A Mothers Plea, God Help My Baby Girl. Chapter 1
I Felt Wrapped In A Warm Blanket WIth Scented Oil
I asked the nurses to please leave the room. I needed time alone. They obliged me and agreed to ten minutes.
All I heard was the noise of the machines.There was one for the heart, one for breathing, one for the kidneys. I wish they would stop making the bleep noise. The repetition made me feel more anxious. There were so many wires and little lights bleeping I almost felt like I was in a Star Wars movie This only happened in the movies. I held on to the railing of the bed. My wobbling knees went to the floor. I thought if I released my sweaty palms from the railing and put my hands together in prayer I might fall over. I managed to steady myself. The pit in my stomach took my breath away. I was breathing hard. I could feel my swollen eyes without touching my face. More tears the size of peas rolled down my cheeks, trickling along my jaw bone, sliding down my throat onto the skin of my chest. I put my hands together. The sweaty palms seemed to make them stick to one another.
I knew little about our God. I had prayed to him plenty of times out of sheer desperation or fear in my lifetime. He had pulled me out of the many storms I had created. I knew I was a living miracle kneeling on the floor of the hospital. God had rescued me from the ravages of alcohol and drugs many years ago. It was by his grace I survived my own demons.
It was around eight weeks ago when I had asked Jesus Christ into my heart. I had known about this Jesus, but I did not know he wanted a personal relationship with me. The little church, 'Grace Fellowship' was where I found Jesus. When I asked him into my heart the power of the Holy Spirit manifested inside of me. My young teens Claire and Jade were present with me. My baby was fast asleep in her stroller. Together we asked this Jesus, son of God who died for our sins into our hearts. It was a miraculous day. After service Pastor James and his beautiful wife Vicki had invited us to stay and visit with them. I trusted them .My daughters trusted them. For the first time in a long time I felt safe. They seemed to radiate love. They had this joy about them that was contagious. I missed them. I had this desperate ache to talk to them they would understand. They would pray for us. Vicki had shown us scriptures that told us to pray 'in the name of Jesus'.
I cried out, 'In the name of Jesus I come to you Father. I am desperate. I have never been in this much pain in all of my life. My Abby lays on the bed and looks like the Pillsbury Doe Boy. I can touch her hot skin and it bounces back. Her kidneys are not working. She is full of toxins. She is blind. She is in a semi coma. The Doctors tell me that is from the electrodes in her brain going all 'crazy' because of the kidneys. They could not rid the body of the E Coli bacteria. I am told she will not live through this night. I can not bear this pain. I can not live without her.
Her father is at the bar. His mother tells me not to be mad at him. His sister tells me he can not bear the pain of his very sick child. He tricked me into coming to this humid, hot, miserable state. One half way here he told me that he did not need AA and he would not be going to meetings. He said he could not wait to have a drink, that he could control it. He said that the AA program was for Sissy's and he was a man and would take a drink when he wanted one. You know God that tore my heart out. I made a huge mistake. I am so sorry. I deserve to be sick. I left my Jade and Clarie with their Father to make a new life with the step father they deplored.
I ask you to take me, but please do not take Abby. Please heal Abby from the inside to the outside. I want her to see me. If I die she will be raised by her alcoholic father and his family. They say he has no problem. I will live with that. I can not live without Abby. You can not take her. I know you have worked miracles. I am asking you for a miracle. I hope I prayed this OK to you. I know you understand. I have prayed in the heavenly language but now I need to be loud and clear. I have let you down many times. You are the only one that can fix my sweet pea. Please do not take my baby. Please do not take her. I could not bear to tell her sisters.'
I was sobbing. I felt tears drop inside of my shirt into my bra. My neckline was all sweaty from this damp heat. My body was sticky. I ached everywhere. My head was throbbing. I felt nauseous, everything was spinning. God I can not throw up, not now.
Suddenly I felt a warmth inside of me. I felt like I was being wrapped in a warm blanket with lightly scented oil. It was a faint pleasing fragrance that lingered in the air. Everything seemed quiet. I did not hear machines. I opened my eyes. My tears had stopped. The large room had sliding glass doors looking out to the nurses station. When the nurse left she pulled the curtains to give me privacy. The room was bright, similar to an afternoon sun shining in a large room of windows. I saw rays of individual light beaming from the brightness. Even brighter still was an ever lucent shape, five feet before me and five feet up. It was an outline of an angelic being. I had never felt a peace as this. If one ever felt love before every fiber of my being and cells felt it. I felt the warmth near Abby. It was like together we were covered with this peace. I had read about similar experiences somewhere in my past. I knew this was a presence sent to Abby. I then hear a small voice inside of me. It was gentle and soft, but clear. 'Abby will live, she is healed. You will take her home very soon. be at peace my child'. I shut my eyes. I knew that I knew my baby would live. I knew there had been a miracle. I did not want to leave this place of tenderness. I thanked my God.
I felt a hand on my shoulder. 'It is time'. The nurse held my forearm and helped me to my feet. I felt steady. My knees were not shaking. Our eyes met. She had a big tear drop in each one of her blue eyes. 'My baby is healed'. She smiled and said, 'I believe as you do.' She went to her work at the machines and wires. She touched my baby's little fat cheeks, then her eyes, with her fingertips.
I looked down at the urine container. There were only a few drops inside of it. The dialysis had been discontinued a few hours ago. I was told it was not working on my baby's kidneys.
To follow chapter two,
© Copyright Skye Tudae April 2010
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