right person that shares the same ideals, but I am happy being single when I see all the chaos in the world caused by divorce because people jumped into relationships way too quickly.  I noticed there was something different between the people that had been happily married like my grandparents and those who had been married several time and divorced.  I just feel people should slow down and talk first because it seems today it is fun for many people to have the big wedding, but no one considers what will happen if they were already have fights before then.  Thank you for the supportive words and Blessings to you!


weblog profile image

weblog 8 years ago from 1India

Hey SweetiePie, actually I did not do anything on scientology. But, I get scientology ads(google) randomly in my blogs where I have mostly celeb photos. Probably, the advertisers might have chosen to show their ads in sites/blogs that get good traffic consistently.


New Day profile image

New Day 8 years ago from Western United States

I have never understood why a woman would continue to want to be with a man who doesn't want to be with her. Great Hub on this subject, SweetiePie.


weblog profile image

weblog 8 years ago from 1India

Hi SweetiePie, this pic looks good. But, I feel your previous avatar was superb. Especially, that smile was more refreshing!!


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa

See my latest blog on being divorced after 34 years and (possibly) some the causes. I guess relationships are just hard and hard work. Like everything in this life, I guess you get out what you put in?


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Sixtyorso,

Yes relationships are hard work. Thanks for stopping by.


weblog profile image

weblog 8 years ago from 1India

Hi SweetiePie, How are you? Try to visit my latest posts.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Weblog,

Thanks for saying you liked my previous avatar. Glad to hear you liked it.


weblog profile image

weblog 8 years ago from 1India

Thanks for the comments and encouragement, in my hubs. See you soon. Now, it's my sleep time Sweetie.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Thanks for stopping by and I hope you have a good night. By the way I sent you an email if you ever want to talk off the Hubpages.


weblog profile image

weblog 8 years ago from 1India

That's great. Anyway, conversing here somehow not going off the topic is also good. And, more comments get more attention to hubs. I feel so. Still we have the right to keep or delete the comments :) Atleast, it is for other people's sake.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

No it is fine no worries, you are welcome to leave comments on my hubs. It does not bother me. I do not consider them off topic, just emailed you in case you ever wanted to chat. Have a nice night.


weblog profile image

weblog 8 years ago from 1India

Yes, I'm happy about it. I love mailing and especially it's great to be in touch with nice friends like you. Bye for now.


guidebaba profile image

guidebaba 8 years ago from India

The Happy Relationship Making Hub. Good Work


prasadjain profile image

prasadjain 8 years ago from Tumkur

The basic principle of long standing relationship is simple-tolerence and mutual sacrifice.

A good hub prepared with tolerence!


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Thanks for visiting and commenting Guidebaba and Prasadjain.


weblog profile image

weblog 8 years ago from 1India

Hi SweetiePie, try to visit this thread started by me:

http://hubpages.com/forum/topic/5637


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York

I enjoyed reading this. It was like reading my own thoughts (almost). I agree with your views. I guess we share the same wave length.

I left a reply to your post on my hub. Thx for coming back.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 7 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Hi Anjalichugh,

I am always interested to hear peoples thoughts on these issues. When I read your hubs I could identify with many things you have said.


pbs123 7 years ago

I had a realtionship with a woman, head over heels about her, for 2 years. She just walked away not a word said just stopped. Very confused


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 7 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

pbs123,

Were there any signs she was not happy in the relationship?  Try and think back to whether she expressed some issues she had concerns with.  There may be one of two things going on here:

1. She was slightly aloof and just did not care, so ended the relationship without thinking twice.

2. She had expressed her concerns, but things were not changing and she felt making a clean break was the best move.

I had people break up with me by never calling again, but if I had looked at the signs ahead of time I would have made the first move.  Not that it is a game or anything, but sometimes there are signs in a relationship where things are just not working. Also, I hate to say it, but in many relationships one person loves someone more than the other, so it may be your unfortunate luck to be the one that cared more. Personally I would rather care more than care less, but the ultimate goal is to find a relationship where both parties feel deeply for one another.

It sounds like you have some unresolved feelings about the way your relationship ended, but I would just say move on at this point it is best to try and move on.  It is hard and I know what you are going through, but just know you will find true love again. 


ljrc1961 profile image

ljrc1961 7 years ago from Michigan

How do you do it? How can you so calmly walk away? It is too difficult for me.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 7 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Well you have to realize the other person pretty much has given up on the relationship at that point, so why would you waste time being sad over some one who is not really thinking about you?  Personally I know longer have time for people that do not care enough about me to be with me, and I only want to be with someone when the feeling is mutual.  Yes this is slightly icy cold, but being able to distance yourself from something you cannot control anyway is often the easiest way, at least for me.

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