Solitude of Self


Just something I've been ruminating on. On relationships and meaning...


How far is it possible to really connect to another human being? We all seem to be seeking depths in others which are not possible to reach. I've been reading Elizabeth Cady Stanton, whom I suspect had great philosophical dimensions. Here is a wonderful piece of writing from the Solitude of Self:

"And yet, there is a solitude, which each and every one of us has always carried with him, more inaccessible than the ice-cold mountains, more profound than the midnight sea; the solitude of self. Our inner being, which we call ourself, no eye nor touch of man or angel has ever pierced.

It is more hidden than the caves of the gnome; the sacred adytum of the oracle; the hidden chamber of eleusinian mystery, for to it only omniscience is permitted to enter."

There is truth in Cady's description of the human core...and every human being is conscious of that solitude, even in the most perfect company. It is that truth which makes a falsehood of the belief that one can find completeness, be protected by or saved by, another person. There are no 'soulmates'...not really. We must each be our own pilot...there is no other.

~The whole conviction of my life now rests upon the belief that loneliness, far from being a rare and curious phenomenum, peculiar to myself and to a few other solitary men, is the central and inevitable fact of human existence.~

Thomas Wolfe

Though it may make us islands of despair, there's something rather beautiful in our solitude ...if there is such a thing as the "sacred", perhaps this lonely human heart of ours would be it.



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Comments 19 comments

faithfulpen 6 years ago

Wow, thought provoking! I like the authors description of ourselves. Thanks for sharing it with us.


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 6 years ago

Interesting and thought provoking. I always felt that some where on this wonderful vast planet of ours, one does have a soulmate. Do we truly ever find that other self? I have felt at times like I was connected to another human beings soul but in reality my solitude sets in and says no. I actually like the feeling of solitude, it quiets my soul and gives me inner peace. Good post Jane-you have my vote:0)


alberich 6 years ago

Dear Jane Great Hub!

I guess what I will tell you now sound completely mad, but I dont care because I feel that I need to dare telling you. This is what I experienced:

I do know that we are able to connect in a deep and almost mystical inner way. There probably are a lot of obstacles and delusions in between but it’s still possible. I believe that the outmost hindrance is our fear. The fears of letting our self melt into another person, letting our self experience the utter joy of togetherness. I guess it is not a matter of sexuality it is possible with any human or living creature.

Once on an airplane I talked to a man about life and everything. He unexpectedly just told me that his wife committed suicide and he now was alone with his two daughters. His wife disappeared with cryptically note left on the kitchen table. She had been gone for a week or so when he and his ten year old daughter went walking to the nearby lake. His daughter called him and said she found something inside the weeds and there was her mother floating in the water. I listen to the story with dread and thought about all the bursting emotions inside him and his two children, especially the one that found her mother. Although, my strong feelings changed into some kind of strong presence and awareness. I noticed the man’s urge of telling me all the details, questions and what he experienced. I just listen and totally open up inside to let him in into my conscious and self. It was like setting up an autopilot of merging minds. He was so happy talking to me so he had tears on his cheeks and we didn’t care about the other people around us at all. Suddenly it was like an invisible sphere emerged between us, as some energy manifestations of togetherness appear between us. Really odd feeling but it felt perfectly natural at the time. Later on the ground he bought me drinks all-night and was so very grateful of his relief.

It is also possible to do similar experiences with a partner, so please dont give up.

We are all soul mates.


Jane Bovary profile image

Jane Bovary 6 years ago from The Fatal Shore Author

Wow alberich, thankyou for that incredibly thoughful and interesting comment and I don't find it mad in the slightest. You are probably right about the fear factor...it can prevent us from going places. Your experience on the plane sounds amazing and suggests to me you have a very high capacity for empathy. Some people would have shut themselves off from that man and his grief out of discomfort...and fear.

I didn't mean to sound bitter and twisted in that hub or anything. I don't see the solitude as necessarily a bad thing and I do believe we can find great partners that we can have deep and meaningful relationships with. It's just that, as Wolfe says, the central fact of existence is that we are alone...although I guess if your a siamese twin you're not...lol.

But maybe I'm wrong and you can really connect with someone in that 'sacred' place as your experience on the plane suggests. Anyway thanks again for the great comment.


Jane Bovary profile image

Jane Bovary 6 years ago from The Fatal Shore Author

I somehow managed to forget to neglect to thank saddlerider and faithful for commenting. I'd forgotten about this hub.


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =)

I love this line, "Though it may make us islands of despair, there's something rather beautiful in our solitude ...if there is such a thing as the "sacred", perhaps this lonely human heart of ours would be it." This hub is thought provoking and it has touched my soul much more than you can imagine. Thanks for sharing! I liked it via facebook too! =)


Maria Cecilia profile image

Maria Cecilia 6 years ago from Philippines

I used to say i enjoy my solitude..well I still am. I sometimes even think that maybe I am destined to be alone, only child, which was very rare during my younger years (now it's not because of the cost of living),when my mother died for security reasons I refrain from telling anyone I am living alone, but those person who knows were always worrying about me. I'm not sure if my comment is relevant to this hub but I think once you appreciate your solitude and learn to live alone without fear, I guess your flexibility as a person will be strengthened


Jane Bovary profile image

Jane Bovary 6 years ago from The Fatal Shore Author

Dj,

Thanks very much for your lovely response and for sharing...I really appreciate it.

Cheers


Jane Bovary profile image

Jane Bovary 6 years ago from The Fatal Shore Author

Maria,

I appreciate your thoughtful comment too..and it's definitely relevant. Solitude is a funny thing,you can become very used to it. I've never actually lived alone but I think I could manage it. Hope I could anyway. On most occasions when I am left alone, I lap it up, though of course that's different from always living alone.

I think you're right about the *strengthening* as well..if you can stand your own company then you're probably ok!


Maria Cecilia profile image

Maria Cecilia 6 years ago from Philippines

HI there Jane and Djbryle, did you also realize how people fear solitude so much? I realized that when too many acquiantances and friends were so amazed to know I can stand living alone? some even force me to get married even if I am not dating anyone... I think that's an outdated views because you don't get married because you are afraid to grow old alone, you get married because you are in love with the person and you want to live the rest of your lives with him... some even advised me to adopt a child, I have nothing against it but I will adopt a child not to have someone who will take care of me when I get Old, I will adopt a child if I know I can help her and give her hope in her life... some people I guess became desperate when they are alone..


Jane Bovary profile image

Jane Bovary 6 years ago from The Fatal Shore Author

Maria,

Oh yeah...fear of loneliness has lead many people to the altar I'm sure. It's amazing what some people will put up with sometimes, just to avoid being alone...yet nothing is lonelier than the loneliness of a bad relationship.

As with many things, the fear is often worse than the reality. I do think though, that people are more accepting of those who live alone than they used to be, especially as far as women are concerned. You don't hear that awful term *spinster* much any more...thank goodness.


Maria Cecilia profile image

Maria Cecilia 6 years ago from Philippines

in your country maybe yes, but in mine theyre are some remaining few... sometimes when they ask why you are not married you just cant get the idea why they asked some maybe are concern but to some you are not so sure about what they really want to hear. some just asked to ridicule you, thinking that nobody dared to ask you out or something, some are really just so rude.... but I know beauty has nothing to do for one to be married...


Jane Bovary profile image

Jane Bovary 6 years ago from The Fatal Shore Author

Maria I didn't take that into account. That must be hard..but you're a ground-breaker, with clearly enough confidence to follow your own path...and you are not willing to settle for less just because it's expected. More like you and things will change, hopefully.


jrsearam profile image

jrsearam 6 years ago from San Juan, PR

I had hoped to spend the night writing but apparently I'm more inclined towards spending it with you; metaphorically speaking of course. Intellectually stimulated by your take on Jeffrey Smart I've come here to be moved by your ruminations on solitude/loneliness. Beautiful thoughts, thanks again...JR


Jane Bovary profile image

Jane Bovary 6 years ago from The Fatal Shore Author

Well thankyou jsrsearm for making to effort to make these comments.It's much appreciated.

By the way I thought your sleeping bag comment on the svea hub was really funny (chuckles).


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 5 years ago

It's pretty quiet here in my world but it beats chaos. God bless Jane!


Jane Bovary profile image

Jane Bovary 5 years ago from The Fatal Shore Author

Thanks Micky...and Happy New Year


Anthea Carson profile image

Anthea Carson 5 years ago from Colorado Springs

excellent hub.


Jane Bovary profile image

Jane Bovary 5 years ago from The Fatal Shore Author

Thanks Anthea.

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