The Prairie Sage: Letter to a Molester


 After reading this letter, please follow this link to Immartin

Prairie Sage as a Child

 Dear Mr. Molester:

You may not remember me, but I have thought about you for the last thirty five years. Not every day, and sometimes not for weeks at a time, but I think about you pretty regularly.

As each of my daughters turned eight, I thought about you. When I take my children to the drive in, I think about you. When I see sad little girls, who look lonely and forgotten, I think about you. Sometimes, I awaken in the middle of the night, shaking with fear and loathing, and I think about you.

Do you remember the innocent girl I was? I don't. She only existed for a short time. Then, your cunning words and despicable acts killed that girl. In her place stood a child, fearful, cautious, mistrusting, and full of self loathing.

As a woman, I have carried that baggage for too many years. It is time for me to free myself from the slimey stain of you, and grow into the woman I was meant to be.

I remember the drive-in. My little sister and I, excited to be going with you and grandma, dressed in our nightgowns and slippers, promised to behave. And you invited me onto your lap, so I could see over the dashboard. And your hands in places that had never been seen or touched. And your whispered promise in my ear, that I could be your girlfriend, if I promised not to tell. Later, the promise became a whispered threat. After a while, when the thrill of being someone's "girlfriend" was replaced with the horror of what you would do to me, you threatened to tell my parents, to harm my little sister. My silence bought my protection. So I thought.

Years did not erase the horrible pit in my stomach. The feeling of being used, of being worthless, the feeling that I only mattered to people who could use me: these feelings rotted in my gut until I hated myself, my sister, my parents.... and deeper inside, where no one was ever allowed to see, the little girl cried. She cried from fear. She cried from lonliness. She cried from lying. She cried that no one really loved her, no one protected her, no one cared if she hurt.

Now I am done. I am done fearing you. I am done loathing you. I am done remembering you. I gave you power over the last thirty five years. Now, I take my power back. I am strong. I am not afraid. I am brave. I am loved. I am cared for. I am protected. If there is no one to do these things for me, I love, protect and care about myself. I will be your victim no more.

We victims have a choice. After the pain, lonliness, anger, fear, loathing and hatred subside, we can choose freedom. We can choose strength. We can choose not to let you control our lives any longer.

As for you, you have a choice too. You can seek forgiveness. You can make ammends. You can choose to have your life be different.

It is never too late to choose peace, love and forgiveness. I am through hating. I forgive you. I forget you. I choose a higher path.


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Comments 16 comments

Captain Jimmy profile image

Captain Jimmy 6 years ago from WV

lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida

A lovely hub about a subject I have fought for thirty years, through direct action as an outreach worker in child protection, and through my writing. My book on this subject is scheduled for release January 27, 1011. I will email you and ask your permission to link this to my book's website, among other things.

This is an excellent letter -- all the things that the 7 out of every 10 girls, and 4 out of every 10 boys who are molested would like to be able to say.

Well done! Lynda

Deborah Demander profile image

Deborah Demander 6 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD Author

Captain Jimmy, thank you for stopping and reading.

Lynda, thanks for your encouragement, and for all your hard work over the years. I cannot imagine what you saw during your work, but I appreciate your sacrifice, to make kids lives better.

Namaste friends.

Wendy Krick profile image

Wendy Krick 6 years ago from Maryland

This is very deep. God Bless you.

breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 6 years ago

All I can say is that choosing life and choosing to live the best possible life you can lead is the answer and actually the best revenge. It took courage to write this. It deserves a giant heartfelt thumbs up!

always exploring profile image

always exploring 6 years ago from Southern Illinois

This is well written and affects many children, me included. The memories of this most hated act, remaines instilled in the physi.and comes to surface occasionally.Bless you for writting this story.

God Bless

kaltopsyd profile image

kaltopsyd 6 years ago from Trinidad originally, but now in the USA

A great, POWERFUL Hub. That's all I can say. Wow. Thanks for sharing!

Deborah Demander profile image

Deborah Demander 6 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD Author

Thank you all for your encouragement. This issue affects more children than we like to think about.

May we all find peace.


humagaia profile image

humagaia 6 years ago from United Kingdom

A sad but oh so frequent occurrence. I understand that talking helps to get the demons out. However, I am mindful that such verbalisation aimed directly at the perpetrator may not achieve what you intended.

An abuser does it for power. I am afraid that instead of removing that power, you may have fed it.

By now knowing (I know it was an open letter and that the perpetrator may never read it) that his act of aggression has had a 'power' over you for so long, it may in fact have, in his eyes, made it that more powerful.

It may also (and I hate to think that abusers are here on hubpages) give a boost to others that would wish to have this power. Knowing that it is a force for life may actually encourage abusing.

I hope not. I pray not. But it is a serious possibility.

It is just like copy cat crimes that would not be 'copy catted' if they were not spread across newspapers and newsfeeds.

I loved the heartfelt passion about getting the story out and I understand the need (if possible) so I sorry to have put a negative on it. I hope you can forgive me for bringing this point up.

With tears!

LeanMan profile image

LeanMan 6 years ago from At the Gemba

wow, that is so moving. Thanks for such a good hub.

LillyGrillzit profile image

LillyGrillzit 6 years ago from The River Valley, Arkansas

Thank you! I know too many victims of this tragedy...makes me Despise Secrets! Too many, "shhh keep it a secret..." No More! I didn't realize how powerful song this is! Thank you, Bless, Protections to you and Yourn. Namaste

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Duchess OBlunt 6 years ago

What courage to write this.

What strength to become the woman you were meant to be.

What encouragement and hope you offer others.

akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon

Terrifically bold and wonderfully written - about a subject that hurts so many people. Any kind of abuse is devastating and thank you for being powerful enough to write about it!

Deborah Demander profile image

Deborah Demander 6 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD Author

I appreciate your comments and kindness. I hope that we can all encourage, protect and strengthen the children we come across.


Gypsy Willow profile image

Gypsy Willow 6 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

Wow! powerful stuff! Good luck for a peaceful, nightmare free future.

tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 4 years ago from USA

There are too many people that experience this kind of tragedy. It is sad when someone you think you could trust takes advantage of you, ruining your life and any chance of trust and happiness. I know of some people like this. I was always afraid to be around them. It took me years to understand why my mother didn't have much to do with these kind of people. This is a terrific piece, thanks for sharing it and your links.

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    Deborah Demander profile image

    Deborah Demander607 Followers
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    Deborah is a writer, healer, and teacher. Her goal is to help people live their best lives everyday, while sharing her joy and love of life.

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