Why Won't Men Dance?

My Old Dancing Shoes


Why Won't Men Dance?

A friend and I had a good laugh the other day when we compared notes about this strange and quite laughable phenomenon - men that won’t dance.

I first became aware of this in my late teens and early 20’s when I would go to weddings and find 85-90 percent of the women dancing...with each other - while their men folk sat. The women were up dancing hard, dancing with each other, or dancing alone...they came to dance.

Yes, I know there are men who will dance but they fit into just a few categories, which are not always pleasant.

Men that will dance are:

- generally between the ages of 19-25ish and single

- drunk

- cannot dance at all - and I mean no kind of dance and never could dance

- men of any age who are on a new date (who will do anything)

- men with incredibly large stomachs

- school vice principals

- men born under the sign of Pisces (sometimes Leo)

- foreign men

Why will these men dance? I think I have found answers.

- Almost any single man between 19-25 will dance. I have figured out why in a pseudo-scientific way. The ages between 19-25 are mating years for most men. And so dancing during this 6 year mating season is exactly that - mating dances. After settling down with these men they have no reason to keep dancing - and they won’t.

- Drunks will do anything which is not necessarily good. They think they are dancing but they are not. If your guy hasn't danced in years and is suddenly up dancing he may be drunk so be sure to be the one to drive home.

- Those that can't dance are like those that can't sing but will - they are clueless.

- You can always tell when a guy is trying to attract someone's attention. No matter the age - he will get up and dance...do his mating dance.

- Men with big stomachs can't really dance, they only want to do the slow dances so they can press their large guts against you. I made this mistake once being so surprised that a man over 25 was on the dance floor. I paid for this mistake as I can still feel the man's stomach more than two decades later.

- School vice principals will dance and I say this only because I have been in school settings and these men, no matter the age, but usually closer to 50 years of age have asked me to dance...and they have been quite good. It is an old fashioned style of dance but still they were good at what they did. The principal, however, does not dance - it's not his job.

- Pisces is the sign that covers the foot and I have never met a Pisces man that did not like to dance. It doesn't necessarily mean they are good at it but you can take them to a dance and have a partner.

- Foreign men are usually game about dancing when in NYC. There is a problem however - they tend to dance to the music of their own country...no matter what music is playing.

Why should women care if their men won’t dance? Well, because there are situations where a built-in dance partner would be a nice thing to have - such as at:

- Weddings/office parties/Xmas parties/divorce parties/birthday parties/on a cruise ship/at an after hours joint/in random bars and night clubs, etc. Dancing is also one of the best forms of exercise - it burns the calories and keeps you limber. Is this one reason why women live longer?

Note: This is why a good DJ is absolutely worth his/her price at a wedding. S/he knows that the men are not going to dance (unless between 19-25) so dances like the electric slide* are a must, as well as fast dances, and just doing a jump up. The slow dance is usually dedicated to the bride and groom (and will most likely be his last dance).

So what should women do if they want to go out and dance the night away?

We can do the following:

- We can just go out and dance. Many of my young friends get all glamorous, put on the dancing shoes and just go and dance. There will be plenty of men there between 19-25 who will be dancing, and unlike women who can dance with each other, men just can’t bring themselves to dance with each other. Fine - so if you want a male partner they will be there. I used to go out on a Friday after work with women friends and we'd just get on the dance floor. Even in my late 30's and 40s men in their early 20's would ask me to dance.

- We can invite some guy between 19-25 and take him out for an innocent evening of dance and good clean fun. I'm sure your non-dancing, mated guy will be understanding when you drive off with Young Virile Sweaty Carlo, or Raheem - the Best Looking Guy on Earth.

- We can join gyms where we can get our dance on. Dance has become part of many exercise routines. At various gyms I have done exercises that incorporated belly dancing, salsa, and African dance.

- We can get our guy(s) drunk and take him out to dance - he will embarrass you but he will dance.

*Minimally, all guys should know how to do the electric slide so they can be a proper escort at weddings. On youtube there is a woman doing the electric slide at work (see link below - 11/27/11 - alas that link has been taken down - you know copyrights, etc, so I just deleted it). If a man does just this one dance at least once at a wedding he will earn (near) hero status, especially if he sweats a lot.

Have fun my dancing sisters!

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Ladybird33 profile image

Ladybird33 7 years ago from Georgia USA

Great hub, my husband won't dance unless it's liquid induced ;) So Ioved this hub, thanks for the enlightment of non dancing men and I agree with it and hope single people will understand why they don't always dance.

BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 7 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City Author

Thanks Ladybird33 - loved the liquid induced comment!

MrsBigReese 7 years ago

Oh my!! You are on the money with this!! I couldn't pay "you know who" to dance!!!!

goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

Yeah, being 33, I can admit my fred astaire days are gone already.

k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California

LOL, Very good social explanation into why men don't dance!

womanNshadows profile image

womanNshadows 7 years ago from Charlotte, NC

my husband danced with me. i see your criteria so going down the list, he was, let's say he was over 49 but under 58. not single, got that covered with the word husband. never drunk. had a grace that i never matched but he didn't care because he thought i was cute. did not have a large stomach but he did have large muscles - it was from the Marine thing he'd done for so long. was pretty much always a Marine so definitely not a school vice principal. born under Taurus and the heritage thing - hmmmm. he was 1/4 Russian, 1/4 Inuit, and 1/2 Sioux, born in the United States.

but contrary to the criteria, he could dance. gracefully waltz in the sand on the beach with me, and carry a tune in the style of Perry Como. he was one in a million.

thank you for the hub. i enjoyed it.

BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 7 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City Author

Mrs Big Reese - thank you for your comment about 'you know who'

Golden Toad - you're only 33! Still close enough to dance - I appreciate your honesty

k@ari - I shall laugh out loud with you!

WomanNshadows - glad he didn't have a large stomach - and so glad you get to dance with your partner

I love these insightful comments. Thanks all!

Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 7 years ago from India

So now I know why my husband won't stop dancing...he's Pisces!!

BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 7 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City Author

Oh thanks Feline Prophet - yes the Pisces of the species will dance! Hope you are having good dancing fun!

dianacharles profile image

dianacharles 7 years ago from India

Hahaha.....this was an enjoyable hub. I so do love dancing and my hubby has to be literally dragged onto the floor. If you can't beat them join them...I have all but put away my dancing shoes.

BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 7 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City Author

I put on my dancing shoes now...and walk around the house. Glad you enjoyed the hub - I enjoyed your comment!

Nic 7 years ago

LOL, this reminds me of that time I danced with a drunk foreign man and his big stomach. The 3 of us made that party!!

Funny, funny hub BK! :)

BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 7 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City Author

Such a dancer, huh, Nic? - drunk, foreign, and with a big stomach - priceless.

JO 7 years ago

This is so true, now days I run in to guy's who forget they never learn to dance and and old school song is played and they are on the dance floor.This is usually the age from 55-75, ok, they may be drunk also.....it is still funny..

BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 7 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City Author

So true Jo, because I have run into these guys - the old time music and they get up drunk and stagger over...in fact I keep getting invited out to a club where this happens regularly - sigh! No, just because a guy is on the dance floor doesn't mean he can dance.

Thanks for your valuable input!

ajm5050 profile image

ajm5050 7 years ago from NY

I've read many excellent hubs since joining Hubpages but most of them had serious tone, but this one was really fun to read. I'm in my thirties but I still have a lot fun dancing at weddings and parties. But I have stopped clubbing though, I'm kind of old for that now. Really funny hub, keep up the good work.

BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 7 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City Author

Thanks ajm5050 - glad you like the hub. I'd really like to add more humor - I mean there is a lot to laugh about in this life - like men who just won't dance! So glad to have a dancing man check in!

Keep in touch!

cashmere profile image

cashmere 7 years ago from India

Fantastic Hub! I think I now know why my hubby used to love to dance when he was my boyfriend!

BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 7 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City Author

Fantastic comment, cashmere! Love your humor. Ah, men! I'm beginning to think this mating dance is a world wide phenomenon!

Thanks for writing!

gwennies pen 7 years ago

Love it! It explains so much about men and the frustrations we girls go through trying to get our guy to dance with us. I use to think it was just the guys I liked were too shy. Now, I know differently. Thanks for the dance tip! : )

BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 7 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City Author

Thank you gwennies pen!

So many of us women have learned to just go on out and just dance. I have one male friend who will dance and he said he is so tired after a night out because he dances with so many women because their men won't! (By the way this male friend is now single so he is probably doing a mating dance!)

gwennies pen 7 years ago

Cute! I'm still working on my male friend to join me in a dance...maybe that's what keeps him on the stool? He's afraid its a mating dance? : ) Just teasing... oh well, he does enough just dancing with my heart!

BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 7 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City Author

Hi gwennies pen - funny! He thinks it may be a mating dance. Ah, men! I've pretty much given up but maybe one day...of course I have to be careful who I dance with lest they think they can mate with me!

Dame Scribe profile image

Dame Scribe 7 years ago from Canada

Just found this, sorry I'm late but WOWWW! awesome Hub :) thank you for the insight.

BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 7 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City Author

So glad you found it Dame Scribe - and found it awesome! Thanks for the compliment!

stricktlydating profile image

stricktlydating 7 years ago from Australia

I started a Salsa Class, and was surprised at the amount of men there! Many using it as an opportunity to meet woman, but the thing is once they start dancing they seem to get really hooked on it - many attended several classes during the week, and they become quite skilled dancers! It seems like maybe if guys are brave enough to give it a go, they find they really like it!

BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 7 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City Author

Nice to meet you stricktlydating! I think that will be the key for many men - sign up at a dance class. And a man who can move on the dance floor and is confident - he will certainly meet women.

Love the salsa classes by the way!

Sue Adams profile image

Sue Adams 7 years ago from Andalusia

My X thought he was a good dancer but was actually an embarrassement. At one wild party he fell over and broke his front teeth. Now that I live in Spain it's different. Spanish men are passionate dancers and they clap and sing as well. It's a culutral thing. English guys generally prefer to stand at the bar and drink themselves into a stupor. Yuk!

BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 7 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City Author

Bar? Stupor? It sounds all too familiar. I've had the pleasure of dancing with men who could not dance at all and they would dominate the dance floor. Sigh!

Love the clapping and dancing of the Spanish men. Will pack my bags and come dance for awhile!

So nice to meet you!

prettydarkhorse profile image

prettydarkhorse 6 years ago from US

hehe electric slide, nice one BK< I like this hub and yes I totally agree with your description about men who dance, and now I know more why they cant dance, If only you are near here we will dance together, you are going to teach me belly dancing, YEHEY,,

Thank you BK, Maita

BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 6 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City Author

I'm so glad you read the hub Maita! Oh we'd have so much fun dancing. I can just see it - we'd have an all night dance-athon, and invite friends and laugh and dance!

Dancing is great exercise and fun as you pointed out in your hub!

Thanks for commenting!


a_wonderer 6 years ago

My gets angry because she cannot understand how much dancing terrorizes me.

I came across this link while researching this fear. It has been interesting to read the frustration of women with little understanding that many of us would feel safer in dangerous situation than we do on the dance floor.

BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 6 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City Author

What an interesting comment a_wonderer - and thanks for commenting so honestly. It seems more common than we realize - and I wonder if it was always this way. Men start out dancing and then...they stop. Well, as long as there is no problem with us going out and dancing without you - then all is well!

Mystique1957 profile image

Mystique1957 6 years ago from Caracas-Venezuela

LOL Bk...I have just laughed my heart out with this hub of yours which is very good, by the way!

I guess it has to do with culture and customs! I can say for myself that I love to dance, and I always have! And I try anything that makes you shake your skeleton!!!

Warm regards,


BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 6 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City Author

Hello Mystique1957! So glad to hear from a dancing man! I have one male friend who will go out and dance - he is usually beat when he gets home because all the women want to dance with him because their menfolk won't. Sigh! I suppose we women will have to pack up and come to where ever it is you are dancing!

Thanks for visiting and laughing and commenting!

lctodd1947 profile image

lctodd1947 6 years ago from USA

This is funny and good thanks for sharing. I can't get it all moving at the same time; my husband can do it better than me but we have danced in public either.

BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 6 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City Author

I'm really in the mood to dance now lctodd1947 - maybe because Spring is in the air. I'm so glad you found the hub funny. Enjoy your twirl on the dance floor - I think just getting up is often enough!

Thanks for commenting!

ethel smith profile image

ethel smith 6 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

I cpild always tell when hubby was drunk years ago, if he dragged me on to the dance floor lol

BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 6 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City Author

Hilarious ethel smith! - that seems to sum it up. I too have been dragged on to the floor by a drunk partner - who did moves even he didn't know he could do. Thanks for sharing your good times.

Tim Blackstone profile image

Tim Blackstone 6 years ago

Wow. Reading this was like a light bulb going off in my head. Everything you said makes sense and explains a lot.

I think it may be something to do with ego. My guess is as we get older us men feel inadequate compared to our younger competitors so we prefer to try to outperform them in other ways rather than things like dancing. Great hub.

BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 6 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City Author

Hilarious! - I love your take on this. And I went to a wedding recently and sure enough the young men were dancing hard. And I have to admit - the older men, not dancing, seemed more successful.

Thanks for your valuable input!

iwantanevo4me 5 years ago from California

I also think that in growing, few boys are even exposed to dancing, so as they age it becomes something that is never really learned. I think embarrassment has a lot to do with it. But once your on the dance floor you realize nobody is looking!

BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 5 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City Author

Too bad. I wish we would have dancing in schools. Here in NYC we have no room in the schools for major sports events etc. But surely we can all line up and do the electric slide or something.

It's such good limbering exercise.

Men who want to be popular know they have to learn to dance.

Thanks for commenting!

NiaG profile image

NiaG 4 years ago from Louisville, KY

I don't care how old this hub is, I love it! I love dancing and always find it hard to get a good partner. And you are right, the 19-25 year olds are the first to ask you to dance. You feel old but hey a dance is a dance. But I'm so bold that I can't wait for someone to ask, I just get out there by myself and shake a tailfeather. When you are one that can't help but to dance you can't be held down. Great hub!

BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 4 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City Author

Ah, I love the dancing spirit of you bold women - just go dance and dance and dance. It is so energizing. Yes, I wrote this old hub over 2 years ago after my son's wedding - where his wife - who even taught dance - will probably never get him on the dance floor again. And the young guys were all up having the best of times, and the womenfolk.

And darn, I see that electric slide video is no longer up. Must make a note.

Thanks for writing.

codename69 4 years ago

some men simply cannot anty up the confidence like women do i for one would love to get up and dance but my self confidence justs stops me and it actually gets quite upsetting to be honest so please dont take the mick cos i know for a fact that im not alone on this viewpoint i will dance when ive been drinking but this isn't always the best way to encourage dancing

BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 4 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City Author

You're so honest codemane69 and I appreciate your comment. For awhile there, there were a good number of how to dance videos on youtube. And to be honest with you I am not the best dancer now that so much of it is freestyle. Way back when songs were often about the latest dance and you'd just follow along.

One friend told me her father solved the problem by just getting up and turning in a circle - folks now follow him.

Thanks for commenting!

Anthony Curran profile image

Anthony Curran 4 years ago from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

after many years of not knowing how to dance, i learnt how to do modern jive, and have come full circle to realise that women are just as bad at dancing as men are and in some cases worse because they try to lead, are stiff/tense, too relaxed/drunk or are too distant in the moves. so ladies try to learn not to lead and there will be more men out there willing to dance with you

John 4 years ago

Men are afraid to dance because the women are watching, and so are the other men. All of us (men, I mean) have been "that guy" who stands or sits at the edge of the dance floor, making fun of the poor dancers, so we know that we are indeed being judged. Say that nobody is paying attention to what you're doing all you like -- it just ain't so.

Besides, it's not exactly a level playing field. All a woman has to do to make men people she can dance is to move her hips and arms, and possibly shimmy slowly up and down. If a man is that limited, he's one of the ones being made fun of, and he knows it. If it's more structured dance, like salsa, ballroom, or such, then the man has to lead, and all the woman needs to do is to follow.

Dame Scribe 4 years ago

I'm late for the dance! lol. Wow, awesome comments and great Hub. Dancing is part of the 'mating' ritual and should be part a guys 'game' since dancing may lead to other 'activities', lol.

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