My husband molested my daughter

 I found out my husband was molesting my daughter, i have left him, my daughter is strong. I think she is stronger than me. On a selfish note i feel more broken than her sometimes. I found out 1 1/2 months after i married him after 10 years of being together. He hadn't touched her for 6 years when i found out and as far as i was concerned we were a happy little family. Most people wont understand when i say i grieve for the life i thought i had. I hate that i now have nothing but the respect of "my" 2 children. "Our" 8 year old daughter hates me for leaving her dad. The pain i feel is horrific. I've known for a year now and have been through a range of different emotions. Denial to myself being the first. My emotions are on a constant rotation. At the moment i am pitying myself. I know i will cop alot of flack for this comment. But i have lost so much. i now live at my parents with 3 kids and have no ense of family. my parents are so differnet to me. And as much as i appreciate their support i also resent the fact that i live under their roof. Our sense of family is gone. I have lost my strenght to be a good parent and my kids are suffering for it. The devastation this man has and will cause us is mind boggling. I can not see any light at the end of our tunnel.

Comments 47 comments

trustmyself 13 months ago

needhelporadvice, this is my advice. Write down every incident you can think of that has happened since she was visited by the police. Every odd thing she has said or done that has set off alarm bells. Tell your daughter you think you know there is something happening with her dad that shouldn't be. That you know its scary and she might have been told not to say anything but that you want to help her to make it stop because it is not right and its not her fault. The fact you are supporting her is the most important thing you can do. It is a very difficult thing dealing with the authorities and every country is different I imagine but the most important thing is to be persistent reasonable, calm and put things in writing. Your daughter is old enough to be told you would do this together. Let her know you would only do things with her agreement but that unless they do something it is unlikely to stop. It is difficult if she is not admitting it, but I encourage you to keep reaching out to her gently. She may need some time to build up the courage. Knowing you are on her side will mean a lot, he has probably been filling her head with a lot twisted thought so she feels she can't rely on anyone, Isolation is their primary tool. If she is ready take everything to the authorities or a charity or a lawyer or all and ask for their advice. I hope this helps. I wish you strength to deal with the horrible situation. Good Luck.


needhelporadvice 13 months ago

I'm in serious need of help or a dvice for the situation my daughter and I are in, My ex husband has been molesting my daughter since she was 7 years old and now She is now 13 years of age. This first started when she was 7 years old, the first time she brought this up was when she was 7 yrs old, about 2 months after it happened, what she said was that her dad tried to put his penis in her mouth, I called the police and they came and took us to child protective services and they started their whole process, after they spoke to My daughter for about 6 hrs they came to the conclusion that she must of heard that on tv or somewhere, I could not believe it since they basically implied that they did not believe My daughter, needless to say I was terrified letting my daughter visit him since he had partial custody but I was forced to so now she is 13 years old and they went to the beach and they were supposed to stay there for 3 days but they came back after the first night, I could definitely tell that something was terribly wrong with my daughter I asked her what had happened she said nothing had happened but I knew


needhelpadvise 13 months ago

I'm in need of serious help about how to go about this situation,


Mum 15 months ago

My 7 year old only started to go visit her dad in da summer holidays she stayed there 4/5 nites only now she told me her dad has been touching her it broke my heart I reported it to police who took statement of me ️️an my child 4 days ago ️️an ️️iv had no contact of police I can't sleep at nite I blame my self for letting her go . Why is it taking police so long to get back to me


greek01 16 months ago

Hello I hope I can get advise here I have nowhere to turn to I my current boyfriend has been with me since practically my whole pregnancy and my daughter is now 8 months old he is her step dad her real dad fled the state. I am worried on a daily basis of leaving her alone with him so I change her diaper shower her myself and don't let him watch her for long periods of time am I crazy or paranoid please someone tell me if I am over reacting or not. Due to sexual abuses in my family my mother also says I should trust no man with my daughter. Will I always feel this paranoid and protective of all men around my daughter.


trustmyself 17 months ago

Mum2four, just want to say: hang in there. This is one of the hardest paths a person can walk but you have shown great bravery and are being the best parent to your kids. Walk with your head held high. What anyone says really reflects more about the person saying it. Take strength from your children and accept any support offered. Also trust there will be happy times ahead of you becuase there will.


Mum2four 17 months ago

I am now a month and a half in this mess. I have 2 boys & 2 girls. We were married 15 years and he was my best friend until my 13 yr old told me what happened one night. I did all the right stuff.... believing her without question. Removing the kids... going to police.

This is such a mess. I was a SAHM, I was homeschooling them and totally enjoying life. We were so involved in activities and schooling, we were far from isolated/sheltered or anything. We were both active in church and he was doing a good job finally of providing.

My kids and i are alone and destitute now. We have nothing. We have come under fire, too. Others have spread rumors and blogged about our pain and said nasty things about us as a family (not just him, but me and the kids too)... these were supposed friends...

Im so tired already and havent even begun a job yet. How am i going to do this??

And that doesnt even cover the actual damage done. To my poor girl who carries this forever now to my other kids who suddenly lost dad... to me... i dont know how to do this single... and freak if i dont miss the jerk! I miss him. He would have been the one that held me when i cried over this if only it were some one else.


Cantcope 19 months ago

T I'm the original poster of this.

My ex abused my daughter, his step.

Our daughter begged and pleaded to see her Dad, even calling him behind my back. I decided to let her see him, which she has done for approx 4 years. Sat the end of last year she admitted that he was showing her pirn. I stopped contact then. She has since disclosed to her school counseller that he has been molesting her. I am so mad at myself. Child Protection and the police have all been involved with not slot of support. Trust your instinct and back yourself 100%

They can make up for lost time but overcoming abuse is much harder

It's such a shitty situation xxx

Mishelleb@live.com.au if you want to talk


trustmyself 19 months ago

Dear T. I just wanted to say I know how hard it is. My daughter still wants to see her father even though she know what he did was very wrong and is having play therapy. Partly I think this is because she doesn't fully understand the implications but mainly because most of the time he seemed like a great dad. I have to accept she will always love her father and want him to love her. It is hard wired in us. Luckily since my last post I have the support of the Social workers in preventing contact at the moment. My daughter has almost tried to pretend it didn't even happen because she want thefamily unit back. But I am convinced I don't believe kids make it up. It struck me that you said that you don't trust him. With me I knew he was a complete liar to the point he believes his own reality. I am worried he could try to make her think she was mistaken or at fault. He would stop at nothing to protect himself and I will stop at nothing to protect her. Keep strong and trust your instincs. You are amazing!


19 months ago

It's been 5 years since my oldest daughter told me her stepfather which was my husband at that time touched her, I kicked him out and reported it 2 years after my other daughter told me he touched her to, we have 2 girls and one boy together, my year old told me her daddy touched her there and that it felt good, my heart dropped, I spoke to my therapist and she said that kids only imitate and speak what people are teaching them and that she believed his touched her, I went threw my denial time where I was confused and could admit to his own child to. My 3 children love there father. I have kept them 3 away from him but my children ask to visit him that they miss him and love him, and at times I want to let them go and visit but I'm afraid of what could be happening when I'm not there I just don't trust him. The fact my kids ask and love him has me all confused. Could children be molestedby own dad and still want to visit and be around that? My ex husband seems very protective and attentive to there needs buys them anything and spoils them with his money. And showed them love And Hughes them and all. And I times I think that the kids go and love him because of his money. Because do to the divorced I've been doing bad with money and I'm barely making it, his kept child support money away because he doesn't see kids. We have court soon and I'm going to ask for supervised visitation due to the lady report with step daughters and his own little one saying what she said about him. The old incident was reported 2 years ago and nothing was done. All of this has really left me so confused , mad and at times I question my motherhood, because nothing was done and I'm really more confused about my children still loving there father even after I told them why they can't visit there dad . Any one has a similar case like mine and would love to comment or give advice email me please to tarredondo30@gmail.com . God bless all the ladies and there children in this moment post.


trustmyself 20 months ago

Dear helplz as cantcope trust your instincs they are so important and not just about your child but about your husband. All I can say is from all the cases I have read about about, they never well almost never admit it. Even when confronted with undesputable proof. So I imagine your worries will be completetly blown away. My husband is still denying it even though the social workers the police and judge all say they think happened. Maybe the camera is a good idea. But email yourself these worrys at least so you have documented them. Good luck and wishing you the very very best.


Cantcope 20 months ago

Dear Helpplz

It doesn't matter what others think. Trust your instincts. Whether it be a soy cam or visit to the doctors. Heart goes out to you


helpplz 20 months ago

My daughter is 2. My husband recently is recovering from a porn addiction. One site he recently visited is called try teens.com. freaked me out! According to him its been over a year since he last watched porn. My toddler has had strange sexual behavior. When she says her tete hurts and I say ok momma will get a wipe lets see, she lays face down knees and bottom up in the air for me to check. Really struck me as odd. I've always had her on her back and change her normally. I instant panicked then thought maybe he whipes her in that postion bc it is easier. Then another day she started putting her finger in her vagina. Also in that same position. I'm looking into getting spy cams. But this is my husband am I crazy for thinking this!? I haven't talked to him about it. With the porn he denied it for years. So I don't see him confessing to playing sexually with our daughter. Does anyone else have a toddler that does the same???


lost 21 months ago

Help....just found out today that my husband touched my daughter inappropriately down there two years ago. I word it this way because it's the only information I know. My daughter has been struggling so badly for so long, now I know why :-( I am betrayed. It has been reported to child protective services, i am waiting for them to begin interviewing us and him as well. Luckily he no longer lives here anyway, he moved out a couple months before she told someone. I guess his leaving the home made it safer for her to tell. He moved out because she was acting up severely and i kept asking him to help me discipline her and get my back, he wouldn't do it. I told him if he wouldn't get behind me and support me in disciplining her then i was going to move out, I kept saying that and he decided to move out.....now i know why I felt he was always putting his relationship with her before my relationship with him. He knew she had a secret to tell and was scared so he overly spoiled her thinking he could buy her off basically. There's so much to tell, my list is long. We have been going to counseling for years, he and i and also my children. No one would ever think he was doing this :-( I'm in shock. It's beyond awful. I have been with him for 7 years now, I have a 5 month old baby girl with him. It's devestating. How will I keep him from my 5 month old daughter ? Everyone says he probably won't even get jail time :-( what the hell will I do?


Cantcope 22 months ago

Just to put people's mind at ease, the abuser was reported. Not sure what, if anything came if it, but was reported.

Christina,

Just because you haven't seen it doesn't mean it hasn't happened. Trust your guy, do not make excuses for him, he will do that enough to try and confuse you. Best of luck.

Sending light and love your way


Christina 22 months ago

I found my husband of 6 months (old high school sweetheart) phone in my bathroom last night recording my 13 year old daughter shower. He said he was trying to get the phone out of there when I told her she could shower first cuz I wasn't ready. I went to pee and she was getting dressed when I saw it. she has no idea. She thinks he was hiding it from me because he didn't want me to see who he was texting. I feel I need to protect her from knowing but I feel unsure of whether or not I can trust him. He has never so much as looked at her even when she is running to her room with a towel. My step dad made advances towards me for 5 years and my current husband is actually the reason I got away from him. He protected me. I am so confused and lost


Mommy83 24 months ago

Finding this page has been the most comforting thing I've read in the past 6 months!

I have a 27 month old daughter. When she was just 5 days old she had a bad UTI and almost died. Her fathers behaviour was always weird and he always had a pre occupation with diapering her along with other excessive behaviors like going in and out of her room for no reason, dissapearing with her etc. I dismissed many of my suspicions because I didn't have proof and I wasn't going to jump to conclusions. Well fast forward to 9 months later and she gets this weird white vaginal discharge, I take her to the pediatrician. In a typical pediatrician fashion the Dr. rushes me out the door labeled as a "Hypocondriac mom" with a "worried well" diagnoses and some BS explanation of how its "vaginal debris" . My daughter continued to have weird vaginal and anal issues. At about 12 months old she started to talk and was saying and doing very sexually inaapropriate things. At first I chalked it up to a kids just exploring but then it became abundantly clear that this was anything but. The final straw was an inappropriate diaer change followed by observing him with an erection grinding on our child. I stayed for a day after that and then got the hell out of there. I fought for months to keep her safe, took her in to ER, another Dr for follow up forensic exam, therapy etc. She made so many disclosures I stopped recording them, the Police even interviewed her and she made a DISCLOSURE! Even after all this it still wasn't enough! I cried out to God repeadedly "How long Lord, what else can I do" This week a judge basically called me a delusional liar and granted my husband joint custody. I'm preparing to take my little lamb to a slaughterhouse for her first weekend at his house but Im sure that God sees and hears. . I send heer annointed with Jesus' holy blood and I imagine angels camped around about her. All of ypu who share this plight please Pray without ceasing,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


trustmyself 2 years ago

I can't believe how the monster of my husband can lie and lie to everyone. He will stop at nothing to try and destroy me. His defense seems to be that I am making this all up to try and get a quick divorce. I am terrified the judge will grant him access as the Police are not pursuing the case. The system in the UK seems to make it as hard as possible to defend your child. I will never stop trying to keep her safe, although it genuinely feels I am all alone and if I hadn't have found these posts believe I was the only one out there. The pain is indescribable but I am so thankful for my amazing daughter. Somehow it gives me the will to carry on when I honestly feel I can take no-more.


2 years ago

My ex-husband sexually molested our 2 1/2 year old daughter. I was devastated when she told me in her toddler speak that, "Bill Daddy put his fingers in my vagina". We did everything we could to prosecute him, but, because she was so young, there was no evidence that couldn't be attributed to severe diaper rash. She told people, but not the "right" people. An epic court battle ensued where he was eventually awarded every other weekend visitation. We kept her from him as long as we could, but it was ordered as such. The thing is, less than a year into his new ordered visitation, he died due to complications with alcoholism. I thank God every day that He protected my baby. I never have to worry again and she was only 5 when he died, so she has no memory of the hell he put her through.


SisterX 2 years ago

It only happened 11 months ago after a 2 year beautiful marriage with a pastor whom I believed that God sent him to me when my 11 yrs old daughter came running to the living room telling me that her step father have touched her breast and vagina. I still remember her trauma. I chose to believe her. He denied it and is still very manipulative of the entire situation. I sent him away whilst I took my daughter to therapy. Everyday I spend the nights either confused, angry and sometimes hating myself for believing that there are true men of God. I supported him financially, took him with his old children ....I still wAnt to know that what happened to him, wS I not enough for him, why?


Gail 2 years ago

Reading these comments went through my very soul. The intense and seemingly horrific emotional pain. Keeps welling up. My God does it ever go away. My two daughters were molested by my ex. A man I loved and trusted. We have a son together. Its been over ten years we never talked about it. But recently it all came crashing back to me I started feeling this horrid pain in my stomach. I think about killing him and then I will go to missing and still wanting to talk back to the killing . He wants to see our son and he does that so we kept up the charade. But I can't do it anymore. Him leaving us was the only decent thing he ever did. He married someone and kept it a secret until it appeared in an obituary when his mom died. They adopted to girls from Russia. OMG I am in a state of panic just knowing he has access to those kids. I confronted him about it and of course his reply was. That he was a different person now. That he will be judged by god for past mistakes and oh ya his marriage is just companionship he can't have sex he is impotant from diabetes. I talk to him because I want to know his whereabouts. It's a horrible situation. I just want it to be over and I want to stop thinking about it. I want closure but I think there is only one way to get that. I am sure all of the rest of you have thought about it too.


Torn85 2 years ago

I was in a relationship after I divorced my daughters father and she told me that the guy touched her. She was 2 at the time and I went though everything trying to get this all cleared up and the investigator closed the case and stated that they couldn't find anything suspicious about the guy. We ended up ending our relationship since I was never comfortable with the situation. Months later my daughter tells me her dad has been touching her inappropriately, he swears up and down that he has never touched her but I don't believe him one bit because my daughter is showing me the things she said her dad does to her and I know for sure she did not make this up. Right now I'm getting her the help she needs but I'm worried that they may take him away and ruin my daughter because she loves him so much. There's just so much more to this I really can't bring myself to type because it tears my heart up. Any ladies going through the same thing please email me lisalinda459@yahoo.com


trustmyself 2 years ago

My husband of 5 years partner of 14 abused our 4 1/2 year old daughter. My daughter first said something 2 months ago and we left that night. Trying to understand how the man I thought I knew could do this will drive me insane. I have to learn to accept what it is and keep moving forward the best I can. We all have to be strong for our children. The pain is sometimes unbearable and what we are going through is not our fault and no-one deserves. But we are strong enough not to let this destroy all that is good now and in the future. Keep strong X


Kerrie 2 years ago

I have been scowering the internet for answers to my pain for months. My boyfriend of nearly a decade decided, out of the blue, that he was done with me. He packed his things and left. My entire life was thrown into a whirlwind. All I could think is that I didn't make him happy anymore.

A month later, my 15 year old daughter disclosed that he had gotten drunk the day before he left me, and tortured and molested her all day.

It has been 3 months since he left, 2 since the disclosure. I struggle with feelings of guilt, anger, sadness, confusion. How could this have happened. He was so good to me and my family for many years. My daughter adored him. It is such a huge betrayal of trust, I don't think any of us will ever be the same again.


Kelly 2 years ago

i had never ever felt so in love with anyone like i did him! he treated my boys as if they were his own! i thought wow one big happy family! had abit of family drama happening in ny life but i had him n never ever did i think i would wake up one morning to finding out he had been doing this to my 2 sons 4 n 6 for the past year! i.new something was up but this was the last thing i had every expected!

i feel like my world has gone from a great little family to this! i moved out took the boys n he got a restraining order on me denying it i guess!

so everything we had was a lie? it was never about me it was about them? n how on earth did i not no! my biggest killer :( my family tells me its not about me its about the boys n there real dad tells me im not doing good enough for them as a mother n everyone has turned there back on me :( i struggle between how can this be true n i have never even gone half a day before without talking to him letalone this but y does that make me sad after what he has done!

im so lost n im really struggling with all of this but i just don't no y everyone thinks i don't have the right to be thus way after what he has done! i don't no what i want i don't no whatwill make me feel better but last of ne even though he will ltob just lie to me wants to no how he could do this to me n betray me like that n make me feel like i couldn't even give my boys the one thing they deserve which is a safe child hood! i feel like i don't even deserve them! but i no im all they want but i can't come to terms with what has actually happened! its been 2 months n he still isn't arrested even though my 6 yr old has made his statement n they have enough to charge him with! im just so reuined n he reuined my babies to! im so angry n sad n heartbroken n lonley n scared! n the worst thing is i don't even no how long it god take anyone to notice i was gone! that's how much everyone has turned there back on me atm :(


Cantcope 2 years ago

Not everyone believes in God, but irrelevant of that , do whatever you need to do to get through this awful, life challenging time. For me it is now 4 years on. My daughter did not press charges, it was her decision, and I can only support her. The initial absolute heart breaking and soul destroying discovery is only the beginning. I used to have anxiety attacks. My daughter does me proud daily. She is successful in her own right and we still discuss whether she shod attend counselling or press charges. She is now an adult,do it is100% her decision.

But remind yourself how strong you both are. Do not let it define you !

Every day people overcome atrocities.

I'm trying to think what I needed back in the first raw days , but in all honesty, nothing wkd have helped. I feel for you if your family doesn't support you, but walk away author your head held high, because you have done the right thing,and many don't


Jessica 2 years ago

My daughter was molested 9 months ago by my step-father. I had known him for over ten years. He was like a father to me. He had never tried to touch me and was the nicest guy! I never would have suspected him. In retrospect, I think it was because he's only attracted to little girls.

I lived with my mom and step-dad at the time of the molestation and moved in with my boyfriend of two years to get away after the molestation occurred. My mom doesn't believe my daughter. I have cut ties with everyone in my family, including my brother because no one believes my daughter. On top of that, My boyfriend broke up with me right before thanksgiving and said " I didn't sign up for all of this", referring to my daughter's trial.

You know what? I would have committed suicide by now if I didn't have God in my life. He has gotten me through it all. Praise Jesus! I tell him everything. It's about your personal relationship with God. Just talk to him, tell him your pain, ask him to take it away (he will).

I'm serious as a heart attack when I say that God has gotten me through it all. I am a stronger person. My daughter talks to me all the time about what happened. It's very hard. I've felt like all of you. I still feel guilty, angry, I straight up want to kill that man in the worst way. I have good days and bad days. It will eventually get easier. Please take my advice and talk with God. He knows what you're going through. He wants to help you, he loves you!!


rikkejanell 2 years ago

I just found out today my husband has been molesting my daughter. This is her step dad. Im so sad. How could he do this to her. She trusted him like a father, she loved him so much. I need someone to talk to. My email is rikkejanell@yaho.com


victimAlso 2 years ago

The guy who left a comment 3 Weeks ago saying he has been moelesting his daughter need to get reported , & Quick Before Matter Get Worst to That Poor Little Girl :(


Abuser 3 years ago

Please do not accept, and delete that last comment. It wasn't the least bit funny.


Abuser 3 years ago

I'm a father who has molested my daughter and I don't know how to get help for myself. She's 8 years old now, and I've touched her since she was a toddler. Months will go by without an incident and then suddenly she's in my bed and I've done it again. It's not like I can just go and tell the police, I'm afraid of being caught, and any psychiatrist I talk to will report me. I worry that the end of all of this will be myself committing suicide and I'll leave a daughter and wife with nothing but sadness from their time with me. Please help me.


W. C. 3 years ago

I am so glad I found this page. I truly thought I was completely alone. I found out nearly two years ago that my husband had been molesting our daughter for over 7 years. He was arrested a few days later; the day before she turned 18. It wasn't until he was gone that my children and I learned what a manipulator he was. I am filled with guilt every day for not recognizing what was going on and not strong enough to put an end to the emotional and physical abuse that I endured for years. My daughter is much stronger than me and I am so proud of her. He kept stalling in the jail system and finally nearly 18 months after his arrest he was sentenced to 10 years in prison and required to register as a sex offender. My life is falling apart and I can't pay my bills and may need to move in with my mom. The best part is I have complete support of my children, my mother and all of my in-laws. I knows things are going to get better and I still haven't figured out how to be single but I'm working on it. Thank you everyone for sharing. I know that I'm not alone and the strength we provide each other really does help!


3 years ago

This is such a hard subject to talk about. So many of us know how this feels but we pass each other by and have no ideal of the pain others hold inside. It's like a mask we put on to look normal but grieving the life we thought we had! Will life ever feel safe again? That's my question. My husband that i thought was so amazing molested all 3 of my daughters within 2 years of being married! How could this happen! I never seen it coming! Now he's serving 30 years and my family is torn apart! Just like a death that comes in and now I'm left with an emptiness and failure that doesn't go away!


mellie 3 years ago

hi,

my daughter just told me yesterday that her step father has just taken advantage of her. he was forcing her to take a shower with him, and he strongly refused. he then instead asked her to scrub his back in the shower. after taking a shower, he was touching her breasts and my daughter was refusing her by trying to cover them. i was so shocked when she told me that. she even said that 1 year ago, they took a shower together ans she bathe her. she was only 12 then and perhaps totally unaware that it's not correct. he was telling her that because he is now his new father so he needs to look after her. i live/work abroad with m y husband and i only get to see my daughter twice a year. i don' tknow if i have to tell my in-laws about it. i really want to leave my husband right now but my daughter still has 3 weeks to stay here for her vacation. pls help.. i'm scared of leaving my daughter at home already. if i could only take her to work with me evrfyday :(


Lia 4 years ago

I am a victim of sexual abuse by my stepfather, he got my mother pregnant 2 times so she had to marry...this man abused me and first it started out verbally and then beatings and then sexual...why do women need men in their lives? If you get married stay with your first husband if things don't work out - don't ever remarry again..espcially if you have children espcially young girls..there are millions of step fathers and they always molest their wives daughters...men are sick! I have learnt this, i hate all men, and i find now, i am glad if a woman miscares a baby boy - just knowing he will no live to hurt a girl when he grows up makes me happy, see what this has caused? My mother never believed me, when i told her, she never cared, she didn't even spend time with me once she got this new boyfriend/husband - my mother stopped being my mother when i was 8! I have stopped talking to my mother and her bastard sons, and she wonders why? i told her the pain she put me through...i never asked her to get married, i never wanted him in my life, she made that decision for me...again..ladies put your kids first, when your children are grown and over 20 then do what you want..but you are a mother first, men can come and go...never mind about being alone, you have your children, they will out live you...not your husband, he will ruin your life, that's what men do men...80% of men are child sex predators!


Joy 5 years ago

OMG! These posts are so me. My 11 yr old daughter revealed to me that her step-father had..

......im sorry I cant even type the words. Anyway this happened over a period of about 6yrs.. I feel so helpless....its true it is as if someone died. I also grieve for the life I thought I had..although I feel I have no right to. His family blames me for putting him in jail.(he denies it) I had no choice. What kind of mother would I be if I didn't? No one saw the anguish I saw as she reluctantly revealed it to me. Ive learned through therapy im still in shock. And this was 9mos ago. I haven't really gotten the way think I should. My brain still hasn't processed what's happened. I also have a 2 yr old son that looks just like him. I feel bad that his father isn't here for him. I grew up with both my parents. It kills me that my kids will not have that luxury. Im in therapy, as is my daughter. Im also in a parent support group for parents going through similar issues. Although sad, it helps to know you're not alone. Anyone who wants to contact me please feel free. (thegirla060239@yahoo.com) Thanks for this page.


Diane 5 years ago

I am so glad to have found this site. Tears are burning down my cheeks as I have read all these posts. My inner pain for all of you is incredible. I fluctuate everyday with such extremes of emotion. Still. And its been well over a year. I found out my fiancé of 3 years started molesting my 9 year old daughter several nights a week just a week before I gave birth to our little daughter. The baby was four months old when my daughter told me. He denied it, I contacted authorites and after he failed a polygraph was arrested when he confessed. He has been in jail since (20 months) and will be sentenced in December. He writes and begs to see the baby and I was so confused early on I did visit but had trouble even looking at him. All I kept thinking is I am bringing a little girl, his baby, to visit after he molested my older daughter, is that sick? I stopped after a few visits and refuse contact with him despite his pleas. I could not and still do not have any real source to help guide me thru this. Most people lash out that he should be castrated or hung, so revealing my hurt seems taboo. My daughter and I have had therapy but I feel like some days I can not get past the trauma or fluctuating between hating him and missing him. Its like he died but you are not permitted to grieve that. I am just tired of the intrusive thoughts and I want to get past this pain. Your right, not many people can really comprehend the devastation of love yanked out of you by such an otracious act. I just don't think I will ever comprehend "Why?"


Amanda 5 years ago

i just found out 2 days ago my ex molested my daughter from the age of 4 to 12. i don't even have any words for how i feel right now. what i cant understand is how certain family members ask "are you sure shes telling the truth?" !! they were not there when my daughter (reluctantly) disclosed to me. they did not see the pure sadness and distress. got a long road ahead. this is not supposed to happen to us or our children.


5 years ago

I know this might not sound right but you should try and work things out with him and try and rebuild your family. My wife's father molested her from 6 to 11. When she was 12 she told a friend who in turn told my wife's mother. She had him arrested. After many years of counseling everyone is back together and everyone is happy. This is a very very long process. You can try your best to forgive, but don't ever forget.


Cantcope 5 years ago

It breaks my heart to see what a wide spread problem this is. I have personally moved on from the absolute shock, fear and major loss that was effecting me when I posted this. Cindy I so remember the anxiety attacks and feeling of complete loss and hopelessness that was my constant back then. I really needed something/someone back then and nothing was available for the parents/partners. I sought help and didn't even think they understood. I have been living at my parents for just over a year and if for no other reason than to give you the smallest amount of hope.....things are improving.Denni the shock is horriffic and only the first stage, please allow yourself the time you need and all of us need to be good friends to ourselves. There is questions we will never get answers to, there are people who will always have an opinion different to our own. The most important thing for me was to not let this event define me, my family or my future. I lost everything on a material sense(yes I know) but when you are the one who has to rebuild this it is tough. Especially when getting out of bed is a chore. All I wished was that I had a home for myself and my children while we went through this. I believe in all of you. You came across my page, seeing information, answers and solice....you will find peace again....because you are trying. And as long as you are trying, there is hope.xxxx


Denni 5 years ago

It happened to my daughter too and I'm in shock and have no understanding of what I am meant to do ... I need help too


Cindy 5 years ago

I'm going thru the same thing. It's funny you say that you sometimes feel like it's worse on you than her because i feel that way often. Unfortunately, the haze of the shock has worn off and now i hurt to my very core.. I'm so worried about everything.. i just don't know what's going to happen. I have a kid by him and she's just three.. i feel like i'm having anxiety attacks; i guess i need to get help..


Melanie 5 years ago

I am going through the same thing now. I feel the same. Our son hates me. But my daughter is safe. I found out 2 nights ago. Went to police today. I wanted to believe it was a nightmare and I would wake up and this will all be a dream. God I need someone to talk to.


amy 6 years ago

I feel for you, my husband of four years raped my ten year old daughter and was just sentenced to 30 years in prison. I am still very emotional and i still grieve for the life i had. I am with you on how people just don't understand. You feel like you married a man you did not know on one had and then you constanly wonder why and what you did so wrong. I believe that here is a light at the end of the tunnel you just have to find it and there will be bad days but stay strong god is here for us and will find us happiness in the end. Please feel free to email me if you need to talk. samjrtif@yahoo.com


jasper420 6 years ago

my prayers are with you and your daughter i was raped by my step father for six months before i told my mother if you or your daughter need any thing at all contact me at jenniferlbart@gmail.com


Dolores Monet profile image

Dolores Monet 6 years ago from East Coast, United States

I am so sorry to hear of your troubles. As horrible as you feel now, you, and your daughter will heal. Please realize that you do have a family - your parents and your children. However you think that your parents feel, it is so hard on a parent to see their child suffer. I hope you all move foreward with peace. God bless you.


bsscorpio8 profile image

bsscorpio8 6 years ago

It is good that you left,now it is time to start the process of healing.This type of incident goes on often,it would have been a lot worse had you allowed the abuse to go on,all the while looking away in denial.That would have caused a lot more damage to your daughter in the long run.

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