Why does a woman follow her husband to remind him in a brutal way of the vows he has taken?

What do you get when you mixed PMS and GPS?

This question and picture posted by just-ask-susan of hubpages in her facebook account pulled some of my most awful memories and inspired me to do some introspection again, which I share gladly with all readers with the hope that it enlightens some troubled minds and spare emotional pain.

I am reviewing only one event, but there were more, fortunately only for a period of nine months while my husband was besotted with a woman who happened to be just like I was when he met me - playful, sparkling, exciting, yet sad and struggling to overcome causes of severe unhappiness.

So that day I followed my husband to remind him of his vows, or perhaps only to prove to him that I was not hatched up by a turkey....

  • Was I PMS?
  • Did I mix it with my (then built-in) GPS?
  • Was I a moody bitch?

In order to evaluate my actions objectively, I am doing the introspection in the Third Person as if I am a journalist writing a report.

Disclaimer: Both my ex and I conquered our egos. We are not afraid to be living examples of imperfect human beings. We wish we were not so full of ourselves when we were young; today we laugh at ourselves when we share our memories. Therefor this true story should not be seen as an act of revenge or an appeal for judgement or any form of acknowledgment.

© MCJCP
© MCJCP

Johnny and Betty were married for nine years. She loved him, though she did not like him. He was selfish, full of himself, narrow-minded, insensitive, bombastic, unrelenting and manipulative – an unfair dictator, expecting obedience, respect, love and even adoration from everybody while he refused to make any efforts to deserve it. In silence she blamed his parents for they had spoiled him rotten since the day he was born. And of course Johnny saw Betty in more or less the same light.

They were however contented in their marriage and willing to stay married until Death stop them, as they had solemnly promised on their wedding day.

She was sleeping on the bed she had made for herself, Betty rationalized, proud of herself and her ability to maintain peace in their home by putting the needs of her children first. She made them believe their father was the head of the house and therefore he should be pleased - and so easy by simply meeting his expectations. When he was at work she and her children were relaxed, enjoying life and each other within the more flexible boundaries of her rules. In his presence they were quiet and ‘invisible’ in order not to irritate him or prevent him from enjoying his television, Citizens’ Band, music or own thoughts. Brooding was his forte and woe the one who dared to irritate him out of the depths of his thoughts; his voice was a whip and his tongue was sharper than a razor to cut off all convictions of being welcome on Earth, loved and happy.

Then, all of a sudden, Johnny changed. He started to come home in a good mood, but not exactly on time as before. He started to talk a lot to Betty about his work and the people he was working with, and in particularly he discussed the personal problems of his secretary, Carol, with her.

“She is terribly lonely since her husband’s tragic death, and she has so many problems,” he mused aloud. “I told her that you will be a friend for her, she is welcome to visit us.”

Oh, yes, Betty was everybody’s friend. She was Mother Theresa’s double.

“Do you realize you are in love with each other?” she asked Johnny after Carol ’s very first visit. She could see so easily through them and she could not believe Johnny underestimated her intelligence after knowing her for ten years.

“You must be crazy,” was his answer and, as usual, he added more insults. “Something is seriously wrong with your brain. You need a psychiatrist.”

In silence she rationalized: ‘Maybe he did not know himself well enough, or he has not yet identified his true emotions; maybe Carol had not yet told him that she was in love with him.’ Betty also realized that Johnny was under extreme pressure at work, not able to reach unreachable goals set by government. Carol was giving him a boost he truly needed. Yes, she understood the situation and she could only hope that she and her children would not be afflicted while Johnny played the game God had so kindly offered him to play. According to her perception, everything was coming from God.

So she decided to give Johnny robe to hang himself.

Carol became a regular visitor in her capacity as Betty's ‘friend’, clocking in every evening at six to enjoy music and the new snooker table Johnny bought to give him a propper reason to be the social hunk he had decided to be.

Of course Betty could have been rude to Carol. She could have called Carol a slut trying to steal a husband and a father. She could have chased Carol away, but she had empathy with Carol and realized that brutal tactics would not solve any problems. By being rude, she would only encouraged more unfaithful activities behind her back, while by playing Johnny's game, she could pretended she was blissfully happy with not the faintest suspicion that her husband has feet of clay; she could confused Carol with her lightheartedness and outbursts of laughter; she could perhaps made Carol see herself as the sly and selfish female Homo sapiens she was; she could saved her marriage by simply suppressing and hiding her fears and bruised ego. After all, she was a dedicated Christian; she trusted God; she believed He was in charge of her life and He was teaching her something she ought to know.

However, Betty had no choice but to face the future as a divorced woman. She had her own business, supplying self-designed and self-made knitwear to boutiques and private clients. Her factory was attached to the house. What would become of her and her children after the house has been sold in accordance with her marriage contract? Would she be able to earn enough money to meet her children’s needs? This was two of many questions that felt like frantic tigers in her stomach, eating her guts.

And yes, her heart was broken. In her it felt like a heavy stone throbbing with pain. In spite of Johnny’s incompetence as a husband and father, she loved him dearly and passionately and for ten years she was under the impression he loved her too, as he was proving it every night behind the closed doors of their bedroom where nobody could see him falls apart in a state of elated bliss.

Then came the Friday Johnny told Betty that he was invited by a colleague to go hunting on a farm in Zeerust. This would be the first time ever he would leave her and the children alone at home to go do something with a friend. Besides playing rugby with his colleagues once in a while he was a-social, confined to his Lazy-Boy chair and presently also to his snooker table. Betty did not utter her thoughts; her pride would never allow her to behave like an insecure woman with a suspicious mind.

“Enjoy the opportunity!” she said and packed the clothes he needed in a bag.

After he had left, she studied a map of her country to see where on earth Zeerust was. To her surprise it was near Rustenburg – a town with a romantic holiday resort embraced by mountains, about an hour’s drive per car away. She remembered Carol confessed a rendezvous in the very same resort with her previous boyfriend who was apparently married to a ‘bitch’.

Lying was, and still is, perhaps the only thing in life Betty could not handle with dignity. Call her whatever, she regarded, and still do, lying as classifying and certifying her as a complete idiot. Her urge to prove that she is not an idiot was stronger than any other urge in her system and stronger than any rational and irrational thought in her mind. PMS or not PMS, she turned into a bull seeing red.

Perhaps she jumped to the wrong conclusion, she hoped while she phoned her dear friend Carol to invite her for coffee.

“Carol is not here,” said Carol's mother, and not at all to Betty's surprise.

“Oh, maybe she is on her way to me?” Yes, Betty could have been a famous actress if she was given the opportunity, or even a successful detective. She could have been anything Life would allowed her to be.

“She's on her way to Rustenburg to pick up her new car,” was the answer she expected.

She took her time to pack some clothes for her and the children before she phoned her favorite cousin who happened to live in Rustenburg. Then, with the needed directions scrabbled on a piece of paper and the assurance that she and her children had lodging for the night, she phoned her best friend to update her status.

“Oh no, don’t follow him.... don’t humiliate yourself like that,” said her friend, but Betty was determined to lower herself to ground level just to prove her intelligence to a man who ought to keep it in mind every minute of his life. Since he had met her, she never made a secret of her obsession with the truth. “I may fear the truth and it may hurt me, but I can deal with it and accept it without losing my dignity. Don’t change me into a bitch with a lie!” Even her children knew she was not able to tolerate lies.

Driven by anger incited by a lie, Betty indeed found Johnny exactly where she knew she would find him with his pants on the floor.

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CONCLUSION:

"What would you get when you mix PMS with a GPS – a moody bitch who will find you."

I don’t disagree with this, BUT, this is not the only kind of bitch that will find you.

  • "I don't have a problem with men. I have a problem with STUPID men." ~ Maggie Estep
  • "There is a sense of being in anger. A reality and presence. An awareness of worth." ~ Toni Morrison,The Bluest Eye
  • "To survive it is often necessary to fight and to fight you have to dirty yourself." ~ George Orwell
  • "Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." ~ Katherine Hepburn
  • "You know what is the worst thing about being rejected? The lack of control. If I could only control the where and how of being dumped, it wouldn’t seem as bad." ~ High Fidelity by Nick Hornby
  • "The problem with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then they marry him." ~ Cher

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Comments 75 comments

Levertis Steele profile image

Levertis Steele 4 years ago from Southern Clime

Apparently, he keeps breaking the vows in a brutal way. Some men must be reminded because they keep forgetting, so, the problem must be alzheimers. It is so common these days. Poor guys!


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus. I think this is becoming a daily quote for me. Johnny was so clueless. He obviously thought with the wrong head. Way to go Martie!!


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 4 years ago from Hereford, AZ

I hate to say it but I have a daughter-in-law just like Johnny. My son has seen the light and it is not pretty.


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Sista,

You answered this question and wrapped it in a gift box with a bow!

I simply had to give you an UP and all the way across the board! The FUNNY is specifically for the word BOMBASTIC, which you have now used to describe a couple other men I'd rather not 'yada yada'...!!

And you have included my favorite K Hepburn quote. It is my understanding that she and Spencer were so happy because they had adjoining homes... hmmm...?!


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

Martie, I know this was a terrible time in your life, nobody leaves a marriage unscaved. You were so much smarter than me. The other woman in my marriage was my best friend, little did i know until they were caught together making love on a country road. How stupid was that. Looking back, it was the worst time in my life, now i feel apart from it all. Time heals. I know we both are stronger now and much wiser. I love Cher's quote. There's no man alive that i would ever consider marrying. I have a Dear friend who is honest and kind. I have my home, he has his. You were able to tell your story with witty courage. I don't worry about you ever making another mistake. You my friend are one smart cookie..Lots of hugs..


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

For people who are as honest, straightforward and truthful as you are, Martie, dear, it's hard to believe that others may be selfish, irresponsible and untrustworthy liars. Regret it took so long but you made the right decisions. For yourself and your children. You are a role model for them to admire. You are in charge of your life, no one else.

Thanks for your courage in sharing this story. Gave it a great big Up. Loved the quotes, too.


Fennelseed profile image

Fennelseed 4 years ago from Australia

This could easily be a version of my story!! Only I am still with the leading male role. Fortunately the weekend away didn't quite happen, I came to my senses before then and so did he. Oh boy, our egos are so stubborn and headstrong. I know I was a total bitch back then - he knows he was a total jerk back then. Funnily enough we were both divorced before we came together and hadn't learnt from the first time around. We were each right on track for a repeat performance!!

Your story is very honest and very real and I am so glad you can look back at this time with a laugh. I love this hub as I relate on all levels - even the lioness as I am she!!! Voting up and SHARING!!


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 4 years ago

As an aging man of 58 , I have learned that we[men and women] constantly re-invent the wheel in relationships , Men are biologically hardwired into being occasionaly stupid, and women ........well I won't go there but to say that there is a natural "need ' to be victimized all too often or else there wouln't be so many truly shipwrecked marriages and family units , and yet for both men and women there has to be a wearing of the sufferages on the sleeves. Oh' poor me !the sadest stories are told again and again until everyone around them avoids them like a plague. Fools we are and fools we will always be !....awesome insight here! Thanks for sharing .


Sunnie Day 4 years ago

Wow Martie this was such a heart felt story..Have been through similar situations and it is not fun and takes a a part of ones soul BUT not forever and I wish I was as brave and smart as you were!..You are a conqueror!


moonlake profile image

moonlake 4 years ago from America

Thank your lucky stars. You are better off. Voted Up.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

OH...Martie....how I love this story! Although it could never be written as beautifully as you have done so....how sad that it might have been written by nearly EVERY woman I have known over the past 40 years, to include yours truly.

More importantly, Martie, I LOVE you and your lovely way of thinking. I too, make it crystal clear that I can handle "anything," as long as you do NOT insult my intelligence and intuitiveness by being a damned, LIAR!! I despise DECEIT!! The mere fact that they THINK we're stupid is hysterically comical to me!! UP UP and UP again!!


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States

Sure, there must have been a lot of heart breaks esp with kids involved. But the bottom line is that Martie you and your ex have realized it and have gone a long way in your life.

We all make mistakes but, to learn from them and get up and go is the mantra.

wishing you peace and joy, my friend!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Levertis Steele – Faithfulness is not part of a human’s natural instinct, but a rule to be obeyed for the sake of civilization. Emoes and ostriches and some other animals are instinctively faithful to their mate until the day they die. They also stay faithful after the death of their mate.

It takes a lot of self-control and personal principles for a human being to resist the temptation to please his natural urges and needs. A woman – a mother of children - is more faithful, because all her attention is on her children and most likely thereafter on her grandchildren. But when she has no offspring (or other dependents) keeping her mother instinct active and strong, she better not trust herself in the company of a man who stirs her senses. So in fact we should say ‘poor humans’.

Nice to meet you and thank you for being the fist to comment.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Sunshine625 – he was indeed stupid. If he had a sensitive soul and more brains, he could have enjoyed his affair without stirring a hair on my head. Gosh, he was such a damn jerk. Thanks for pimping me so quickly. It was so late (down here), I planned to post the links today. Keep on rocking, Sunshine!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Becky Katz – In my reply to Levertis I should have stressed ‘normal’ woman with children and dependants are more faithful then men.

Your son has all my empathy – the ego of a human being and his high expectations based on the norm and standards of civilization, makes it impossible for him/her to accept unfaithfulness with a smile.

Nice to see you, Becky!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

marcoujor – I truly believe ‘absence make the heart grow fonder’; love and romance could have a longer life-span and a deeper impact if couples allow each other more private space. But then they have to prevent the negative results of boredom and loneliness. People love adventure and excitement, extroverts more than introverts, perhaps; boredom and loneliness may send them to places where they could meet a third party.

But then, as always, on the other side: “Out of sight, out of mind..... and eventually out of heart.”

So what are we to do, mar? I guess every case has its own merits.

Thanks for your sparkling comment :)


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 4 years ago from Hereford, AZ

Martie, he just found out and is totally heartbroken. She is trying to take his kids and her mother has hidden them. He adores his kids, she doesn't even tolerate them. He is the one who takes care of them all the time. When he found her texting 'I love you' to him from their bed, he jumped up and was going to beat the guy. She hung onto his shirt and was drug down the steps, now she has his for spousal abuse. She is not just a liar but a conniving female dog.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

always exploring – Oh yes, that was certainly the most horrible nine months in my entire life. Really, the emotional pain was unbearable. I was compelled to follow doctor’s orders and use anti-depressants and tranquilizers. At the end, the fourth time I had to prove my intelligence, I (and not they) caught them red-handed on the job. So there was no lie on earth he could use to keep his bread buttered on both sides. Ha-ha! But then he came to his senses, begged for forgiveness and so we started our 2nd chance to make a success of Marriage – an institution I really regard as divine and honorable. Nine years later I had no more reasons to tolerate his basic flaws, which did not include unfaithfulness. He was, and still is, not the conventional unfaithful partner, he is really one of those who have to be seduced.

So Ruby, we both know that awful feeling one has to overcome when realizing “I am not good enough... I am not the best in the eyes of the one I love... I don’t deserve all his/her love....” I wonder why do we need to feel the best in at least one person’s eyes, and why do we need ALL the love of at least one person?

Take care, Twin. Give Tom a hug on my behalf, just because I am happy because he makes you happy. I believe a man who makes one woman happy, makes all her sisters happy, and therefore he is to be admired.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

drbj – Thank you so much for your comforting comment. Yes, sometimes I feel oh so sorry for myself. Poor me, always true and honest, doing my best, how can anybody get it over his heart to hurt me? Lol! Too bad we are born on this planet and not in ‘heaven’.

I decided to share the story because that quote annoyed me – “Mix PMS with GPS is a ‘moody’ woman who will find you”. I was instantly devilized by that quote, obviously coined by an insensitive, narrow-minded, shallow, giddy-headed person who regards PMS and ‘moodiness’ and ‘will find you doing something you should not do’ as one big joke.

I do have a sense of humor, but at the same time I hate mockery.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Fennelseed – Good to know you can relate. Somehow, while we relate to what we read or hear, lights go on in our minds to enable us to look and learn and realize again what we should, and often we see something brand new that could change our perception in our favor.

I wish you all of the best. You don’t have to make it a repeat performance, but on the other hand, people are like chemicals. One spontaneously react on the other and there is sweet blue all we can do about it.


Ardie profile image

Ardie 4 years ago from Neverland

Martie, you sure can spin a tale. And it's a familiar tale at that. But of course you know what I mean ;)

I cannot stand a liar either - its my biggest pet peeve and just about the only thing I wont tolerate on any level.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

ahorseback – I had to read your comment THREE times and I had to analyze it on three different levels before I could grasp it. And I am still not sure if I’ve ‘heard’ you clearly.

So true, we are fools when we don’t control our doings with the wisdom of a saint. Oh, I should not use ‘saint’ as an epitome of wisdom, because who//what was a saint – most of them have simply done what people REGARDED those days as not-foolish.

So good to see you in my corner ahorseback! Take care :)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Sunnie Day – How well stressed: “.... it takes a part of one’s soul.”

Takes.... destroys.... mutilates....

I don’t think that part, or any damage part of the soul, ever heals, Sunnie. We simply learn how to treat it, and sometimes we are lucky to find a partner and/or friends who help us doing it. I am sure our souls, in the form of a human body, are full of scars and even amputated limbs. And some souls are blind and deaf. This could become a hub - :)

Thanks for your pleasant comment. Did you notice any grammar errors? Please let me know :)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Moonlake, thank heavens I have many lucky stars :) Everything for me turned out for the best. But I still don't have the best Life has to offer. I guess I am not Life's blue-eyed girl :))) Nevertheless, grateful for every crumb coming my way :)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

fpherj48 – you and I are certainly birds of the same feathers. I can but only say ‘amen’ to every sentence in your comment. We have a saying: “A man is a goat and a goat is a f#$&%r.”

But who is to blame? As I’ve said in my reply to Levertis Steele - faithfulness is not part of a human’s natural instinct, but a rule to be obeyed for the sake of civilization. Unfaithfulness is not a big deal for the one who is unfaithful; especially the one who is more flesh than spirit regards this in the same light as going to a gym or playing tennis. He/she return afterwards to his/her comfort zone (spouse and kids) as if he/she has done nothing wrong. Those on the receiving end has to deal with broken trust, feeling of rejection, self-pity, fears, shock, shattered dreams, unmet expectations, and and and....

And maybe, if we were not civilized but still apes, we would not been bothered by unfaithfulness. If I keep the punishment in mind for adultery ± 2000 BC – summarily killed with stones or fire or whatever – I wonder what it was like in the time of the Neandertal people? A human being’s urge/need to own/possess – his sense of territory – has a lot to do with demanding loyalty and faithfulness from those they own/possess. Fact is, sexual intercourse is nothing else but the (temporary) owning/possessing of another body. While men can be happy with only a body, women need the heart and soul as well. We also don’t want to loose anything. Once obtained, always ours. Oh, I can philosophize for hours about the basic needs/urges of human beings.

Thanks for your lovely comment, fpherj48!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Ruchira – Maybe our expectations are too high, and, of course, our abilities and capabilities differs. Some can do it, others can’t.

Thank you for your insightful comment, Ruchira :)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Becky Katz – Oh, what a horrible situation! Becky, my heart goes out to all of you. Now your son – and all of you - has to deal with ‘losing his most precious belongings’ – Even his own image and identity. Awful! Every one of you has to deal with ‘loss’ in a situation like this. May you, and especially your son, receive all the strength you need to handle every piece of s%&t with dignity. What else can we call all the things one has to deal with in a situation like this? You have all my empathy!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Ardie – Show me a person who is able to tolerate a lie? Who/what is he/she? If not retarded, it could only be a person who lives happily all alone on an island.

Show me anything that can provoke more anger than lies? Really, no-one is able to experience no anger when being deceived, betrayed, defrauded, duped, misled, bamboozled, befooled, deluded...

When I was a kid, the rule in our house was: “If you speak the truth, you may perhaps escape a hiding, but if you lie, you bum will certainly be spanked until it burns like hell.” In my time corporal punishment was the rule. My father always said our burning bums were only a taste of the pain we will experience if he does not spank the devil out of us before Life does it.

I lied when I was a child until I finally realized I could not handle the feeling of humiliation when my lie was all of a sudden discovered and exposed. What kind of a person can proudly bear the label ‘lier’? Now I will die of shame if anybody discovers a lie in my doings and workings. I do have hidden truths, but I will rather bite my tongue before I cover it with a lie.

Thanks for your supportive comment, Ardie. Take care!


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

I never say never. I haven't closed my heart to love, but I don't stick around or settle for liars, losers or assholes anymore. I spent my youth catering to dicks, but I'll not give away anymore of me. Lie and I'm gone. Exert control and I run. I don't need a daddy (I had the best), don't want a control freak (I've got a good brain of my own), and I don't want a dictator (my decisions are mine). I agree with Kate Hepburn and recently read an article about couples who live separately. Since I've lived alone, I can't imagine any other way. I prefer visiting a lover to the insistence we be joined at the hip. Financially, it would be more difficult, but individuals live on their own before they couple, so it is not only possible, but, for me, the only way to maintain respect, dignity, and magic. Desiring someone is intoxicating, as opposed to being intoxicated in order to tolerate the sight of them!

Thank you for sharing your story. Your honesty is validating to any woman who has been lied to or betrayed, the sarcasm well deserved and brings laughter to a devastating sequence of events and absolves women of the anxiety in thinking it is the result of something they did or didn't do. I once thought it was the baby-boomer generation of women raised to "shut up and nurture" that created an insensitive, "I, me, mine" generation of men, but I still see young women who give their all to men who give their all to anyone who will screw them. I think many women hurt other women, too. Carol was certainly not your friend, and her betrayal to you would have, ultimately, been a turnoff to a decent man. They deserve each other. And, you, Martie, deserve a prince.


tirelesstraveler profile image

tirelesstraveler 4 years ago from California

Martie- Thank you for sharing.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Amy Becherer – I enjoyed your comment so much. Agreed

all the way. You should present your views on issues in hubs; you have a delightful way of expressing yourself.

While I was married I saw unmarried women in a negative light. They were, according to my judgment, immoral, shallow and always ready to steal husbands and fathers. When I became an unmarried woman in my mid-thirties, I discovered truths I never knew exist – loneliness, the need to be touched and loved, the need to belong to a man, the need to be not single, but a couple, one of a pair.... This is some truths that make a single woman selfish and careless and willing to be the mistress of a married man.

All I can say today to married women is: Be the best wife you can be, cherish your marriage status and the benefits of marriage, and never think you are too good to be betrayed.

And of course I don’t say this to the wives of assholes. I want to ensure them there is a better life than the one under the same roof as an asshole.

Thanks so much for your delightful comment, Amy!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

tirelesstraveler - thank you for reading and commenting. Take care!


A.A. Zavala profile image

A.A. Zavala 4 years ago from Texas

Such a horrible story. I know how disappointed you must have been, and how your heart must have hurt so much.

I was married for over eighteen years, and there were many difficulties. I strayed, and my ex found out. She got offered to walk on my back, because it always bothered me, then proceeded to step on my neck and confront me about my liason. I never strayed since then. My question to you, why didn't you step on his neck?


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

A.A. Zavala – Yes, the disappointment was tremendous, because I trusted him with all my heart. Trusting people is one of my ‘flaws’ rooted in naivety. But in spite of my pain, I clearly understood the situation. I was not mad, or angry, only petrified with fear and anxiety – I could not see a future without him.

Why didn't I step on his neck, and not even on his back….

The day I caught him for the 4th time…. with his pants off (never mind down)…. He asked me to forgive him, suggested we start a new life…. I yielded on the condition that I, too, get the opportunity to feel what it is like to be loved by a third party…. And so we made a deal…. tit for tat….

How can a black pot blame a kettle because it is black?

Okay, I betrayed him for one night, his betrayal lasted nine months, I did not torture him with lies and insults, while he had ripped me apart…. so I could have trampled on his neck, but fortunately I was not born with a tendency to throw others with old cows – really, heaping reproaches on someone is beneath my dignity. I may spend time with the old cows, like now, writing about it – he may take it personal and experience it as ‘stepping on his neck’, but that is his problem – I have to take care of myself, healing myself, dealing with my own memories….

But tell me, what would YOU have done if your wife had demanded a night in the arms of another man? Would you have made such a deal?


A.A. Zavala profile image

A.A. Zavala 4 years ago from Texas

It never happened, but threatened. Of course, I was not in the position to say anything about it. I was forever sorry for the incident, and always thought about it. I suffered for my mistake as well, but I certainly deserved it. Stupidity is a biological trait that is inherent in men.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 4 years ago

....Martie you always make me think and feel with your words and your thoughts - and what's up with men and women these days anyway - you and I get along like a house on fire and I'm not about to put it out anytime soon ..... lake erie time 3:30pm


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Augustine, I regard threats in the same light as reproaches. Yes, SAY what you are going to do once, and then do it when the moment comes IF you are able to. People normally threaten others with what they cannot do.

Why relive agony over and over with threats and reproaches? So stupid!

We are all human, able to commit anything under the sun in specific circumstances. We must never underestimate our human urges. Lust is stronger than love and one needs a thousand reasons to suppress it, or at least the principles of a saint.

But yes, the damage caused by adultery cannot be repaired. One literally has to start a new life as if the old one was not a reality.

When I left my husband 9 years after this ordeal, he jumped to the conclusion that I've never forgiven him. He was so wrong. I never held his 'fall' against him; I hated his everyday character and that is why I eventually left him. After my father's death it was no longer necessary for me to prove I can make a success of my marriage...

Men may be more stupid in certain aspects than women, but in other aspects women are more stupid than men. The two genders really need each other in order to reach the highest peaks of contentment, joy and happiness.

I get the impression you are still struggling with feelings of guilt. I feel so sorry for men who had proved themselves to their wives and girlfriends as 'not strong enough to resist temptation.' He has to live with the knowledge that he is no longer regarded as a hero.... and ten to one the reason of his fall was because he was not treated like a hero. Men need to feel like hero's and a woman need to know she has her own exclusive hero always ready to rescue her...

If I had treated my ex like a hero... but, oh, no... he was never a hero for me... When I look back, I can but only regard him as the one who was sent to keep me in a prison for 20 years... I was Moses and he was my desert... Oh, and I will probably like Moses never enter the promised land...

Thank you for sharing your experience, Augustine. Without saying this, you had clearly stressed that adultery is like abdication. The guilty party really lose his/her power and prestige. And this is so sad... tragic.

I hope with all my heart you will get a second change to be a woman's hero - and not only for one night, but for forever and a day :) You do have the soul (and body?) of a hero :)))


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi, Epi, my darling... Lol! Yes, we get along... and trust me, the house is not on fire, only the wood in the hearth is burning comfortably :)


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

You are very smart and I applaud you for hating lies. I do too. I don't tolerate that - I think many people want to always walk the path of least resistance. Lies are convenient but they never ever help anything. I would have done the same thing probably. Those Bettys are everywhere - some ladies seem to like taking men that are already taken!

While I'm sorry you had to go through that, I'm sure it has made you even more so the special person you are:). Up and everything!


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

Thank you for sharing Martie. I too have a similar story however a little more complicated. I admire your bravery and the way you acted with dinity.

Voting up


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Thank you for your kind comment, Rosemary. Sorry to hear you have had a more complicated, and certainly more painful ordeal. Trust me, I had lost my dignity quite a few times. At this occasion I hit him with my handbag over the head; with the second hit he had duck in time and both my handbag and I landed in the bathtub (filled with water)....

Today I laugh about it, but God knows I was crazy with shock and emotional pain. I remember my cries, over and over: "How can you do this to me?"

I really learned the hard way that men should never be trusted. They are unfaithful beings. Those who are faithful simply never got/get the opportunity to be unfaithful. It takes only one step to fall into mischief, the rest follows automatically.

Thank you for your visit, Rosemary :)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

RealHouswife, I don't really blame those Betties... I was married, to be exact for 19 years and I am now single for 20 years. I know both worlds. Loneliness and the need to be love are very strong motivators for grabbing whatever opportunity presents itself. We are humans, not angels. It takes two to tango. Regrets and feelings of guilt come afterwards...

Thank you so much for your kind comment.


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Just checking these comments from my guru sista from SA..

For the love of Oingo Boingo, I hope the handbag wasn't real leather... they're not worth it, girlfriend!! And what about your hair?? Oh gosh, look at how far you've come... I want to be YOU when I grow up...

Love and kisses, Maria


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi marcoujor, this event and similar seem to have happened in a previous life of mine, when I was not the Me I am today. The Me I am today would not have tolerated Johnny in my personal zone. On our first date he ate a chocolate in front of me without offering me a bite. I was so shocked - I was not raised like that. Sharing everything except toothbrushes and panties was the rule in our house. Nevertheless he intrigued me, and heaven knows he was beautiful, I had no idea that what I had felt for him was not love, but my mere urge to grasp a riddle. Anyway, thanks to him I have 2 wonderful children and 4 grandchildren - the most delightful awards.

Oh, and in the meantime I have gained ten times the happiness (and chocolates) I have lost while he was my lot...

Take care my sista... I'll catch up with you before the end of this day :)


Levertis Steele profile image

Levertis Steele 4 years ago from Southern Clime

I was trying to add a dash of sarcasm when I said, "Poor guys." I have no sympathy for a man or woman who is unfaithful.

"It takes a lot of self-control and personal principles for a human being to resist the temptation to please his natural urges and needs."

A wife and husband are to please each other's natural urges and needs. If some wives were not so overly protective of a husband's ego, giving him a license to stray, they could "tame" their husbands righteously. A man needs to realize that he can barely handle one woman sexually if she demands more from him. When a man cheats and the wife discovers it, she usually feels hurt, stays on her side of the bed for a week or two, forgives him, and resumes the marital activities. Mistake.

When he comes home from cheating, use a condom if you fear a disease, but make him dutiful overtime while he is weak to show him that he cannot handle two women. Men hate to fail, but drive him to failure in a loving way. You do not have to let him know what you are doing. There is not anything wrong with healing therapy! When a wife gets angry and stays away from him for a few days, she is giving him time to recover. Do not do it. Show him that he has a loving and needful wife at home. If he fails sexually and if he loves his wife, he will do what he has to do to "take care of home." Giving a cheater sympathy and time to recoup is enabling him to cheat more.

Many men cheat because they think that they are BIG DOGS and can handle the double play. Smart women know how to let them know that they can't. Most men must get ready for sex; women do not whether they feel up to it or not. Women stay ready physically. Cheating men often do not perform well, but wives do not want to hurt their feelings so they deal with it. Mistake. Let him know in a loving manner that he is weak. Don't be brutal; just say, "What's wrong, honey? Let's try it again." Don't pretend that he performs well as many wives do to protect their ego. Do not try this unless you know that he has cheated.

Mistresees do a lot of lying and pretending to alienate the wife and husband, and some men swallow it all hook, line, and sinker. How can a wrong woman be righteous? If the husband does not mind cheating on his wife, why should she mind letting him know that she experiences the results of being cheated? She deserves the best he has to offer, not another woman. There will come a time when the husband will naturally weaken. If cheating is not the culprit, then, he deserves respect and understanding.

It is wrong for anyone to cheat, but women are more physically able to accommodate longer than men. A wife can get the upper hand on this cheating issue and save her marriage, and at the same time, educate her husband. This may not work if the husband does not love his wife.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi Levertis, thank you for a very interesting and captivating comment. It would have been word for word mine before my husband's betrayal. During the ordeal I realized that while I was secured and filled with self-confidence in a stabile marriage, it was so easy to say and think and belief what I would do the day he cheats on me. I was so strong, and clever, and just like you in your comment, determined to handle it the right and righteous way whenever it happens.

But the day the clock went off for me, and I stepped into that ring to fight for myself and my children’s future under a roof that was our home, my basic urges and needs and GUTS took over. I chucked all my clever plans of actions; I discovered myself as a female Homo sapiens, fortunately raised by a lady, fighting with my teeth and nails for the survival of my children and myself. We needed ‘Johnny’, for us he was the best provider in spite of his shortcomings. There was no better provider in sight. During that ordeal I could so clearly understood why good wives stick to bad husbands and even bear physical abuse.

Yes, we must have guidelines, such as your comment. We must know what we are supposed to do. But every case is unique, every wife and husband on this planet is unique with their own personal needs, longings, dreams, goals, ideas and perceptions. In our struggle to survive in this world, each and every one of us is merely a pawn of the breath in our body.

Kahlil Gibran had the most profound view on this: “For what is evil but good tortured by its own hunger and thirst? Verily when good is hungry it seeks food even in dark caves, and when it thirsts, it drinks even of dead waters.”

Thank you so much for your comment, Levertis. May it be a guideline for many who have no idea what they should do.


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 4 years ago from North Carolina

Well Martie, I'm glad you were smart enough to nip it in the bud when you did. You didn't need to look back and feel like you'd wasted any more years with a faithless spouse. A woman like you deserves so much more. And though no one, male or female, bats a thousand, I can assure you my friend that there are men who would never lie and do something like that behind their wives or girl-friends back. You'd be a precious gift- never to be betrayed by any man who dares give himself that name.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Oh my goodness, Alastar, now you've pulled my tears... Such beautiful words... compliments always put me straight into a state of self-pity, making me believe yes, poor me, I do deserve much more...

Sadly, Alastar, in this life we just don't get what we deserve. Life is unfair. I do know bad women with good husbands and good women with wonderful husbands and there was a time I felt rejected by God himself, because 'why me Lord? What have I ever done....'

Fortunately, 10 years ago, I had reached the stage where I finally understood that theories such as 'you get what you deserve', 'you reap what you have sown', 'result is rooted in cause', 'every dog gets his day' are not true. There are many contradictions in the Bible, so we tend to choose the scriptures that appeal to us. One of my choices to hold onto is from King Solomon. I can't find it now and I don't remember the exact words, but the long and the short of it is - It is not the best runners who win the races, everything depends on Time and Opportunity.

I believe you; I know there are men who would never lie and hurt their wives, but I do believe they should not praise themselves - they should rather be thankful because Time has not (yet) given them an Opportunity to do so.

Alastar, thank you so much for your very kind comment. We hubbers have the privilege to know each other on a level we may call 'spiritual'; our pure, naked souls, or spirits, whatever we believe our true selves are, are in contact with each other, totally free in Cyberspace - not captured in our bodies and circumstances - and I am glad to have you in my corner. Take care and enjoy your day(s).

BTW, I've stumbled upon this awesome words of Kahlil Gibran ~ I hope you will be able to open this ~ https://www.facebook.com/notes/martie-coetser-pozy...


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 4 years ago from North Carolina

Wise words to soak the mind and spirit in Martie, thank you for the link. Wisdom is love in it's best form. Where love is, so is wisdom. And with wisdom and love a person is master of all that they are.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Thanks, Alastar! You've got to block and blog your wise, winged words. Have a great day!


Levertis Steele profile image

Levertis Steele 4 years ago from Southern Clime

Martie Coetser:

Your thinking seems healthful, but many wives, as you indicated, do not know what to do. They are too weak to leave a destructive marriage and too clueless to stay and try to make it work. I have been there. I know that leaving is often the better option because many women have lost their lives after choosing to stay. In an old friend's case, the other woman killed her to win the man. I wish she had opted to leave, but it is too late.

I have observed men who divorced their wives, married again and lived quite happily until they died. These were close to me. Little did they know that their new spouses were very unfaithful unlike the first wives they ditched. One of the second wives discussed her infidelity with me saying that she loved her husband but he could not supply all of her needs. I did not tell him because I felt that he deserved what he married, and I was fearful of getting involved. However, I did end my friendship with the woman for obvious reasons. She was out of my league. Life can be a trickster.

"But every case is unique, every wife and husband on this planet is unique with their own personal needs, longings, dreams, goals, ideas and perceptions. In our struggle to survive in this world, each and every one of us is merely a pawn of the breath in our body."

You are so right about this. That is why no one can come up with a bottled remedy to cure infidelity. Jesus is the best help I have ever known or heard about.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Levertis, I am so grateful for your comments. Thanks to you we really discuss this topic of unfaithfulness in marriage... adultery... properly.

Interesting is your sentence: "I did end my friendship with the woman for obvious reasons. She was out of my league." It is so important for friends to be in the same league in order to support each other. After my divorce I stopped visiting my married girlfriends. Even though I was not bad, I would have had a bad influence on them, being free and single, enjoying the benefits of freedom. I would have been also a threat, because a man is a man... Although my friends loved me, they knew their husbands had me in their secret fantasies. And not really secret... Some of my friends in fact told me that their husbands would be thrilled to have an affair with me, while I had no idea.

Point is, a divorced woman is a threat to a married woman, and most of the times not active, but passive in the man's fantasies. So, it is better not to visit one's married friends at their homes. I maintain my friendships with my married girlfriends over a cup of coffee now and then in a restaurant, and then, instead of talking about myself, I encourage them to talk about their lives. I will never promote divorce, unless a friend is suffering severe abuse.

Yes, my faith in God kept me married for 19 years to a man who had treated me like a nothing on a piece of s#*t. During our 10th year he had tried to make amends, but he acted totally out of character, so that was also something I had to bear for the sake of my children.

And yet I always loved him, and still do. He had touched a view strings in my heart - only a few that need to be touched to produce the sounds of love. He could not play a magnificent symphony on my strings, but he did play a tune, like the song of a lonely bird in a semi-desert. I do believe he was meant for me; in order to fulfill my purpose in life, it was important for me to be his wife for so long.

But I am glad my marriage eventually came to an end. It was if I was released from prison. And so I believe all individuals in an unhappy marriage have to do the 'right' thing at the 'right' time, and only they will be able to distinguish between 'right' and 'wrong'. What onlookers may regard as 'right' could be 'wrong'. So we should never judge. Let us simply be examples of what could be done with great success, or even with disastrous consequences.

Thank you again for your relevant input, Levertis :) Take care!


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

Ihad to come back and comment. I was laughing so much at your reply I almost fell off my chair. I am sorry know it wasn't funny at the time but is like something you would see in a comedy.

Hay I owe you a big thank you for pimping my 'Poets Past' on FB. Maria let me know, I didn't know of hublove and I haven't been into FB for a couple of weeks. So thank you very much dear friend, It is much appreciated.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Rosemary, one day I plan to write the entire ordeal as a comedy.

'Clever' men trying to fool 'women', will be the theme....

Men has no idea how clever women are, able to see through walls what their kids are doing, able to read the minds of children and men... Really, men stubbornly underestimate our 6th sense, and even our willingness to play along and 'submissively' accept their 'bright ideas', but only for the sake of peace and harmony.

Looking back at that time in my life, objectively, because all my wounds are healed, I can see so much to laugh about. Really! Imagine me diving into that tub.... Hahahahaha! OMW, I can't help laughing out loud every time I 'see' myself in that act of passionate grief... Oh, and that was but only one hilarious incident. I don't even get angry anymore - the ego's natural reaction on humiliation. I've conquered my ego...

Oh, that was a brilliant hub of yours. Could not resist the temptation to pimp it.

Have a great weekend, Rosemary!


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

I once found 'extra large' condoms hidden in my ex's wardrobe. When I faced him with it he tried to blame the 13 year old foster child we were taking care of. He must have thought I was stupid and gullible to believe that story. I came back with "Well I can understand a naïve 13 year old thinking he may need extra large but you thinking you needed EXTRA large is beyond me"

I like the quick cut and snip :)


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 4 years ago from Hereford, AZ

Rosemary, I love that comment. Hysterically witty.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Ouch! Rosemary! Wow, that one was a killer! Phewww, 'poor man', but, of course, he begged you for that one.

So often I had wished I could wipe my husband off the earth with such sharp insults, or even with ones similar to what he had used to mutilate my soul. (He always aimed for my brain and intellectual abilities, either with spoken insults or acts such as above, underestimating my intelligence.) I was never able to hit him promptly and witty back the way he had hit me. He was just too rude for me. I would kept my mouth shut, or I would humiliate myself by explaining my pain with words - admitting his power - with the hope he realizes his rudeness and hang his head in shame. In vain, of course, because he was a bully and proud of his brutal Self.

But my time for revenge always came, such as that day he was on his knees begging for forgiveness. He had a choice - either he lives for the rest of his life with his 'catch', or he stay with me, knowing I had spent an entire night with another man. At that time my love for him was as dead as dirt, brutally killed by him. But I thought for the sake of my children I should... must give him a second chance.

Less than two years later I regretted my decision. I should have accepted the other man's marriage proposal. He would have been a better husband for me and a better father for my children, as he had proved himself to be for the woman he eventually married. But this is beside the point.

What about giving us a list of quick cutters and snippers. Lol. I must agree with Becky, that one was hysterically witty.

@@ Thanks, Becky, my heart goes out to Rosemary. The love we feel for another person makes it impossible for us to feel no pain when/while we are betrayed... and hell has no fury than a woman scorned.


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

Before then I was too afraid to open my mouth. He was a bully and a brute too, but like you I stuck it for the sake of the children, then the foster children, which sort of started off by accident, taking in 2 abandoned babies. But that day was the day I found my strength and was ready and prepared to defend myself to the fullest, no matter what the consequences.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Wow, Rosemary, you must have a lot of interesting memories. I take my hat of for all parents, but in particular for foster parents. I'm clicking over to your corner for a read :))


Dave UK 4 years ago

His LOSS Martie.

Hug on its way! xx


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi Davey, my baby! I can't remember if I've told you this story. Most probably not, because we were too busy enjoying our holiday. Thanks for the hug! I'm sending you some and more in return :)


Movie Master profile image

Movie Master 4 years ago from United Kingdom

Hi Martie and good riddance Johnny - way to go gal - you came out of that with your head held high!

Thank you for sharing and a big vote up from me.

Best wishes & hugs my friend, Lesley


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi, Lesley, I always appreciate your comments and votes. When I grow up I want to be like you... :))) Take care!


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Martie, I'm so sorry that my post on FB brought back such bad memories for you. It was not my intention to do so. Thank you for sharing this part of your life though. I so admire you as both a woman and a writer. Sending hugs to you!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

My dearest Susan, you should not feel sorry because you've shared that quote with us; that was simply a statement that was made by somebody who have had a specific experience which had given him a specific insight. Like any other quote it is a wild bird roaming the Net with the purpose to provoke thoughts and ideas; the pulling of memories is unavoidable. I never thought you might regret posting it when you learn the effect it had on me. Oh my goodness, now I feel bad. Would you rather like me to remove the credit I gave you for posting it? Wow, this is now such a typical example of hurting others without any intention to do so. Sorry, Susan. I am waiting in anticipation for your suggestion. A firm and sincere hug from me to you :)


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

No I don't mind you saying why you wrote this. I only feel bad that I stirred up awful memories that day for you.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Thank you, Susan. It is actually easy to forgive, but to forget...

The merest will always stir our memories :)

Take care!


Lilleyth profile image

Lilleyth 4 years ago from Mid-Atlantic

Anytime you hear a man use the word "crazy", hire a private detective.

I believe marriage licenses should be renewable with your driver's license, every 5 years.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Lilleyth, oh, you're making my night! How strange, I, too, think marriage should be like drivers licences to be renewed every 5 years, and couples may only have children after they have passed a specific, comprehensive course in parenthood. I am still thinking how to eliminate people who violate the law. It must be in a nice and gentle way, in order not to disturb sensitive law-obeying souls.

Thanks for the laughs!


rulalenska profile image

rulalenska 4 years ago from USA

I am totally with you on the five-year marriage contract. Our culture does not support lifelong exclusive marriages. Such arrangements only give cheaters motivations and excuses. If Johnny knew that in a year or two he'd be free and Carol could then pester him to get married and take all the fun out of it, maybe he would have thought twice.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

In a new - more feasible - social order, fraud, feelings of guilt, unhappiness, longing for 'a better life', mourning the 'what could have been', depression, et cetera, could be reduce and peace and happiness on this planet could be prevail... In fact, some people are already living this new order, but the majority cling to the old, suffering all the way....

Thank you, rulalenska, for your supportive comment :)


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

I don't know how I missed this hub! There is a LOT of wisdom in these comments. You know, two people in a marriage are adults. If someone is unhappy and wants to cheat, why not just say, hey this isn't what I want and leave before doing all the double crossing? But, people just don't do that. That would take all the fun and taboo out of it and men especially love having that safety net. I have dealt with this issue the same way and if I am a bitch, so be it. I made it perfectly clear to the other woman who felt she was entitled to the best of my (ex) spouse, she had better take it ALL and let them have the whole package. They didn't last 6 months. I am so glad you found out the truth and didn't waste any more of your precious time with this man!


suzettenaples profile image

suzettenaples 4 years ago from Taos, NM

How brave of you to tell this story. Like you, I can stand anything but not the lie. I know exactly how you feel. This is quite enlightening. Bravo!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Tammy, I have a choice - I could regard my extremely frustrating and unfulfilled marriage of 20 years as a waste of time, or as the ideal opportunity I had - and environment - to raise 2 beautiful children. I could also regard it as a school of knowledge and insight I've attended at just the right time. I was such a rebel, I actually needed a bully of a husband to keep me in line. My marriage could have been worse!

Of course I mourn all the 'awesomeness that should/could have been', but I do believe all people could mourn this in their lives. This mourning is in fact the real waste of time - keeping ourselves 'unconscious' with sorrow and sadness and anger and so forth while Life is happening at the speed of lightening all around us.

Thank you for your meaningful comment, Tammy. I agree with you - people SHOULD be honest and mature enough to come to agreements. But then, getting married means agreeing to be faithful until death do us part. So I would, if I could, change this very first agreement into a more feasible one. Of course we need a safe environment for children to grow up - the survival of the human race IS our responsibility. But looking back, we know today that bigamy was not successful, or maybe it was, but it became unfeasible. Monogamy has now also proved itself unfeasible. So somebody have to come forward with a better plan to ensure the survival of mankind AND also to improve the quality of mankind.... (Just pondering...)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Thank you for your encouraging comment, suzettenaples. So GOOD to know that I am not the only person hating lies and underestimation of my intelligence with a passion. I've learned how to let it roll off my back, but I still hate the emotions it provoke in me - disappointment, irritation, frustration, anger.... I just don't like these negative emotions! They demand time and effort to replace them with the positive. Take care!

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