For goodness sake, someone teach me how to say NO!

You have to read these signs at the cable car entrance!
You have to read these signs at the cable car entrance!
My two daughters at the bottom of Purple mountain
My two daughters at the bottom of Purple mountain
The cable cars with just a bar across the front that is not locked down and you can move up anytime you want.
The cable cars with just a bar across the front that is not locked down and you can move up anytime you want.
Locals playing cards on the top of the mountain as that's just what you do.  Isn't it?
Locals playing cards on the top of the mountain as that's just what you do. Isn't it?
The youngest sitting next to a big Buddha on the top of Purple Mountain.
The youngest sitting next to a big Buddha on the top of Purple Mountain.
Very rare blue sky at the top of the mountain.
Very rare blue sky at the top of the mountain.
Okay, now what could honestly be strange about having a pool table out in the open on top of a mountain.
Okay, now what could honestly be strange about having a pool table out in the open on top of a mountain.
Not sure if he was tired from playing pool or lived in the little hut next to the pool table.
Not sure if he was tired from playing pool or lived in the little hut next to the pool table.
The view of Nanjing from the top of the mountain.  Note the glorious haze of air pollution.
The view of Nanjing from the top of the mountain. Note the glorious haze of air pollution.
Statue in pond on the way down but no place to pee!
Statue in pond on the way down but no place to pee!
My daughter checking to see if I'd be able to pee into a well from the Ming Dynasty.
My daughter checking to see if I'd be able to pee into a well from the Ming Dynasty.
Okay, this is the gospel truth.  This is a statue showing the rock where one of the emperor's childhood friends used to sit and player the zither.
Okay, this is the gospel truth. This is a statue showing the rock where one of the emperor's childhood friends used to sit and player the zither.

When am I going to learn?

 NO is a little word.  I can say it.  "No, No, No, No!"  However, when I need to say it, I seem to have a problem getting my lips around that word.  NO sits in the back of my throat like a bitter little pill.  I've had a problem saying NO for most of my life.  Most of my messes and situations I've been in have been as a result of me being unable to say NO.  And, it's not just saying NO to other people, it's saying NO to myself.  I am suffering from a serious case of unabletosaynoalitis.  I need a cure - fast.  Today was the last straw.

Let's first go back a little in history, when I was unable to say NO to myself wanting sex even though we didn't have protection.  Result, a beautiful gorgeous baby girl.  My mother needed a babysitter, I had other plans, but I was always prepared to sacrifice my plans to look after my siblings.  I never said NO to my mother.  When my ex-husband proposed to me I knew I'd be making the biggest mistake of my life as he'd already driven me to a nervous breakdown and I was already hiding away from him in clothes cupboards.  But, did I say NO?  Of course not, someone wanted to marry me and I was sure I could learn to love him and change him into a nice person if I tried really hard.

There is an absolutely divine looking chocolate cake in front of me.  Can I deny myself the pleasure and orgasmic delight of the heavenly chocolate cake.  Don't be a fool, I can never say NO to myself.  That's why I have no willpower.  I indulge my every whim even if I can't afford it, so I am forever having to make a plan.

My kids want money to go out or money to buy something.  Money, money, money.  can I afford to give them the spending money I do?  Don't be a fool, of course I can't.  I have so many unforseen expenses as I'm moving countries in June and I'm paying for my son's university.  Do I say NO to my children?  Only when they piss me off, then I feel guilty and give them double.

Yesterday, my daughters took me to Purple Mountain, supposedly beautiful views from there.  Luckily, my eldest let us go up in the cable car, but decided that we should walk down the bloody mountain as she's in training for the Great Wall Marathon in May.  I tried to explain that the thousands and thousands of steps might not be good for such an old woman like me.  But she insisted that it'd be good for me.  Did I say NO?  You are kidding, right.  Has that blasted word ever escaped from my lips.  A quarter of the way down, I needed to pee, having started diuretics the previous evening.  Of course, being China, there were no cute little lavatories dotted next to the path of ten thousand bloody steps all the way down.  Let me tell you, trying to walk down steep steps with your thighs clamped shut tightly is not easy.  Before I was halfway I could feel my butt and legs vibrating.  If I sat on a man's lap in the state I was in my vibrating muscles could have given him a happy ending.  My eldest daughter was worried when she saw the pain on my face, as I suddenly discovered that I had calf muscles.  "Mom, just go behind a bush."

I glared at my daughter.  The bushes were small frigging shrubs which were growing quite sparsely on the steep slopes, and all the bottom leaves and branches were removed to make them grow taller.  "You gotta be kidding me," I snarled feeling less than amused, "I expose my big white bum here and people will either think it's a new kind of satellite for cable TV or they'll be there in droves crowding around me taking photos of the foreigner's big white bum with their camera phones."  It took two hours to walk down that mountain.  Screw the view, I needed to pee.  My legs were aching, I had cramps where nobody gets cramps.  Finally got to the toilet and Niagara Falls had nothing on me.  Five seconds and I was finished and outa there.  Why the hell didn't I say NO?  I could have been admiring the view while going down in the cable car.

On Tuesday, one of the other teacher's wives stopped me at our compound gate.  "Oh Cindy," she gushed, "We want to have a BBQ.  Which day is good for you?"  Having never been invited to any of their parties I was a little surprised at the invitation.  maybe she'd heard about the great BBQ I had had last Sunday.  "But, we don't have a BBQ.  Can you bring yours?"  The light dawned on me, but did I say NO?  Of course not.  I aim to please.

This morning, she phoned me at 7am.  Luckily, I was already hard at work chatting on Hubpages.  "Oh Cindy, we're having the BBQ today.  We've decided to come to your house as you are next to the park and that's good for the kids."  What words do you think came out of my mouth?  Have a guess.

"What time?" I asked, still a little taken aback by her brazen audacity.  "Who's coming?"  She mentioned the names of two other families and then said they'd be at my house at 1pm.  "Oh crap!" I couldn't help but say out loud.  "I'll have to go down to the supermarket.  I have nothing much in my house."

"Don't worry, you have your delicious home-made sausages and we'll bring some meat and salads as well."  Did I say NO?  Of course not.  Did I mention that the only delicious home-made sausages I had were Italian sausages which were an order for the expat food shop.  Not on your Nelly.  I got ready not really feeling that into it.  More people arrived than she said and I sat and BBQed all the meat, veg kebabs, salmon and chicken.  I suppose I was a little antisocial with my back to everybody, but then I was cooking their food.  They weren't people I'd ever really ever hung out with before in all my time here.  But, it was fun and I did enjoy it.  Although, my lounge floor was covered in boxes as I had already started packing...

I can give others advice no problem  I can teach them how to say NO.  But for me, that magical two-letter word remains elusive.  I know that I would be classified as a people-pleaser.  Someone who'll go without and sacrifice everything just to make others happy.  I know this is wrong but i still keep on doing it.  Over the years I've always had guys who've been my best mates, and I've literally bent over backwards to make them happy.  This means being their 'fuckbuddy' which means 'friends with benefits.'  Whenever they were in between girlfriends or feeling down, hey, Cindy is a good friend and will never say NO.  This means that you leave yourself open to be used and abused. 

People will take advantage of a people pleaser.  I know this.  I tell people this.  So why the hell can't I say NO?

More by this Author


Comments 90 comments

Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall

Cant answer that one Cindy, have the same problem, but hey once I did and felt really guilty for weeks after lol


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Hawesdream, if I could find out the magical answer to how to say NO, could make a fortune!


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

Hey. Can ya send me $1,000? I need it real bad. haha

I also am on lasix and carry a pee bottle from the hospital with me when traveling at times. Been putting up with that nonsense for 9 years. So I really felt for you on your journey down the Purple Mt. trail, haha, had to laugh tho'. This is a really funny story from you since you also wrote the one on how to say no to hubby when he wants sex. haha I just love your pictures too see ya later now


1964human profile image

1964human 7 years ago from Smallville Kansas

I have been living with the same affliction all my life, (unabletosaynoalitis) I looked far and wide for a cure, but to no avail. Should any new data materialize in my search I will be sure to let you know, I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you.

I have a vivid string of memories that match you leafless bush experience. I worked in road construction most of my life and I can safely say about 65% of the State of Colorado has probably seen the light shining off my bum at least once. If I ever had any modesty, it is long gone, lost to years of leafless bushes. It only took one or two times of trying to keep the thighs locked and work at the same time, to rid me of any insecurities involved in peeing. LOL


shamelabboush profile image

shamelabboush 7 years ago

Hilarious, amazing tale. I specially liked the new term: (unabletosaynoalitis), so funny. Being unable to say no is a sign of a big heart I think!


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 7 years ago from India

Oh Cindy - that was so funny! Look on the bright side - you might have missed out on soooo many fun (!!) memories if you had said NO :P


Teresa McGurk profile image

Teresa McGurk 7 years ago from The Other Bangor

loved the commentary that went along with the photos -- very funny! glad you didn't pee in the Ming well, and loved the pool table. . . I like reading about your adventures overseas. I think we could have a great time comparing notes between S. Korea and Japan, where I lived for two years. Good luck with the packing! T.


Jerilee Wei profile image

Jerilee Wei 7 years ago from United States

Enjoybable hub as always. Used to be me in the can't say no department, then having said yes one to many times, it just clicked and I soon began saying no in baby steps on the little stuff in life. Rewarded myself every time and over the years I've gotten real good at saying no, except when it comes to my adult children and oldest granddaughter.

With the bladder of an old woman, I go to extremes to not have to pee when sightseeing, as in withholding liquids (if it's not too hot and humid) and peeing at every opportunity whether I gotta go or not). 1964human is right, just forget about dignity and the shutterbugs, it's better than being miserable. Do what I do and embarass your kids by making them form a human wall around you. LOL

BTW Great pictures too!


RKHenry profile image

RKHenry 7 years ago from Your neighborhood museum

I love the pictures. You know, I seem to be having the same troubles saying no lately. Like now for instance, I just can't say no to reading your great hubs!


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

CC lol I felt for me on that journey down the mountain, my calves are absolutely killing me today! can hardly walk down the stairs in my house!

1964human - have peed along the side of the road many times, but usually in a ditch or behind a really big branchy bush or in the long grass

Shamel - yeah I am well known for making up diseases. I always accuse the kids in my class from suffering from Talkerlitis

Shalini - yes will have missed out on some good memories, but then wouldn't have aching calf muscles today either!

Teresa - what can I say, that Ming well was very very tempting! I'll be doing a short hub on my visit to Tokyo when I get my wireless working with my mac again. (All my photos are on the mac for that trip!)

Jerilee - my daughters wanted to make a human wall around me so that I could pee into one of the square concrete rubbish bins along the way down. But I just kept on thinking of the locals with their state of the art camera phones!

RK - thanks! Am so glad you're enjoying the stories. Let's just say, I have led an eventful life. When I die one day I can say that I have lived. Maybe, it's because I can't say NO?


RKHenry profile image

RKHenry 7 years ago from Your neighborhood museum

Well Cindy, that could be the every reason why.  I know, I won't be saying no to you and your hubs.  They are fun, delightful, entertaining and just too dog gone good!!!!


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Well, I'm enjoying your hubs as well, very thought provoking, RK


Laila Rajaratnam profile image

Laila Rajaratnam 7 years ago from India

Cindy..enjoyed this hub..strikes a chord in many of us! Awesome pics too!:)


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Thanks Laila, glad you enjoyed it!


JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 7 years ago from Central Oklahoma

I for one am glad you *didn't* say NO to moving to China!  But you really should learn to say it. You'll live longer and be much happier for it.   Just keep repeating "NO is a complete sentence" and "The world will not end if I say NO".  Once ya get the hang of it, it's really easy!  It's one of my favorite words now.  :}


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Hahaha, thanks Jama will work hard at trying to say it, especially when my kids come asking for money tomorrow...


Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 7 years ago from India

Hehe, my heart bleeds for you Cindy...I have a similar affliction and I moaned about it on a hub too! :P


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Cindy, this was funny. I have this same problem, I raraely say no and when I do it's a big surprise to everyone. I seem to say No to myself on many things though. Not the stuff thats bad for me, I only know yes for that stuff, but the stuff thats good for me or something I should do for myself always gets a no. Well at least yoy know you're not the only one.


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Hi Gwendymom, lol I know I'm not alone. It's a common complaint you hear from people, mostly women I think. I think men generally have fewer problems saying no.


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

you got mail, guess who? hehe


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

pkoson?


Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast

Cindy - When you figure it out please let me know. Good to know others suffer too!


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

Hahaha ROFL, hahaha pkoson! hahaha How in the hell would I know you got mail from that person. hahaha yer so funny! you got it though. hahaha that's rich, pkoson hehe


R. Blue profile image

R. Blue 7 years ago from Right here

cindy....I think you're right..men have an easier time saying no. My stepchildren would sometimes call me Mr. NO......their mother was a pushover and gave them everything....guess who they went to.


Am I dead, yet? 7 years ago

I enjoyed reading about your adventures here. Saying no, never easy. It must be amazing to explore the world, the different places, the people...Thanks Cindy :)


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

TM - I'll be sure to post it on Hubpages when I learn the secret to saying NO

CC - You're just a scallywag

R Blue - How do you do it, the say NO? Please share.

Am I dead yet - occasionally I think of the little house with the white picket fence where I can have all my stuff in one place, But NO (gee, I said it) wouldn't trade my way of life for that at the moment!


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

my back hurts from working so hard at hubpage reading, can I get a massage?


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Just come on over Toad, and I'll give you one or send you down to the Happy Ending Massage place down the road from me!


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

I wouldn't know about those places


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Oh, there are many here in China. You can choose between a straight massage or a happy ending massage


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

same price?


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

You pay $5 for a foot massage, $15 for a full body massage and about $20 for a happy ending massage


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

wow, same prices as Mexico! not that I would personally know.


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Yeah, but the Chinese massage is more famous, and if you're a really good boy, they'll even stick needles into you!


Elynjo profile image

Elynjo 7 years ago from Sin City

Cindy, a take-out toilet is what you need :-)


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Feline, sorry, had lost you in the comments. Send me your hub link and I'll put it on here

Elynjo - Maybe I should just wear adult diapers when I go out!


AEvans profile image

AEvans 7 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

Because you are such a nice person and your daughters are beautiful!!! Where are you moving to now? Sounds like you had fun and it would have been hilarious if your pic was taken , could you imagine you would have ben seriously famous , made it on the World News!!! American caught tee-teeing behind Bush!!!! lolololo oh that is funny hehehhehheh hahahahahha :)


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Yeah, trouble is, they would have thought I was peeing behind The Bush. What would old GW have said then? Probably would have sent out some troops. Am off to Tanzania at the end of July!


Raven King profile image

Raven King 7 years ago from Cabin Fever

I agree with AEvans. You have a generous spirit and you have lovely daughters.

Saying YES to life, love and surprises, everything that comes with it is a positive thing. We should all embrace your positive spirit!


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Thanks Raven, but today my legs are even more sore than yesterday! You should have seen me try and negotiate the stairs to my computer this morning. I looked like a crab with 2 of my 10 legs missing!


mayhmong profile image

mayhmong 7 years ago from North Carolina

Now I don't feel so guilty now after reading this hub. You got it way worse than I do, but I'm glad that you managed to pulled it off whether you had your pants on or off. But thanks to saying yes to certain things, you gained something special too. I'm not saying that its a lesson you've learned, but will remember and cherish. Well, for the good results anyways.

I can already imagine playing a game of truth or dare with you and we would both end up in jail for not saying no to anything!


Pest profile image

Pest 7 years ago from A Couch, Lake Odessa, MI

Cindy, you wanna cyber?


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

May, yeah, have had some problems in the past taking up dares

Pest - Cyber? not Cyber sex surely, OMIGOD! NO NO NO NO, you cured me, I could say it! Woo Hoo!!!


Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 7 years ago from California Gold Country

Will you people stop posting so many comments to Cindy's hubs? How is she supposed to have time to write more wonderful hubs and still have time to pee?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Oh, man, I'm pretty sure the BBQ incident would have cured me forever! The brazen audacity! I'd write more but I have to pee before I wet my pants.


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Hey Rochelle and Christoph. What can I say, those diuretics are working a charm!


mayhmong profile image

mayhmong 7 years ago from North Carolina

You missed it! I was sick and tired of leaving comments and waiting on the page to load to see who else left a comment. It's like texting  back and fourth to one another. Can be fun, but not fast enough! So I found a website to allow us hubbers to chat without any registration! Woot! http://www.chatmaker.net/chatap/rooms/hubbers/ Who joined in the chat?

-Tony0724

-Golden Toad

-AEvans

-C.C Riter

-jjrubio

-and me Mayhmong

Unfortunately I gotta go to bed, so blah.


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Thanks May, but when I got there you were all gone. Sorry, I was being a domestic goddess and baking some hot cross buns


Anna Marie Bowman profile image

Anna Marie Bowman 7 years ago from Florida

Cindy, we are a lot alike. I have always had a hard time saying no, no matter what kind of bad situation came about because of it. Always aiming to please, always there for everyone else, even when they were never there for me. Sadly, it has made me a little bitter. I still have a hard time saying no, but I fight my urge to make everyone happy when I know it is more than I can handle, or I know it is a bad situation. I am getting better, so if there's hope for me, there is hope for anyone!!


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

lol Thanks for the inspiration! I'm pleased to know that there are other recovering people pleasers out there! Have a good Easter, Anna Marie!


Anna Marie Bowman profile image

Anna Marie Bowman 7 years ago from Florida

You too!!! I forgot that Easter was this weekend. I'm working all the time, and every day is a blur that blends into the next.


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Ah, it sucks you're working over Easter! Mind you, this is my first Easter break in 4 years!


Anna Marie Bowman profile image

Anna Marie Bowman 7 years ago from Florida

Yep, I work this weekend. No big deal, I work second shift, and still get to spend the day with the family. Glad to hear you get a break!!!


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Just chillax a bit and don't work too hard!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

I used to have a problem with saying "No." Then I got pets. A lot of pets. It's amazing how often I say the word no now. I think I'm cured.


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

lol Maybe I should trade my kids in for some dogs lol


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California

Cindy, Tell me when you find a cure...I also suffer a serious case of unabletosaynoalitis! I had to laugh because I think I have done similar things for almost every example you gave...right down to getting married when I knew I shouldn't!

My daughter now protects me from people who would use me and makes me say no! I am very lucky to have her watching out for me. :D


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

lol K@ri, my eldest daughter usually protects me, but my youngest encourages me!


oscarmecp4 profile image

oscarmecp4 7 years ago from South Africa

I like your photos it's look lekka except for the loo one your daugther want to pee in. Lol. Why don't you send me some on my e mail osacarmecp4@yahoo.com Hope I don't get banned for that lol but I need some pics of China for my good chinese friend here in RSA.

Regards

Oscarmecp4 (alias Oosie)


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Hey are you on Facebook> Because you can add me as a friend and then you can access my pics and copy the ones you need. Files too big to send by email.


KitCat21 profile image

KitCat21 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California

Haha, I have this same problem...so if you do ever find out how to say no, please fill us all in on it ;)


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Yeah KitCat, it's definitely a common problem. I've been thinking of looking at myself in the mirror ever morning and practising, "NO, NO, NO..." ten times.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago

Hi Cindy,

As you can see, you are certainly not alone.  As I look back on my life, I can see that I was raised to please.  I have had some success in saying no, but like everyone else, the guilt one feels is almost not worth it LOL.

About indulging your every whim, been there, done that.  It seems we are sometimes our own worst enemy.

This was a great hub and so much fun to read.  Thanks for sharing!


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Glad you enjoyed it Trish! Happy Easter to you!


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago

Thanks, and same to you and yours!


gr8archer45 profile image

gr8archer45 7 years ago from Pakistan

This is so true! I always end up dong someone's work all because I cant say NO to them!.. I wish saying no was easier said than done!


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

I met this hunky German....and, I have to say NO


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

sounds like you are getting over it cindyvine, the first step, it is said is always the hardest....

I had such a big problem I ended up going to class run at the local unversity to learn to say NO - don't think it helped much but it did make me think about about why I was saying Yes so often to everyone (whether it personally suited me or not!)and to reflect on what I should seriously consider still factoring into my people pleasing attitude/s. i think this part of the equation recoqnises the addiction segment of trying to please all the people all the time and how hard it is to stop something we have probably been doing all our lives! It also made me think about whether i could actually fit everything I said that I would do, into the given timeframe - and should I slip up then who is happy? - of course no one ..glad we can laugh about it.... your daughters look like they know how to have fun and enjoy a laugh  ......cheers ..

love the photos - maybe using a pool table on top of a mountain is a reward for not saying NO to the climb to pollution heaven....a little green pool in an oasis of grey...... 


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Thanks for the comment ajcor. I really like that 'green pool in an oasis of grey'


Lisa HW profile image

Lisa HW 7 years ago from Massachusetts

cindyvine, this is an entertaining and Hub and common problem for so many people. Maybe a lot of us need to get back in touch with our inner child (the two-year-old inner child, to be specific), and stop worrying about pleasing others. :) (Or else, of course, there's always making up a good lie to get out of things. :) )


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

lol Lisa, I think the inner child might be preferable to lying as lying you have to remember what you said and my memory is failing as I'm getting older! Think I donated brain cells to each of my children when I was pregnant!


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

HI Cindy, is it okay if I ask you this question? Do you really really really hate yourself for not being able to say no? 100 percent? In all those times?


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

No worries Ripplemaker, ask away. I don't think I ever really hate myself for not saying 'no.' I do regret sometimes, my inability to say 'no' and I'm often disappointed with what a doormat and a people pleaser I am, but nope, I never actually hate myself. After the incidents I described in the hub above, I was annoyed with myself for not standing up and putting my foot down, but by the next day it was all a joke to me and something to laugh about.


Lifebydesign profile image

Lifebydesign 7 years ago from Australia

Hi Cindy, wow you're in China. 'No' has got to be the most powerful two letter word in the English language. This is some sage advice I heard which might help you see it different: when you say 'no' to other people, you're saying 'yes' to yourself. Yes! I deserve better, yes! I can do it, yes! this chocolate cake is yummy, and I'm gonna me have some because I can say 'no' now! Keep practising and keep the cake handy. Good luck :)

 


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Thanks L, that's good advice and I'll definitely try it!


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Thanks for answering Cindy.  :-)   I was just trying to piece something in my mind.  Here was what I was thinking.  I do agree it can be annoying when we are unable to say no and I also find myself in that situation many times.  Esp. when it is the norm when people have to be polite and all and during times when it is a family duty and tasks needed to be done.  Well, I just changed my perspective and decided to enjoy the opportunity and chance to do what needed to be done.  And my not being able to say no ended up a beautiful experience.  Like when you had to pee in the bushes Hahaha ANd having to walk with clenched thighs...hahahaha....But I when I look at the photos with you and your daughters, it seems it was a wonderful moment shared with them. So saying yes to them turn out to be a blessing!  Does this make sense?

And on the other side of the coin, I believe there will come a day when you would eventually get fed up with it all and learn to say "No" when you really don't want to and not feel guilty about it.   Glad to know you are more annoyed than hating yourself for it.  But your hub just made me realize all these things and I thank you for it. :-)

P.S. In my smile hub, I told you I wanted to tickle you since you mentioned that people in China have this poker faces... tickle...tickle...tickle...if you want me to stop, just scream NO! LOL


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men are dorks 7 years ago from Namibia

ripplemaker, you said you find yourself in the same situation many times. I'm as bad as you, maybe even worse.

I'm always trying to help others and they take advantage of it. I'm really glad Cindy started this. After I say no I feel so quilty, is that normal, or does one have to get used to saying "no" and just suppress the feeling.

I'm really trying but fail 99%.

Heeelp!!! any one...


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Ripplemaker, you are so right, I'm pleased I spent the time with my daughters, but if we'd gone down in the cable car, I'd have still been with them. As I said, definitely don't hate myself for it though. Always say, next time I'll put my foot down.

M.A.D you are so right. People do start to take advantage of you when you are always prepared to help. When I had breast cancer and needed someone to take me to the hospital for check-ups when I was in poor shape, everybody was too busy, the same people I had helped many times before. I was forced to drive myself to hospital in the middle of the night. What I'm trying to say, is helping others doesn't necessary mean that they'll help you back. Experience has taught me that, but when the call for help goes out, I'm always the first one with my hand up. I am getting better though.


mikeq107 7 years ago

Hi Cindy :0)

Ok, sit down and listen from someone who has been where you are...

You are not living your own life, you are not using your true talents and you do not truly love and respect yourself...not trying to be harsh...but I have been there...but not any more :0)

I took time out after my divorce to go where most people are afraid to go...DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEp inside and find out who the heck I really am...Boy it was hard Unfamiliar terriority...the Wild, Wild west and you have to bring lots of bullets :0)

I had let people walk all over me for years, did they respect me...heck no....

I became my own best friend...I would check my motivation for doing things...heck I had been trying to please my dad for years and earn his love...it never worked and so I dragged that junk into every realtionship, work, my daily life, it effected every part of me...

Basically I was lying to myself and others by not saying what I really felt...God help me if someone asked me...Hey what do you want to do and Cindy we both know the answer I gave them.....

Cindy I was not living just existing and I knew it and life comes at you FAAAAASSSST and it will not be long before some guy on minim wage shovels dirt on our pine box or body bag because we let everyone and his mother Rob us :0( and then it’s too late....Do you really want to be sitting in an old folks home ...WISHING YOU HAD LIVED AND RISKED MORE....because Cindy that’s where you are headed.

God made you for a purpose and it was not to go to church become a clone and get sucked into religion and become miserable like the rest of the zombies…..No he made you to live free, ,be an original critical thinker, to love to soar, to live your wildest dreams . Hey think about this God Made us because he was lonely and wanted a friend…do you think he would want a people pleaser, where’s the conversation and challenge there?

No he wants you to argue debate, be real, live a life you have never known, meet a person you have never met!!!!! The real Cindy Vine :0) taaaaddddaaaa VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV….. Cindy’s coming out and not of the closet LOL

Listen I do not know you and I know you know I`m not trying to offend you.

Listen a guy by the name of Jesus went to a lot of bother to die for you, not just so you could be saved and sit in some dead religious church or weird denomation, full of rules and regs…Now don’t eat fish on Fridays…no pork…for Pete’s sake no dancing….sex is just for propagation…music is of the devil…cover your head and women don’t talk in church…need I go on: 0)

Listen this week…I dare you…go somewhere quiet…the Bathroom, Grand canyon, Sahara, Wild West LOL etc and pour it all out to him…be real…very real… get angry…what ever it takes….remember you can’t offend him…so let it all out and ask him from your heart everything…please don’t go to some religious nut…..let him personally reveal true love to you…hey even read him the hub you just wrote!!!!! Because that hub is a true cry for help :0)

Ok , This Irishman is Done…But Cindy My No IS NO and MY yes Is Yes…because I’m free…I love and Like Me and Guinness…my BMW motorcycle..My Soul mate who is a nut like me…and we are alive!!!!!! And no person in this world could help or complete me…I put it all down to the unconditional Love of my heavenly real Father, not church , religion or the local head shrinker…

Ok Cindy…Your mission should you choose to accept it LOL This message will never self destruct...It will dog you until you act and this Knight in Shining Armor will storm heaven for you :0) DONE!!!!!!


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

ThanksMike, I appreciate the time and effort you put into your comment. I have done the whole church thing, been the born againer, taught Sunday School gave my life to the Lord, wrote a book on marriage counseling for Christians. Have been there and done it. But, when the pastor of the Baptist Church where I taught Sunday school called me in and told me that I had to find another Church as they had decided to support my husband who had just been released from jail for breaking a restraining order after he had badly beaten my three year old daughter, because he was the weaker partner. It was their duty to support the weaker partner. They gave him money and clothes and turned their backs on my three kids and I, we had no food and no money to catch a bus to find another church. This did leave a little bitter taste in my mouth. But, thanks for your comment anyway.


mikeq107 7 years ago

I know excalty what you mean...I have been hurt mostly by christians...pastors especially...I dont go to church anymore too dead... Neither does God he cant get a word in... LOL .but I do have a real one with God and I will trully talk to him on your behalf....have agreat One ...

Michael :0)


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

I know what you saying. I have my belief within me and don't need to go to a church full of hypocrites singing praises to the Lord while they're planning their next sin in their heads.


M. Rose profile image

M. Rose 7 years ago from Orange County, CA

This is really hilarious. You're a great storyteller!


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cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Glad you enjoyed this, Rose!


Whikat 7 years ago

Cindy You Are The Best!. I had a rough day today was in tears, about to have a nervous break down, when fate brought me to this hub. I laughed so hard my side is killing me now. Thank you for your wonderful "I have to pee story", I haven't laughed this hard in weeks.

Wish I could help you with the "NO" thing, but I am afraid I have the same disease. Even my dog knows that if I do say "NO" that I feel so guilty afterwards that he gets a treat, I can say the word "NO" my problem is that no one takes me seriously. I am not sure if it is my small body frame or soft voice, but I have learned the hard way that apparently my no's seem like yes to everyone. Thanks for the laugh, I always enjoy your wonderful hubs Cindy.


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Hey Whikat, hugs to you! Hope you recover from your day and happy I could make you feel a little better!


eaasi3574 7 years ago

This was great information.


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Thanks, Eaasi


Diana 4 years ago

I honestly thought I was the only person in New York City who couldn't say the NO word. No one in my family has that problem only me. My whole entire life I have never been able to let anyone down. I even feel guilty if I dont call someone back or if I get off the phone line too soon. When anyone asks something off of me that I really can't give or don't want to do, my response is automatically, Oh okay no problem will get right on that. Why am I saying yes when I want so badly to say the dreaded NO word. This month I lent out a total of 600 dollars to two friends of mine (well alleged friends of mine,) and they both have not paid me back yet. When they both asked me for the loans, I said to myself, I make less money then both of these people so why are they asking me for money-the audacity of it all. But in the end what did I say? Of course, okay, no problem, will do, hey why don't you walk to the bank with me that way I can hand over my hard earned money straight to you. Why in God's name is it so easy for other people to use other people and yet so hard for good people like us to not be able to say the word No. What is there really to feel guilty about. I haven't hit anyone with my car, or stolen their identity, or hurt someone in their family. My God those are actions which require guilt and a huge amount of guilt at that, but not in the situations I find myself in. Need Help Nooooow.


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 4 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Diana, it is still a battle for me to say NO but one I am slowly overcoming. And if people don't like it, tough. The feeling you get when you say NO to somebody you know is just using and abusing you is great. There is no guilt I promise you!

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