Laziness: The Lost Artform

Lazy Test No. 1

Is this man lazy or just enjoying a nap? If you do not know the difference, PLEASE TAKE HEED TO MY STORY.
Is this man lazy or just enjoying a nap? If you do not know the difference, PLEASE TAKE HEED TO MY STORY. | Source

Other forms of "laziness" and being "lazy" that we should salute, not condemn

ANIMAL LAZINESS: CATS TAKE NAPS. DUHHH. WHERE DO YOU THINK THE TERM  "CAT NAP" CAME FROM?
ANIMAL LAZINESS: CATS TAKE NAPS. DUHHH. WHERE DO YOU THINK THE TERM "CAT NAP" CAME FROM? | Source
FAMOUS LAZINESS: BEETLE BAILEY, COMIC STRIP CELEBRITY KNOWN FOR HIS LAZINESS.
FAMOUS LAZINESS: BEETLE BAILEY, COMIC STRIP CELEBRITY KNOWN FOR HIS LAZINESS. | Source
STUPID LAZINESS: TAKING A NAP WHILE DRIVING.
STUPID LAZINESS: TAKING A NAP WHILE DRIVING. | Source
POETIC LAZINESS IS WHEN A HOT GIRL ONLY GAZES AT OPEN SPACE AS IF SHE HAS SOME "DEEP" THOUGHT ON HER MIND.
POETIC LAZINESS IS WHEN A HOT GIRL ONLY GAZES AT OPEN SPACE AS IF SHE HAS SOME "DEEP" THOUGHT ON HER MIND. | Source
CHEERLEADERS GET LAZY, BUT THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE THEY WORK AS HARD AS THE TEAM THEY ARE ROOTING FOR.
CHEERLEADERS GET LAZY, BUT THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE THEY WORK AS HARD AS THE TEAM THEY ARE ROOTING FOR. | Source
LAZINESS CAN EVEN INFECT THE BEST OFFICE PERSONNEL.
LAZINESS CAN EVEN INFECT THE BEST OFFICE PERSONNEL. | Source
LAZINESS DANGER: FOR THE HUSBAND OF A NEWLYWED COUPLE TO YAWN AT "ANYTIME" WHEN HE IS WITH HIS NEW  BRIDE.
LAZINESS DANGER: FOR THE HUSBAND OF A NEWLYWED COUPLE TO YAWN AT "ANYTIME" WHEN HE IS WITH HIS NEW BRIDE. | Source
LAZINESS TIP OFF: THE HAND-OVER-THE-MOUTH YAWN.
LAZINESS TIP OFF: THE HAND-OVER-THE-MOUTH YAWN. | Source
THIS MAN IS IN AN ENVIABLE PLACE: BEING LAZY IN A HAMMOCK.
THIS MAN IS IN AN ENVIABLE PLACE: BEING LAZY IN A HAMMOCK. | Source
"yes, bay-be, I am a lazy, good-looking girl. So what?"
"yes, bay-be, I am a lazy, good-looking girl. So what?"
THIS POWERFUL BEAST IS A GORILLA. HE MAY LOOK LAZY, BUT PLEASE, DO NOT BE A FOOL AND TELL HIM HE IS LAZY.
THIS POWERFUL BEAST IS A GORILLA. HE MAY LOOK LAZY, BUT PLEASE, DO NOT BE A FOOL AND TELL HIM HE IS LAZY. | Source

Idleness, slothfulness and laziness are all seen in a dim view in the Bible. I cannot take on the Bible and expect to win my mortal argument, so I will leave it be. For now.


I want to do something rather bizarre. Present laziness in a completely-different light than you are accustomed to reading.


I’m serious. I’m not playing around.


My main focus is this: Laziness is, to me, a lost artform. It really is.


And in today’s “win at all cost,” workaholic, over-achieving, type “A” personalities, laziness has somehow been pushed aside so a handful of hard-working people can gain some amount of self-gratification by their 60-hour work weeks, skipped lunches and getting home to the wife and kids around 11:30 p.m. six nights a week, and sometimes Sunday.


I grew-up in an era where it was not uncommon to hear an older person say, “looka there at ol’ Ned. Just lying there in the shade while his neighbors are all in the fields a working themselves to death.”


Little did these “salt of the earth” folks realize that “Ned,” was a man who actually “marched to the beat of a silent drummer.”


“Ned,” didn’t comply with rules of society. Even if it meant that he went without food, water or clothing.


“Ned” was among the brave souls who paved “new trails of laziness” and paid the price by being scorned, ridiculed by a people who didn’t bother to sit down and ask him “why are you so lazy, ‘Ned’?”


If only these people had taken the time to get inside “Ned’s” thoughts, then maybe I wouldn’t be forced to write this story.


Before I go any further, I need to take a fifteen-minute “breather” so I can compose myself. Telling “Ned’s” misunderstood story has really affected me.


Thank you for that. I’m back.


“Ned,” was, I admit, a rebel of sorts. When his dad, “Cicero” and brother, “George,” hitched-up their mules to plow “the lower 40,” “Ned,”was content to sit under the huge oak tree at the edge of the yard and watch these men do manual labor while he soaked-up the cool shade given by the massive tree.


Well? Have you ever pondered what might have happened if “Ned,” had not been the one who sat in the shade? You and I would be whispering, “‘Ned,’ is sure wasteful to just risk sunstroke behind a plow in the broiling sun when there was a cool shade nearby.”


You know this is true. Humans always love to speak before they investigate. Maybe that’s the problem. Lack of understanding.


Wait a second. I feel sad right now thinking of how “Ned” was treated for not helping “Cicero” and “George” do that tough work in plowing their field so I am in need of another fifteen-minute break.


See you in a jiffy.


Whew, that helped. I’m back.


Now before we delve any deeper into the study of laziness, please humor me as I share a few truth’s about laziness. And being lazy.


Laziness is not as easy to spot as you think. What looks like a person trying to shirk some responsibility may turn out to be a person expressing themselves in an artful way. Example: “‘Jimmy,” get out of bed. We need to go and mow our yard. Hurry up,” yells a responsible dad of the mid-50’s.


“Jimmy,” his only son, “does” hear his dad call for him, but just turns over and goes back to sleep due to it being Saturday morning, his time to sleep.


“Jimmy’s” impatient dad comes back in thirty-minutes. “Jim,’ I said to get out of bed . . .now,” and this time, “Jimmy,” wipes the sleep out of his eyes and replies, “dad, uhhh, I don’t feel well. My tummy hurts.”


The dad only laughs and manually-drags “Jimmy” out of bed, forces him to walk behind a stubborn push-mower and cut grass that otherwise would have looked just as good to leave it be.


“Jimmy” feels faint. Stumbles back to the front porch. Then collapses. His dad runs to his side. “son, are you okay?” he screams.


Then the dad makes a monumental decision. “no more mowing for you, young man. Back inside near the General Electric (free plug) air conditioner,” he says with authority.
All’s well that end’s well.


After an afternoon of napping under the cool air, “Jimmy” recovers nicely and his dad has learned a valuable life lesson: Not all teenagers are lazy. And not all teenage boys always lie about a stomach ache.


Are you getting my point?


It’s really not fair of us to prematurely judge anyone who only “looks” lazy. It takes conclusive proof. Ask my practicing, honest attorney. They will be quick to tell you that many cases are lost due to a lack of conclusive evidence.


Here are some “Unknown Laziness Facts,” that everyone should know.


There are, contrary to popular belief, degrees of laziness. This is a true fact.


Common Laziness - is easily-defined as your wife or boss giving you some dreaded-project and you put it off for a couple of hours. “We” are all guilty of this one, but when we finally get to work on the project, we are no longer lazy, but just guilty of some healthy procrastination.


Hateful Laziness - is the same scenario but the smug and self-absorbed jerk who is to do the project, sneers at the wife or boss and says, “I’m not paid enough to do that,” and joins his fellow smug and self-absorbed jerks in the break room.


Lovable Laziness - is when an humble-hearted guy is given a tough task to do and eventually, he does it, but brings his wife a fresh flower from the yard. Or, "Pa Kettle," of the famous "Ma and Pa Kettle" comedy films where Pa was always napping and never working. That is a prime example of lovable laziness.


Pure, Unadulterated Laziness - is again with a slick-talking jerk who lures this innocent, trusting girl into being his wife. Then he changes right before her eyes. He quits his job at the “Quikie Time” convenience store, lays on the couch all day long watching game shows and after two or three days, “Jeannie Jo,” his bride from Kentucky says, “dearest, you gonna lay there all week?” “yeeep,” “jerk-o,” replies while yawning and then demands a back rub and his dinner brought to him by “Jeannie Jo.” This guy is the most-hated form of laziness.


Amnesia Laziness - is someone who people think has a high IQ for he (or she) is never working, but reading high-brow science books while their colleagues do their job. When confronted, the “forgetful” lazy person smiles and remarks, “ohhh, ha, ha, you wanted “me” to do that job, huh?”


Laziness and being lazy is not central to any one area or ethic background. As humans on top of the food chain, we are all lazy to a certain extent.


Laziness knows no skin color or accent. It’s because we can think is why “we” are prone to laziness. The poor, lowly beasts in the Amazon jungle areas are never lazy because they are not as intelligent as we are. If you watch the National Geographic Channel (on DirecTV), and a show starts with chimps, watch them as they sit atop the high limbs of a rubber tree. They only “look” lazy, but in reality are picking ticks and fleas from their neighbor’s back or ears. And “we” are the smarter creations?


Laziness has even affected our useage of slang and catch-phrases.
How many times have you heard . . .


“that lazy bum”
“too lazy for your own good.”
“you are nothing but a ‘lazy bones.’”
just look at that lazy hound dog.”
“idle hands are the devil’s workshop.” (this term was originally “lazy” hands are the devil’s workshop.”


And speaking of the devil. Did you know that the devil has been blamed for centuries for “us” mortals being lazy?


True, blue fact.


I cannot figure this one out, because the devil is never lazy. He is always working to cause trouble somewhere in the world.


And we have even allowed our children to be mentally-conditioned about the evils of laziness. (e.g. grasshopper who lay on his porch and fiddled while the ant worked herself silly during the summer storing-away food for the winter.) It might be that the grasshopper was not that into eating that much and just enjoyed sharing his musical talent.


I wonder if the teachers who taught “laziness is next to ungodliness,” ever thought of that angle?


If you are worried about if “you” are lazy, just take this quick, easy “Laziness Test,” and be honest with your answers.


1. When your wife says, “I think we need to have a baby,” you suck air through your teeth, squint your eyes and reply, “I’d rather have a hamster.”
2. If you sleep more hours in one week that you work at your job or eat meals with your family, you are a lazy person.
3. If you make your wife videotape the morning worship service at church because you won’t get out of bed.
4. When going on family vacations, your wife does the packing, driving, cooking and getting all of the motel reservations.
5. You argue, “if God wanted our grass cut, why did He allow it to grow?” as a way of “lazing” your way out of cutting the yard.
6. You prefer slip-on shoes as opposed to lace-up’s because you are too lazy to bend over and tie the shoelaces.
7. In marital counseling, you constantly fall asleep.
8. You seldom answer the phone even if it’s within reach.
9. You whittle with an electric knife.
10. People think you and your couch are “joined at the hip.”


I you found yourself in more than three of these signals, then you are lazy.


I am sorry to tell you that laziness is incurable. Not even large amounts of manual labor can cure laziness.


But last week I stumbled upon a remarkable website that dealt with that one subject: Laziness. And what an eye-opening revelation I received.


I found out that the sociologists who designed this website willingly-shared their ten-year study of laziness at Indiana University and ways that lazy people can live happy, productive lives.


No lie.


No fanfare.


Just an easy, and free way to cope with and sometimes overcome laziness and the urge to be lazy.


These genius-minded doctors stated to just start each day with one . . .
oh no . . .help!


Zzzz - - -ZZZzzzZZZ - - -zzZZZZz

Lazy Test No. 2

Is this pretty girl being lazy, or just enjoying the view? Well, as pretty as she is, I don't think that it really matters.
Is this pretty girl being lazy, or just enjoying the view? Well, as pretty as she is, I don't think that it really matters. | Source

More by this Author


Comments 29 comments

femmeflashpoint 4 years ago

Kenneth,

You are whacked.

And, this was a way fun read! :)

femme


lovedoctor926 4 years ago

Awesome hub. I agree with your points. Let me add that staying at home contributes to lolaziness. Procastination and laziness go hand in hand.why put it off if u have to do it regardless.


lovedoctor926 4 years ago

contributes to laziness I meant


shiningirisheyes profile image

shiningirisheyes 4 years ago from Upstate, New York

A hub worthy of any pair of tired eyes. You provided me a wonderful hearty laugh....hang on, need to take a break......

OK I'm back. You provided me with a hearty laugh while reading this creative alternative to society's non-stop hectic......hang on....another break....

OK ...As I was saying, a wonderful breaking from the hectic schedule society tries to force down our throats. You have taken.....hang on....gotta catch some shut eye......

OK - I'm back...where was I? Oh - yeah, you have taken laziness to a whole new art form my friend.

Voting up and sharing as soon as I take a nap....


Cathy Fidelibus profile image

Cathy Fidelibus 4 years ago from NJ

I'm sure this is a great hub, but I'm too lazy to read it :o)

voted up!


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 4 years ago

It seems to me that laziness is in vogue now. It's the greedy hard workers who are are a pain in the rear!


tamron profile image

tamron 4 years ago

Someone had said to me once.use your brains before your hands and let your money work for ya! I wouldn't call that laziness. I would call that working smarter.


catgypsy profile image

catgypsy 4 years ago from the South

Very funny...I loved the "you whittle with an electric knife"...I don't know how you come up with this stuff! I laughed so hard, I think it's time for a nap!


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Voted up and interesting. This was a fun read. There are days when I love being lazy and days when I work till I'm ready to drop. It's alright to have a nap now and then. Just never overdo it.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Zzzz . . .zzzZZZ . . .Who? What? Oh, hi Femme! Thanks for the flattering comment about me being . . .zzzZZZ whacked. Oh, you may be right . . .I may be crazy . . .but it just can't be a lunatic you are lookin' for . . .turn out the lights . . .don't try to change me . . .ZZZZsss You walked right into that one my sweet friend.

And no, I do not do Billy Joel impression concerts for free.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear lovedoctor,

Love your profile photo, comments and thinking. Now I'm too spent to go any further. Keyboards that click and clack lull me to sleep.

Talk to you later, my good friend. And seriously. LOVE YOUR comments, hubs, and friendship.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear shiningirisheyes,

I have met my match. Wow, what a "lazy" comment. LOVE it! I am going to memorize your words for when I am really upbeat, positive and actually WANT to work. Naaaah, I will treasure YOUR words forever and forget the labor.

Love,

Kenneth . . .PS I want to confess a secret that Ive kept for years. This secret will change America as she stands today . . .Okay. It was in 1988, I was in Washington, D.C., and this Iranian man came up to me and said, Friend, I am going to . . .zzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZssss


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Cathy,

What? Are you and shiningirisheyes teaming-up to make me ashamed of my laziness? Wow, too tired to read this is pretty good. Loved it. As you go down the road of life remember, "one honest girl (like you), is worth 10 well-dressed men." Bits of wisdom for you. Dwell on this for a while and a lightbulb will go off.

I promise.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, breakfastpop, Stranger . . .where have you been for so long? I have missed our banter. And you are 100% right. The over-achievers have made our lives miserable. I say, "Power to The Lazy People," and finally if we get heard, life will be good.

Thanks for your support.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Tamron,

Absolutely right. Smart beats hard work any day. And laziness only adds to our lives as opposed to hard labor subtracting from it. You see. Laziness refreshes our minds and bodies in order for when we WANT to work at something for a short while, like being co-manager of a city library over the past due classics. What a gig.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

My Dear Catgypsy,

Honestly, from a lifetime of experiences, mostly being lazy and watching other lazy people. And I do thank YOU from the heart, for all of your sweet comments.

Was your nap good?


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, GypsyRoseLee,

I used to be that way, work hard one day and sack-out the next, but later in life, I found out that sacking-out, although it brings me scorn and ridicule, is much more fun than being a slave to hard work.

Thanks for your kind remarks.


That Grrl profile image

That Grrl 4 years ago from Barrie, Ontario, Canada

I think you know my Uncle Wayne. He worked but would live for his lazy weekends and holidays. He was a lot of fun when we were kids - even though he didn't do much. He always had a few fresh jokes and he could always make us laugh with his comments and talk about the lazy lifestyle.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

LOL, I had two colorful uncles, Dave and Walter . . .both were like Wayne, they worked when they worked but when it came time to be lazy, a campfire wouldnt move them. And they too had jokes to tell and good hearts too. Just like Wayne.

God bless YOU, That Grrl. You are a gem.


Escobana profile image

Escobana 4 years ago from Valencia

Hi Kenneth!

Lovely Hub and yes laziness should be implemented as a new art-form! I implented laziness in my life a while ago.

I even moved to Spain because they walk slower, they eat longer and they work less than they sleep. Laziness even works for me on Hubpages! That's why I had such a blast here my first year on board.

Great Hub, voted for ya and shared!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Nice to meet you, Escobana,

Thank you sincerely, for such a profound and direct comment that made me smile, but not too much, for BIG smiles mean I have to "work" some facial muscles.

I loved the way you agreed that laziness should be implemented as a new art-form, so what I am proposing is this: YOU and I get a petition started and go in-person to Washington and meet with the Office of Federal Budgeting and seek funding for the National Endowment of The Arts for YOU and I to present this petition to this segement of our society so people from all over can educate themselves on the fact that laziness is NOT to be scorned, but celebrated.

How about it?

And listen, if you arent a follower of mine, I extend to you, this Cordial Invitation. I would love that.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

Oh, will I eat too much, nap, and eat more?

Si


Escobana profile image

Escobana 4 years ago from Valencia

Hey Kenneth:)

I am your follower since a while and read your Hubs though I don't comment every time. I hope your invitation to follow you was out of extra enthusiasm?

And about your proposal....It sounds interesting and funny too but most of all I feel it's going to cost me too much of my laziness LOL.

My idea would be this: Come and live your life in Spain with all of your friends and family who would adore some extra laziness in life.

There's no need for petitions like this because politicians have turned laziness into an art form long ago. Everything goes natural and waiting for whatever you need, want or long for....is totally normal.

I can handle this culture quite easy and I think you might fall in love with a country like Spain as well. LOL

Where I come from Thanksgiving doesn't exist but food, naps and more food sounds awesome. Don't overstress yourself too much with the chewing part:)

Have a lovely day and warm wishes from sunny Spain, Valencia!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Greetings on Nov. 23, 2012, Escobana,

Yes, my invitation WAS out of not extra, but pure enthusiasm. I love all of my followers. And cherish each one.

I agree with you about not starting a petition due to the politicans all being lazy and non-responsive.

Believe me if I could, I would be writing this reply to you FROM Spain and not America.

Not that Im not a true patriot, it's just America has changed too much in the wrong ways for my liking.

But its home. For now.

Peace, love, happiness and peace of mind to you, my friend. And thanks for the following, reads, and comments.


Dorothee-Gy profile image

Dorothee-Gy 3 years ago from near Frankfurt/M., Germany

Great hub, unfortunately I could only read it in increments, had to take a nap in between... YAWN!

I 100% agree with the notion that lazyness is as near to bliss as it can be! We should allow ourselves more of it...


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dorothee-Gy,

LOVED THIS COMM . . .(yawn) to death!!! Pardon this fashion of replying, but "you are my type of female friend." Honest. I appreciate your sense of humor. Made me laugh.

And I agree. WE need more of laziness.

And furthermore, I, errr, Yawn, break time. You have such an influence on me . . ."good night."

Oh, Yawn, Merry Christmas my dear friend.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ


Dorothee-Gy profile image

Dorothee-Gy 3 years ago from near Frankfurt/M., Germany

Well then, dear friend, sleep well and who knows, when you wake up, the reindeers teamed up with a few fairies and all Christmas preparations are done!

You are allowed to dream, aren't you? ;)

Zzzzzzzzzzzz....


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

My Dear Dorothee-Gy,

Wy' sure, dreaming is urged and promoted while napping. But only dreams about lazy places, people and things. And its no wonder why I like you as a person and as a writer.

You are sharper than a razor's edge, in wit and charm. I mean that with respect, mind you.

And you have a way of making MY DAY with the ease of taking a drink of processed health water.

I admire you.

Merry Christmas, dear friend.

KENNETH . . .And I would just like to s . . .yawn, zzzzzzz, yawn, ay that you, zzzzz yawn are . . .cough, Yawn, ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ's (dreaming of waking up and being lazy).


Dorothee-Gy profile image

Dorothee-Gy 3 years ago from near Frankfurt/M., Germany

So be sure to offer Santa and his helpers a warm place to rest and take a good healthy nap! After all this holiday stress they must be ... Yawn... ex... Yawn ... hausted....

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz...


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

LOL! Another winning comment

by my Dear Good Friend, Dorothee-Gy! You bet they will be exhausted and when they . . .(TIME LAPSE 3 HOURS) . . .Yawn! So sorry, dear. I dozed off. Finish their massive trip, they will be (TIME LAPSE 1 DAY) . ..terribly exhausted. Thanks for your . . ..Comme . . ..zzzzzzz.............nt.

:)

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