The Amazing Things People Say When They Are Late

Sadly, and truthfully, we live in a time-driven, time-consumed society of go-getters, over-achievers, believers and non-believers, all ruled by one thing: Time. Don’t give me that old argument that you are “not a slave of time,” and that you are no one’s slave. We all are, at one time or the other, a slave to someone, but overall, we might as well face it, time is our master.

We have (a) time to rise, a time to dress, a time to hurry to our workplaces. There we have a break time, lunch time and time to leave. So is the same with our school children. Name one thing that does not depend on time? I cannot. Even hobos and prostitutes are mastered by time. If the hobo is late to when the restaurants and food stores throw out unused or uneaten food, he may starve. And if the prostitute is late for her appointments, she goes broke.

God created time, like He made everything that was made (John, chapter one). And He has a purpose for time and purpose. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 KJV. So, and this is my opinion, time must be important for God to put it in the Bible. I have read this particular passage and it, like the Bible, makes good sense. There “is” a season and time for all things.

Have you ever noticed that during some season in life everyone you meet loves you, smiles at you and you feel “on top of the world?” Then when that season fades, these same people cannot stand the sight of you. It used to drive me nuts. That was until I became resolved to the fact that “Life is not about me. The world does not turn because of me. And in God’s eyes, I am but a piece of clay that cannot walk unless He, the Master Potter, holds my feeble hands.”

I wrote four paragraphs about time. But fact is, I could write about time from now until next Friday, Aug. 29, and still not have grasped or aptly-described what time really is and how it rules over us.

This piece is actually about . . .

“The Amazing Things That People Say When They Are Running Late”

So, no pun intended, “it’s time” for me to get on with it.

“Honey, sorry that I’m late. The train caught me.” Husband to wife after he is late for dinner. Funny thing. There are no trains in their town.

“You’re my date? Awww, how foolish of me to be late.” Guy to girl he meets for the first time on a blind date.

“Sorry, boss. My great uncle, “Lambert Gilfish,” passed away last night. I had to pay my respects. I wish your boss would check your family tree. He would find that all of your decedents were gone five years ago.

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• “Mrs. Johnson, I apologize for being late. A mad dog chased me down the block and I had to climb a tree until he went away.” Crafty student to unassuming teacher. If she only knew the school is located in a “No Animals Allowed” part of town.
• “Oh, was ‘that’ ballet tonight? ‘Mr. Ballson,’ called a last-minute meeting this evenig.” Husband who is “busted,” by his wife when he finally gets home after having a few beers with the guys, but he had promised his wife a night at the ballet.
• “Sir, being a half-hour late is not my fault. I was robbed on the way to work. A rough neck stuck a sharp knife to me as I was leaving the subway and took all of my money.” Believable, but a lie. Your town has to subway. And you are lucky that your new boss hasn’t taken a tour of your town yet.
• “Goshdarn it! My new Rolex must have been a fake for it stopped at 3 p.m. this evening.” Dad who is in trouble with his teenage daughter, a senior in high school, and was getting a ride home with him today. If the daughter only did her homework, she would realize that Rolex’ keep perfect time and seldom break down.
• “Sorry, pastor, for being late for service today. I was praying and lost all track of time.” Church member who missed all but ten-minutes of the morning sermon. (This one is water-tight).
• “Sorry, pastor, for us all being late this morning. Confidenttially, it was the wife’s fault. This new diet she’s one makes her sleep a longer length of time.” And if the pastor just took a good, close look at this member’s wife. It would appear that she has never missed a meal.
• “Sorry, pastor, for us being late for service. Confidentially, it was the husband’s fault. He fed ‘Grover,’ our Beagle some chocolate and he had diahrea this morning.” The pastor has never entered this church member’s home in his ten-years of pastoring the church. This family’s pet is an over-fed tomcat named, “Willy.”
• “Boss, I am sorry for being late for our big presentation. You see, I got married over the weekend, and well, you know, uh, how newlyweds are . . .” Boss winks at the employee, but doesn’t know that the employee is a ladies man and thinks marriage is for the birds.
• “Kids, we apologize for being late to take you to Chucky Cheese.’ A funnel cloud was coming right at us and we had to take cover.” Five-year-old’s and three-year-old’s seldom study the Weather Channel. (This one too is believable).

I would end with a big finish, but Michelle Obama is on the phone needing to talk with me.