Why Why Why

I am sick as a dog! Went to the doctor and found out that I don’t have mono but I do have an ear infection, a sinus infection and bronchitis. That is on top of it being that time of month (sorry I know too much information but damn it, it’s the truth). I was bound to get this sick since everyone in my family was already sick. The sickness started with my husband who had some kind of virus that made him cough and kept me up all night. Then my son got that damn Swine Flu crap. I only know that it was Swine flu because I had to take him to the emergency room when his fever got to 106. Well that was as high as I would let it go because I was afraid the mercury in the thermometer would fly right out if I left it in his mouth any longer. Wait! Those things still have mercury in them. Right? Oh well regardless I am still sicker than a dog but my job as mother is a 24 hour position with no benefits unless you count kisses, hugs and smiles (depends on the day whether or not I count ‘em).

Why me? Why me? Why Now?

So after my appointment I had to get some drugs, not the good stuff of course, just antibiotics. Not only do I get to take them orally but I get those fancy dancy ear drops too. Yeah me! I am not very excited since antibiotics make me even sicker and to top it off I cannot drink when I am on them. WTF?!?! What a bummer I just took delivery on my favorite drink; Rev. I have several bottles just ready for me to drink them up. If you live in Canada then you are lucky as hell because you can get Rev but down here in the states someone has to sneak that stuff to me just like those killer 222’s. Really so sick I just want to have a drink and passout until I feel better.

Why me? Why me? Why Now?

So by now you probably get the point that not only do I not feel well but I look a hot mess too. Yeah I am basically shit warmed over at this point. Of course this is when I am at my sexiest to those crazy nut jobs out there. Yes, there I am in the drug store filling my prescription in my sweats, flip flops and bandana to cover up my bad hair day. Not a picture of beauty in any way shape or form. But I decide to walk around the high priced drug store for stuff I don’t need while I wait. While looking down the toy aisle I look up to see another customer staring at me. Here we go. He winks, I dry heave. He smiles, I want to run. His toothless smile (well that’s not fair he did have a couple of teeth here and there but those were brown in color) staring me down. He is short and dumpy. I wonder if he is homeless or does he always have that never showered look.

Why me? Why me? Why now?

He tries to talk to me and I try to walk away only to run into his friend coming down the aisle from the opposite direction. Really? Wait! Am I on Punked?!? Where is Ashton Kutcher’s punk ass?

His friend is way sexier (not really only in comparison). He is tall and very skinny. I love the fake grill he is wearing and can actually see that it says “pimp” on them. Wow that is stylish. Where are the damn cameras? This man has got to be in his late 50s or else he started drinking at the age of 5 and hasn’t come up for air yet. He is also wearing a throwback. Come on now grandpa throwbacks are for the younguns. I give up. Toothless Jones is throwing me lines left and right. “Baby you got more cakes than Duncan Hines!” Wow. I have never heard that one before. These whack-ass old school lines that my grandpa used back in the day are making me laugh way too hard (actually my grandfather was way more suave than this). Laughing makes me cough, coughing hurts my chest. Please stop!

Why me? Why me? Why now?

I try to escape again but this Mutt and Jeff team won’t let me go. I have stopped listening to what they are saying and trying not to look at them. Listening is making me laugh which hurts and looking at them is making me sick to my stomach. Finally the pharmacist calls out a name but it’s not mine. I don’t care I yell, “Sorry guys that’s me. Got to go! Have a very nice day.” The sexier one says, “I would like to take you out some time.” After I swallow the little bit of throw up in my mouth I reply, “I would love to but I am still very contagious.” and walk away. All I could hear was the both of them say, “Damn!” in unison. Damn is right. I need a drink, make that ten.