Make Up Your Mind...St*pid

My First "Ranting" Hub

First of all, this hub is not for anybody in particular. This is meant for me, and it's my first "ranting" hub (again, on myself, not on anybody else). I'm ranting because I can't seem to make up my mind on a lot of things, including my life.

I'm 34, a professional, with a good career and (hopefully) a great future in the online world. And yet, something seems to be amiss and this has been made painfully clear to me during these last few weeks.

A bit of a background. When my father died two years ago, he left behind a thriving accounting firm in a small town. Yes, my father is also an accountant and he's my influence for my decision to become one. Since I was the only one most qualified to take over his firm, I resigned from a good job with a big local auditing firm, packed up my (and my husband's bags), left everything behind and came back to my birthplace. You can just imagine the reaction I got from my former boss and officemates. By all accounts, I was on my way to the top and, barring any major disaster, I would have been on top two to three years from now. Not bad, huh? But due to sentimental reasons (my father's firm has been around for 30 years already) and because I wanted a change of scene and phase, I chose to come back.

So there I was, back to the place where I was born and where I grew up. I was welcomed with open arms by my father's clients, employees, peers, friends, and acquaintances. Almost 100% of my father's clients stayed (partly because of their respect for my father and partly because they respect my work experience and background). I came back to a well-placed system within the firm and all I had to do (or thought I had to do) was to familiarize myself and just go with the flow (and earn the money my father used to earn). To top it all, I got in touch with my high school close friends and we renewed our friendship. Great, right?

Wrong. I basically got more than I bargained for. Naively, my husband and I thought that we were just here to handle the firm, the clients and the employees, nothing else. But it seemed to be other than that for the past two years. I'm not going to bore anybody with the details but suffice it to say that coming back was not that easy and, after two years, is still not that easy. A lot of the problems we are facing right now are not work-related (more like people-related) and are not likely to be encountered by us if we decided to stay where we were two years ago. And it's getting to the point that everything is just grating on my (our) nerves. Still with me?

Another thing is that we can't seem to set up any permanent roots here. Oh I know I thought this is the place for us, that we can live here for the rest of our lives but I thought wrong. So the next question is: where do we go?

Now here's where I can't seem to make up my mind. I mean, do we stay and go through the same things year in and year out? Do we close the firm, go back to the metropolis, go back to my old job and go through all those late nights, overnights, overtime and brain-wracking assignments again (OMG, not again!)? Do we transfer to another place and set up a branch there and keep the firm here? Do we go abroad, get a whole new life and new jobs and forget about the firm (and our country for that matter)? Or do I embark on an online career, and just maintain a few easy-to-handle clients (I have a lot of clients who give me headaches, believe me)? Or do we set up something here that can make us earn passive income for the rest of our lives?

Okay how many choices did I enumerate at the top? Those are six choices (and I did not even include some other combinations). Six choices! I can't even make up my mind on two choices, much more on six choices! No wonder I'm getting confused. And my husband is getting confused with me. What is wrong with me?!?!?!?!

Did I make sense? I hope I did. Half of the time, I don't make sense to myself at all. The other half, well I just don't know. Sometimes I just wish I live a simpler life, with simple choices and simple results. Other times, I wish I can have more money so that it'll be easier for me to make my choice. Obviously, some of these choices would mean a lower level of income (and who's not afraid of a lower income?).

But I need to decide and decide fast. We can't stay in limbo forever. And we can't stay here indefinitely when we are not totally satisfied with our lives here. This will be kind of unfair not only to us but also to the people around us (fortunately, they are still blissfully unaware of all these). So I have to decide (my husband will decide with me, of course, but I think he's giving more weight to my decision) and decide fast. And I also have to stop telling myself - "make up your mind, st*pid!". Thanks for reading this hub!


Thank you very much to those who have read or those who have left comments on this hub. I just want to put in writing that after publishing this hub, my husband and I talked and we, more or less, laid down our plans for the future. Concrete plans that we can slowly develop and implement. Writing this hub was a great therapy for me and made me calm down and face the future in a more confident manner. So for those of you reading this, thank you very much! =)

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Comments 25 comments

Sharing Insight profile image

Sharing Insight 7 years ago


I am respectful of the title of your hub, but I'd like to let you know that I don't think you are st*pid at all.

I know its difficult to decide on many are responsible and dutiful, therefore how else could things be for you currently? I really do hope that you find in time more clarity in your career/situations. I know you do this already but keep in mind you do have the support of your husband, and frankly just as you know you are capable, actually more than capable to wherever you decide to -land-it ultimately will be what is best for you and your family.

Be strong, as you are...and as corny as this may sound..follow your heart, and the rest will inevitably fall into place.

I wish you the best...

Big Hug

fierycj profile image

fierycj 7 years ago from The Fiery Heart of Africa

This is a good rant..and its not pointless, I see where you're coming'll be fine! :)

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\Brenda Scully 7 years ago

ditto to the two people above.... it's a good idea to rant to people who care rant away..... everything will be o.k.

PhilD41 profile image

PhilD41 7 years ago from Iowa

I don't envy your position. Then again, it is never easy coming home. I am pretty sure I couldn't do it. I expect you and your husband with take the time needed to look at the pros and cons; even if there are six choices. Assuming you like the firm, seems like the ideal option would be to more out of town and start with some fresh friends. (not easily done I know) Best of luck in your journey! I expect you will make a wise choice. You are certainly looking at all the options.

emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Thanks everyone for your comments. One thing I like about hubpages is that I can always count on you guys to give me wonderful advices.

Okay where to begin?

Sharing Insight, hehe, that title was me calling myself stupid =). There are really times when I want to follow my heart and just cut everything and start all over again. But I don't know, something seems to be holding me back. I need to do some really serious soul-searching here. Thanks for the advice and your wishing me the best.

CJ, I do think you know something about my situation. Thanks.

Thanks Brenda. Wish your fairy-avatar can come to me and just help me clear my mind =).

Phil, yup and what options they are =). It wasn't easy coming back, especially for my husband who is not from this place. But he willingly dropped everything to accompany me here and for that I am always grateful for marrying him. Thanks for your good luck =).

GeneralHowitzer profile image

GeneralHowitzer 7 years ago from Land of Salt, Philippines

Cool hub, well i think i just gotten to a labyrinth of confusing choices...

Hmmm me myself was entangled with your dilemmas...

Well i think you need to pray harder so that will be guided well...

By the ways good thing you have a lot of priceless possessions in your behalf... count your blessings emievil there are a lot of starving people around you.

I'm a an engineer but decided to teach although it was a low paying job good thing my fiancee is very loving and understanding she would even discourage me to work abroad or in far away provinces, for as long as you're family is in good stead, they're happy and feeling well healthwise i think that is something to thank so much for. No wonder you make just few hubs for the past few weeks because there is something bothering you much...

emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

GH, thanks for giving such a wonderful and wise advice. Yup, I do have a lot of blessings. Sometimes, I think I just have too much of a good thing that's why God is giving me these trials to even things up.

You noticed also about the hubs? Don't worry, I'll crank up a few more the next week or so. Plan to hit 50 by the end of this month. =) Thanks for dropping by and for your comment.

emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

LOL. no way, that's to keep my dogs away from your eagle. LOL. and I won't erase this, we took that live from Davao. Don't worry, I won't report it either.

Er, you're not actually pressuring me are you? LOL don't worry, I have a few more under my belt. Just need to sit down and write them. For now, I'll just do some things for my clients. Then it's back to writing hubs again =). Thanks for the encouragement. I'll definitely visit those hubs =).

megs78 profile image

megs78 7 years ago from quebec

Believe it or not EmieEvil, I am actually quite envious of the position you find yourself in. At least you have choices. No matter what you choose, you will be able to live and have a quality of life. So having said that, if I were you, I would not be as worried as you seem to be. One step at a time, one decision at a time...and day at a time. It was such a simple solution that my mother would say to me when I would be stressed out and it always worked to calm me down and look at things in a different way. At the moment, I don't have a clear career path except to want to write all the time (not making much money though) and my husband and I are suffering the effects of the Recession, though he works his ass off to make our mortgage payments, and we have 3 kids. Needless to say, I think you will be fine and that the decision you make, will most definitely be the right one, even if it doesn't seem that way in the beginning. :)

emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

megs, thank you very much for your encouraging words. Writing this hub did get some load off my chest. Hopefully, by the end of this year, we will have more concrete plans. Then I'll hub about making up my mind LOL. =) Good luck with your writing. We'll make it in the writing world, trust me =).

GeneralHowitzer profile image

GeneralHowitzer 7 years ago from Land of Salt, Philippines

Hehehe, you're so naughty... i'm speechless hehehe...

dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

Hey, Ernie. I think that you should just decide on what it is that will make you happy. I had friends in one point in my life who were teachers when I was making nearly double what they were making (they were school teachers) and they couldn't be happier while I was practically miserable. I learned pretty early in life that money is certainly not the root of happiness but something else entirely. My best advice to you is to do what you enjoy doing. And whatever it may be, stick with it, because I know that you are more than capable of handling any curve ball that comes your way! Good luck!

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badcompany99 7 years ago

I love a good rant, in my life I have found if I have to think about a decision for to something for too long, I don't !

Good Luck !

SoftCornHippo profile image

SoftCornHippo 7 years ago

Ahhh - who's ever completely satisfied? Life is good - and it can always get better. Is somebody pulling your chain?

whatever - have a good time, sometimes, ya baby, you're ok.

emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Thanks for the wonderful advice Dohn. Writing this hub helped to get loads off my chest. I think my husband and I are much better now making concrete plans =).

BC, lol, next time I need to rant, I'll send you a message. Maybe I just don't want to over-analyze things but I end up doing them that my head is swimming and I delay deciding instead. Thanks for the good luck.

SoftCornHippo, interesting name. Who's ever completely satisfied? Definitely not me, LOL. Thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment.

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ralwus 7 years ago

Well you can always problem solve. Sometimes a problem to you is not a problem at all, rather it is a symptom of a problem. You say it is mostly people related. Are you taking on their problems? Their problems are not yours if that is the case. It seems as though you and hubby have done some brainstorming, that is good. You don't mention money as a problem and clients can be problematic, but are you earning money from them?

Good luck now and make sure if you do relocate not to take all those problems with you. peace, CC

emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Ralwus, you hit the nail when you said I'm taking on (my) people's problems. Being an employer in a small town tend to make me look like an "unofficial" bank for some of my people. I guess this is part of life here but it's kind of leave my husband and I feeling off (we're not used to this). I'm earning money from my clients, in fact more than enough and I think this is the reason why I'm hesitant to leave this job (we've gotten used to a good lifestyle, not rich but not poor either). Thanks for the good luck. You people are really great =).

emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

GH, I deleted your message. I don't want to get blamed for getting you in trouble though I don't think it will get you in trouble. I didn't report you =).

Erica Wisner 7 years ago

Thanks for sharing your dilemma. I've been in the same frame of mind lately.

Whether to keep going with our freelance business, look for another job in a recession; whether to stick close to family, or make a break for opportunities elsewhere.

Most who work abroad learn that it's always hard coming home. You become a different person, with different obligations, and old friends and family think they know you but they don't know your recent experience, and you don't know theirs. Things that were simple when it was just you, or your spouse and kids, suddenly become tangled up in long-term relationships (and assumptions). Frustration and disappointment are normal, and so is the feeling of "I'm starting over."

I can't say what to do, but I can tell you what my cousin reminded me when planning our wedding:

If you can't choose between two options, it means they're equally good. Whatever you choose will be a good choice. Of course you can gather information, or wait for an insight that clears up your doubts. But when it's time to choose, choose with a free heart and no regrets.

emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Thanks Erica for sharing this with me. Maybe this is why I'm so confused. All the choices are good and can lead to a good life for my husband and me. I guess I think we're just waiting to see which way we will really prefer in the future.

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poetlorraine 7 years ago

i have a theory, that what ever choice we make we just swop one set of difficulty's for another, there is never a permanant solution. However in this climate, if you have a long standing company that may last and give you a good living, personally i would not give it up. Maybe get some skills at how to handle problematic people..... or just cut down the work load, filtering out the ones that give you hastle...... Give your self a bit of time to, it takes ages to settle back into things, best of luck...

emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Thanks Brenda. Those are really nice advices. Cutting down the work load is what I plan to do. The problematic people is a little bit tricky. Maybe I'll just be one of those problematic people :D, I'll give my people headaches they will not want to be around me LOL.

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poetlorraine 7 years ago

that is what my husband does, he is an accountant, but does not really like computers, and is a bit of a loner. He works out doors window cleaning, and would you believe it is more lucrative here than office work. He has too much work, so he filter out the ones that give him hassle, it may take time, write out a hit list, and lose them slowly

emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines Author

Thanks Brenda :)

AnkushKohli profile image

AnkushKohli 5 years ago from India

Great hub!

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