When Your Secrets Are Revealed : Should You Trust A Friend With Your Darkest Secrets

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Sharing secrets with our friends, is like being a part of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. Your are sworn to secrecy and promise not to say a word. You share your weaknesses, relationship woes, fears and are confident that they will not use them against you. Not sharing secrets makes the bond between both of you a life-long commitment. What both of you share can be endless; talks last for hours. Both of you have developed an understanding that you will not kiss and tell.

The general population believes that women only share their deepest, darkest secrets with each other. Statistics show that men also share secrets with there best buddy. They to discuss relationships, finances and share their hopes and dreams. Secrets are share by both young and old alike there isn't any age limit.

Sharing your deepest thoughts, hopes and desires with a friend is witty; but it also builds a lasting bond with each other. You are building your friendship on trust. Sharing secrets helps you understand the other person.

Are you concerned about the person that you are sharing your secrets with?

Test the waters and see how reliable and trustworthy they are. If you find that your secret has leaked, re-evaluate the friendship. If the person passes the test, they are definitely trustworthy enough to be your friend.

Guideline To Sharing Secrets

If a friend shares a secret they are trusting you to confidentiality. Do not disclose the secret with anyone, this is between you and the person that releases the information.

If the secrets are harmful; do not get the itch to share it with another. It could definitely destroy the friendship.

Don't beg a friend to tell you their secret, when they are ready to tell you they will.

Do not run your mouth like a babbling brook at the beginning; test the strength of the friendship first. Disclosing to much information could be costly in the end.

Respect your friends privacy. Although another source may have already said something about them. It is not your place to bring up what you heard. Wait for your friend to disclose what they would like for you to know. Do not probe or inquire him/her.

If your friendship has taken another direction. Never share those secrets both of you had together. It will show the other person how trustworthy you are even though the friendship may no longer exist.

The secrets that both of you share are treasures given to one another. They are not to be blabbed about town, used against another person or told to the person that they are with. It is a priceless gift that is tucked away and entrusted to you for an eternity. A true friend will embrace you, not pass judgement or use your secret to make themselves look better. They understand you and should you decided to ask for advice, they will lovingly give it to you without any questions asked. They will defend you when you are in trouble and tell you when you are wrong. But a true friend will take those secrets that you have shared and tuck them away for nobody else to hear about or know.

The cost of divulging secrets? A friendship. The cost of true friendship? Priceless.

#16/30

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Comments 47 comments

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Very fun and interesting hub. I think secrets make me nervous in gneral. They usually are not good! Lol. I've actually said "please do not tell me" plenty of times. I find the weight of being a secret keeper too much to bear sometimes. I don't want to hurt people and somehow secrets that get out do hurt other people. Then the person who told me might be looking at ME with a question mark because I COULD have repeated it. No uh uh - ignorance is bliss!


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

RealHousewife: Well at least you are honest. If there were more people out there who would be sincere when it came to secrets;than there would be less people getting hurt. Thank you for your honesty. :)


donnaisabella profile image

donnaisabella 4 years ago from Fort Myers

It is good to hear somebody making a case for secrecy and friendship, I thought that was a lost commodity. Nowadays one wonders if there are people out there who can keep secrets. You are right in some things you have said. There is however really no quick way of testing if a friend can keep secrets unless they are so hopeless that they cannot wait to divulge a secret. As I grow older, I have learned to keep what I do not want people to know to myself because as you said, in a crisis, some people might not know how to keep quiet. On the other hand, I value secrets so much I have learned to listen with one ear and let things go through the other ear - I never think about it again. I hold secrets for some people who are deceased and I do not see myself telling anyone those secrets till I die myself, that is how important I consider it to be when someone tells me something they do not want anyone else to know. Thanks for Sharing, you could be my confidant in real life!


moonlake profile image

moonlake 4 years ago from America

Don't tell your secrets to anyone. I don't think people keep secrets like they should. You can usually tell if a person is big mouth. Do they like to gossip and be the first with gossip, don't trust them. I don't think there is anyone I know that I would trust completely. Enjoyed you hub.


Wise fool profile image

Wise fool 4 years ago from Colorado

Telling someone all your secrets is a great way to get a frenemy later on. But we all need someone to confide in. The advice to test the waters is excellent. Knowing how a person behaves with other people and their secrets is a great gauge to predict what they will do in the future to you.


MelChi profile image

MelChi 4 years ago from Cape Town, South Africa

I think it all depends on what the secret is, who you trust enough to share it with, and the timing of sharing the secret. If you can't share a secret that you need advice on, or that you need to get off your chest - with your best friend, then just who can you trust to go to with these things?


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

donnaisabella: That is exactly how I am! Secrets are meant to be kept secret. A true friend would never disclose any information. I would love to be your friend in real life! :)


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

moonlake: I agree. I have been hurt by people in the past that I believed were my friends but was not. Of course they are no longer friends. I will not divulge any secret unless it were to my dogs. They can't talk back. lolo!


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

Wise Fool: All of us does need someone, but we have to be careful of what we tell. A person should always test the waters. :)


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

MelChi: Now that makes sense. A best friend is true friend. :)


Princess Prisca profile image

Princess Prisca 4 years ago from Heaven living on Earth

AEvans,

I am so glad that my question inspired this outstanding hub. You did a wonderful job.

The advice and insight that you have shared should be put into contracts for 'BFF' conditions of agreement.

Just love this piece! Voting way up!

Blessings!

Ciao...Princess Prisca


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

Princess Prisca: You are welcome! I valued shedding light on BFF and secrets. :)


pandula77 profile image

pandula77 4 years ago from Norway

A truly wonderful hub! It brings out the unwritten code on how great friendships are built and definitely will make few people think twice before they open their mouths regarding their friends!


Lawrence Da-vid profile image

Lawrence Da-vid 4 years ago

Excellent Hub.....I for one would 'never' trust anyone with my darkest secrets, unless that trust is beyond question and is earned. "Secret's" are just that.....'secret!' A friend today, can, without warning, become an enemy....then! where does that "secret" go?


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 4 years ago from Yucaipa, California

Hi AEvans

Thanks for the wonder filled Hub.

There is an old saying, we are as sick as our secrets! So having a friend to share and in a sense take the secret out of the secret category can be quite healing. What I am most aware of is how important it is to share the secret with myself first! Really take ownership of whatever it is I am holding secret, holding hostage, so it cannot experience the light of day and be healed so to speak. Once I share the secret with myself and someone else, I can then weave the secret into the fabric of my life, so it becomes a part of me, perhaps a part of my past, and not all of who I am. The secret no longer consumes OR defines me.

I have a hard time keeping my therapist hat off!

THANKS AGAIN FOR THE HUB AND THE SECRET ADVICE!

vERN


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

pandula77: Thank you and I hope that some will zip-it because losing a friend over being loose-lipped isn't a good thing. Thank you so much for commenting. :)


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

Lawrence Da-vid: Trust should always be earned and it can take a long time. When they become enemies, they tend to use the secrets against you. I don't know why anyone would be so cruel, but they are out there. We also need to learn to choose our friends wisely. :)


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

vrbmft: That is a wonderful way of looking at secrets. Weaving the secret into our fabric of life. Mmmmm... I like that and will definitely remember your words. :)


FloraBreenRobison profile image

FloraBreenRobison 4 years ago

A very important lesson to learn. Thanks for this.

I had to smile at your comment about your dogs. I feel that way about my cat. :)


savanahl profile image

savanahl 4 years ago

What a wonderful hub. I used to share secrets with girl friend but it never worked out well for me. I think you're right about reevaluating the friendship. Now, the only person I share with is my husband, who is also my best friend. Thanks for sharing.


FloraBreenRobison profile image

FloraBreenRobison 4 years ago

savannahl-How wonderful to hear that your husband is your best friend. So few marriages today are like that. You are one lucky woman. One of the reasons why I am single and likely to remain single is that I would want that type of marriage or no marriage at all. And to find that person-that is rare.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

I had one particular friend who knew everything about me, and I knew that she would keep all my secrets as I did hers too, there wasn't any doubt at all between us, we had been friends since we were ten, I have other friends that only know a few things, but then again I don't have any juicy secrets these days! haha! shame!


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

FloraBreenRobison: Our animals are definitely our BF! :)


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

Savanahl: Sharing with your husband who is your best friend is beautiful!:)


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

NellRose: That is amazing! How wonderful you have friend you have know since you were 10. Everyone wishes they had a friend like that. :)


Angela Blair profile image

Angela Blair 4 years ago from Central Texas

Most useful and sincere advice ever given -- great Hub. The confidence of a friend or to a friend is indeed a priceless gift. My dearest friend for 65 years recently passed away and with her she took some of my deepest secrets -- and I'll carry hers with me to the end. What a treasure that has been. Wonderful Hub and voted up. Best/Sis


mary615 profile image

mary615 4 years ago from Florida

I would never tell even my best friend a deep dark secret. I would keep it to my self. That's just me....Great Hub.


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

mary615: That is a smart move. The less people know the better off you are. :)


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

Angela Blair: You two were BF since you were babies. That is so wonderful! I have many secrets that I will never divulge they to will be with me for an eternity. :)


Shyron E Shenko profile image

Shyron E Shenko 4 years ago

There is no such thing as a secret between two people unless one is dead.


missolive profile image

missolive 4 years ago from Texas

Very interesting hub and comment thread. Secrets are meant to be kept and not shared. That is what makes them secrets. It is unfortunate that very few people can trust someone with a secret that is never meant to be repeated. My closest confidants are my cousin, husband and my daughter. I can count my true friends on one hand. My grandmother once told me, only share secrets that you don't mind being repeated.

Thank you for sharing this thought provoking hub.


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

Shyron E Shenko: Now that is a realistic approach. Thanks so much for commenting. :)


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

missolive: Those words sound just like the words my mom told me too! Thank you for sharing :)


ishwaryaa22 profile image

ishwaryaa22 4 years ago from Chennai, India

Well-said! What you stated everything in this hub are exactly what I did with my best friend and my favorite cousin-sister. Fortunately, for me our secrets are safe like jewels locked in the bank safety lockers! Yet I shared secrets with another friend, who unfortunately turned out to be toxic, yet secrets are still safe. I planned to be more prudent when it comes to sharing secrets with fewest select people.

Thanks for SHARING. Interesting. Voted up.


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

ishwaryaa22: Not sharing secrets with everyone is a good deal. I would also say, go with your first instinct. Listen to yourself before you disclose anything with another person, unless you feel completely confident with who they are. Also do that with family, sometimes they are the worse ones.


Anamika S profile image

Anamika S 4 years ago from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India

I don't think I have any dark secrets. But I would never trust a friend who betrays my trust. So far my instincts have never gone wrong as far as friends are concerned. Voted up!


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

Anamika S: The friends that have betrayed me, I know longer speak too. You are smart for being more cautious. :)


princesswithapen profile image

princesswithapen 4 years ago

I don't have any dark secrets but we've all had our share of friends who spilled the beans in one way or another. These so-called friends become stepping stones in the journey of finding out who you can really trust in life. You eventually learn that sharing even the most trivial hush talk with others can come back and bite you in the face on a later day. Nice hub, which I'm sure most readers will be able to relate to in one way or another.

Princesswithapen


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

princesswithapen: They are stepping stones. I confided in a friend a long-time ago and she went and told my ex everything I said. Needless to say her secrets compared to mine, were far darker. I have never told a soul her business and will take it with me to my grave. Thank you for your compliment.


PegCole17 profile image

PegCole17 4 years ago from Dallas, Texas

Wise words AEvans. Secrets are best told to few if any. We learn this lesson the hard way most of the time. Many friendships have suffered the consequences of miss construed and warped retelling of tales. It does teach a person to be careful and trust only those who prove trustworthy.

Princesswithapen has it right that small talk and casual confidences can come back to bite and those quick words spoken at business "social" events can come back to haunt you forever. "Loose lips sink ships" my Dad always said.


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

PegCole17: Your father was absolutely right. :)


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

AEvans--

This is a powerful subject and you addressed it thoroughly and thoughtfully.

My Mother was the best role model I had for loyalty, discretion and trustworthiness, teaching me it is better to have a handful of true friends and a roomful of acquaintances.

Voted UP & UABI-- have a lovely evening, Maria


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

marcoujour: My mom taught me the same thing! Great minds think alike. Thanks for the appreciation of the article. :)


kelleyward 4 years ago

What a great hub! It is so true that I agree you to never Share the secrets of another. Take care, Kelley


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

kelleyward: It is wrong and when someone asks a person to keep a secret they honestly should. :)


DDE profile image

DDE 4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

Friends should be secretive about the other an interesting part about friends


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

DDE: I agree and that is why my friends are far and few in between.

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