The Invisible Pink Unicorn, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and the Celestial Teapot


Down with the Easter Bunny!

I have always been confused by militant atheists. I am not confused by atheists. I am confused by militant atheists. For me it is as though I decided to spend my days railing against Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, honest politicians and any other thing that I am certain doesn’t exist.

However, I am not confused as to why militant atheists seem to spend all their time attacking Christians and no time attacking the head choppers of ISIS. Like good bullies, they only attack the kid who won’t fight back. If they attacked the true dangers to civilization—those who kidnap and rape women who don’t practice the “right” religion, for instance--some head chopper might come after them. Militant atheists can beat up Christians night and day, day and night and the most Christians will do is whine really loud. Christians, for the most part, won’t even riot or have a mass protest. I say for the most part because for awhile there were a group of truly annoying crap-for-brains posers who were interrupting funerals for veterans to give their views on homosexuality. Most Christians that I have ever heard about disavow these protesting nimrods as sick losers.

God is Busy Right Now

I prefer atheists who have a sense of humor about the God thing. After all, not even the most militant theist on the planet can perform any physical act that would be in anyway convincing to any atheist—so why be bent out of shape about it. No matter what any religious person says the Himalayas and the Gobi desert are not going to permanently swap places, the oceans are not about to vanish and all the glaciers on the planet are not going to suddenly show up in Saudi Arabia. Religious folks say that God could do all this and more if He wanted but conveniently God never “wants” do these things. Even things that most normal and sane people agree on like curing all diseases and protecting all children from crime and hunger seem to be either beyond God or beneath His notice. So why should any atheist take the notion of God seriously?

In the bad old days when the inquisition was used to shore up flagging faith, there were standard answers to deep theological conundrums. Can God create a stone which He cannot lift? Where was God before the world was made? The answers to these and many more annoying questions went along the lines of : God was creating hell for people who asked questions like that.


Divine Pasta

A number of atheists have come up with humorous spoofs of religion. For instance there are the pastafarians who wear spaghetti strainers on their heads. Religions do go on about who gets to wear the funny hats and when and why. The Pastafarians are believers in the Flying Spaghetti monster. As any Pastafarian is quick to point out: Can you prove the Flying Spaghetti does not exist?

The believers in the Invisible Pink Unicorn are probably trying to be a little too cute. After all, if the Unicorn is invisible, how do you know it’s pink?

The Celestial Teapot is kicking it old school. Bertrand Russell came up with it to make the basic atheistic point about falsifiable claims.

One has to be careful with taking things Bertrand Russell said as gospel. After all he supposedly said it was a duty of the state to come up with efficient ways to kill off millions of useless people. Some say this was a clever joke on Bertrand Russell part since as we all know, genocide is a very, very funny joke.

Global Warming Climate Change

One has to be little careful about the notion of falsifiable claims however. Note that Global Warming worshippers say that hot weather is proof of Global Warming. And if the weather turns cold they quickly alter the name of their religion to: Climate Change and say that changes in the weather prove that the only way to worship nature properly is to destroy capitalism in general and the United States in particular. Moreover, Global Warming Climate Changers say that all that pollution in China is just a political illusion and only the imperialist, capitalist swine pollute and commit other evils because only they can. Note that the Global Warmers keep changing terms of the argument to make sure their argument is never falsifiable. Making their claims look more like a religion than science.

Comments 13 comments

Rachel L Alba profile image

Rachel L Alba 2 years ago from Every Day Cooking and Baking

All I can say is if atheists don't believe in God, then why do they worry so much about Easter and Christmas? If they are so certain that there is no God, then what harm does it do for Christians to celebrate Easter and Christmas? All they have to do is ignore the holiday and not precipitate in it in any way. Isn't freedom of religion one of the reasons people came to American in the first place? I'm not one to get on a band wagon, but I just always wanted to ask those questions.

poetryman6969 profile image

poetryman6969 2 years ago Author

Rachel, I definitely agree with you. One of the things that gets promoted in our society is the idea that a person's personal, private behavior and beliefs deserve to acknowledged and celebrated by everyone else. I for one say this is not so especially since some people believe in FGM, honor killing, strapping bombs to children, and enslaving people who disagree with them in matters of religion or politics.

Rachel L Alba profile image

Rachel L Alba 2 years ago from Every Day Cooking and Baking

Amen to that!!

DDE profile image

DDE 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

Individuals have different beliefs and I do respect that but not when people force one another into a religion . Interesting and thought provoking.

poetryman6969 profile image

poetryman6969 2 years ago Author

Thanks for dropping by Devika. I definitely agree with your sentiments. We have the right to our own beliefs but we do not have the right to determine the beliefs of others.

Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 24 months ago from Houston, Texas

I loved this. You made your points well with the combination use of exaggeration and humor. Clever piece!

poetryman6969 profile image

poetryman6969 24 months ago Author

Peggy I am glad you enjoyed the hub. Be sure to have a blessed day!

grand old lady profile image

grand old lady 23 months ago from Philippines

I always wondered about that flying spaghetti monster. You have a very humorous way of making your point. Reading this was most enjoyable and I fully agree with you.

poetryman6969 profile image

poetryman6969 23 months ago Author

Mona (aka grand old lady) thanks for dropping by. I am glad you enjoyed the hub. Have a blessed day!

oceansnsunsets profile image

oceansnsunsets 23 months ago from The Midwest, USA

Well done, Poetryman. You make great observations that need explanation, and we are left with only the obvious ones I think. I had to chuckle at your first couple of paragraphs, because this is exactly what we experience in the forums on HP and in other places on the net, and now even in debates, etc. People want to hold a set of rules to certain groups only, and not to themselves. Voted up across the board and shared, and pinned.

One of the biggest things I see on the forums from atheists is never taking a real stance, but relentlessly attacking other's stances. This is not playing fair. If they say they are an atheist, then its to the point I can't assume they have their usual atheist views. When faults are pointed out, they backtrack, and often lean on views held by believers in God, no less! I think its because some things are more well represented by other views than their own, when we are all observing science and the reality around us.

The end, when talking about falsifiable claims and B. Russell, etc, well that is a little alarming. Anyway, I am glad you brought all of this illogic thinking to light in a somewhat humorous way. My hope is to not poke fun, but to see people see the good and bad parts of various views, and to at least own their own views, or perhaps get a better one when their own fails them.

poetryman6969 profile image

poetryman6969 23 months ago Author

Hello Paula (oceansunsets). I enjoyed your thought provoking observations. I think that the people who make me the most nervous are those who style themselves as morally superior to others. Sooner or later the morally superior seem to find ways to put others in chains or worse. After all, anyone who can't recognize moral superiority must be defective!

Have a blessed day!


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 23 months ago from Somewhere in the universe

My Irish father taught me to believe in invisible leprechauns.

My Choctaw mother and grandmother taught me that we must live in harmony with Father Sky and Mother Earth.

My science career taught me that none of the above are anything more that legends and stories. I kind of like the flying spaghetti monster the best of all!

poetryman6969 profile image

poetryman6969 23 months ago Author

Hello Lela (Austinstar). The Flying Spaghetti monster holds the distinction of being one of the few Gods you can eat!

Have a blessed day!

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