Useful Things That “Football Widows” Can Do To Save Their Sanity and Marriage

(NOTE: This is not a comedy piece. This is a serious hub that I wanted to publish just to help the ladies in my readership who some people call “football windows.” I caution you as you read this short story, to keep in mind that I am not in support of a man, married or not, who ignores his wife or companion in or out of football season. Thank you. Kenneth)

I admire you, wives of men who are totally-addicted to football—be it high school, college, professional or Canadian. It doesn’t matter. Your men are hypnotized by the “pigskin,” every Saturday, Sunday, Monday night and now CBS has went as far as to further-insult you ladies even more by providing Thursday Night Football—if your men haven’t got enough football to watch, talk and argue about.

Men, you may argue, “Ohh, we ain’t addicted, but we do work hard and at least we do not drink, gamble and chase women.” Great argument, guys. As a man, I admire you for this. But on the flip-side, have you taken the time to listen to your talk during any football season? You infect your vocabulary, or resurrect terms like: “Top 10 in The Nation,” “Blue Chip Recruit,” “Rebulding,” “We will dominate,” “National Championship,” and “Conference Championship,” to say nothing about “Coach who, fired?” “Who is taking (fired coach’s’ place?” “Heard they were hiring so and so,” and “Probation?”

What does "she" get to do during football season?

And what have your wives got to do during the annual 12-week “Pigskin Purgatory,” they have endured since you married them? Newsflash: Not all women like football. And not all women have a need to learn football, so where does that leave them? Yes, them?

Allow me to tell you, “Couch Coaches.” Your wives and girlfriends deal with loneliness; depression; rejection; and feel as if a “defensive line” has been placed between you and her. Have you noticed? Of course you haven’t. You and the guys have been busy planning your next road-trip to whatever stadium your favorite team is playing. Oh you do the obligatory invite to the wife—knowing that she will decline your offer and you can use this point the next time she complains about “your” football obsession.”

While you guys are thinking of what I have said so far, and believe me, I am not mad at you in the least. I am here to try and be of help to your poor, suffering wife who knows from one year to the next that she will “lose” you the next fall, not to an alluring woman of the world or a high-stakes poker game, but to the game of football.

I offer you ladies whose men are “football addicts,” these helpful things you can do to busy yourself and thereby save your marriage. So here are . . .

Useful Things That “Football Widows” Can Do To Save Their Sanity and Marriage

START A “FOOTBALL WIDOWS’ CLUB”—and rotate the meeting place each week. You ladies can meet and relax, chat, have a few drinks, play cards, watch movies, talk and vent your complete-frustration about your man choosing to be with his mistress, “Gridiron,” rather than you in the fall.

LEARN A NEW HOBBY—such as knitting, cross-stitch, or painting. Boring? Are you serious? It takes skill to do these things and each are challenging. It sure beats sitting and watching a grown man yell like a wild jungle ape at the wide-screen plasma television when a player and team he does not know score a lousy seven points that is not going to help you or him when the day is over.

WRITE A PERSONAL JOURNAL—of every conversation that you have tried to start with your husband and the asinine reply he gave you. After football season is over, you can share this journal with him. It will make for a few great laughs and I guarantee that he will not remember one thing you read.

TEACH YOUR PET—some new tricks. And if you do not own a pet, go out and buy one. Learning to make productive-use of your time is the key to keeping your sanity and cool during football season.

GET TO KNOW—other “football widows.” They might love another woman to talk to since they have no husband during football season. Go to lunch with a new “football widow” friend. It is something new so go for it.

CALL UP SOME OF YOUR—old college buddies or even a relative who lives far away. You can re-establish an old friendship that you used to enjoy “before” you married your husband and realized that you had to share him with football.

COMPILE A LIST—of the elderly in your neighborhood and get one or two of your “football widow” friends and visit them, take them a gift basket to let them know that someone is thinking of them or just sit and talk with them for a little while. Suddenly you will realize just how important things like this are and how football is really, well, I think you how what I am going to say.

VOLUNTEER FOR A—charity in your town for a few Saturdays during football season. Your husband will not mind. In fact, before it’s over, he might just get to missing you. Things work like that sometimes.

TAKE A ROAD-TRIP—with your “football widow” friends. They might enjoy seeing another town or some new tourist attraction rather than be stuck in the house waiting for the last two-minutes of their husband’s football game to be over. And everyone knows that two-minutes in football equals one hour.

LEARN HOW TO—plant and grow flowers or maybe a nice fall garden. It will not hurt you or your lady friends to wear some nice gloves and get your hands dirty and be a part of nature. You think I am kidding? Not in the least. I am offering you an opportunity to expand your horizons.

TRY-OUT FOR—your area’s community theater. It might be fun for you and your friends to be part of a community theater production. Some productions take at least ten weeks or less to rehearse, plan and learn lines. This may be a side of you that you have forgotten. Rediscover yourself is what I am talking about.

ORGANIZE YOUR OWN—Zumba or Yoga sessions. With a little research, you and your friends can stay in shape, help your girlfriends in the process and feel great about what you have accomplished.

GO FOR WALKS—in the pretty countryside or wherever there are trees with leaves that are turning beautiful colors. Make sure that where you walk is a safe place and within driving distance from your home and take your cell-phones with you in case of emergency.

CHOOSE A DIFFERENT—place for you and each of your friends to have lunch or dinner each week during football season. This will give you something to look forward to during the week. I am not suggesting that you shun your husband or ignore him. If he likes football this much, then he shouldn’t have a problem with you eating with your friends at a different place each week.

Note: If you notice, in each of the suggestions that I left you, I did not in any way, imply or suggest that you swing-by my house and pick me up. But if the idea arises . . .