What A Girl Wants (part-1)

Part 1

I was on my way to work on Saturday, and I was listening to MC Lyte, a female rapper from the 90's, brag to the world about how she's "gotta what, yo? gotta have a ruff neck!" Now, I don't listen to much rap, but what she was getting at was that she liked a guy who was a bit of a thug, a proverbial bad boy. Poetry to her man included sweet nothings such as, "I need a dude with attitude, who only needs his fingers with his food," and, "makin' noise with the boys up to no good, startin beef is how he spells relief." It was all very touching, but frankly, it sounded like the kind of relationship that ended up in the judicial system, or at the very minimum a clinic where they treat STD's. Still, I was wondering if there were any of these delicate sentiments that I could get behind, and started a conversation about this with the other nurses at the hospital.

I stand 5'5, and though most people regard me to be a pretty tough cookie when I need to be-- they used to call me the mafia wife--physically, I'm really not that strong. The men I've dated, have definitely been more of the sensitive type, but they were also very strong and capable men (for the most part). I'm definitely open-minded, but if at the end of the day, I really believed I could take my man in hand-to-hand combat, we'd probably have problems in our relationship. So the work discussion ensued, and I was surprised at how many nurses (all heterosexual females), who were far more girlie and fragile than I, chimed in with complete agreement about how they too, understood the "ruff neck" concept. The conclusion of that strange, and mildly disturbing conversation was this: while most of us don't want to date a woman-beater, we at least want to know that you are capable of said woman beating.

This conversation made me want to delve further into the topic of relationships for the weekend, and one particular topic that had my interest was the the mystery of the "open relationship." Who are the women that give the green light on the proposition of, "babe, I'd LOVE to be in a 'relationship' with you as long as it involves sleeping with other people?" Does she leap into his arms with you really do care! joy in her heart? Run the idea of an open relationship by the kind of women I know, and we think--open a can of whoop A, open skull, open grave--open the door, and let yourself out. To each his own, we all get to do what we want. But why the label of relationship? Aren't you simply saying I'd like to sleep with you more often than I'd sleep with other people? It is, 'YOU, dear, are my number one...booty call.' Call me a romantic, but I just don't think Shakespeare would have made history with his work if Romeo stood below the balcony crooning, "It is the East, and Juliet, (and three of her friends), are the sun!"

But that's just me.

Comments 20 comments

kathy little wolf profile image

kathy little wolf 6 years ago from Dusty Trails, Arkansas

Run the idea of an open relationship by the kind of women I know and we think--open a can of whoop A, open skull, open grave--open the door and let yourself out.


ahostagesituation profile image

ahostagesituation 6 years ago Author

I don't know you, Kathy, but something tells me that if some dude sprung that idea on YOU, you'd decline. At least that's how the women I respect do it, and Kudos to them. Kudos to you. Thanks a bunch!!

Emma's mommy 6 years ago

If you want a big strong protector and fidelity, a Great Dane is a good choice. Plus, they eat whatever drops on the floor.

ahostagesituation profile image

ahostagesituation 6 years ago Author

Emma's mommy...that is HILARIOUS!!!

profile image

Al Bell 6 years ago

You gotta know when hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away know when to run. Never count your money while you're sittin at the table.. time enough for countin when the dealins done.

loveofnight profile image

loveofnight 6 years ago from Baltimore, Maryland

the funny thing is that there are some who consider this a way of life.....

ahostagesituation profile image

ahostagesituation 6 years ago Author

al bell--i'm a closet kenny rogers fan, thanks for reading, and love of night, also thanks for reading!

Rambo-boy profile image

Rambo-boy 6 years ago

she wants to love her for why she is not for what gives to you

lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

Thanks, SJ, for voicing the truth so very well! Umm, a potential misogynist in an 'open marriage?' Sorry, does not work at all!

ahostagesituation profile image

ahostagesituation 6 years ago Author

Hi Lorie! Thanks for reading, and why do I love the word misogynist? Out loud it sounds like something good is going to happen...until you know what a misogynist is, and meet him!

ManOfIntegrity profile image

ManOfIntegrity 5 years ago from Boston Massachusetts

Hey SJ,

So I joined hubpages after getting your email, and I have enjoyed your writing. I went immediately to the hubs that first interested me. This is my 2nd one, and I just needed to comment on it. It's so funny that you mentioned this song, because it has always irritated me!!! Now that doesn't mean that I didn't enjoy the beat, and perhaps I might have even bopped my head to it, but the lyrics always upset me. Why? because I knew that everything that I worked for...the manners, the goals, the achievements, and all of the other things that gave me pride in the type of man that I had worked to become, was the complete opposite of what this girl wanted!!! Now, MC Lyte wasn't exactly my type, but I'm sure that she had thousands or millions of female listeners that were convinced that these qualities are what women should be looking for. It saddened me, and I had to make a choice: Should I become this 'roughneck', or be me? Thankfully I decided to stay me, and I feel that I am 10 times the man that she describes in the song. I hope to someday see if women agree with my decision.

ahostagesituation profile image

ahostagesituation 5 years ago Author

Hi, Don. So much of what you had to say made me think, "right on," and thus the email. Glad you joined hubpages, I really like this space for writing. Believe me, I've told MC Lyte a million times this guy is NOT what she really wants...but she can't hear me from the car, and on she goes. Who could really want that? Stick with the whole being a way better man thing. Thanks for reading, btw!

PK2010 profile image

PK2010 5 years ago from United Kingdom

Very interesting hub. When I read the your intro about McLyte, I was keen to know which direction you were steering your lyrics. I'd like to think McLyte got it all wrong, was thinking more of rhyming her contents than sending out the message that women liked a thug for a man? Cause she definitely wouldn't want that kinda dude in her life. On the other hand you never know, she could have been voicing what some women blindly desire.

ahostagesituation profile image

ahostagesituation 5 years ago Author

Thanks for stopping by again, PK2010! I wrote this as a joke, believe me. But if Mclyte is really in need of a guy like this she should be set...it's not like there's a shortage of dudes like she so poetically described. Hopefully, she was just being a wannabe bad-a%%, but if she was serious--better her than me. This coming from an *actual* bad-a%%. :-).

But girls send bizarre messages a lot. I'll call it any given day. A good guy will do a hundred things right, and the second he does ONE thing wrong his girl is all over him ugly. But leave it to a "bad boy" to decide to take a short break from being a full-time jerk and put down the toilet seat once, or go a month without cheating on his girlfriend, and she's full of praise??? No. Absolutely not, and completely ridiculous.

If a man doesn't speak to your lady parts, there's not a lot you can do about that. Women are different than men, we're either attracted or not. Unlike some of our male counterparts, a lot of us need more than just "willing" or "pretty much willing" to be sexually attracted to a guy. But this whole "bad-boy" thing as the answer is "sex and the city" type of hook-ups. It's not real.

Alpine hills 5 years ago

Been reading through your work after a reccomendation of another reader. Great stuff! This is funny, and you are a cutie!

ahostagesituation profile image

ahostagesituation 5 years ago Author

Alpine hills, sorry, I missed this comment. Thx very much for reading!

epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

..well you and your lovely hat (in your photo) both have something in common - they're so righteous!!!!!!!

Yes it's nice to connect with you also - thanks for the visit and as I have been exploring your hubs it's also nice to see you still have the nerve, verve, panache and mojo of the world class writer that you are!!!!

lake erie time ontario canada 11:55pm

I sincerely hope all is well with you these days.

ahostagesituation profile image

ahostagesituation 5 years ago Author

All is well in the city by the bay, 1024 am. And I've left my heart in San Francisco in order to birth babies in another town. Great to hear from you, and I'm a fan of that hat too, I just got it! It really is the little things that change my life :-). Ever the cheerful one, epi, hope all is well with you also.

alisha4u profile image

alisha4u 5 years ago from New Delhi, India

Wooo !! I am impressed with your skills !! ;)

ahostagesituation profile image

ahostagesituation 5 years ago Author

Alisha, thank you! I was being a goofball as usual writing this one. I like your profile! Thanks for stopping by to read this.


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