The raw truth about sexless marriages

"The Raw Truth About Sexless Marriages"

Sometimes having sex isn't an option, because of medicals reasons, but all isn't lost,because you can find other things to do, if you really  love that person as a whole.
Sometimes having sex isn't an option, because of medicals reasons, but all isn't lost,because you can find other things to do, if you really love that person as a whole.
I'm sure there are many couples that are unable to functional in the bedroom because of medical problems, but you love them and be there for them anyway. The vows said for better or for worse
I'm sure there are many couples that are unable to functional in the bedroom because of medical problems, but you love them and be there for them anyway. The vows said for better or for worse

"The raw truth about sexless marriages"

Last week on Oprah, Dr. Meana talked about sexual relations and sexless marriages, these are sad facts but true ones.There seem to be a lot of sexless marriages in our society today.I think the lack of sex in marriages are caused by health problems that crop up later into the marriage because of health problems that exist.

Many married couples are going without the pleasure of sexual relations, because of not being able to function in the bedroom.The sexual desire can still be there, but if you have medical problems, not being able to function in that area of your life can be disappointing for you and your spouse.Age is also a big factor in sexless marriages, as we get older the man lose their virility and some women lose their desire to perform in the bedroom.

The lack of sex in a marriages isn't because the couples don't desire it, but because of medical problems or medication side effects.When we're in sexless marriages, the only thing going in the bedroom is restful and peaceful sleep.There's no one out there that wants to admit to having a sexless marriage, because it's a big embarrassment. lllnesses like diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease and use of medication can cause erectile dysfunction in a man.There are gracious men out there that take a chance on Viagara, Cialis and other medication to help them perform in the bedroom.

We are finding out that all those medication to help the man perform has many terrible side effects that's not safe for the man.Some of these harsh side effects are, blindness, hearing lost and an erection that last for hours at a time.An erection lasting hours could be a plus for the wife, but it could be terribly uncomfortable for the husband with the problem.In my opinion a penile implant would be better for the man and even safer than all than medication on the market today, with all the side effects.

So, don't be quick to judge married couples for not having sexual fun in the bedroom, if they're on medication that keeps them from functioning in bedroom. When we have these kinds of interruptions in our sexual lives, we have to find other things to try and keep the spice and intimacy in to the relationship.You don't stop touching or holding each other, you can always find ways to pleasure each other. Sex is not the most important thing in the relationship, it's important but you have got to have something else; to hold the the marriage together when the glitter and expectancy wear off.

If you're only in a marriage just for sex, you're in for a rude awakening, because it's not all about sex; it's about loving and caring for the one you're with. It's good to know that there is a lot of other couples going through the same lack of sex in their marriages because of medical and health problems.

Benny Faye Douglass (C) copyright 2009

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Comments 40 comments

creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 2 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Hi Lindao32, I understand your dilemma and I'm sorry nothing has work for him so far but if your husband loves you, like I think he does, maybe you can suggest a penile implant to him. I've heard that it has worked for men in his situation . He can get a doctors appointment and talk to his Dr. about it. I hope everything work out for you and your husband. Godspeed. creativeone59


Linda032 2 years ago

Hello everyone, i am deeply saddened. I've been married for one year and I've had sex with my husband less then 10x. I'm 32 yrs old. He is about 15 yrs older than I. He has ED. He tryed meds but none worked including Viagra :/ honestly it's the most frustrating feeling I've ever felt. What's worse is I'm constantly desiring it dreaming of it. I've even thought of cheating just for the pleasure and then returning to him after. he works everyday and usually just wants to sleep at night he has high blood pressure and diabetes......I'm so young to be going through this. I have no one to vent to.


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 5 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you Smcopywrite, for visiting my hub and leaving a comment i appreciate you. I think when a couple is use to being physical and one of them no longer want to participate the other party is left feeling lonely and all alone, so there has to something to keep them connected even if it only touching. Godsped. creativeone59


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 5 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Rosie Honey. I am so sorry it took me this long to answer you back, but I understand you delimma and it's not a good feeling to be in this type of situations. The best thing to do is go and have a heart to heart talk with your husband and gently explain that you miss be connected with him physicially. Tell him that the doctors say that a good sexual relationship help people live a long time because it relieves stress and you want to start back trying to be sexually active evenif it's not the way it use to be because you miss itt a lot. If he's is your soul mate then he should understand exactly what you're talking about. Marital counseling might not be a bad idea if he will go for it. Tell him you need more than what youj're getting from him. God bless you and Godspeed. creativeone59


smcopywrite profile image

smcopywrite 5 years ago from all over the web

very nice hub. you are right. if sex is the only reason you are together, then you dont really have a "relationship" you want to term it something else. however, the other side of the coin is you can have one of the greatest relationships with everything and more without the actual act of sex. very nice hub and extremely well put.


rose comeau 6 years ago

It has been almost 8 months, it is great when it happens, beyond great, but medications, affect the mind as well, and we are both medicated for depression/anziety..i miss the look of love...married 22 years, y kids, and sex was great until about 7 -10 years ago...my husband was really wild in bed, and now he thinks it is dirty...in his mind, he feels like sex ruins the world...again i miss the passion, orgasm is very hard to attain as well on meds. However, it is the connection i miss, he is my soul mate, and i love him more than anything cept God and our kids. Even when he lets me touch him, which is rare, and you can imagine, someone that you love not letting you touch them anywhere, but when he is "ready" he does not take control and innitiate lovemaking...he just lies there, like it is "pity" sex...which i suppose is better than no sex... thanks for the columm because it is good to know i am not alone. I knew these meds had side effects, and he really needs them, i am on a low dose, which helps, but i remember once my daughter came up to me and touched my neck, and not sexually, just a little massage, as i was cleaning, and it brought me to tears, knowing how much i miss being touched, and it only has to be the neck...i am easy...lonliness, def embarrassed, after such a great sex life. There has to be a reason for everythign, as if your spouce got into an accident and could not partake in sex,,,it is something we all may have to deal with at some point in time, i wish i had of had a few more years though..lol


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Ron and Amy thank you for visiting my hubs, when I wrote this hub, it was for those couples that still desire sexual relations and aren't able to, because of medical reasons, or because of the use of certain,medications. If you two don't desire sex that's find because that your preference, but there are others that would love to enjoy sex again. Thank you again for your comment and feedback. Godspeed. creativeone59


Amy & Ron 6 years ago

So whats the big deal about living without sex. Its some thing we learned to live with. Married for 43 years and the first few years were ok, wife not into it and husband didn't really get all that excited about it. He thought it was boring and not exciting at all. We managed to have two kids and after our youngest was born, there was not going to be any more sex, Sex has been turned off for about 30 years. Now retired and life is great.


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you Amy for visiting my hubs,unny about that control Amy sometimes being in control sometimes leaves us in the cold. Men are kind of funny about the control thing, after all God did put in in charge, so having conrol can sometimes be a bitter sweet moment in our lives. Do you want to control or do you want to be loved and made feel like you're a desirable women. if you both love each, then both of you should try and work on things in your marriage that's going to make both you content and happy. Try it what do you have to lose. Thanks for your comment and feedback. Gods love and blessing to you and yours. creativeone59


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you for stopping by Travel_man, the reason I wrote the hubs to let couples knoe they can fin other things to do, sometimes we have to use our imagginationk. Thank you for your comment and feedback. creativeone59


travel_man1971 profile image

travel_man1971 6 years ago from Bicol, Philippines

A very good hub, creativeone59 (aka Benny Faye). My salute for you madam for making this write-up. Sexless marriages should have a good diversion, like taking a hike, a trip to other countries or involving in other worthwhile activities in the community. Brain needs enrichment especially about our existence with God.


AMY 6 years ago

I certainly think I qualify as being in a sexless marriage, its been about 20 years now. Were in

our 60s since the last time and on and off for the other 23 years.

We re both at fault, I have a big tendency to be in control of everything. It all has to happen on my terms. I don't let my husband just go out, he really has no real freinds.. I tell him all the time to stay away from other women. And when I go out he dosen't really care how long or with who. He just tells me have fun and if theres any problems call me. I think I could have an affare and he wouldn't say anything.

And he on the other has said I just don't want sex or be intimante with me. I was hurt!! Also he was not interested anymore, sex has no excitment, meaning, thrill what ever you call it. Now he has high blood pressure, cholesterol, sleep issues, ulcers,slight depression and he takes pills for all that and his sex desire is gone. Hes been to doc and tryed viagra passed out on low dosage, pump but nothing works. Our sex life is gone forever.


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you RackyB, for visiting my hub and leaving your valuable comment and feedback. You're still young and I hope you and your husband keep the zing in your relationship. I was really talking about the people in their 50's and 60's. Thank you again. Godspeed. creativeone59


RackyB profile image

RackyB 6 years ago from The Treasure Coast

Coming from a 30 year old, Sex is like the "cherry on top" for me. I am excited that after 4 kids and 8 years of marriage, I still have the hots for my hubby and he has the hots for me too. However there are some women my age who has sexless marriages and attribute this to being overworked, and too tired after dealing with the children. I pray the good Lord keeps "that" spark in my marriage. I really enjoy that perk :)


lctodd1947 profile image

lctodd1947 6 years ago from USA

You did it again. You are correct and when we get older, sex is not the most important thing, anyway. Women love compliments and a hug everyday and being kissed with passion.....you know like when we were kids...hee hee

Good information and yes there is more of this than anyone wants to admit...Thank you


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

You're right about those side effects being blindness, hearing, and even memory loss. I have some notes right here...let's see... well I can't seem to read them right now...what's that? somebody said something...well there was something I was going to say but it slips my mind right now. Oh well- great hub - what was it about? Oh yeah sex or something. Thanks


hafeezrm profile image

hafeezrm 6 years ago from Pakistan

I agree with Faye. If there are sex-problems, there are others ways to satisfy your partner like touching and holding.

Nice hub, I must say.


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you jbsweet, for your comments and positive feedback. may God you and yours. creativeone59


jbsweet profile image

jbsweet 6 years ago from Cleveland, Oh

I never thought about it that way but it makes sense, great hub!


suiteorchids profile image

suiteorchids 6 years ago

You are right, but if the couple can work things out to attack head on,these problems that can be solved. Thanks for the hub.


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you M


Madison22 profile image

Madison22 6 years ago from NYC

Good article! Very informative, very true. Thanks.


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you dashinclaire,for you comment and feedback. creativeone59


dashingclaire profile image

dashingclaire 6 years ago from United States

Nice job!


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you so much IslandVoice, I appreciate your comment and feedback. you have a blessed day. creativeone59


IslandVoice profile image

IslandVoice 6 years ago from Hawaii

What a fine hub creativeone! It's very informative and surely helpful. A couple who truly love each other will, and should be able to deal with this problem, should it happen. Sex is an integral part of marriage, but it's not everything. Besides, there are, as they say, many creative ways to love on each other, physically and mentally.


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you Coffey dear for your comment and your feedback. have a blessed day. creativeone59


CoffeyTalk profile image

CoffeyTalk 6 years ago

wow. I never even considered this viewpoint. I have to admit that I automatically assumed it was that those couples were falling out of love. Thank you for opening my eyes. It's amazing how ignorant we can find out we are once we are willing to open ourselves to information. Too bad most ignorant people aren't that open. ;)


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

You are totally correct and the spouses shouldn't give up on trying new things to keep each other appeased. Thank you NGRIA Bassett for your comment and your feedback. creativeone59


NGRIA Bassett profile image

NGRIA Bassett 6 years ago from Bermuda

A sexless marriage is a great loss to both. Part of the fun is trying new things and new ways to please your spouse. Don't dwell on the negatives look for inovative fun ways to keep the sparks igniting in the marriage.


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you Joque, I'm a variety person that believe in keep the people abreast of things as they happen. I write about life and the things that go on in life and I try to do it honestly. I'm glad you enjoy my hubs, that makes my day. I will be looking forward to more of your writings. Godspeed. creativeone59


joque profile image

joque 6 years ago

Very insightful. Folk also just lose the desire for each other. Someone else can come along and they get excited all over again. There should always be some kind of intimacy in a marraige, as you said, there are many things that can be done, ie holding, touching, caressing, and some other stuff i won't say on this forum, but you know what I mean. True love for one's spouce will overcome any temporary lack of enthusiasm. You have some very interesting topics. I like it.


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you travel_man1971, for your comment and your honest feedback. I appreciate you. Godspeed. creativeone59


travel_man1971 profile image

travel_man1971 6 years ago from Bicol, Philippines

Marriage is all about loving and caring for the one you're with. This is very true creativeone59. Man cannot live alone. That's why God made a partner taken from his bone (or rib) called Woman.

How about same sex marriages? It is now being permitted in the laws of humans not by God (if we base it from the Bible). If the bottomline is not about the term "sex" but companionship or so we say, love and caring, then we can tolerate it. As long as they're happy and not harming others.

Thanks again for this hub.


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you, I definitely agree. Thanks again for your comments and feedback, Gospeed. creativeone59


OTmommy profile image

OTmommy 6 years ago from Southern USA

Good article! although it is true that sexless marriages can be due to health problems and medication side effects, it is also because some workaholic couples don't take the necessary time out of their schedule to "get in the mood"; they are too busy with kids, work, etc.


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 7 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

THank you for your wonderful comment and feedback. have a blessd day. creativeone59


esllr profile image

esllr 7 years ago

I enjoyed this informative hub Creativeone

I agree about the brain being the largest sex organ also that a respectable,friendly, honest,fun-loving,caring,ambitious,thoughtful man is the sexiest and most important.

They attract faithful,loving,woman that

will enjoy being pleased by them without

all the equipment.

A real woman or man would not tear down a strong family for pettiness.

There are so many options to have fun with than to

hurt yourselves.

This man will always make it to the finish line.

Many times it's the women that don't want sex anymore.

God Bless


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 7 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

You are correct sir, it's a mind thing, of course a lot of us don't it yet. thanks for your comment. creativeone59


KwameG profile image

KwameG 7 years ago from MS

Nice Hub, I heard someone say that the biggest sex organ we have is our brain.

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