Tips on Getting Over Your Ex

It's trite but true: Time will help to heal your broken heart.
It's trite but true: Time will help to heal your broken heart. | Source

What To Do When A Relationship Ends

If it's any comfort, any adult can commiserate with the way you feel when a relationship ends. Whether the breakup was your idea or your partner's, there are major changes happening for you now, not the least of which is dealing with the emotions that are swirling through you.

Right now it may feel like the pain or emptiness you're experiencing will last forever; it won't, but you may not be ready to believe that until you come to terms with the fact your relationship has ended. This is the first step to moving forward.

Accept that the relationship has ended. It is a fact. Once you accept that fact you can grieve your losses. Grief after a breakup is natural. Grief will run its course, and there are many things you can do to work through the grief, and you will begin to feel better.

When you fail to accept the finality of a breakup, when you hold onto hope that the two of you will get back together, you set yourself up for long-term pain and disappointment. This isn't healthy for you; it isn't in your best interests. Move on to acceptance of the situation, to allowing yourself to heal.

Why Do So Many Men Move on So Quickly?

What Not To Do After a Breakup

There are many positive, healthy options you can choose to do after a breakup, but there are also some options that are likely to lead to negative consequences or long-term repercussions. These are things you don't want to do after the end of a relationship:

  • Try to hide or dull your emotions through excessive use of alcohol, excessive eating, use of illicit drugs or misuse of prescription drugs, refusing to eat or to diet excessively, or shop excessively
  • Become involved in another emotional relationship before you've had sufficient time to process your grief and other feelings about your past relationship. Rebound relationships have a bad reputation for good reason.
  • Wonder what is wrong with you as a human being or as a romantic partner. While a breakup is often the result of issues on both sides of the partnership, it doesn't define you as a bad human being or partner.
  • Avoid friends and family. These people care about you and will allow you to talk through your feelings and provide positive reinforcement and affirmations towards you.
  • Wallow in your feelings. It's easy enough to do; listen to the music the two of you enjoyed or visit places the two of you visited -- but don't. Nothing good is to be gained by these activities.
  • Stay in touch with your ex or keep mementos around. After you've had time to grieve and heal from the breakup, you might want to reconsider these, but in the meantime they are a no-no.
  • Don't be afraid to be alone. You'll know when you're ready for a possible relationship when you are happy in your own company. If, when you're alone, you feel compelled to call your ex or to overindulge in an unhealthy way in something, give a friend a call or make a visit to someone you care about.


Getting Over a Breakup

Christian Relationships and Breakups

Tips to Get Over Your Ex

Accept that you are going to experience emotional pain due to the changes in your life after a relationship ends. Accept this fact and prepare to take action, to make changes, to look inward and move forward.

How are you going to move forward? How will you heal the broken heart you have now that seems without end? Read on:

  • Change your habits, routines. Establish new places to go, different music to listen to, re-start an old hobby or find a new one, get a new hairstyle.
  • Take care of yourself. Maintain your appearance and personal hygiene. Get dressed every day. Eat nutritious meals and get regular exercise. Looking good will make you feel better.
  • Stay in touch with family and friends. You can even stay in touch with mutual friends of your ex-partner, just don't ask them to be in the middle of the two of you. Share your feelings with the people who care about you.
  • Write a list of things about the relationship/ex-partner that you did not like or found irritating. Add to the list as memories emerge. You might want to keep this list on your bathroom mirror or car visor, or any other place you are likely to see it each day. This isn't about placing blame on your ex-partner; it's about being realistic that the relationship that's ended did have it's down sides too.
  • Redecorate. Get rid of his posters or her frilly bedspread. Change the colors of the walls or spruce up the living area with new pillows or prints.
  • Journal. Put your feelings, your experiences, your insights down on paper. Be honest with yourself and just let the words flow. You don't have to write in sentences; just put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard and write. It's cathartic to get the thoughts and feelings out of your mind and onto something concrete, even if you never visit those entries again.
  • Consider some stress-busting techniques such as yoga, tai chi, meditation, guided imagery, massage, physical exercise. Any of these may be therapeutic in your healing process.
  • Write letters to your ex. Pour out all your thoughts and feelings into letter to your ex-partner. When you've completed one, tear it up or delete it. These are not letters that should ever be sent; they're for your benefit.
  • If you find yourself unable to accept the finality of the breakup, or can't seem to move past your grief, consider consulting your health care provider, a therapist or counselor.
  • Use this post-relationship period as a time of reflection. Think back over how you might want to do things differently in the future, about behavior you will and won't accept, about your values and how you want a new partner to respect those values. Because you are likely to be in touch with your feelings post-relationship, this time is a gift for you to learn from those feelings. It's a gift because you will likely be in a better place internally when another relationship happens in the future.

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Comments 12 comments

pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 3 years ago from sunny Florida

Some good points. I have been divorced for many many years and have written about surviving divorce here on HP. When I wrote it, it all came back to me. I had really loved the man who fathered my child..we had been together for nine years. He was really my first real love. So getting over it was painful and took many years. My life went on ...I was a Mother so I could not afford the luxury of fully dealing with all I felt. But it was there. Thankfully my family and friends were there for me too.

Your suggestion for those who just can't move on...that they see a counselor or therapist is an important option. Thanks for sharing this. Voted useful.


L.L. Woodard profile image

L.L. Woodard 3 years ago from Oklahoma City Author

Pstraubie48, thank you for sharing your experience post-divorce. It is more complicated when a child is involved, and I can understand your need to keep moving ahead in your life. Friends and family can be so helpful, as are spiritual advisors.

I'm going to check out your hubs on surviving divorce.

Thank you for the comment and vote and hope your life is on a more even keel now.


rajan jolly profile image

rajan jolly 3 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

These are very useful tips. Life is all about moving on in life, leaving the past behind and pulling oneself together. These tips will come in quite handy.

voted up, useful and sharing,


livingsta profile image

livingsta 3 years ago from United Kingdom

Thank you for this hub, a much needed one. Voted up and shared!


vibesites profile image

vibesites 3 years ago from United States

There are tips here that I found a bit unusual (at least for me), like writing a letter "to your ex" and then tearing it. But it's helpful -- it releases what you feel inside and there is also a sort of a closure doing it. Thanks for sharing. voted up and useful. :)


Jen Card profile image

Jen Card 3 years ago

Really good hub! Great information and good advice for moving forward and healing. I agree well done, voted up! Thank you for sharing.


L.L. Woodard profile image

L.L. Woodard 3 years ago from Oklahoma City Author

Rajan Jolly, you are right; life is precious and we need to make the most of each moment. Sometimes, though, when a relationship ends, people may feel for a time that the best of their life is behind them. I hope the info here motivates people to take that first step forward.

Thank you for commenting, voting and sharing.


L.L. Woodard profile image

L.L. Woodard 3 years ago from Oklahoma City Author

Livingsta, I'm glad you found the information on how to move on after a relationship ends to be useful. I'd like to be able to say I've never had the experience of having to get over an ex, but like 95 percent of adults, I've had more than one such period.

I appreciate your comment, vote and share.


L.L. Woodard profile image

L.L. Woodard 3 years ago from Oklahoma City Author

Vibesites, I hear you about writing a letter you will never send, but it really can be therapeutic. You give yourself the opportunity to put all your feelings into words, then putting those words on paper. It's a useful tool in a lot of situations. Even then ripping up or burning the letter is cathartic.

I appreciate your comments and votes.


L.L. Woodard profile image

L.L. Woodard 3 years ago from Oklahoma City Author

Jen Card, thanks for the words of encouragement. I appreciate your read, comment and vote.


caroline 2 years ago

Tnx for your advice my man left me with three children I wanted to kill myself .we were together for 15 years but now I dnt believe its me who over come tht situation


Open 24 months ago

My husband had an afiafr in 2002 with our sons sister in law. And now she will not leave us alone.?I chose my marriage over leaving him.I have tried many times to forget what happened. I was putting in many hours at work. Put my job before my husband and Yes I blame myself as much as I do anyone. Our daughter in law told her sister so many lies about me to her sister. And she even sent my husband an invitation to her and my sons wedding as long as he DID NOT Bring my fat ass and that was how it was worded on the invitation. So in the long run it caused a big fight and I was kicked out I was gone 2000 miles away I went to Virginia from Arkansas because that was the only place I had to go. But the funny was the day after the Wedding he borrowed money from his mother and brought me home. I can NOT stomach this woman. She has caused all sorts of trouble in my life and in my marriage. She has the hots for my husband just as her older sister does. She treats my husband like Shit these days. If we go to my sons house She goes in the other room and ignores us. Or turns up the TV so we almost have to scream to be heard. But yet I am expected to watch her kids for FREE. And now I am being made to watch her sisters kids. I have told them repeatedly that Her sister is NOT allowed at my house but they bring her everytime they come. Just to cause trouble. Her sister is a leech. She follows my husband around like a dog in heat. But everyone asks WHY I don't like Misty, I asked them if they have about a week for me to tell them the reasons behind me not liking her. She bought booze for my son when he was 14, took him parking with her sister when he was 15, gave them rubbers when he was 16 and he got her sister pregnant, Quit Schooll at 18 to get them an apartment. Ruined my marriage because she had an afiafr with my husband knowing he was a married man. Moved in our house with my son and his wife. And expected us to support all of them. Got a Van from us. And refuses to register it in her name. And has a 7 year old that she abuses that my husband is the father of.But blames her on a drug addict she was seeing after she was with my husband. But she was with my husband of and on from August of 2001 until October of 2003. And the kid was born June 24th 2004. But she was not with the Druggy until December of 2003.Those are just a few reasons. Is there someway I can keep this woman from being able to come to my home and stay out of my life. She just keeps causing trouble. It is real hard to move past the mistakes in the past when I face it everyday of my life. I have her kids 3 days a week and I have my grrandkids Monday through Friday. Even when we lived in another town my daughter in law would bring her to our house with them. I have told our daughter in law that they can come But her sister is NOT wanted. And I refuse to watch the kids but it was either watch them or them make my son Quit his Job and him watch them. Or them all 8 move back in on us in our House. We have done to above and it does not work. Restrianing order does not work because this woman lives with my son and daughter in law. She drives a Van that is registered in my name.Our son is the one who told me who his dad was messing with. And came and told me. His dad kept denying it. Even after I ended up on several meds because of her being so nasty. She walked in and he wanted to know why she was there and she told him I knew everything. He got mad. And called her all sorts of stuff. I have told her, Our son and his wife that she or her kids are NOT Welcome at our house. But every time they come over she has to come with them. My husband has told her Right in Front of me what happened WAS WRONG and he wants to work on our Marriage and Does NOT want her But her haed is Hollow she does not get it. And refuses to listen.

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