Really, Your EX?

I have no such experience.............

Magazines, e-articles, booklets, cover stories...........I see it many, many places........

I will call no one out for ridicule or debasement.

It is everywhere that I turn, women's magazines, e-articles, chat rooms, forums........

HOW TO GET YOUR EX BACK

I am a Grandmother

Men should treat women with respect.........women should give men a place that they are allowed a place to tell 'man jokes', to voice discontent, to relieve their pressures........a separate voice, unheard of by the wives. We all have steam to blow off.

Women should have the same privacy.............I get these things.........I embrace them.

Sometimes, I like my girl talk, and I allow my hubby his man time........it's cool........we will meet again on the homefront.

I do not understand, why the masses, would give so much importance to reconciling with an " ex".........a has been, a discarded........one who hurt us or disappointed us before. WHY is this person, worthy?

Sure, I understand, that it can happen, a couple is so hurt, they think it is easier to quit than to forge on...........I am not stupid.

I am talking about the MASSES of people, articles, dedicated to rewinning an ex-flame. WHY?

Tell me young women and men, is it so much scarier to move forward, that you would choose to make due? With all of the people out there, is there not a better partner for you than the one who has already hurt you? This person has already failed to "get you"... They have already FAILED partnership 101.

Again, I am not asking a couple devoted to saving a family.......I already understand your interests.........

I am asking those young people, unmarried, without children, without joined finances, without a home mortage, without legal bonds.........those couples of only man and woman..........what the hey, is SO great about your EX that you dedicate the next few  months or years to retrieving them?    The relationship has already failed.

Are you afraid to be alone?

Is it because of the threat of AIDS?

Is the world just too big?

Pull me into your thinking.........make me understand.......teach me........show me the world that my daughters live in.

I just do not yet 'get it'.

More by this Author


Comments 38 comments

FloBe profile image

FloBe 6 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

What is the saying? "Better the devil you know that the one you don't!" It's a terrible saying, I know. Some people just assume that the ex will be better than nothing and they are very afraid of being alone and feeling slighted by someone. It's an insecurity--"the ex MUST still love me...how could I be discarded like that!" What most people don't realize is that a failed relationship is a chance to grow as a person. By getting back with an ex it exonerates a person from needing to look inward because "after all, nothing is wrong." It's an easier fix than to do a lot of hard introspection to see where they need to change in themselves. Is this too simple a view?


onegoodwoman profile image

onegoodwoman 6 years ago from A small southern town Author

FloBe,

Thank you for being here!

I do see your point, we are of the

same mindset and generation.

Do the young people have the same

train of thinking?

It is difficult for me, to look

upon, my daughter ( or yours) having the world

by its tail, earning her own way, with

her scholasitic awards, her education,

and yet, she fears being without a mate, while denying it at family reunions, her fear is so great that she would reconsider the potential of one who has already hurt her?, STILL, while crying forward, I would rather be alone, this is my choice, no one meets my requirements......

There is something wrong, somewhere in what

we have taught them..........

was it too little

or too much?

I do not want my daughter to "settle"....

learn to agree, find a common ground......yes......settle

for the one who has already

hurt her heart........NO, I wish her more.


Judicastro profile image

Judicastro 6 years ago from birmingham, Alabama

Unlike us this generation for the most part has been media raised. What they see on the media, with celebrities, reality shows they have come to believe as truth. We were raised by strong women who taught us to come along side our mate, to be independant, to desire to be married and have a family but not to sacrifice who we are to accomplish that. I may be wrong but I feel that something has gone awry with this generation of woman. From observing my middle daughter, my oldest is married and expecting, I have seen a few boyfriends come into her life and she has been hurt everytime, but I don't see her wanting to go back to them. There is a scripture that comes to mind, "As a dog goes back to his vomit" that's what this reminds me of. Instead of looking for fresh food one will go back to what has been regergitated.


thougtforce profile image

thougtforce 6 years ago from Sweden

onegoodwomen, I agree with you, wath´s the point! But I think that in some cases it is due to that humans are to much ego´s. It hurts so much to be dumped and it can also be difficult to understand why! The self-esteem may be a little shaken and the only way to direct obtain redress is to get the ex back. Even if you somewhere deep inside know that the ex isn´t good for you, and can´t be trusted. The self-esteem will certainly be better off without the ex, even if it takes some time, but it can be hard to be wise when you are hurt. Great and good hub, maybe it can prevent some attempt of getting bad ex back!


CYBERSUPE profile image

CYBERSUPE 6 years ago from MALVERN, PENNSYLVANIA, U.S.A.

Hi onegoodwoman, This Hub is very well said and I agree with you 100%. It seems that women are mostly the ones that want the X back and I like you say, WHY.


Kaie Arwen profile image

Kaie Arwen 6 years ago

Those articles make me chuckle.............. no thank you, and never in a million years! Cliches, of course, but I don't believe I could say it any better than that. Endings mark beginnings.......... I'll take the beginnings! Kaie


justom profile image

justom 6 years ago from 41042

My ex and I never got back together but I still spend holidays and sometimes just weekend dinners with her and my son. I still love her and more than that respect her probably more than anybody I know. What happened happened (and what happened was all on me) but to me when you care enough to tell someone you love them it's hard to just discard them. Just my take on it. Peace!! Tom


Fullerman5000 profile image

Fullerman5000 6 years ago from Louisiana, USA

I had a girl who broke up with me on valentines day after i wasted 60 dollars on flowers. And i found she was seeing someone else. and after all that, she wanted to give us a second chance. i told i wasnt in the mood to have my heart hurt twice by the same person. Some people do deserve second chances, but not her.


BobbiRant profile image

BobbiRant 6 years ago from New York

I agree, I hear Dr. Phil trying to patch up an adulterous relationship. My sentiment? Cheat on me once and we're done, that is the one thing in life I would never forgive. Let the 'ex' go, move on, love yourself and get to know yourself first before loving again. Great hub.


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

Thank you onegoodwomen, for this hub, it's an eye opener for those that hasn't made a clean break and ponder the Idea about going back to the problem. Godspeed. creativeone59


onegoodwoman profile image

onegoodwoman 6 years ago from A small southern town Author

I do thank each and every one of you.....for reading and for responding........you have echoed my voice......

there has been no one to step forward, except, perharps, Justom, who offered insight, on maintaining family relationships....

It really was a SINCERE question to a younger generation, who has not responded, how does the cultural attitude change? What drives it?

You all noted, you too, have observed it.......

WHAT is the cause?

I offered the younger people a chance to voice themselves, their culture, their voice.........perhaps, I should have texted them...


stricktlydating profile image

stricktlydating 6 years ago from Australia

Great Hub,

There are so many articles on this subject becase it's very common for people to have a change of heart at some point after a relationship ends and they may need advice about how to go about reconciling with an ex because even though one party may have unresolved feelings, often the other party has already moved on.


onegoodwoman profile image

onegoodwoman 6 years ago from A small southern town Author

Stricklydating.........

I certainly appreciate hearing from a younger voice!

Still, I am not reconciled..........to me, "end", "over"....means......move on, it is in the past. Once the other person , moved on, all we had left were memories.

Younger people still hold on to hope, after 'end' and 'over'......

Do you have any insights to the cultural changes?


ilovestories profile image

ilovestories 6 years ago

nice one onegoodwoman. yes, what's the point of waiting for your ex? i think , breaking up is an opportunity to learn , to know ourselves better, maybe we got hurt, but love is always there. and maybe we deserve someone else. let's just be contented with our lives, because love will just come in a blink of an eye. :)


onegoodwoman profile image

onegoodwoman 6 years ago from A small southern town Author

Ilovestories.....

Yes, my tomorrows are built upon the back

of my yesterdays.

I learned what is acceptable, unacceptable

and what I can live with.

Thank you for your reading.


stricktlydating profile image

stricktlydating 6 years ago from Australia

I understand what you mean Onegoodwoman,

My best guess would be our generation being influenced by a combination of the media (What Celebrities do in all the gossip Mags etc), TV dramas, as well as modern technology. We can easily have contact with our ex's after it's 'over' thesedays - For example, they may be on our Facebook friends list etc, or they can - without much expense or effort at all send an email or text message at a time they're feeling lonely... And can use these as tools to try to get their love back. I just think it's socially acceptable for people to give their relationship another go, and if two people decide to do that, I can respect that, but I prefer to look forward myself ;)


onegoodwoman profile image

onegoodwoman 6 years ago from A small southern town Author

Stricklydating....

Now, that you point it out to me,

is does make sense.


breathe2travel profile image

breathe2travel 6 years ago from Gulf Coast, USA

this hub mirrors my own thoughts when I had read a hubpages question, "how can i get my ex back?" ugh. sickening. I hope its author reads your hub. I hope the ones who need to read it do read it!

voted up & useful.

warm regards~


onegoodwoman profile image

onegoodwoman 6 years ago from A small southern town Author

Breathe2travel,

They probably won't be drawn, or

will fail to see themselves.

We usually don't see our selves reflected

easily.

I just wondered how it had become the

goal of so many. As, I said, I do understand

trying to save families and marriages.


breathe2travel profile image

breathe2travel 6 years ago from Gulf Coast, USA

I totally agree with saving families and marriages -- but not chasing down someone who so lightly esteems the affections of another...


IdeaMorphist profile image

IdeaMorphist 6 years ago from Chicagoland

I agree entirely! Exes are exes bc they already messed up their chance!


Emma Grimes profile image

Emma Grimes 6 years ago from Ireland

I totally get where you are coming from, i think the whole idea of wanting your ex back is stupid really... after all once bitten twice shy! People should move on, experience the world, find a partner who is exactly the person they would choose to spend their life with! Never settle for second best!! Chances are there is always something better out there than what you have or had, but once your happy with your life situation thats all the really matters. Dont you think :)


onegoodwoman profile image

onegoodwoman 6 years ago from A small southern town Author

IdeaMorphist,

Thanks for coming by and reading.

It seems to escape many of us, good

to know I'm not alone~


onegoodwoman profile image

onegoodwoman 6 years ago from A small southern town Author

Emma Grimes,

We are on the same page!

Thanks for being a reader, good

to have you here.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota

I agree with you. I don't get it either. Most of my dear friends don't think this way at all. They would never consider getting back into something that was bad to begin with.


onegoodwoman profile image

onegoodwoman 6 years ago from A small southern town Author

Hi there Minnetonka Twin,

It is good to see you again!

Thanks for coming by for a read.


fucsia profile image

fucsia 5 years ago

I am agree with you. If a relationship has failed it means that something important did not work. Remain tied to the memories is not enough, is not love... In many cases is only fear.


onegoodwoman profile image

onegoodwoman 5 years ago from A small southern town Author

Fucsia,

Moving forward can be scary, but

remaining miserable seems the scarier.

It really does take all kinds to

make the world.

Thanks for coming by to read.


AliceOnAThread 5 years ago

Is it because of the threat of Aids? You just cracked me up good hub!


onegoodwoman profile image

onegoodwoman 5 years ago from A small southern town Author

AliceOnAThread,

So glad to have a new reader for my hub!

The commentary on AIDS wasn't intended to

be funny. I would expect that it is a real

issue for the single people.

However, I would much rather make you laugh

than cause your tears~~

Welcome to Hub Pages, I hope to see you again.


Shelvajay profile image

Shelvajay 5 years ago from If You Know Me Personally, You Know Where I Am...

This is a good read...


onegoodwoman profile image

onegoodwoman 5 years ago from A small southern town Author

Shelvajay,

It is good to have a new reader.

Glad you liked the hub.

Welcome to HP, and I wish you

success and joy here.


Shelvajay profile image

Shelvajay 5 years ago from If You Know Me Personally, You Know Where I Am...

Thank you so much. I have been really enjoying myself. Stop by my Hub Page if you want. I hope you enjoy what I write too. I anjoy your writing very much...


onegoodwoman profile image

onegoodwoman 5 years ago from A small southern town Author

TY, Shelvajay,

I will make it a point to do so!


junkseller profile image

junkseller 5 years ago from Michigan

Well, if there is a cultural change perhaps it is that older generations were more focused on forging relationships that work than they were on simply "being in love". And so for you, when the workings of a relationship didn't work you see no point of going back. Younger people, however, may actually have been deeply in love with someone but just weren't able to make the relationship work. Looking back they may still see the love and see a wonderful person and then either by tricking themselves or by having matured and grown since breaking up think that they can now make the relationship work. In their minds they will say, the love wasn't the problem, the work was.

So, maybe it is just that the different generations do things backwards. Older generations seek a relationship that works in which they can grow love, while the younger generations look for love in which they can grow a working relationship. Said another way, the older generation looks for a nice pot in which they can grow a rose, the younger generation carries around their rose looking for a nice pot to plant it in. By that theory perhaps getting exes back makes sense. But than considering how long I have been single I'm the last person who should be theorizing about relationships.


onegoodwoman profile image

onegoodwoman 5 years ago from A small southern town Author

Junkseller,

What a unique outlook, especially about the rose.

Just so you know, I am not so old, that I married out of need rather than love......

Your profile is a riot! Welcome to my hub.


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 5 years ago from United States

Reconciling with your EX for the sake of peace is good but to re-ignite a relationship...i don't think so!

It is time to move on in terms of a relationship 'cause those bridges are burnt with that EX...my outlook!


onegoodwoman profile image

onegoodwoman 5 years ago from A small southern town Author

Ruchira,

Thanks for coming by and

adding to the ideas to ponder.

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