Perfect Let-Downs From Nice Guys

WRITER'S NOTE: a few weeks ago I published a hub, "Perfect Let-Down's From Nice Girls," and at the bottom of that hub, I promised to write a hub from the Nice Guy's side of the table, except in the nice guy's case, he is lying through his teeth to the girlfriend he has dated for seven years. Instead of just being honest with these girls, these so-called nice guys seemingly lean toward devising elaborate lies to get free from the girls. Just wanted to explain that before you started reading. Thanks Kenneth.

What a sweet scene. A couple sits in a quiet booth in their favorite coffee shop lovingly-gazing into each other’s eyes. How much more perfect could life be for our couple, “Howard Brewster,” and his girlfriend, “Muffy St. John?”

“Howard,” 22, is an up and coming “star on the rise,” working in a men’s shoe store in his hometown, while “Muffy,” 20, is still in college going after her Bachelor’s Degree. There is no conflict of interests or occupations between “Howard” and “Muffy.”

They take a sip of their decaf, smile “that” smile at each other and enjoy a quick kiss. Not even Roy Rogers and Dale Evans could be this pair in the “romance department.” Frankly, these two are so perky, sweet and loving with their dimpled-faces, it turns a person's stomach. Mine.

Fact; "Howard" met "Muffy," in their senior year at Clover Valley High School. What a sweet name. Fairies with baskets of candy probably fly over this place everyday and drop gumdrops to couples in love. "Howard," naturally, was Mr. Popularity, Mr. Most Likely to Succeed, Cutest Guy on Campus and lettered in every sport but discus-throwing, but that was because a low-life thief broke into the Athletic Department one stormy night in April and made-off with the discus, shot-put and most of the athletic supporters.

"Muffy," on the other hand, was not captain of the cheer leading squad. She was the dance coordinator for all of their performances. Ms. Hancock, a single lady of 38, the cheerleader sponsor, took a liking to "Muffy," and encouraged her to pursue a career in dance chogrephy. "Muffy," loved that idea. So did "Howard." Like I said how much more-perfect could life get for this "ideal" American couple?

Now take into consideration that "Howard" and "Muffy," have been seeing each other steady since high school graduation. And taking time every afternoon, Monday through Friday, to see each other, "Johnny-on-the-spot," at 1:30 sharp at this coffee house, "O'Greggor's," to be exact.

The have the same flavor of coffee, mild Colombian with two creams and three sugars. "Howard" eats a blueberry muffin while "Muffy," nibbles on a cheese stick because she wants to keep her high school figure. "Howard" appreciates her thinking of her body to please him. Sometimes before he drifts off to sleep (during his lunch break) in the dressing room closet of the men's shoe store where he works, he dreams that "Muffy," will someday be more open to "his" New Age ideas that he has been reading about in Esquire magazine about having more than one female partner when it comes to "night life in the bedroom," but he realizes that "Muffy," is from a strict religious upbringing, and keeps such aggressive notions to himself.

During one of their afternoon meetings at "O' Greggors," "Muffy," just happens to ask "Howard," "hunneee, whatcha thinkin' 'bout?" in her soft, sultry voice.

"uhhh, Leann Rimes, errr, I mean you, sweets, who else?" "Howard" replies with a sharp save of his self-respect. Deep inside his thoughts, he knows for sure that "Muffy," doesn't know "a" Leeann Rimes so he continues to sip his Colombian soft coffee with two creams and three sugars.

"uhh, huneee, do you think we will, uhhh, not that I am pushing, ever get married?" asks "Muffy," who realizes that time is not on her side pertaining to her biological clock that she knows is ticking thanks to her watching "My Cousin Vinnie," starring Joe Pesci and Marisa Tomei who had that catch phrase, "my biological tock is ticking." Sometimes "Muffy," can be a real girl.

Little does "Muffy," the "ideal" American girl, realize, that storm clouds are brewing to the west of "O' Greggor's," farther to distances that she cannot see. And God help this eager young woman who yearns to marry "Howard," and have his children and stay at home and cook pecan shortbread, a recipe she learned from her mom, "Roshelle."

A few weeks pass. But not one 1:30 p.m. meeting is missed by either "Howard" or "Muffie." "Jock O'Greggor," who owns "O'Greggors," thinks that this couple is trying to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for meeting the most times in one location.

Then one day.
Just like the ordered events of the universe as we know it.
The storm clouds that were brewing, are now a dark, ugly storm headed toward "O'Greggor's"

1:30 p.m. sharp. "Howard" sees "Muffy," get out of her new Camry, a gift from her dad. "Howard" smiles forcibly. Then walks slowly to "their booth," and sits down. "Muffy" chats briefly with "Todd," the high school student that "Mr. O'Greggor" hired two weeks ago to sweep, mop, and take out the trash in his coffee house. Sure it's a menial job with low wages, but "Mr. O'Greggor," a sharp businessman knows that "Todd," will leave for "greener pastures" upon his high school graduation.

"Take your order?" "Todd," asks "Howard" and "Muffy." I forgot to tell you that "Todd" also does some waiter work when there aren't too many people in the coffee house.

"Yes, my good man, " "Howard" replies in a stately tone. "We will both have a cup of Colmbian soft with two creams and three sugars, please,"

"Thank you, sir. I'll get it right out to you, but first, ma'am, (speaking to "Muffy), you look so much like a cheerleader with that perfect hair and smile, would you do one cheer for me?" "Todd" says before he can stop himself. "Mr. O'Greggor who is running the Expresso machine hears him and stops his work hoping that "Howard" and "Muffy" will not get upset at "Todd's" obtuse behavior and leave.

"Sure," "Muffy" giggles as she stands on the floor arms poised outwardly and smiling like there was no more toothpaste to be made.

"Gimme a C . . .an L . . .O an V . . .an E . . .an R - - -a V . . .an A . . .an L . . .another L . . .an E . . .a Y . . .what's that spell? "Clover Leaf," "Todd," yells as "Muffy," jumps into the air and without allowing her tight skirt to ride up one inch. (confidentially, "Todd" had talked to "Muffy's" nemisis, "Sandy Beechman," and "Sandy" told "Todd" that "Muffy" was so egotistical that she would lead a cheer anywhere at any time.)

"Howard," during "Muffy's" cheer, was holding his head in his head knowing that "the" tough decision that he had wrestled with for days, was made with "Muffy"s girlish exhibit of her nice legs and voice. She's not in high school anymore, for Pete's sake, "Howard" thinks to himself.

"Sure was a nice young man to say that about me, "Howie," "Muffy" says being a little out of breath. "Howie," you look troubled. Anything wrong?"

Oh, if "Muffy," (now in present time, could just go back three weeks) she would not have "opened the door," to the "dark beast" that "Howard," unleashed on her that fateful day in "O'Greggor's" and in front of "Todd," and "Mr. O'Greggor."

"uhh, well, sweets, errr, (cough), (wheeze), I have some rather unsettling news to share with you, "Muffy," and I am just going . . .(cough, wheeze), to lay it out there?"

"sure, "Howie," we live to be honest with each other and not have secrets if we are planning to marry soon for as you know . . ."

Howard interrupts, his patience torn. "I know. Your biological clock is ticking. Darn that "My Cousin Vinnie," wish you would just burn that stupid CD!"

"ohh, "Howie," you are so mean. That's "the" first time since we were seniors in high school that you have shown any anger. What is the matter? Tell me?" "Muffy" cries.

Howard looks past her into space for a moment. Loosens his five-dollar clip-on tie, and says, "I'm dying. Oh, I know that this is a terrible blow to you, but "Muffy," I had to tell you this so you could, (cough, wheeze, wipes mouth), get on with your life. Marry another man. Have a houseful of kids . . .(fake cry here), "Muffy," I am so sorry."

"ohhh, gee, "Howie," well, whew, just how, uhhh, long have you got?" "Muffy" laboriously asks.

"who knows? A year. Two years. Not a thing the doctors know, "Muffy," so I think it's best that we, (cough, cough, wheeze, cough) part and just be friends . . .it hurts me to the soul of me, "Muffy," and I, (cough, cough, cough), cannot stand it. Please, uhh, just give me some (cough, wheeze, wipes sweat from forehead), space and time to deal with this," "Howard" says with the confidence and mastery of Richard Burton, legendary actor and husband of Liz Taylor.

"Muffy," needless to say, is shocked. So is "Todd" and "Mr. O'Greggor," as they both "act" like nothing sad was said and continue their work.

"Muffy," breaks down and weeps uncontrollably and embraces "Howard," and trembles like an earthquake with a 4.0 on the Rector Scale.

"okay then. If that's how it's got to be, "Howie," I can do this, but will you call me sometimes?" "Muffy" asks with tears streaming down her new $120.00 silk blouse.

"Howard," looking a lot like Charlton Heston for a moment, turns and says, " sure, "Muffy," we can be, (cough, wheeze, wheeze) friends forever. You just, uhh, live your life and be happy. Date other guys. Don't waste your time waiting out my time to go. That's (cough, cough) what I want," he replies knowing for sure that "Muffy" has taken his masterfully-designed "let down" like a hungry catfish at the bottom of a murky lake somewhere in Starkville, Mississippi.

"Muffy" walks away slowly and out the door of "O'Greggors," but turns one last time to wave at "Howard," who waves back and exits from the other door. What "Muffy," doesn't see is "Howard" grinning from ear-to-ear knowing that he is a free man. Free to date any girl he chooses. Go where he wants. Do anything he pleases.

And to all the nice girls who are reading this, do not be like "Muffy," be sharp-minded. Be aware of what your man is doing at all times. Other wise you will join "Muffy," as another nice girl who was hurt by . . .

"Perfect Let-Downs From Nice Guys" And here are more examples so you can be prepared when and if that awful moment should come your way. God forbid.

1. "Hun, I have been called-up for active duty in the Marines, and got to leave tomorrow" - a classic let-down mixed with American patriotism. What girl in her right mind would stand in the way of her guy who is going to defend our country, but she does ask, "what part of the world are they sending you to?" "Italy," "Bobby Ledlow," replies. "Italy? There isn't a war there!" "Jenny Shoebaker," exclaims. "It's a secret war that the press doesn't know about," "Ledlow" whispers. "ohhh, okay. Good luck," says "Shoebaker," and "Bobby" leaves the cheap restaurant a free man.

2. "I am going into the ministry and will be gone a lot" - yeah, that's it. Bring God into your "let-down" on the devoted girl who has worshipped you for five years. "why can't I go with you, "Jimmy?" asks "Susan Bedford," his girlfriend. "huneee, the places I will be preaching will be dangerous, blood-thirsty savages to contend with, and I don't want you to be hurt," "Jimmy" says looking into her wide-eyes. Of course this "let-down" works like a charm because "Susan," fears God and doesn't want to stir His anger.

3. "I may be bi-sexual" - notice the "may be" in this "let-down." Needless to say that the girl who hears her boyfriend confess this to her over a candlelight dinner, and with a male guest, "Lance," sitting at the table, she is so gone out of this lying man's life that she won't even be a memory by morning.

4. "I have a thing for your first cousin, "Audra." "I am in love with her" - honest, and to-the-point. Sure it hurts the girl, "Judy," for awhile, but after "Henry," her now ex-boyfriend is gone, it dawns on her. She doesn't have a first cousin "Audra." What a hurtful "let-down." Please watch yourself, girls.

5. "I have just got a big opportunity to work in Anchorage, Alaska" - noble and hard to disprove. "when do "we" leave?" asks this guy's girl, "Margena." "we? What "we?" Not "we," just me, Margena. This company has stringent rules about women being with their male employees on the job site. Don't worry. I will call you," says "Gary Link," a "rounder" who hates to be tied-down by one woman. "you will?" "Margena" asks. "sure thing, babe. I will have my foreman, "Sasha," to remind me.

6. "I want some "me" time. I am considering going into songwriting, so I need the time alone" - this "let-down" smells of deception for the guy, "Slim Wilson," is not a good singer. Or songwriter. He is so bad that he cannot write a vulgar poem on the men's room wall at Hardee's. "how long do you want, sugar?" "Linda Sausman," asks. "ohhh, about nine years oughta do it," "Slim" replies as he puts a toothpick in his mouth, walks up to the cashier to pay the check leaving "Linda" to sit and wonder what has just happened. Oh, on the way out, "Slim" did wink at her.

7. "You are too good for me" - any man who wants out of a relationship to use this "let-down," is either nuts or prone to over-doing things. "thanks, dearie. But are you wanting to break-up?" "Cindy Foogle," a nice girl and Avon hostess, asks. "I have done some soul-searching, and I am just way too dark for you, hun," "Jack Bentley," a worthless drifter who only dates nice girls (for sex and then leaves) replies. Of course "Cindy," lets him go willfully. And is left with his empty compliment. Girls, please. Do not be this gullible. If any "letting-down" is done, you do it.

8. "I am changing jobs. I'm going to be a trucker" - says "Mike Nash," an ol' boy who is nice to girls as long as he finds excitement with them. But with this girl he is with now, a "Shelly Backsun," he is totally-bored out of his skull. "but you are already a trucker," replies a confused "Shelly." "I know, hun, but this job is going to promote me to a level they call a "Super All-Time Trucker," and I will be gone all of the time," "Mike" explains. "oh, well. I guess this is it, huh?" "Cindy" admits. Then cries hoping her tears will keep "Mike," in her life. "sorry, babe. Duty calls. Been nice knowing ya," "Mike" replies as he pats "Cindy" on the back and "runs" to his diesel rig that he left running outside the Mexican restaurant, and leaves in a puff of black smoke.

Girls, I know. This is only eight examples of "Perfect Let-Downs to Girls by Nice Guys," but I feel that you all are intelligent enough that you can take these tips and with your smarts, you will "never" be the "victim" of a heartless "let-down."

And if a guy should say, "the C.I.A. needs me," don't wait for his lying explanation. Just leave. But make absolutely-sure that he "isn't" a real C.I.A. agent.

You sure don't want to rile these guys.

The Perfect P.S.: remember "Muffy," at the first of my story, and how she was going for her Bachelor's Degree? Well she got it. Although she had to battle-through a lot of tears, pain and depression caused her by this low life, "Howard." When she got her Bachelor's Degree in Criminal Sciences, she became a Homeland Security agent, tracked the arrogant, lying, two-timing "Howard," down to a sleazy club where he and his current skank were making out in a dark booth, and proceeded to kick his scrawny butt all the way outside to the curb.

Way to go, "Muffy"!