The Amazing Things People Say When They Are Late

Boss: "Grrrrr! You are late! Grrr!"

Serving time by serving time

Sadly, and truthfully, we live in a time-driven, time-consumed society of go-getters, over-achievers, believers and non-believers, all ruled by one thing: Time. Don’t give me that old argument that you are “not a slave of time,” and that you are no one’s slave. We all are, at one time or the other, a slave to someone, but overall, we might as well face it, time is our master.

We have (a) time to rise, a time to dress, a time to hurry to our workplaces. There we have a break time, lunch time and time to leave. So is the same with our school children. Name one thing that does not depend on time? I cannot. Even hobos and prostitutes are mastered by time. If the hobo is late to when the restaurants and food stores throw out unused or uneaten food, he may starve. And if the prostitute is late for her appointments, she goes broke.

When doctors run late, it's serious business

Working for the clock

Bridal couples sometimes are late for the train

We hope that our train is on time

God created time, like He made everything that was made (John, chapter one). And He has a purpose for time and purpose. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 KJV. So, and this is my opinion, time must be important for God to put it in the Bible. I have read this particular passage and it, like the Bible, makes good sense. There “is” a season and time for all things.

Have you ever noticed that during some season in life everyone you meet loves you, smiles at you and you feel “on top of the world?” Then when that season fades, these same people cannot stand the sight of you. It used to drive me nuts. That was until I became resolved to the fact that “Life is not about me. The world does not turn because of me. And in God’s eyes, I am but a piece of clay that cannot walk unless He, the Master Potter, holds my feeble hands.”

I wrote four paragraphs about time. But fact is, I could write about time from now until next Friday, Aug. 29, and still not have grasped or aptly-described what time really is and how it rules over us.

This piece is actually about . . .

“The Amazing Things That People Say When They Are Running Late”

So, no pun intended, “it’s time” for me to get on with it.

“Honey, sorry that I’m late. The train caught me.” Husband to wife after he is late for dinner. Funny thing. There are no trains in their town.

“You’re my date? Awww, how foolish of me to be late.” Guy to girl he meets for the first time on a blind date.

“Sorry, boss. My great uncle, “Lambert Gilfish,” passed away last night. I had to pay my respects. I wish your boss would check your family tree. He would find that all of your decedents were gone five years ago.

Continued below photo below

"I got here ahead of time!"

"Why is my fiancé always late?"

Slowly and surely, time marches on . . .

Poor guy. Running out of my story

"My meeting starts in ten minutes. Where is 'Lance'?"

Continued from atop photo

  • “Mrs. Johnson, I apologize for being late. A mad dog chased me down the block and I had to climb a tree until he went away.” Crafty student to unassuming teacher. If she only knew the school is located in a “No Animals Allowed” part of town.
  • “Oh, was ‘that’ ballet tonight? ‘Mr. Ballson,’ called a last-minute meeting this evenig.” Husband who is “busted,” by his wife when he finally gets home after having a few beers with the guys, but he had promised his wife a night at the ballet.
  • “Sir, being a half-hour late is not my fault. I was robbed on the way to work. A rough neck stuck a sharp knife to me as I was leaving the subway and took all of my money.” Believable, but a lie. Your town has to subway. And you are lucky that your new boss hasn’t taken a tour of your town yet.
  • “Goshdarn it! My new Rolex must have been a fake for it stopped at 3 p.m. this evening.” Dad who is in trouble with his teenage daughter, a senior in high school, and was getting a ride home with him today. If the daughter only did her homework, she would realize that Rolex’ keep perfect time and seldom break down.
  • “Sorry, pastor, for being late for service today. I was praying and lost all track of time.” Church member who missed all but ten-minutes of the morning sermon. (This one is water-tight).
  • “Sorry, pastor, for us all being late this morning. Confidenttially, it was the wife’s fault. This new diet she’s one makes her sleep a longer length of time.” And if the pastor just took a good, close look at this member’s wife. It would appear that she has never missed a meal.
  • “Sorry, pastor, for us being late for service. Confidentially, it was the husband’s fault. He fed ‘Grover,’ our Beagle some chocolate and he had diahrea this morning.” The pastor has never entered this church member’s home in his ten-years of pastoring the church. This family’s pet is an over-fed tomcat named, “Willy.”
  • “Boss, I am sorry for being late for our big presentation. You see, I got married over the weekend, and well, you know, uh, how newlyweds are . . .” Boss winks at the employee, but doesn’t know that the employee is a ladies man and thinks marriage is for the birds.
  • “Kids, we apologize for being late to take you to Chucky Cheese.’ A funnel cloud was coming right at us and we had to take cover.” Five-year-old’s and three-year-old’s seldom study the Weather Channel. (This one too is believable).

I would end with a big finish, but Michelle Obama is on the phone needing to talk with me.



"We gotta make it on time!"

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Comments 26 comments

Kathryn Stratford profile image

Kathryn Stratford 2 years ago from Manchester, Connecticut

Haha, it is amusing what kind of lies people will make to try and excuse their tardiness.

Thanks for sharing this piece with us, and have a wonderful night.

~ Kathryn


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Kathryn,

You are absolutely right. Thank YOU for the sweet comment and you, dear friend, have a great week ahead.

Kenneth


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

Hilarious as always Kenneth and the first part actually inspirational :)

Don't tell anyone, but I voted you 'funniest Hubber' in the 2014 awards. Have a good one. Hope to see your comments at my hubs sometime too...lol


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida

Sorry I'm late, Kenneth. We had a power out and had no electricity for almost four hours!

This was true Saturday, but not today. However, it's always a good one to lay on a boss when you're late for work!


Kaili Bisson profile image

Kaili Bisson 2 years ago from Canada

Too funny...thank you for making me chuckle :-)


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 years ago

OK, it ‘s funny. Here’s my excuse. Boss, I’m one of those people who don’t have a 24-hour Circadian rhythm (actually true) and it messes up my sense of time. I just can't get up in the morning.


Nadine May profile image

Nadine May 2 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

This is a funny hub. It took me back to my school years, when I blamed the bus for being to early, so I missed it.


sheilamyers 2 years ago

Hilarious! I'm rarely late for work, but I'll try one of these the next time I am. None of them will be accepted yet I think my teamleader will be laughing so hard at the lame excuse he'll forget to yell at me for being late.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, sheilamyers,

Thank you, dear friend. I sincerely appreciate your comments. That one might work on your boss--get them to laughing and they will forget you were late.

I wish I had thought of that one.

Come back and see me very soon.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Jodah,

Thanks, good friend. Do not worry. I will appear and vanish before you can get into a discussion with me about "Third World Country and How Their Lifestyles Affect Our Taxes."

I am like "Jesse," in the Geico ad, "Sorry Daisy. I'm a loner and a loner's gotta be alone."

And at end of ad, his pretty wife says, "Jesse?"

What did that have to do with me visiting your hubs?

Nothing. But the girl is really hot, wouldn't you say?


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Nadine,

I LOVE your excuse about the bus being too early. I used, "Grandpa, it looks like rain today, and my mom and dad didn't want me to get wet waiting for the bus." Now that worked quite well because it was still a little dark when my folks dropped me off at the grandparents' house.

I regretted it for about--a minute.

Thanks for your hilarious comment.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, MizBejabbers,

What a neat excuse. And it even sounds authentic. I know you said it was true, I was just channeling what an average boss might say.

I loved it. Thanks so much for being in my world.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Kaili,

And a heart-felt thanks to you for the nice compliment. I was instantly cheered up. I appreciate you very much.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, bravewarrior,

Nice excuse, the old "power outage" routine. And you know, it is believable each time you use it, depending on if the boss does not know where you live.

If I were still able to work, I might be tempted to use it.

Thanks, dear friend.


vkwok profile image

vkwok 2 years ago from Hawaii

Thumbs up for the Funny!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

vkwok,

Thank you, kind friend, for investing your time into reading and commenting on this hub. I appreciate you so much.


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 2 years ago from Riga, Latvia

This one had me smiling and a bit dizzy with all those people rushing everywhere. I have always made it a point in my life to manage my time so that I am on time for appointments and sometimes even a bit early but never late. Guess we'll never catch up with time. Passing this on.


aviannovice profile image

aviannovice 2 years ago from Stillwater, OK

You are so right. We will always be a slave to time in some way. If I'm not out early mornings, I certainly will miss some priceless photo ops.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Gypsy Rose Lee,

Thank you, sweet friend, for your nice comment. I admire you now, for yet another great trait: Punctuality. You are a very special lady. Thank you for dropping by.

Happy Labor Day.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, aviannovice,

Thank you kindly for your nice comment. I feel so uplifted by my followers' comments.

I hate to think where I'd be without YOU and all of my dear followers.

Happy Labor Day.


teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 2 years ago

Thanks for the laughter. I think I may have used a couple of these at one time.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

teaches12345,

You are welcome. I enjoy giving you and all of my cherished-followers a moment of laughter for there is too much depression and negative things in our society the way it is.

In my newspaper days, I worked with this woman who was always outspoken about things that would have gotten others terminated, but being that she was so talented in the newspaper work, the management let her slide.

If she were ever late, she would always say, "the train caught me." And work would continue.

Funny thing. Our town doesn't have a train track.

Happy Labor Day and please visit with me again.


Pawpawwrites profile image

Pawpawwrites 2 years ago from Kansas

I rarely had to come up with an excuse. I'm one of those strange people, who are habitually early.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Pawpawwrites,

My dad and mom drilled it in me when I grew up, to always try my best to make the appointments I made and they added that it is better to be a little early than a little late.

And they were right.

Thanks so much for your comment. God bless you and come back often.


MartieG profile image

MartieG 2 years ago from Jersey Shore

Nicely done! I think we have all been 'late' at times!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, MartieG.,

Thank you so kindly for your lovely and uplifting comment.

You make writing hubs worthwhile.

Have a blessed week and a safe week.

You can visit me anytime and share what you like.

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