Being your own queen for a day

What does being alone mean?

 The word alone conjures up many different things for many different people. I used to be the kind of person who could not be alone. I always had to have someone there with me. I was afraid to be alone. Maybe afraid of having to get to know the real me, the one who I was when all the friends were gone. The one who had real fears and dreams. The one whose face I saw when I looked in the mirror. The thought of having to have a conversation with this stranger.

Many years have passed since I have felt that way. I used to think I needed a man in my life or an important occupation to make me complete, to validate that I had worth, and that I was somebody. This compulsive need to belong to something, to someone, led to many broken relationships, heartaches and disappointments. Then I realized that somewhere I had lost my way. That I had abandoned the one person I needed most.

Then I became re-acquainted with my best friend...ME!!

Learn to be your own best company.
Learn to be your own best company.

Learning to enjoy your own company

I have always loved to read. Somewhere along the way I came across a book called "Simple Abundance" and "Something More". Both are by the same author...an excellent writer named "Sara Breathnach". They are written journal style. I learned to keep a gratitude journal for the days I felt down and alone, unloved or just plain ungrateful. I also learned to keep a discovery journal for the things I discovered about myself during my journey to getting to know myself. It took me two years to really know who I was and what I wanted in life, but it was an exciting and wonderful journey. I encourage every woman to take it. At it's end you will find the person you have always been searching for...Yourself.

Explore the real you. here are some things I learned.:

I used to hate rainy, solitary days when no one wanted to go out and I was stuck at home alone. I would spend hours moping around. Now I grab a book, take a hot bath, spend a day giving myself a spa treatment, or just lounging around listening to some mellow relaxing music and clearing my mind from the clutter that sometimes gets stored there.

Mix a cup or two of powdered milk with a half of cup of cocoa powder and pour it in your running bath water, lie back and enjoy the fragrant smell of the chocolate. Turn off the lights, light some candles, relax, add some nature sounds...rain, surf, wind. It makes a beautiful way to wind down, better than you would get at an expensive spa. Use this time alone to contemplate, dream or fantasize.

Keep a journal, like the discovery journal I spoke of earlier. You will be amazed at the things you learn about yourself as you get to know yourself. Write in it at your desire...the undated kind are best for me since I have trouble some days writing. Put your wildest dreams, desires, and hopes on the pages...they become more real this way. Put it somewhere safe where only you will see it. These are your true feelings, emotions...crushes, or just a chat with yourself. be honest, no one will see it but you.

Rub warming oil over your body, this is even more relaxing after a nice hot soak. Wrap yourself in a soft robe or towel, enjoy the feel of your own hands gliding over your body. Appreciate yourself for the woman you are and the woman you hope to become. Sprinkle your bed with silk rose petals (they dont stain and are inexpensive) add your favorite scent to them and fresh clean sheets. Slide under and slip away to a place most only dream of. Add candles and soft music or nature sounds. no tranquilizer needed!!

Grab a good girlie book...the two mentioned above are EXCELLENT!! Curl up on the couch, ottaman or stretch across the bed while you read. Open a nice bottle of sweet wine if this is your style. Enjoy the silence... the absence of sound..the pleasure of having the place to yourself. The priviledge of spending all day in your PJ's or a sexy nightie..but just for you. This is also a great time to read a devotional...it all depends on your style.

Do you remember paper dolls? Try buying a new scrapbook. take old magazines, cut out pictures of your dream home, clothes, hairstyles..pretend you have a credit card with unlimited funds and go shopping. Clip to your hearts desire. Cut out cute sayings...my favorite.."By the time Cinderella wakes up and discovers who she is, she's 50".  Plants, gardens, pools...anything goes.

Try a new hobby you have always wanted to try. learn to meditate..relaxation. Enjoy the sound of your own voice. Sing in the shower, walk around nude, let your hair down. Don't answer the phone except for emergencies and don't invite others over. This is your day... a day with your best friend, your self.

Too many women have become dependant, clingy, or just can't be alone with themselves. Use this time when the kids are at school, he's at work.. no one is there but you and get to know yourself again. Look in the mirror (sans makeup) , notice the shape of your body, appreciate you for the person you are.

I used to sit around waiting for the phone to ring, for someone to drop by, anything to keep from being alone. Now I hurry to get the kid to school, the hubby to work...and to start my day alone... enjoying all the things I don't have time for when I'm mommy and wife.

For 8 hours I will enjoy the company of myself, the sweet indulgenge of peace and solitude.

Are You Comfortable being alone?

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Comments 14 comments

christalluna1124 profile image

christalluna1124 6 years ago from Dallas Texas Author

Schoolgirl,

I am sorry I missed this comment. it is hard to keep up sometimes. I am glad you are learning the art of enjoying your own company. i used to be terrified of being alone and had bad choices in friends just to have someone around...now I crave time alone. Soaking in a bubble bath..munching on chocolates, sipping wine. just kicking it with myself..Boy will I be glad when school statrts. LOL.

warmest regards,

Chris

P.s. try the above mentioned books... they are excellent..and the hair color deal..great idea...spend time with just you...making jusdt you happy.


schoolgirlforreal profile image

schoolgirlforreal 6 years ago from USA

Hi, I'm new to hubs and I've found a gem in them.

This hub is my favorite so far.

I always hated being alone because I am one of 10 children and there was always chaos but also co dependece I think. Most of my family hates it too. I'm learning and I really loved this hub! I try and maintain a schedule since I'm not working now and live alone. I find it scary many a time to come home and have no one there. But again I'm learning. I love the journal ideas, reading, the warm oil idea, etc. I want to color my hair for a change.


My Sweet  Anjolie profile image

My Sweet Anjolie 6 years ago

Not always alone I hope.


christalluna1124 profile image

christalluna1124 6 years ago from Dallas Texas Author

Barbara,

Thanks for stopping by my hub. i am also a better person when I have what I call my down time. I have almost the whole simple abundance collection. It is great to know someone else enjoys them as well.

warmest regards,

Chris


Barbara Tako profile image

Barbara Tako 6 years ago from Minneapolis/St. Paul

I need my alone time. I am a better wife, mother, friend...when I have alone time. I liked your helpful ideas, and I am a fan of "Simple Abundance" too!


Barbara Tako profile image

Barbara Tako 6 years ago from Minneapolis/St. Paul

I need my alone time. I am a better wife, mother, friend...when I have alone time. I liked your helpful ideas, and I am a fan of "Simple Abundance" too!


christalluna1124 profile image

christalluna1124 6 years ago from Dallas Texas Author

Itakins,

I am also to the point that i love being alone to enjoy the things i like to do. It was hard getting used to sharing time only with myself.

warmest regards,

Chris


itakins profile image

itakins 6 years ago from Irl

It can take a while to get there,but now I love time alone,great hub.


christalluna1124 profile image

christalluna1124 6 years ago from Dallas Texas Author

Tammy,

Always so good to see you. I have learned to be alone and am actually very good company to myself. The books and things I mentioned are ways i take to pamper my self and remember who and what I am. AND since i can't afford a spa day treatment The ideas i put down are a way for me to relax and feel special. I know we need to be mothers and wives... but we are still a woman inside.

So Glad to See You,

Chris


christalluna1124 profile image

christalluna1124 6 years ago from Dallas Texas Author

Heart,

Journaling can be hard. That's why I reccommend the undated type. I sometimes go a week without writing anything, but then whenever I am ready, there is my journal...my old friend waiting and ready to hear me out. Non-judgemental, doesn't offer advice..just listens. Learning to find 10 things to appreciate everyday is a challenge but teaches you to really look hard at yourself. Over the past few months i have been through so much, sometimes I thought I wouldn,t make it. Talk to God and then take time to put your thoughts and contemplations down in your journal. You will be amazed what you find. i have kept a journal since 13 and have them stored so when i go, my children can look back and see my life, my trials, my triumphs, my struggles, my victories. I wish you the best my friend.

Always here,

Chris


Tammy Lochmann profile image

Tammy Lochmann 6 years ago

I love being alone...It took me a while to get there too.


christalluna1124 profile image

christalluna1124 6 years ago from Dallas Texas Author

Art,

Thanks for dropping by again. I don't meanit as in "being lonely" but as you said in not knowing your real self, your real dreams. Many people and i guess it is true of men also...having a day alone do not what to do with themselves. These two books that I mentioned taught me to appreciate the time I spent alone with just me, to do the things that I don't have time to do during hurried family life or when my friends had gone home. i learned there was a romantic starry eyed girl, a determined woman, and a spiritual side of me that I had long forgotten. In my journey i have rediscovered myself and the person i long to be.

Warmest Regards,

Chris


heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 6 years ago from hub

Never thought about keeping journals by subject like you mentioned:) Being alone, is something I used to be good at, making the most of my time organizing. Lately, haven't been so good at it, some changes made, that seem major to me, yet are minor to others.


artrush73 profile image

artrush73 6 years ago

It"s a great hub. Very interesting point of view. On the other hand being alone is not really loneliness. There is always an energy, an energy of your thoughts that you attract. If you would keep your mind on something, it will happen. Most people are trying to find themselves, they keep on looking and looking. Some search for a long time and it's hard to find. And yet, it's right next to you. Somewhere where you have never payed any attention to, right in you. Enjoying life is very important. Isn't that what we live for? Enjoy life and finding inner person would be much easier.

Great Hub. thanks for sharing

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