The 13 Manly-Thing I Failed Trying to Impress a Few Pretty Girls

Impressing girls: a costly venture

Somewhere in a select place in a few select cracks, lies three-dollars and eighty-two cents, all in quarters. I could probably buy myself a top-brand of a metal detector and dig this money out, but like most small towns, there are packs of people who keep “their eyes peeled,” for dabbling into other people’s business.

And although retrieving all of my quarters from the dirty sidewalks would not be illegal, I admit that my actions would be suspect. So I am leaving my change safely in the cracks of the sidewalk that has withstood storms, ice storms and thousands of heels since 1972 and that way I know it will be there when and if I lose my mental abilities and fetch myself an Army-issued spade, green in color, and march myself down to that select place in the sidewalk and when I finish with my digging and answering our busy bodies most of the day, I will be almost four-dollars richer.

Whistling at girls for me sounded like a steam horn on a showboat on the Mississippi River

Flipping quarters cost me $3.82

Silver awaits me and a shovel

Why is this money here to begin with? I shouldn’t say, but I think it makes for a good story. It was here on this sidewalk that I first learned just how miserable I really was at impressing the pretty girls who either walked by or drove by on any given Saturday and Sunday afternoon.

Some guys have it. Some don’t. Guess which group I belong to. But in this sensitive, accepting society we have become, please give me some credit for at least trying.

By the way some of these girls would laugh in a very unladylike-fashion, you know, covering their pretty mouths when they laugh, I was confused at whether I was impressing them or causing them to laugh. God might have been telling me at (this) time in my life, “Kenny, I need you to nurture your gift of comedy that I am giving you. Do not strive to be rich, powerful or famous. Just be funny. Make people laugh. I am sick and tired of them moping around.”

My dad couldn't afford a suit for me to dress sharply

No wonder I wasn't a playboy

I missed something somewhere for not any of the established cool things that a majority of males do in their single lives to get the attention of that certain female, worked. Each event “went south,” and some even “crashed and burned.” And I was left looking like a fool. My handful of buddies who were brave enough to accompany me on these “Impress Girls Tours,” laughed heartily enough. At me.

So, guys, as you read these . . .

“13 Manly-Things That I Failed in Order to Impress Girls”

See if you can find yourself and let me take you back to “that” time in your teenage years before you met and married your “dreamboat,” your wife now of 22 years.

Weight-lifting only wore me out

The rest of the manly-things I failed at trying to impress pretty girls

Standing by my muscle car
Standing by my muscle car
Having sexy long hair
Having sexy long hair
Foot racing
Foot racing
Skimming stones
Skimming stones
Thrown from a wild horse
Thrown from a wild horse
Diving from high places
Diving from high places
Having six-pack abs
Having six-pack abs
Dangerous motorcycle tricks
Dangerous motorcycle tricks
I couldn't play a guitar
I couldn't play a guitar
  1. Whistling at girls – is supposed to be natural. It is for some guys. But when I whistled, I sounded like a showboat coming to dock in one a harbor on the Mississippi River.

  2. Long hair – on guys in 1972 was the “in” thing. Not for me. At seventeen, I started losing my hair over worrying about being drafted for Vietnam. And my parents would have laughed if I had asked for a toupee.

  3. Flipping quarters – for some reason, looked cool as far back as the days of Al Capone and his hoods “dressed to the nines,” would lean against a building and flip that quarter or half-dollar and soon, some lovely girl would be his date for that night. I just lost my change as I explained in the first of this piece.

  4. Leaning against – your muscle car was “the” ultimate in getting pretty girls’ attention. But not for me. I had to hide my dad’s Chevy sedan in order for the girls not to start laughing before they met me.

  5. Having brute-like – muscles like Charles Atlas used to impress females like using a magic charm. God did not give me any bulging biceps or six-pack abs, He just gave me a body that was built to consume fried foods.

  6. Foot races – among males was once considered the honorable way for two males to decide who would date the girl that they both liked. To see me in a foot race was very similar to seeing a circus elephant at the end of the line trying hard to keep a hold of the elephant’s tail in front of me. I was never that athletic.

  7. Sharp clothes – has always been something that attracts girls. Just ask rock band, ZZ Top, who had the 80’s hit, “Sharp Dressed Man.” But for this failure, I have a good reason. My dad was the only one employed in my home and there was no extra cash for buying me a nice suit. And in 1972, there weren’t any girls impressed with a cotton print shirt and blue jeans.

  8. Guitar playing – worked for a lot of guys who ended up happily married. Well, a Roy Rogers I wasn’t. And no, I didn’t stand on the sidewalk with a six-string strung around my neck, but I did carry my guitar from home and let it be seen through the side windows of my car—giving the impression to girls who never knew me that I just might be talented enough to sing and play for her.

  9. Weight-lifting – in 1972, was an all-male sport. Weight-lifters like Dave Draper, Mr. Universe and others made the girls swoon when they lifted over 500 pounds without sweating. Well, to at least tell girls that I was into weight-lifting, I tried to work-out at home. I tried to build muscles by lifting my dad’s machinery he kept in his workshop. Let me tell you. A blacksmith’s anvil is tough to lift for any man. I found that out the hard way, so I never mentioned weight-lifting at all to the girls who did stop and talk to me.

  10. Skimming stones – takes skill. Ask any guy who was raised in rural America. It is more fun when you take that special girl out on a moonlit night and both of you skim stones until it’s time to have some summer romance. To make a sad story short, I never got the hang of skimming stones, but I did learn how to make every stone sink “like a stone,” no pun intended, each time I threw one in the water. And like weight-lifting, this was another topic that was never mentioned to the girls who did go out with me.

  11. Riding a wild horse – would impress any young girl looking for a date. That is if the guy who caught her eye could ride a horse. Need I go further?

  12. Motorcycling – in 1972 was a very popular sport. Girls loved guys who rode motorcycles. Remember the late Evel Knievel? He was popular in this time for the amazing tricks he did on his bike. Not me. Again, my dad couldn’t afford a Harley for me to have dates on Saturday nights.

  13. Diving – into swimming holes and pools were not my “call to glory.” I wasn’t like a duck that “took to the water,” I was comparable to the stones I meant for skimming, but they only sank. Karma. Right?

If I do decide to retrieve my three-dollars and eighty-two cents trapped in the cracks of “that” selected place in the sidewalks of Hamilton, and someone asks me what I am doing on the sidewalk, on Sunday, with a shovel in my hand, I shall honestly-reply, “Oh, I am just looking for change in my life.”

Coming in the near future . . .”How Not to Behave at an Arts, Crafts, and Music Festival”

Note: If you didn't like my story, you can enjoy this song

More by this Author


Comments 26 comments

mgt28 profile image

mgt28 2 years ago

This is an interesting story. Somehow this article relates to most men. But skimming stones is for every guy, I never thought it was a manly thing to do, I just enjoyed it naturally.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, mgt28,

My friend, I appreciate this comment. It might apply for most men, but where I live, skimming stones did not become my second nature. And yes, guys took girls to lakes and ponds in the country when it was a moonlit night and taught them to skim stones.

But I didn't.

I feel so incomplete as a man.

I am serious. Thanks for stopping by.


word55 profile image

word55 2 years ago from Chicago

Hey Ken, you come up with some very good ones (stories). What a life you live. Good story teller you are. Ready for the next one. Keep 'em coming :-)


taiwokareem profile image

taiwokareem 2 years ago from Salford

That was funny and awesome. To be honest Kenny, I never tried any of this to impress girls except the dressing part which I stopped doing later. Looking forward to your next hub.

Voted up


Nadine May profile image

Nadine May 2 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

That was both a funny and an honest read from a man's perspective. I must be honest as well, I never took any notice of guys whistling, especially when they were in a group. If some guy would smile at me in a complimentary way, I would smile back, but then walk on. Yes a guy playing a music instrument did stir an interest, but for me I like tall man. My first husband was over six feet and today my life partner is as well. Voted up


Nyamache profile image

Nyamache 2 years ago from Kenya

You made my day. You just reminded me of the old days. I appreciate your hub.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Nyamache,

Well, thank you so much. Glad that I could help. This was fun to write, but also painful when I remembered the rejections I got thrown my way.

Oh well. Life goes on.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Nadine,

You are a girl with high-taste in guys. Maybe the guys who whistled at you were good inside. Thank you kindly for sharing your ideas.

Have a great day and come back often.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

taiwokareem,

Thank you for your comment. Why did you quit dressing sharply? Married or signal, dressing up always gave me a shot of good psychological energy. Rethink your decision. Deal?


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

word55,

Thank you so much for your nice comment. And as for your compoliment, "I live an interesting life," well, I stay busy as I can, but with the medications I take and feel a nap coming on, I stop;, and nap. like I am doing now.

word55, God bless you for this and all of your comments.


DrBill-WmL-Smith profile image

DrBill-WmL-Smith 2 years ago from Hollister, MO

I continue to be fascinating by what you write. You are truly unique. An English writing mentor told me to limit the use of the word, "Unique." But, you have earned this one, for sure. ;-)


suziecat7 profile image

suziecat7 2 years ago from Asheville, NC

I was one of those girls who loved motorcycles in 1972. Many of those guys turned out to be jerks anyway. :)


sheilamyers 2 years ago

I must be the weirdest woman in the world because none of those things would've impressed me much. I wonder how many of those guys got the girl and are still with them. I've noticed that most of the guys I've met who did the things in your list ended up "playing the field" and, while they may have had dates with many girls, they're the sad and lonely ones today.


Ericdierker profile image

Ericdierker 2 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

My hometown was too small --- by 12 everyone knew what you could and could not do well and looking cool usually just got laughs and giggles.


savvydating profile image

savvydating 2 years ago

It's got to be hell being a young teenaged boy. I can't say I've had any men try to impress me in those ways, except maybe for having muscles, but teenage boys are still developing so, I didn't worry about the size of their biceps. Mostly, I liked boys who were funny---which you are, Kenneth. Thanks for the chuckles. Flipping quarters and skimming stones?? Hmmm. Who knew that a guy might think he could actually impress a girl that way. ;)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear savvydating,

Thank you so much for the sweet comment. Yep. Bad scene, being a teenage guy. It doesn't sound as wimpish to say guy as it does boy. LOL. Flipping quarters, skimming stones, do impress girls. And if a guy can do both at the same time, wow.

I didn't. Something to not look back on and tell stories about on national holidays. Come back for a visit again.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Eric,

So you are now boasting about the size of your hometown? 12? You have me beat by nine.

Thank you for the nice comment. I feel better now.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, sheilamyers,

Thanks, dear friend, for stepping-in for a comment. I love it. And it works the way you say, some guys who just did what they wanted get the the best girls and the nice guys who have no talents to speak of are taken care of by God's limitless grace.

I would be in trouble if not for that.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, suziecat7,

Where in creation have you been? I remember you. You were among my first followers. How are you? I have really missed your comments. So you road a bike in '72? I would have loved to see that.

Yep. Even a few bikers were jerks, but not all. Peter Fonda for one.

Easy Rider.

Hey, suzy, come back anytime you like.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dr. Bill,

I am humbled by your comment. I really am. I have no adequate replies but, "Thank you sincerely," for your words of encouragement.

You make me want to continue this Hub Journey. Even without Harrison Ford and Sly Stallone.


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 2 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Voted up and interesting. You certainly have put in a lot of effort. Impressive. I remember my high school boyfriend played the guitar but we went our separate ways.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Dear Gypsy Rose Lee,

Thank you from my heart, for your sweet comments.

I wish I had taken lessons back then, but with one in our home working, dad didn't have that much left over each week for things like guitar lessons.

Hey, why don't you write about the "Guitar Player I Almost Loved."

I will comment first.

Come back and visit anytime.


teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 2 years ago

I remember the muscle car days and the pictures taken by so many. Skipping rocks was so enjoyable and still is! Your writing is creative and captures the reader from beginning to end.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, teaches12345,

Thank you sincerely, for your very sweet comment. And I can say the same about your writing also.

Yours captivates me and I want to know more and more and you provide it in your very-detailed hubs.

I do need help in that area: Detailing my thoughts and ideas.

Thank you more importantly for being a Dear Friend, Great writer and Terrific follower.


ananceleste profile image

ananceleste 2 years ago from California

This is awesome! I have read a couple of your hubs and your style is quite refreshing. The best way to write is directly from your heart. Like you do. The editing process is just a formality. The only critic you need to listen to is yourself.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Oh, wow, ananceleste,

Where have you been for so long? I never get compliments this moving. Thanks. I sincerely appreciate you taking time to read and compliment this.

I will always think of You as My Special Friend 'til life's end.

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