Mistakes Women Make in a Relationship

Mistakes Women Make that Turn Her Man Off

The transition from the exciting time of dating to marriage can be difficult. Married life can and should be just as exciting and fulfilling as your courtship. All too often couples find it a hard adjustment and start to give up in areas of their relationship, creating tension and discourse.

Daily routines, jobs, keeping up with bills and the house let alone if children are in the picture are many things that distract a couple from keeping their intimate and romantic relationship alive. The passion of the early marriage starts to fade away.

Can this be reversed? YES it certainly can. With work and good open communication, two people who love each other can continue to love being married to each other forever. As women, there are certain things we can avoid, things that are instant turn offs to men in relationship.

Here are a few of those turn offs:

Complaining, nagging, and criticizing. This is always at the top of the list in surveys of married men when asked what their wives do that bothers them. As much as he loves you, he wants to be his own man, too. And let's face it, no one, male or female, likes being critiqued and torn apart.

Of course, we don't usually see our gentle reminders not to leave his socks on the floor as "nagging." If he would just keep them picked up, we wouldn't have to keep mentioning it. But to a man, it sounds like you're harping, nagging about the same thing over and over again, and it drives him to the point of ignoring you.

So what should you do? Men's minds are analytical. Men are fixers, problem solvers, conquerors. So make your suggestions in the form of solutions rather than complaining or nagging. Instead of telling him, "I hate it when you leave your socks on the floor," say, "It will be much easier for me to do laundry if your socks are in the hamper instead of on the floor, sweetie." See the difference? The first was a complaint; the second was a solution. Surely he will see the logic in it, and if he forgets after that, you'll know it's an honest forgetting, not laziness or spite.

Trying to control him. This goes along with #1. Men like to be independent just like women do; we're all humans with our own independence, our own thoughts, opinions and ideas. They like hanging out with their buddies, they like watching their sporting games, they like their nights out with the guys. But you like him to be home with you. There can be a balance!

Both of you may have to make some compromises. There's no reason he shouldn't be allowed to hang out with his friends and do whatever it is those guys do when they get together -- provided he's still being a good husband and father, of course. If he's out EVERY night with the guys, then maybe there's a problem. But if it's once a week or so, and he has a fun time, then what's the harm? It's selfish to insist he stay home with you all the time. Do you not like your time out with your girlfriends? Your shopping trips, movies with the girls, etc? Fair is Fair!

Sit down together and plan a night a week or every other week or once a month that it is just the two of you. Plan a date night or a weekend that is just yours together for activities you two enjoy.

Withholding sex to ‘teach him a lesson'. Neither partner should use sex as a tool for punishment or spite. Sex is the most intimate part of a relationship, and some consider it the most sacred. Either partner using it as a way of controlling or hurting the other one cheapens it. If you're angry with your mate, talk to them about it, calmly and rationally. Away from the bedroom, away from a time when one or the other has proposed intimacy and the other does not want to participate. Don't withhold sex and then make him guess why. Those kinds of games are beneath you.

Letting your emotions control you. It's a fact that men solve problems analytically while women solve problems emotionally. It's also a true that that difference is what drives both men and women crazy.

Still, this does not mean you should let your emotions dictate everything you say or do. It doesn't make any sense to refuse to go out with him because he failed to notice you got your haircut earlier that day. That's emotion talking. When you feel yourself getting emotional, that's fine -- you're a woman; emotions are part of who you are. The trick is to avoid making decisions when you're in that state. Wait till you've calmed down again and become your normal self. If you have heightened emotions during your cycle, then when it is not that time of the month, sit down with him and explain to him that when a woman goes through this time, even we do not understand our emotions at times.

Share with him that you like and need him to pay more attention to the details of your life, but also remember that men are not into details like women are. So there has to be a balance. If he did not notice you got a hair cut or a new outfit, more than likely he honestly did not notice.

Letting yourself go physically. This is a touchy subject because it usually happens to both partners. You're both so busy with work, home and the kids that you stop exercising and get out of shape. But it's men who are more likely to complain about it.

One solution is to make it a joint effort. As you notice yourself slipping into poor eating habits and less exercise, talk it over, suggest the two of you take up jogging together, or go for walks after dinner, or join a gym together. He'll see you're making an effort to maintain the lovely figure he fell in love with, and you can keep him from becoming a couch potato, too. And, any time you spend together is going to strengthen your relationship.

Sadly it is these small things that tend to drive a wedge between partners. With a little work and a lot of communication, your relationship does not have to fall victim to the statistics of divorce. Remember the things that attracted you to each other and continue to develop those things and your relationship can and will remain strong!

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20 comments

easegiri profile image

easegiri 9 years ago from Bangalore

Its a nice description about the relationship between a husband and wife. What is about your view on wife looking after the cooking part in house and husbands going to work. Will it not lower the tension in the house and lead to loving cordial relationship. Or do you advocate both working.


MaryD profile image

MaryD 9 years ago Author

I advocate that each couple lives in accordance with what they choose. Whether both work, one works and the other is the stay at home partner / parent or perhaps both work at home!


Jenny 9 years ago

I just wanted to comment about one of the biggest problems with going from dating to marriage is when your dating the man doesn't show an interest to go out with their friends.. It's like they give you their 100% until they are married and women are many times blindsided by this.. Not saying it's wrong or right.. but just had to comment! Great site! Good job!


MaryD profile image

MaryD 9 years ago Author

Thank you for the compliment. Yes too many couples do not discuss what things will occur after the wedding. Hmm I feel another hub coming on...lol


marlin 9 years ago

I'm a guy getting married and this is a very well thought out and FAIR site. I would like to ask " How do i try to make my future wife be less anal and stop trying to pick little fights about everything under the sun.''


MaryD profile image

MaryD 9 years ago Author

First of all you cannot change her. She has to choose to change behaviors within herself. And remember, a relationship is about joining of two people with different views, ideas, personalities, etc. So there has to be give and take and change on both sides.

If you are having frequent fights I suggest that you sit down and discuss these things before you get married, or seek a relationship counselor. Going into a marriage with an issue that has you this concerned is not a good idea in my opinion. You need to resolve major issues before making that committment.


Isabella Snow profile image

Isabella Snow 9 years ago

Ive always thought "witholding sex" was kind of a silly societal expression. If a woman is at the point she would deliberately indicate she's not having sex until she gets her way about something (or whatever the reason) Id say that's a good indication she wouldnt be able to get turned on, anyway.

What kind of sex would there really be at that point in time? None worth having, most likely!


Ya Ya  9 years ago

well i know im in a relationship and sopmetimes he says the wrong thing to me and hurt my feelings and its not that i withhold sex from him its just that it makes me feel bad about myself. like down.. i think men should be aware of what they say to there girls/wives


MaryD profile image

MaryD 9 years ago Author

Yes Ya Ya you are right, and you should tell him how his comments make you feel!


Guru-C profile image

Guru-C 9 years ago

Mutual respect is one of the most important elements of a good relationship, and an imbalance in respect is a sign that something is awry. I woke up one day not long ago and heard myself speaking to my husband in a sarcastic manner. I really heard myself and wondered why I was talking that way, considering that I am in love with him. I realized I was feeling impatience about a few things, some related to work, some related to other practical matters, and some related to emotional feelings. I decided to listen to my tone of voice more and try to avoid sounding sarcastic and impatient and see what would happen. Immediately, we were communicating in a more soulful manner. Of course, he is a reallllllly nice guy, and rarely gets angry, so I'm blessed. I even remarked to him that I was feeling like I had toned down my brassiness and that he in turn seemed more in tune with me. He thought it was kind of funny, and said, "I accept you because I love you." Of course, my eyes filled with tears and he thought that was really sweet. It was hearing my own self that helped to bring our relationship to a more mature level, and that if I didn't hear myself soon, I could begin to deteriorate the bond between us.

Now, also in relation to YaYa's comment, when we feel the other person is not respecting us, and we've made that known but no change takes place, it's important to seek counseling. It's all too easy to lose self esteem when we tolerate put downs. It's good to talk to speak with a therapist or to call a hotline. We deserve to be loved, and certainly, to not be abused.


Ellie McHale profile image

Ellie McHale 9 years ago from Menlo Park

Many of these things I learned in my previous relationship.


Samantha Clair 9 years ago

How do i know if my man feels the same way as me?


MaryD profile image

MaryD 9 years ago Author

Communicate...ask him, talk about it!


manoharv2001 profile image

manoharv2001 8 years ago from Bangalore - 560097, Karnataka, India

great tips


schanele profile image

schanele 8 years ago from United States

I am 3000% with you on this article! I have seen all of the above and may have dabbled in one or two myself. I believe if you have mutual love and respect and understand that a relationship is built on a platform of equality between two whole individuals, you are 3/4 of the way there to a healthy relationship. I am new to hubpages, but I will definitely be following your articles!


creative.one profile image

creative.one 8 years ago from BC, Canada

great job Mary! I know that the sex thing can be the soure of major problems if not addressed and dealt with. Especially when it's the man who doesn't want to most of the time (stress, overworked ect). Men often want the same intimacy that we do (back rubs, foot rubs, tickle hair ect.) This helps them feel relaxed and could even spark a little flame!!!


Cathy 7 years ago

I am in a relatioship with a man and we live together. I have found him on dating sites on the net, he says its just for entetainment. I don't understand that one.. he is all the entertainment that I need. I also feel like he says he loves me because he feels like he has to.


natia2105 profile image

natia2105 7 years ago

very nice article and its true that women should avoid these things for a healthy relationship....especially with-holding sex for spite...is the worst thing one can do to seed hatredness into the relationship!!!


irish 4 years ago

i want to understand is it right for a woman to tell her man thath he earns less or not enough, when actually is earning above average, keeps gifting her etc. Is it right for the woman to tell the man that his qualkity of life is not high whn he actually very well. What are your views on that. Dint see this as a concern anywehere


ROSSY 4 years ago

I really love all the comment and i hope appling them in my relationship will help me go a long way. thanks....

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