Top Ten Reasons Why Men Lose Women
I have way too many guy friends who have way too many dates that go sour. I'm always bombarded with question after question about "why this...?" or "why that...?" Heck, even though I'm a woman, not even I know all the answers to some of those questions! I don't understand the inner workings of a woman's brain either. We're all different, and that includes our brains!
This is for all of you, my friends, who are constantly calling, texting, emailing, or leaving me messages on facebook/myspace, wondering why your date isn't so into you anymore.
10. What's that smell?! - Not feeling so "fresh"? In dire need of a shower? Please, by all means, take one! Or two! (Especially if you just finished working out.) Yes, pheromones attract the female gender to you, but maybe you passed up reading that small print underneath the article that says pheromones are excreted during activity, not after. What I'm saying is, take a shower! Brush your teeth while you're at it! No woman wants to date a smelly man. Women like smelling their man, but only when he's clean! Ode de sweat is not an appealing scent.
9. "Cheap, cheap, cheap" : leave it for the birds. - It's one thing to be the type of person who knows how to find deals, especially since everyone seems to be struggling now days, but if you're on a date, try to loosen up the wallet strings a bit. I don't mean go all out and spend your last few dollars at a 4-star restaurant. What I mean is, if you're gonna take a girl out, don't take her to McDonald's and tell her she can have anything she wants from the dollar menu. A woman wants to feel secure in knowing that her man is financially stable. At least let her get a meal! (And I don't mean a Happy Meal!)
8. Zzzzzzz - Can we say "Boooooring"? Don't bore your date to death with mundane stories. If that's all that makes up your life, then maybe you need to add a little zest into it. Women (All people) like to be entertained and interested in what's going on. When things get boring, our attention drifts to something more captivating. Unfortunately, sometimes the thing that's more captivating is another man. "Boo" for you, but "good" for him. You can pretty much assume a second date is absolutely out of the question.
7. What time is it? - Why are you late? If you have to be late, at least give her a courtesy call to let her know. And, guys, do yourself a favor and make sure your reason for being late is something legitimate. Don't make up stories. If you're late because you had to make an extra bathroom stop from all those butterflies flying around, then so be it. You don't need to make up some lame story about how you were driving down the road, but there was a dog sitting in the middle of it and you almost banged it, when you got out, it was super friendly so you wanted to find it's owner so that it could be safe at home. It's a cute story, but truthfully, I'd rather hear you had to make an extra pit stop cause your guts were rumbling and tumbling. But that's just me. I guess I'm picky like that.
6. My name is "Amber" - Not Jessica, not Angie, not Carey. It's Amber. Try to remember your date's name. If you can't remember it, apologize and tell her you honestly forgot. But make sure you sweeten it up a bit. Don't just tell her you forgot. She'll think you're a complete joke for forgetting her name and aren't really interested in her. When you apologize, tell her you're very sorry, but you were so completely overwhelmed by her and your great desire to get to know her that you completely forgot her name and just thought of her as an angel. Something lame like that. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Feel out your date a bit. See what her personality type is and if she's got a sense of humor. Try at all means to detour her attention away from the fact that you forgot her name, but still leaving her attentive enough to get an answer. But if she's one of those "macho" type girls, that won't work. You'll probably end up by yourself or with a black eye before you meal/drinks come.
5. Be "Present" - No, you don't always have to buy a woman a gift when you meet her/pick her up. It's a really nice gesture and I'm sure she'll enjoy it. What I'm talking about is, if you're having a conversation with a woman, be in the same room with her. Don't daydream, don't think about that awesome steak you had for lunch, or wonder what game is on tonight. Listen to her! If she's completely boring you, at least you'll know she's not a match for you. But what if her conversation was really interesting? Not only did you miss it, but now you'll probably look like a fool trying to act like you know what she was talking about. (Does this tip sound a little familiar? This tip was mentioned in a movie.)
4. The small things gain big points - Be a gentleman. Open doors, pull out her seat for her, or offer her your coat if she's cold - all of those "little" things make a big difference. Just showing a woman that you care enough to do those little things will definitely make her open her eyes and think about all the "big" things you would do. If she doesn't appreciate those small gestures, then buddy, you've got yourself one tough cookie on your hands. Maybe that's why she's still single(?). If it's a blind date, be sure to call whoever set you two up and thank them for reminding why dating was worse than a visit to the dentist's office.
3. Did you let the cow out to pasture to graze? - Funny thing is, we have these things over our teeth called "lips". And when you put food in your mouth, close your lips, and chew, it keeps the food inside your mouth so that while you're chewing, the rest of the world doesn't have to see the contents of your mouth. It's one thing to chew with your mouth open, but if you're having conversation during your meal, it's not very attractive to have the contents of your mouth flying out and landing everywhere. Your date will surely appreciate not having that extra "spritz" on her plate. So let's keep the grazing for the cows.
2. "X" marks the spot. - Please, by all means, do not talk about your exes. We especially don't want to hear that she's some psycho chick who keyed your car, leave love letters on your windshield, calls your boss to cuss him out and tell lies about you, or parks outside your house every night, staking out the place to make sure you don't bring any dates home. Woman are just at fault for making this mistake, though. But you don't want to be another victim of "TMI" (Too Much Information). Don't even venture near the realm of exes, just keep the conversation about you and her. After all, you are trying to get to know this girl.
1. My Baby Daddy - Okay, so you've got a child or two (or more). You're going to have to tell your date sooner or later. It's a little hard to hide a walking, talking, little human being from someone. I know a lot of you have had horrible luck once you bring up the subject of a child/children with your date. I've heard way too many stories of girls ditching a guy just because he has a kid. Any normal, understanding woman will be open-minded and accepting of the situation. Not all relationships work out like how you'd hope them too. If they did, you two wouldn't be still searching for Mr./Mrs. Right! But when it comes to children, you have to feel out your date and see if it's the right time to bring it up. The sooner you tell her, the better. It'll give her time to "digest" the information and get used to the situation. But "the sooner, the better" doesn't mean date number 2 (not always). If you can see that she's open-minded enough and you can tell she won't run screaming for the hills, then go ahead and tell her. Honesty will definitely gain you bonus points. Keep in mind that if she asks what happened, you don't want to talk too much about your ex and why you two broke up. Just keep the details a little vague and let her know that you'd rather not talk about it much because the date isn't about you and your ex, it's about you and your date. If she's persistent on knowing what happened, it's time for you to run for the hills. "Run, Forrest, Run!" You've just scored yourself a drama queen! (And she's searching to dig up dirt where ever she can find it.)
If you've reached this point, know that these "tips" are all for fun. There is some truth behind them, but I intended for it to be told in a light-hearted way.