You Know You're Alone When

photo by kind permission from joanacroft at sxc.hu
photo by kind permission from joanacroft at sxc.hu

Choices and non-choices

You know you're alone when you roll over in your sleep, to find you have no partner,,,

When you find yourself laughing at something funny on tv and turn to see no one there to share the laughter, and the room echoes,,,

When you come home from work and find no one there to say, hi hon, how was your day?

When you get all excited about a trip you'd like to take, or a movie you want to see, and nobody to share it with,,,

When you come home from shopping with 99 bags, and there's nobody to help you carry them in,,,

When you make a gourmet meal that even impresses you, and there is nobody to share it with,,,

Ok, so the list can go on and on. However, there is a light to this story. Being alone is not a death sentence. In fact, it can be the absolute best time of your life. Think about it. There is no one to answer to. No one to whom you owe an explanation about why you're late. You can come and go as you please. You can clean or not, eat or not, run around naked or not, work or not, play or not. If you want to make a purchase, you don't have to ask permission. If you want to save money, you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why. If you feel like having M&Ms for dinner, who cares? If you don't want to bathe or brush your teeth for 3 days, who cares? Ok, a little gross, but I'm just sayin,,,

I guess my point here is, is that you have choices. Your life can be as bad or good as you make it. True, being alone is sometimes NOT a choice. It can be thrust upon you. You can be blind-sided. I was, by the loss of my hubby, for one, which I wrote about in Suddenly Alone.

Yes, at first, being alone was not only difficult, but painful. As the years went by, and trust me, they do go by,,little by little you adjust. There's the key. YOU adjust, you don't let life adjust you. You learn that yes, you can and do survive. Yes, you can go after that degree you've been wanting, or take that long-awaited vacation you always dreamt about, or finally take the weight off that you promised yourself would have been gone years ago.

It is also hard choices. Do I need to change jobs? Do I need to sell my home? Do I dare make a risky investment? Do I end my marriage? Should I get out of my current relationship? These are things you need to ask yourself.

Take a quiet moment and write. Write about things you need, things you want, chances you want to take, chances you need to take. Keep an open mind. Let the thoughts come to you and put them to paper. Once you've done that, set it aside. Go about your life and in a week or so, re-visit your writing. Then adjust those thoughts accordingly.

Again, this list too can go on and on. In a past hub, I talked about the stress I was feeling about my jobs and the long hours I put in. Update: I no longer have the 2nd job. I now have a normal 40 hr work week and full weekends to enjoy. Yes, there is still some stress such as how will I adjust my lifestyle with one income. I am taking it one day at a time for now. I will have a better idea in a few weeks of what I need to do to continue improving my life. So, losing the 2nd job was not my choice, it was a set of circumstances that caused it to end. This is what I mean when I say, sometimes things happen, and as the old tired cliché says, they happen for a reason. I'm hoping the reasons reveal themselves in my lifetime :)

Are You Afraid of Being Alone?

Let me address those of you who fear the very thought of being alone. Life and living are constant change, whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally. Sometimes being alone is not a choice. Whether it is or not, be open to it. Think of it as a long lost friend. Remember, we weren't always a 'pair'. I will be honest here, and say that for more years than I care to count, I felt I HAD to be with someone, HAD to have a partner to validate my existence. What the hell was I thinking?? Validate my living?? Good grief! Because of that 'need', I made some not so wise choices. Instead of finding myself validated, I found myself being used. (This enlightenment I finally realized was the truth after many years of being alone). I was being not only used, but lied to, mistreated,,you get the idea. I'm sure many of us have been there, done that.

Don't be afraid. Be who you are. Be honest, caring and loving. You are all you have. Only you can make the difference in your life. Choose to find and embrace the joy that is out there for the taking. Simply put, love yourself. People gravitate to that. Liking/loving ones self can be catchy, people need and want to be near people who take each day on with a smile. Try it :)

Closing thoughts: I am me. I like me. I love my family and friends and my pets. I love sharing myself with others, lending a hand, or giving a smile to someone who clearly needs one. The only two beings I need to validate my existence are God and myself. He approves, and so do I. :)

The video here, although a bit sad, makes a statement, to me anyway. Being alone is a natural state to find oneself in, not something to be feared. I hope you enjoy it.

 

 

Gilbert O'Sullivan - Alone Again

Comments 75 comments

G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 8 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

yes though it takes time and being alone isn't too bad,,it just seems to come at the most unusual times..though I must admit also the best time...for now I "have the time" to care for my mom....I am sure God wants this from me now for many reasons.....but I still feel very much alone....thanks for the great thoughts my dear...G-Ma :o) hugs


Zsuzsy Bee profile image

Zsuzsy Bee 8 years ago from Ontario/Canada

Trish! You hit the nail on the head with this Hub that's for sure. We all have those days when the bottom just doesn't seem to be there.

Great Hub regards Zsuzsy


Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove 8 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

Patty, thank you so much for including the Gilbert O'Sullivan.  When that song was created and performed, you and I hadn't seen our losses yet to be.  I haven't thought about that song in years, and I wonder what he looks like and where he is today...maybe that's a Hub for you down the road (LOL).

When I divorced my husband (my being alone was my choice, not something that happened to me suddenly), I vowed that I would not date for one year.  I think it was pop psychology that gave me that advice, but it was good advice.  I took that year's time to take stock of myself, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.  Who was I without a husband?  What was my social circle now that I had no husband?  How was I to be a single mother?  Who would I turn to when I was feeling sad?  What did my good friends think of me, and how would their feelings and perceptions about me change? 

As it turned out, some friends were no longer, because they could not transform their friendship from that of giving to a couple to giving to me alone.  I understand that now, but I didn't then.  It was a hardship on them, as it was on me.

After a year, I found comfort with myself.  I learned to go about daily tasks on my own, asking for no one's assistance.  I abandoned the dream of the white picket fence and 2.3 children and a dog.

After that year of declining to date, much to my surprise, I found that I didn't want a close person in my life.  It became more pleasurable to listen to NPR radio on a Saturday night than to deal with another's issues and life problems, especially since I wasn't quite understanding my own.  It would be more than five years later that I let someone special into my life.

Change happens.  Sometimes we invite it, sometimes it happens so suddenly and unexpectedly.  We can choose to go on or not.

Yours, Sally


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

G-Ma,

You're right. These things sometimes have bad timing, or, what we perceive to be bad timing. Only to find out, it was just what we needed, when we needed it.

Thanks for stopping by,,hugs back to you,

Trish


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

zsuzsy,

Thank you so much for your thoughts. Yes, sometimes it does feel as though the bottom has dropped out, and you feel as though you're hanging on by a thread. And, sometimes as scary as it seems, I believe it is at these times we find out we are stronger than we thought.

Thanks for stopping by and commenting,

Trish


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

hi Sally,

I had fun finding a video for this hub.  When I stumbled upon Gilbert O'Sullivan singing this song, it brought back so many memories.  I too, watching it, wondered, where is he?  Was he a 'one hit wonder?'  I don't recall any other songs he may have done.  I wonder if he is still living.

Our lives are similar in so many ways.  The loss of your hubby by choice, the loss of mine not by choice were both major events in our lives.  When Gilbert made his record, what did we know?  Not much, I'm sure, and certainly, we could never have foreseen our futures.  And in the loss of our spouses, however, even if we could have foreseen it, your choice would still have been to move on, and mine would have been to stay where I was.

Interestingly, growing up, one day apart in age, I have always felt you were far more mature than I was in your thinking.  You were thinking about your future and I was thinking about my next boyfriend lol.

All I can say is, I'm glad I didn't turn out to be a friend of the road, but instead, a friend of the heart :)

Thanks so much for your thoughts, you have a way of bringing balance to my life.

Patty


Ranger 1 profile image

Ranger 1 8 years ago from Tucson, Az

Trish,

It was obvious that your article came from the heart. The series of emotions you experienced literally jumped off the pages.

Then when I played Gilbert O'Sullivan's, "Alone Again," memories of my mother swept over me. My mother passed away when that song was at it's height. For years I couldn't listen to it without having tears well up, not having, nor wanting, the control to suppress them. It's been years since I've heard that song but it still affected me in the same way. Thank you, for the loving memories of my mother.


marisuewrites profile image

marisuewrites 8 years ago from USA

I read a book years ago, no longer in print now, called "How To Be Your Own Best Friend." It helped me pull out of a slump of "alone." Now, I like me. I don't want to be "alone" but I know who I am, and where I've been. I know that life includes hell, and sometimes Hell becomes something else when we change our own acceptance of the situation. As Sally mentioned, her journey into herself, brought her to liking alone enough to feel comfortable in it.

I have yet to find that out on a daily basis, but I need and value some alone time. However, alone as you describe Trish, is the kind that doesn't "come back from the store." It's deeper, and touches all the moments of the day.

I was very moved by your experience. I peeked into "alone" in a deeper way. People can be alone, surrounded by others, as well. Sometimes, when my mom was very ill, my dad was alone. No one can touch that kind aloneness, even in a crowd.

Our journey is just that....ours. We can always reach out, but can't expect it to erase "alone" - it can make it easier though -- your sharing of lessons learned lends wisdom to the reader...

I thank you!!


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Ranger1,

Thank you so much.  Your comment jumped off the page for me as well, and brought tears to my eyes to think of you remembering your dear mom. 

Isn't it amazing how songs from long ago resurrect different memories?  There are many songs I hear as well that bring me to tears, such as Key Largo by Bertie Higgins, and Peaceful Easy Feeling by the Eagles, I believe. One in particular, even though I can listen to it, it never fails to tear me up, and that is Elvis Presley's Memories.  The first two were my late hubby's favorites.

The majority of my hubs have all been written from the heart.  It is the only way I know how to write. :)

I'm glad that even though it brought back a sad memory for you, it was one filled with a love that will never die.

Thanks so much for stopping by,

Trish


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Dear Marisue,

I too, have learned to be comfortable with being alone. It took several years, but it no longer clouds my mind.

You are so right about the kind of alone that will always be felt daily, an aloneness that nobody can touch, or even help make go away. It doesn't go away, however, it does remain in a place that has become safe. It doesn't drive one to suicidal thoughts. It is simply there. It is there, as you say, even in a crowded room.

When my children were growing up, my alone time came early in the am. I would set my alarm to awaken me before the household woke up so I could put on my coffee, and drink a cup to clear the cobwebs.

Thanks so much for your kind comments,

Trish


robie2 profile image

robie2 8 years ago from Central New Jersey

I really enjoyed this hub,Trish and the comments too. I would only add that there is a great deal of difference between being alone and being lonely--and many people who are living with others are lonely and many others who live alone, like you, are not. You have a wonderful enthusiasm and zest for life. Thanks for sharing it once again on Hubpages.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Dear Robie,

In my situation, I am not physically alone. I have my daughter and granddaughter living with me. My aloneness is in not having a life partner. So even though there are warm bodies in my home, I have that aloneness that as Marisue pointed out, touches each moment of my day. It will always be there deep inside me.

Feeling lonely, on the other hand, happens now and then. I don't dwell on those times as it serves no purpose. I find something to do and in a short amount of time the feeling passes.

Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting,

Trish


crazybeanrider profile image

crazybeanrider 8 years ago from Washington MI

I enjoyed this hub. I have to say I am alone and have grown to like it in many ways. Sometimes I do touch lonliness, not often. I do have family in the same town I live in. So I am not alone in that prospect. I do however choose to be alone in my life. I don't know why, after a period of time, I enjoy my time alone. I am busy doing things, I can do them my way, I don't have to answer to anybody. Yes unfortunately I do carry on conversations with the TV on occasion. Especially baseball games. Being a girl it is the only sport I like. The cat often looks at me funny. my mom will drop in and ask who I am talking to. The TV of course!

Good Hub!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

Another cool thing is that, unlike the complex and, let's be honest, judgmental sexual realities involved with dating and relationships, when we are alone we don't have to be attractive to ourselves to, you know, to, do us. Proof of a forgiving Nature if you asked me. Like we're ever going to say "no" to ourselves for having an extra few pounds. I love that about ourselves. We love us no matter what!

(Sorry, I suppose I should be more reverent in the light of such an earnest hub, but, gack, I just can't. I pay tribute by participating... I hope you take my remarks as I intend. You said the important stuff so well, it's not like you needed any help pinning down what mattered anyway.)


dayzeebee profile image

dayzeebee 8 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

trish it's great to find you moving with the flow of life. i'm happy for you. changing one's perspective of things can truly reveal the rainbows in life. God be with you always:)


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Beautifully written, and I know how being alone can happen very suddenly as I lost my first Husband to bowel cancer when he was 48, and just 2 weeks after he was diagnosed with it, and while we were in rented accommodation and he was the only breadwinner. He had no life isurance in place, and we had no savings, so the shock, misery and terror I then had to face was horrific, however, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger", and I did survive the experience and am now remarried to a lovely kind man who makes me feel special. I am definitely stronger for the experience and do believe everything happens for a reason, and usually something good comes out of it somehow even though I spent many months alone after Dave's death.


dafla 8 years ago

Gilbert O'sullivan supposedly wrote that song in one hour after his mother died. I felt so alone after my husband and father died within two months of each other, I listened to that song over and over, even though I still had my mother and my kids. I also listened to it again when my last son ran away at 14 and never came back home until he was 18. Now my mother is 90, and not well, and my sons are off living their own very self-centered lives, and I have no one here with me. I listen to that song and feel like after she goes, I'll be listening to it again.

I've learned to love being physically alone, but emotionally alone is quite another thing. I don't think I could ever get used to that.

I read a quote yesterday that I copied and put on my wall. It was 'Don't let what you can't do keep you from doing what you can do'. I'm going to try to make that my credo.


jim10 profile image

jim10 8 years ago from ma

Great hub. I really don't fit in here but I couldn't stop reading. Having a wife and 3 young boys makes alone time sound very peaceful. I could probably do it for a day before I went nuts and needed more chaos. Althoug having time to get everything done sounds nice too. It definitely is important to take a step back once in a while just too look at who you are.


Blue Crow profile image

Blue Crow 8 years ago from Yorkshire

amen... you can be with someone and still be alone. Can totally relate to your hub.

THE TV IS MY BEST FRIEND

EVERY NIGHT ALONE TOGETHER

BORED SHITLESS, LISTLESS

TWIDDLING MY HAIR

THE SAME PROGRAMS

I JUST SIT THERE AND STARE

TURN TO YOU

YOU ARE NOT THERE

written in 2002 but thankfully, I learned, like you, to not rely on someone being there. The biggest obstabcle is to like your own company... xx


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi crazybeanrider,

Living alone does have its advantages. Quite often, my cats greet me when I come home, then they'll wait patiently, well, with a few meows thrown in here and there, till I am done with the computer. While I'm sitting in front of it, they lay on the floor by me. Once they hear the good bye, they stand up and its like they're saying, c'mon, let's go get comfy lol. That's not always part of my plan as I make my way into the kitchen. So, they plop down again and wait. Once the lights go off, they run ahead of me to my room.

I have not experienced anyone walking in asking me who I'm talking to lol,,does your mom look at you funny? :)

thanks so much for stopping by,

Trish


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi Shadesbreath,

The way I look at it is, what you see is what you get. If people can't like you for who you are, who needs them, right? Too much emphasis is on the physical aspect. Granted, you want to present the best image to the world, and whether you are fat or skinny should not be the way someone decides whether you're 'worthy' of their attention. If that's the case, I wouldn't want to know them anyway. Much too shallow for my liking.

No offense taken by your comments. And thank you for the compliment :)

thanks for stopping by,

Trish


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

dayzeebee,

I'm managing so far.  There's a lot to be said for handling one day and one issue at a time.  It certainly lessens the anxiety. It really does help to put things in perspective too.  I'm sure there will be many more rainbows ahead for me :)

thanks so much for stopping by,

Trish


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

mistyhorizon2003,

First, let me say I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how devastating that is. As you've read, I lost my hubby suddenly. He went out fishing on a Sunday, and by 4pm he was gone, he had drowned. There is nothing in any book of rules or handbooks to tell you how to get through something like that.

I'm glad to hear you made it through, and have found someone to be a life partner. Many happy years ahead!

Thank you very much for the compliment, and thanks for stopping by,

Trish


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Dear dafla,

I didn't know that about Gilbert O'Sullivan. I am intending to look him up to find out more about him.

I am so very sorry for your losses. Our lives are similar in that my mom died almost a year to the day after my hubby, so i do know where your thoughts are.

I'm sorry about your sons, but, one day, possibly when it's too late, they'll realize what they lost. Maybe not, but one can only hope that what goes around comes around. It has happened in my experience, so there's hope.

That's a good sign to have. I too have one in my room that says God gave us memories so we can gather flowers in winter. I like it, it calms me.

thanks so much for sharing such a personal story dafla, my prayers and best wishes go out to you, so please take care, and thanks for taking the time to comment,

Trish


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi Jim10,

I certainly can relate to where you are. When I was raising my family, I used to dream about being able to do what I felt like doing, or go where I wanted to go. My thought was, once they move out THEN I'll have time. When they were very young as I mentioned above, I'd take a small block of time in the morning before everyone woke up. My other piece of alone time was on weekends after the kids were in bed.

My married life was always spent entertaining family, or visiting family. We also took in relatives who at one time or other ran into 'rough' patches, so my house was pretty much always full.

Don't let having alone time fool you,,,I have a lot of it now, and instead of being productive, I'm leaning more towards becoming a couch potato lol.

You're right, though, it is good to step back, take a deep breath and kind of evaluate yourself and where you are.

I'm glad you took the time to read my hub, thanks for sharing your thoughts,

Trish


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi Blue Crow,

A very 'to the point' poem!  I'm still learning.  Since i tend to depend on people for things, that was the hard part for me.  I've become more self-sufficient than I used to be.  As far as liking my own company, looking back, I think I always have, I just didn't recognize that I did.

I'm glad you were able to relate to this hub,

thanks for sharing your poem and your kind comments,

Trish


Destinyrk2 profile image

Destinyrk2 8 years ago from http://hubpages.com/my_ideas

I have experenced being alone, Although there good and bad points I learned a very important lesson, Your never truly alone if you have faith.

I've read the comments from other people and I can't add much except......... Your feelings are heart felt and right on ! Thank you for reminding me of how things were. Hugs from the destinyrk2 hub


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

hi destinyrk2,

It certainly does help to have faith.  There have been moments when I thought to myself, there's no way out, but then, in the nick of time something works out. Or, what seems to be in the nick of time,,it's more likely whatever happened to pull you through was meant to happen.

thanks for stopping by and commenting,

Trish


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi bonnieweelass,

Basically, you work with what you have, and pray for the best. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's a lot more difficult. It is also time well spent if you dig down deep and look objectively at the situation and at how you contribute to it. Then, hopefully, you go from there to make things better.

Thanks for stopping by and commenting,,

Trish


Destinyrk2 profile image

Destinyrk2 8 years ago from http://hubpages.com/my_ideas

Hey Trish1048, Even though I said your never alone if you have faith...we all need mortal friends and from reading the comments you have received it seems you have alot of people that understand you plight and are willing to be there for you.

I know we will. Just remember "You've got a friend" (James Taylor) Hope you dont take offense to this its meant for the best wishes for you.


mi_vida4g profile image

mi_vida4g 8 years ago from Philippines

trish,

what you've said were all true :). it's just a matter of how we handle things/circumstances that comes our way or it is how we are going to face circumstances out of our being so impulsive in making decision sometimes that leads to loneliness.

well, life really is unfair sometimes :) but we shouldn't lose hope, we should keep going no matter what. always do what is best for ourselves and never never forgot to give thanks to the Lord even for all circumstances :)


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

hi destinyrk2,

The people here on hubpages are simply amazing :)

No offense taken. Mortals are good and so is faith. I love that song, I had forgotten that one.

thanks again for stopping by and your best wishes :)

Trish


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

hi mi_vida4g,

You're absolutely right. Sometimes facing circumstances can be harder than handling them. That's the part that has to be acknowledged, that we do in fact, have a not so good set of circumstances. We are not always the cause of it, though, it can be caused from things outside ourselves. Of course, we must carry on, after all, what is the alternative?

Prayers are always a good thing :)

Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting.

Trish


Karen LaVelle profile image

Karen LaVelle 8 years ago from Texas

Thank you for this article. I have been alone by choice for the last 10 years. I do enjoy it most of the time...there are times, though..=o( you know. I truly never understood why some people could never give themselves time to be alone with themselves, even for 10 minutes. I like being alone with me. I guess I just like me, most of the time. LOL

Your article has helped me face a few issues that have cropped up in the last couple of years: a few hardships; acceptance issues; family members dying, that sort of thing....and that oldie but goody had me crying tears before it was over!

Tears are healing, guess you have done me more than one good turn today! Wonderful article!

Karen LaVelle


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Dear Karen,

Growing up in my family was always about visiting relatives, having parties, going to parties.  From the time I can remember, kids congregated at my house.  My mom loved kids, and EVERYONE loved her, adults as well.  She took in a few friends at different times in our life, always willing to help anyone.  So, once I became an adult with my own family, the 'traditions' carried on.  We had yearly barbecues, family reunions, took in relatives at times to help them out, so I was accustomed to lots of company, kids and noise. 

When friends or family would call to say they would like to come visit, I was like a kid in a candy store, even well into my early 30s.  I'd get so excited and couldn't wait to have them over and entertain.  I never liked being alone, by myself.  There always had to be either someone on the phone, at my house, or I'd go have coffee with the neighbor.  It wasn't until I was thrust into being alone, 22 years ago, that I grew to like the idea.  It took me about 5 years to reach that point, but now, it is a choice.  I've chosen not to get involved in a relationship for the last 8 years.  If something ever changes, only time will tell.

I'm glad my hub gave you some food for thought, and am glad you found it to be helpful,

Thanks for stopping by and commenting,

Trish 


summer10 profile image

summer10 8 years ago from my happy place :)

Such a sweet, thoughtful hub.... You have such an honest way of connecting with your readers. Beautifully written.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

hi summer10,

I try :)

Thanks so much for your kind compliment. Stop by again.


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 8 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Hi trish, I used to dread being alone. Having been away from home at a young age of 8, I hated the aloneness. But you absolutely have a point. When one sees a different perspective to all this, one can begin to appreciate it. I'm learning now to be okay with my own self...guess I have found my peace huh? :)


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi ripplemaker,

I recall the days when I hated being alone. It was especially hard when, everywhere I went, or looked, the whole world appeared to me as a 'couple'. I'd do the 'why me?' thing all the time. Why didn't I have a partner? Why couldn't I find one? Going to events was bittersweet. Yes, I got to enjoy the company of friends or family, but always, there was the voice in my head saying, 'you don't have anyone holding your hand, you are not part of a couple'.

It was a hard adjustment and a long time in coming. It wasn't until on several occasions, I'd witness the so-called 'lovey-dovey' couples fighting over something, kids, money, whatever, and I'd think to myself, whew! glad I don't have to put up with that anymore.

So yes, when you can finally take a step back, and put things in a different light, that you finally 'get it'. I'm glad to hear it's happening for you now. There will still be times when you revert back to hating the aloneness, but it's very temporary.

Thanks so much for commenting,

Trish


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 8 years ago from India

Wonderful hub! Maybe many more would feel less 'alone' if the world didn't constantly keep reminding us about it!

For the Gibert O'Sullivan fans out there - he's very much alive and kicking - take a look:

http://www.gosullivan.com/newbio07.html

And no, he's not a one hit wonder - he has some wonderful numbers like Nothing Rhymes, Clair, Get Down and Ooooh Girl - what a super musician!


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

hi shalini,

I agree! I find people tend to assume I am married. When they find out otherwise, they are pretty much at a loss for words, other than to say I'm sorry. Which is fine.

Thanks very much for the info on Gilbert O'Sullivan, and thanks for stopping by and commenting,

Trish


JennHollowell profile image

JennHollowell 8 years ago from Richmond, Maine USA

I'm so glad I happened to breeze by such a though-provoking and "warm" hub. I also love that so many other insights are shared in the comments. Such a complete picture here. :-) Thank you for sharing!


VioletSun profile image

VioletSun 8 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

I am glad to have come across this hub as it comes from the heart. I have experienced both, living alone for many years and which I enjoyed, and now living with my soulmate which I enjoy too as he is a very loving, calm man. For me it took getting used to being a couple as I was used to being single for most of my life, and now I have to think not only for myself but also my partner when making decisions.


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa

This is a very poignant, thought provoking, introspective hub. I can relate to loneliness in a crowd, also losing my son, divorce after 35 years of marriage and life in general. I remember once when i was travellng a lot, I related to a Neil Diamond movie The Jazz Singer and particularly the "Alone Again"song. I always seemed to see that movie on aeroplanes and when I was really lonely and down in my long haul aircrat seat from South Africa to the USA or coming back. But life goes on and lifes knocks are there to strenghthen you and like steel which is tempered gets better. You learn, adapt take strength from experience and drink deeply from life's joys

This hub really resonates with me.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi VioletSun,

How nice for you to have a soulmate! I know having one definitely has its perks :) It is nice to share things with someone who cares deeply about you. My choice currently is to share outside my home, in other words, at this point in my life, I still am not sold on living with someone again.

My last relationship ended eight years ago. This is not to say I haven't had anyone interested in me, I have, but have chosen still to not get involved in a committed relationship, for various reasons. I truly don't know if I could re-learn having to think about a partner again, and everything else that involves.

I am happy for you, and hope you two share many sunrises and sunsets together.

Thanks for stopping by and commenting.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi sixtyorso,

First, I am truly sorry for your losses. I hate to use cliches, but losses are part of life. I think you've read a few of my other hubs, where I tell about losing my hubby, mother and father. As devastating as those losses were, I cannot fathom losing a child. My heart goes out to you. I've known, and read of people who lost children, and the thought is so foreign to me, my mind simply cannot comprehend how a parent carries on. When I even entertain the idea that if it happens to other people, it could certainly happen to me, my brain immediately says that would be my end. I would not want to live if God forbid it happened. To me, it goes against the laws? of nature,,children are NOT supposed to die first.

Another song comes to mind, 'On My Own' by Patti LaBelle and Michael McDonald. I have it on a CD. Every time I hear that song it tears me up. It is beautiful but oh so sad.

You are right however. Life has a way of going on, and we simply do the best we can.

Thanks so much for your heartfelt comments.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Jenn,

I just want you to know I did post a reply to your comment, apparently it never appeared, and for that, I'm sorry.

I'm glad you're glad you stopped by :) Thanks so much for your kind comments. It's nice to know what I have to say 'touches' people.


AEvans profile image

AEvans 8 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

My spirit told me to click and here it is , you did share your most intimate thoughts and I thank you . It is very touching and yes I agree that you cam make it whatever it has to be , it depends on you .:)


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi AEvans,

You're welcome. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Sometimes we forget we are in control of ourselves and how we react to circumstances. There are always choices, and sometimes that's not an easy thing to think of when your mind is swirling with the circumstances you find yourself in.

Thanks so much for commenting :)


AEvans profile image

AEvans 8 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

I have to agree and when it comes to choices and I see you made the correct choice. :)


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi AEvans,

Actually, I think I just got lucky :)

Thanks so much, always nice to see you.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

This was really touching. Sad at first, full of hope at the end. I hope a lot of people see this. It could do very much to help them through a rough time. Thanks for writing it. Really well done!


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi Christoph,

I find that it is very much true that we never stop learning. And thank goodness for that! I certainly hope that things I have to say helps others. There's a lot to be said for sharing personal stories, at least I think so. When I read of things others have gone through, it quite often gives me a different way of looking at something. And, even though one feels so alone at times, it helps to know that others have been where you are and have learned to weather the storms. I draw strength from that.

Very nice to see you and thanks so much for taking the time to visit and comment :)


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA

Very insightful hub trish. I believe being alone can be a very great time in life, but maybe I am just biased because when I think about it I have always been alone really. Even when I did date those men were never in my life, not really, so one day I finally woke up and realized I was not missing out on anything, but I had been making myself feel sad over something very silly. Even when I did meet a guy who wanted to marry me I decided against it because I did not want to change who I was for someone else. If I ever do get married I want it to be because we are mutual happy with each other and respect each other's boundaries. Thanks for the interesting hub.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi Sweetie,

Isn't it strange the things we do to ourselves? I used to be a people pleaser, especially with men. My thinking was if I was what he wanted me to be and did what he wanted he'd love me forever. NOT!

It seems you and I are on the same page when it comes to men :)

Thanks so much for commenting.


Terry Thinktank 8 years ago from India

Thanks for that lovely hub. being alone is painful yes, especially if you're used to somebody always being there for you. But I guess pain has its own advantages


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi Terry,

You're very welcome.  Yes, especially in the beginning, it is painful.  You feel lost and not quite sure what you should do.  I believe there is always pain involved when the someone you lost was loved deeply.  Eventually, it does lessen.  You begin to experience life in a different way, then, after another period of time you'll find the balance.

Thanks for commenting.


Steve Rensch profile image

Steve Rensch 7 years ago

I feel a little awkward, like when you accidentally walk in on an intimate conversation which has been going on for awhile. But your writing is personal without being self-conscious, and that is rare. I wish you the best.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago Author

Hi Steve, That's a very interesting observation. I'm sorry if it made you feel awkward, as I'm never sure how my writing is perceived. All I know is that I write mostly about personal experiences and my thoughts about it, in the hope that it helps someone sort out their own feelings.

Thank you so much for the compliment, and stopping by and commenting. Welcome to HubPages :)


muley84 profile image

muley84 7 years ago from Miami,FL

Your thoughts and observations have made me stop and think. Funny, You are not afraid to open up your personal llife and show us the real you, but you won't post your real picture. hmmmm


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago Author

hi muley,

My most recent photo was taken in 2007.  I did have it posted here for several months, then decided I didn't like it anymore.  When I ever get a new one taken, it will go up.

Rest assured, I do not have 3 heads, nor a wart on the end of my nose :)

Glad I could make you think, and I'm hoping it's about what I wrote, not the lack of my picture :)


muley84 profile image

muley84 7 years ago from Miami,FL

Trish you are a very good writer, and you always make me think. That being said, I still wonder what you look like.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago Author

Aww, thanks very much! I'll see what I can do to make the new picture get posted. I'll have to corral my daughter to do a photo shoot :)


muley84 profile image

muley84 7 years ago from Miami,FL

good idea, all of us guys are eager to see you.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago Author

Oh my! well, I'm flattered, and I hope I don't disappoint :)


Jaspal profile image

Jaspal 7 years ago from New Delhi, India

Great hub Trish ... and there is some great advice in there ... thank you! :)


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago Author

Hi Jaspal,

Thanks very much :) I hope it helps.


h.a.borcich profile image

h.a.borcich 6 years ago

Trish,

I would think if we as women embraced this line of thought before we became a Mrs, that our choice in who the Mr is would be a healthier. Love your honesty, Holly:)


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 6 years ago Author

hi holly,

It makes you wonder, doesn't it? Unfortunately, in our younger years we don't have all the information needed to make wise decisions. :)

I, for example, grew up believing in the fairy tale. I was fortunate to have found it in my choice of a husband, and blessed to have him as long as I did. This is not to say we didn't have rough times, we did, but we grew together and worked things out.

I don't know whether the younger generation today believes in happily ever after, or perhaps they are wiser and know there are other options, such as choosing to take time to learn who they are, and that it's ok to be alone.

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.


lovelypaper profile image

lovelypaper 6 years ago from Virginia

This was an enjoyable hub to read. I'm sorry for your loss. I've never been on my own all my life. I would feel lost without my husband. Your hub really touched me. Thanks.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 6 years ago Author

hi lovelypaper,

Thank you. I too was never on my own until I lost my husband. I went from high school to business school then got married.

Thanks so much for commenting and welcome to HubPages.


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

Well, you chose one of my favorite songs to end this wonderful hub with; the best part of this hub was your reference to having a choice...it is all about choice and I love that fact. I can choose to be happy, sad, miserable, ecstatic, lonely, whatever. I spent a great many years lonely and hiding from people but you know what? I chose to do that and in fact chose my misery. Today I choose to be happy and in love and it is much more enjoyable. Thank you for a wonderful hub and blessings my friend.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 4 years ago Author

Hi Billy,

As much as I've grown since my losses, I find I still, at times, want to indulge in self pity. No matter what I have to be thankful for, I torture myself with the what ifs. The good news is, I recognize it when it happens, and I can just pick myself up and move on.

In my last relationship, I chose to end it. I never felt so liberated. I found my backbone. Today, I know exactly what I'll accept and what I won't. I, like you, choose love :)

Thank you for your wonderful comment and sharing the choices you've made in your life. It warms my heart to know there is such a thing as wisdom :)


maggs224 profile image

maggs224 4 years ago from Sunny Spain

What a marvellous and inspirational hub, I feel a little like an intruder as I am not alone nor have I experience the loss of a partner but at my age I know and recognise the sort of choices that allow you to grow and get the most out of life.

Reading this hub which is filled with such love and grace I know that anyone going through something similar cannot help but be inspired and helped by the sharing of your journey.

Your generosity in sharing the choices you made and the reason behind them is outstanding and I think this hub will prove to be a great help to hurting people for a long time to come. Your comments already show how valuable and appreciated your hub is already.

It has been a real blessing to have my life touched by such a loving hub and hubber. Voted up and hit all the buttons except funny.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 4 years ago Author

Wow!

Hello Maggs,

Your comment has almost left me speechless :) It warmed me from head to toe!

I am so glad that even though you have yet to walk my path, that you found it to be of value.

This is the only way I know how to write, from my heart and life experiences. As you mention, I do hope with all my heart that my words can help someone. Even if only one person takes away something from this, then the time spent here has all been worthwhile.

Thank you so very much for your lovely comment and all the votes. I truly appreciate it.

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