Life Isn't Always Fair

Is It Supposed To Be?

It's been a while since I've been able to write anything that makes any sense and maybe this will be in that genre. but I'll give it a whirl. This isn't one of those writings meant to cast stones or aspersions on anyone but something I feel inside that needs to take a peek at the rest of the world around me. I've shut a lot of the world around me out as I transition from what I knew to the totally unknown.

A Little Music?

Nice To See You Again

My life has been changing because sometimes that is what happens when you least expect it. I'm getting to be an old bullfrog but a wiser one I would hope. I have my fears, wants and needs as we all do. Moving on, both physically and mentally, presents changes and many times they aren't of the most "pleasing to entertain" variety. You can get lost in some of it and revert to self-pity and blame but really now...

Now admittedly, I haven't done much writing here lately and there are a variety of reasons. First and foremost is my perspective on why I write. I write for me. I write to put my thoughts, feelings and emotions into print so I can touch them and feel them. They are mine and I never appreciate it when anyone decides to trample on them. If you aren't a writer then you don't have the slightest idea of what I am talking about. Self-honesty is centered in writing, mine is anyway.

I never write to offend. I attempt to write, in most cases anyway, to convey what I feel, what I sense and what I experience. In this particular case, I am writing about life being fair, which it rarely is, and how to relate to its unfairness when you don't contribute to the environment that fosters fairness as you walk its path. If you think I'm referring to you then that's fair too. But let me make one thing perfectly clear, if that is possible with the written word. I do not slander anyone in print. I will make no particular reference to anyone, by name, as that can border on the legal definition. The truth is never slander by legal definition. It may be unpleasant but not slanderous.

But I, as a writer and a living, breathing person should have the freedom to express my thoughts, feelings, observations and experiences. If you happen to think those things are about you, maybe they are and maybe they aren't. Here on the Hub, we are all anonymous unless we choose not to be. Other forums aren't like that and that's where one needs to tread differently and I endeavor to do that.

This isn't about dirty laundry. I intend it to be about honesty or the lack thereof and not placing blame. We're all victims in reality and usually if I see myself as a "victiim" I am wallowing in self-pity. The old "woe is me" drama type of thing. The reality of my life, your life and anyone's life for that matter is that it is all about choices. Having relationships is a double edged sword because then it has two edges and not one. It takes two people to dance the waltz.

So where is this going? Search me, I'll just keep typing and see. Life isn't fair, nor do I think that it is intended to be. But why make matters worse? What I have experienced and feel strongly about is confronting any situation, or relationship, with a certain amount of honesty, free of deceit and lying along the way to cover your tracks. Are those tracks so backward that another person needs to throw a smoke screen up to obscure them?

Am I a saint? Hardly, nor do I profess to be. Have I made mistakes along the path? Let me ask it this way, "Have you?" But if we have a disagreement, is it fair that one person wants to bring up the past of another as a defense to the present and the future? We all have a history which we have lived, but I always feel much better in the knowledge that history is what it is - the past. Hopefully I learned from it, studied it and know not to repeat it. I sure don't expect anyone to lug it out for me and air it out whenever they feel like it, usually to my detriment. That's when life becomes a little more than unfair and has the tendency to piss off the other person you decide to unleash that on.

I'm not perfect nor will I ever be, neither are you. If you think you are then maybe it's time for a wake up call. How do you make life fair? I don't think you can, being what it is. But I also think we can make it a more even playing field with honest discourse. What do I mean by that? This is the touchy part. If you feel it is okay to lie to someone, I can only say that it isn't. If you feel it's okay to deceive someone and go behind their back in an attempt to get your own way. it's not. Stark reality will eventually rear its ugly head and the truth is there to see.

If you try to cloak that sort of conduct in the word "love," try giving me a break and pretend I'm not stupid. I definitely don't wear that tag well. I'm not an expert on the subject of love but I do know that's not it. It might be the love of oneself but not for another. If you want to contribute to life being unfair then be unfair to a person who you claim to be near and dear. Why not first try being honest with yourself? Once that is done then climb out on that limb and tell the other person upfront, close and personal what you are doing, why you are doing it and see how that floats the old boat. Just try not to be too thin skinned when you shimmy out there on that precarious limb of life.

No, life isn't fair. But can we make it worse than it should be? Only you have the key to open that door. I am having to start over as the old saw goes. I could wallow in it, take a bath in it but it still smells the same. When I have to start over I try to pick up the pieces that were left to me, dust my froggy little behind off and move forward in a more positive direction. I don't like drama or trauma if you know what I mean. It is what it is. It does happen though usually it is avoidable but life being what it is...

Try being fair (read - honest) with yourself and then others and see it that helps. Don't spin it like you want it to appear but the way it really is. Me? I'm usually willing to talk with anyone as long as I know you're really listening.

As always,

The Frog Prince


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Comments 34 comments

TheGroundsquirrel profile image

TheGroundsquirrel 5 years ago

Spot on, my amphibian associate. My sense of fairness is what drives my conservative altruism. Putting it into practice is where the eternal internal battle between good and evil generally always takes place. The difference being that a wise man will hold back the dark in favor of the light. It is the lazy soul who refuses to extend the energy to deny the devil his due. Fair or not fair is always relative to the rules of the game, and even more so by who writes those rules. Glad to see you back in the saddle, ye Prince of the pond.


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

GS - Rules? There are rules to life as I see it. The first rule is be "honest" with yourself. That will then extend to honesty being bled over onto those you say you love. It is an internal battle for sure. Self-preservation can get to be an evil force when you don't care who you take down with you and how you go about it.


TheGroundsquirrel profile image

TheGroundsquirrel 5 years ago

Self preservation can also be a force for good. A long time ago in a blog far far away I iterated my three basic rules for living. The second of which was that one had to take care of themselves, for how could they expect to help others if they could not help themselves. Selflessness is a fine trait, but there must first be a self. To tie in to your theme here, honesty with oneself is a necessary component to the establishment of self being, or the self. Damn how I love the way you prod my intellect. You really are back!


Hmrjmr1 profile image

Hmrjmr1 5 years ago from Georgia, USA

Hooah FP good to see you writing again.


Partisan Patriot 5 years ago

Froggy welcome back

From the sound of it you've been involved in a lot of soul searching lately; my only thoughts on the subject which you addressed above are there are those of you that have the courage to extricate yourselfs from bad situations and then there are those of us that continue to cling to the security of our "KNOWN WORLD"!


Stu 5 years ago

Hi Frog,

Long time no speak. Sorry things are difficult right now, but time heals things, at least to an extent. You are right that looking for fairness in life is futile; the most you can do is try to be fair yourself. Your own fairness will of course not always be returned by others, and there is often nothing you can do about it. You are correct that the first step is to be honest with yourself; that's the only way you can be honest with others. After that, what happens is up to the other person, and you can't control the outcome. Begging, pleading, and arguing often makes the other person dig their heels in even more if there's a disagreement. Sometimes you just have to move on, as hard as it is to do.

Best wishes, and I hope you feel better about things soon.

Stu


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 5 years ago

I'm listening......


femmeflashpoint 5 years ago

FP,

Glad to see you're once again hopping enouch to make it to your page. Hope you'll be feeling much better soon, and spending some time at the keyboard again.

Hugs to you and the pooch! You've been missed. :)


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

Hello Frog. Reflections from the lily pad are authentic and carry great wisdom. Love is quite subjective. The Greek language has five words for love, describing different types. English has only one word. Sometimes people claim love for their own purposes and it really has nothing to do with others. Offense? Well that is subjective too. Just saying Good Morning can offend someone. When we write we cannot help if someone becomes offended. That is a conscious choice a person makes. They pick up offense and wrap themselves in it. As long as we are not pointing and naming names, the offense carrier has no foundation. Ergo, a frog must write and a bird do likewise. A cheery Chirp to you dear Ribbitt.


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Good to see you again!


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

PP - Soul searching is a good description of the process. I'm avoiding the tendency, when possible anyway, for anger to become a substitute for dealing with the hurt that invariably is involved in all of this. That can become even more complicated if the other person focuses upon anger being the means of dealing with it. But ultimately, and we've both probably been there before, one has to go back and deal with the hurt so that actual healing of the soul occurs.

Stu - I'm at the point in my life where I don't care to argue and do all that heel digging if I can avoid it. Good to see you my old friend.

BPOP - You seem to do that well. Hope things are going well for you and the CPA.

Hyphenbird - Well said. As I said, and know in my heart, I might not know what love is but I know what it's not. The written word is subjective and flat at times and you sometimes lose a lot in the way you translate what is written to you. If I have a disagreement I will usually try to deal with it and then let it go. No sense in carrying any more baggage than necessary through life.

The Frog


Lynn S. Murphy 5 years ago

Glad you're back in the pond. Hugs and prayers that things work out as you want them to be.


34th Bomb Group 5 years ago

Hi!

I have often been the one looking in the rear view mirror and finding someone or some situation to blame for whatever is/was wrong with my life.

It's taken me half a Century to get over MOST of that sort of thinking. I still wallow occasionally, but find that I'm much better able to sit up and fly right more quickly than ever before.

Keep it up - you're on the right track!


blueiiidgirl36 profile image

blueiiidgirl36 5 years ago from Richmond

Welcome back, royal amphibian.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Hi Frog! I don't care what you write - it's great to have you back!


Darlene Sabella profile image

Darlene Sabella 5 years ago from Hello, my name is Toast and Jam, I live in the forest with my dog named Sam ...

We have all been their, maybe 98% of people, it sucks, and to me is the worse thing in life. Moving on does take awhile, I have written in about a year, maybe a few small items my nothing really good. We are all hear for you so don't feel alone, we love you...darski


alanlsg profile image

alanlsg 5 years ago from The World

Hi FP

Good to read and go for it, you cannot change yesterday, your not promised tomorrow so enjoy today and be you.

Could not agree more with your sentiments and all the best from across the pond.

Cheers

Alan


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 5 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

I'm still reading...and tell me about it. Hugs, mar.


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas

Hey Jim....Did you get resettled yet or are you still looking. Grab a beer with us sometimes. Good to see you writing again. WB


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

Wayne - Not resettled yet. That is still up in the air. I'll give you a call soon,


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 5 years ago

Hey Froggy, I've missed you...and I kept Hopping over to see if there was anything new...And finally after kissing a Toad or two...My prayers were answered, for you are Back...Hip, Hip, Hooray, my Friend!


september girl 5 years ago

I'm listening, The Frog! Seriously, I like your writings. Who doesn't write for themselves; to share, to vent, to discuss what they feel or think from on the inside. There should be no law against that and like you said...life isn't fair and never has seemed to be. : ) As the old saying goes, if you are in doubt, just know you have a 'friend in me'. I admire your courage to speak out for what you believe in, even if others may disagree. You are entitled to freedom of speech! Voted up and awesome!! I think your the prince of frogs...at least by me! ;)


Naomi's Banner profile image

Naomi's Banner 5 years ago from United States

You are correct life is not fair. Starting over sucks. Starting fresh is impossible as you carry baggage that is hard sometimes to let go. All in all life goes on and so do we. We grow, develop and change as needed as the human being is a survivor. We were built to conquer all. Welcome back and I must say having you back on Hubpages is like a breath of fresh air. So sorry you are going through what you are and know that many of us have been there before you and life does get better. It is never the same but it does get better and sometimes it rocks after a while so hang in there and glad to see your grabbing the ole boot straps and bracing for the ride! God bless...oh by the way like your writing style it really makes a person think.


Truckstop Sally profile image

Truckstop Sally 5 years ago

Honesty is always the best policy! So sad many hide behind a wide variety of excuses. At the end of the day, we must be happy with who we are and where we are going. Welcome to the Lone Star State!


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

Sally,

I'm really returning home once again since I left here in 2003. Thanks for the welcome.


Harvey Stelman profile image

Harvey Stelman 5 years ago from Illinois

Froggy, Glad to be in touch again. I have been very ill myself, so I've been MIA also. I hate to tell you this, but I must. You really sound lost, not like yourself. I have a method that souuld hel.

I had a theory as a a freshman in Psych 101, that my Prof laughed at. Since the mid 90's, it has been taught at the Adler School of Psychology. Is is at the doctorate level.

I lost your e-mail that said phone number. E-mail me with the #, and I'll call you. This method costs nothing, you control it, do it when you want to but you cannot lie to yourself. All I do is instruct you how to do it, what's to lose? H


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

Harvey - Finding one's compass in life at times can be an experience that is necessary. I have mine in my hand again, I'm just trying to determine where to point the darned thing. Being true to yourself and self-examination can be a little rough on anyone.

I'm not sure I'm "lost" per se but there are always intense feelings of loss when what you knew are uprooted by the unknown. I'll send you my number via email again.

The Frog Prince


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Frog - I did t even know you were writing again!

And I must say I really enjoyed this piece. I can relate and respect that you write for you and about what is on your mind. And who doesn't need a reminder that they aren't perfect? It's good to be grounded.

Lately I've been finding myself saying "life is never fair and it never will be - the sooner you accept that the better off you'll be". They are 10 and 12 - lots of refereeing going on here:). Up and everything and yes - it is good to see you back.


AngelTrader profile image

AngelTrader 5 years ago from New Zealand

What a heartfelt return! And boy do I understand where this article is coming from. These isolated nuggets of insight, so few are able to express and which rise above the dross, keeps me returning to hubpages, welcome back Frog.

All I ever ask of anyone is honesty but it is amazing how difficult that can be for so many.


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

AT - The first person you have to be honest with is yourself before you can be honest with anyone else. Some see being dishonest in degrees but when it comes to oneself there are no degrees. It should be a constant.

Thanks for reading.

The Frog


Pollyannalana profile image

Pollyannalana 5 years ago from US

Hmm, well, guess it has been more than a few days but I never once saw your name or I would have been here.

I remember when I looked at myself honestly and it really should happen to everyone. I trust myself now to look at all things objectively and couldn't live with myself if I didn't.

Good to see you back.


gmwilliams profile image

gmwilliams 4 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

Frog Prince, the people who constantly whine that life is not fair are those who indulge in victimology. They believe that they are the mercy of the "forces" out there. They also want to be rescued by others. The concept of taking responsibility and ownership of one's life is quite foreign to them. Responsibility seems to be a 4-letter word these days. Many people are deathly afraid of this word. Taking responsibility involves maturity and the ability to face the difficult and less positive aspects of life and man up and/or woman up to the challenge at hand. It is much easier for some people to play the blame game. Great hub, voted up!


Sunnie Day 4 years ago

Hi Frog,

Life is not fare at times for sure...when I had to start over twenty one years ago, I looked up to heaven and cried..why? No answers came....The God I knew did not want us to fall and hurt so there was no blame there..."It was what it was"....I just know...that I could not stay stagnant and I had to move or I should say crawl..whatever it took to move forward. I tried..not looking back..but I may have looked in the rear view mirror a few times but it did absolutely nothing for me but make me sad and angry.. I write pretty much for the same reasons..to release my thoughts..some may like it some not but that's okay...I may not always understand or offer words of wisdom in the political arena but I do know you are a man of convictions and heart. You are real and you speak your mind. You are true to yourself and for that...I respect you most of all. Great hub my friend.

Sunnie


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 4 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

gmwilliams - The truth is that the only person who can make you a victim is yourself. There are those who do assist a person to do that for whatever reason but those are usually what I call "blame shifters." It's always someone else's fault and never their own. One of the problems we now face as a society is many people are not taught personal responsibility and feel no sense of ownership for themselves. They think they can sit back and the government is going to do those things for them. Temporarily maybe but not on a permanent basis.

Sunnie - God deals us adversity at times to see how we handle it. Those things that we are supposed to give back many times we don't. Our vanity and thinking process makes us believe that our Creator will never put more on our plate than we can handle. He will, does and will continue to do so until you learn, if you ever bother at all, to give that force back what really doesn't belong to you in the first place.

Happy Labor Day Folks!

The Frog Prince

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