Facing my fear, this is my story of how I came to be here.


After writing about Gideon and how God used him just as he was and in spite of his fears, I was challenged by a reader to embrace vulnerability and write about my own fears. This, incidentally, happens to be the heart of my terror.



I am generally a quiet person who mostly prefers to stay out of the spotlight. It was my dream to rescue abandoned teenagers and runaways, give them a safe place to call home and an education to help keep them off the streets. In Atlanta, I had the opportunity to work in a children’s shelter. It looked like my desire would be fulfilled. And it was, for a time. But God had other ideas.


I had only worked at the shelter for a year, when my husband had a job offer to move across the country to Phoenix, Arizona. I knew immediately that this was where God wanted us. It was a difficult move but I quickly got a job at a new boy’s home. Again I was back on track, everything would be ok. Then, on September 11, 2001, two airplanes were flown into the twin towers of the World Trade Center. The nation was thrown into chaos. I had only worked half a day. We lost our funding, without ever opening our doors.


I was pregnant with our first child and it was a tough time to get a job. I never went back to work. It was a difficult adjustment. I felt useless and I didn’t understand why God had me here. I went to the mountains in an effort to escape the heat and get out of the desert. I took a walk with God and tearfully asked him what he wanted from me. He told me, and it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I distinctly felt like there was something he wanted me to learn and something he wanted me to do. That was fine. It was the last part that petrified me. I was to open my mouth and share my life with others. He wanted me to open up about his work in my life and pass on the things I knew about him. I wasn’t interested. Up until this point I had always felt my relationship with God was a private matter between him and me. My personal life was no one’s business but mine. I really hoped that it was my imagination and not the Holy Spirit putting such ideas in my head. I prayed that I was wrong, and insisted there was a mistake.

Not only do I not like to open up to people, but sometimes I have an inexplicable fear of them. There are times when I can walk into a room full of strangers and start up a conversation with someone, but there are also times when I am too afraid to walk into a room of friendly faces. I have no problem sitting in front of a group of kids to teach them a Sunday school lesson. But I can go to a church event, where I know almost everyone, and not find the courage to go in. I will avoid people I know for fear of talking to them, even if we’d had a conversation the week before. Yes, it’s sad but true, and I know it's irrational. Just talking to people is hard enough, the idea of sharing my life with them is downright scary.

Thankfully God is gracious and never gives us more than we can handle. He has taken the time to bring me out of my shell slowly, one step at a time. He also has reassured me that he will give me everything I need to do the work he has for me. I take great comfort in Ephesians 2:10 “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Knowing that he has prepared everything for me in advance is very reassuring. So step by step I am slowly changing into the person he wants me to be.


I believe that my time here on hub pages is a part of that process. I feel vulnerable putting my words out there for everyone to see. I worry about what you might think of me, or wonder if I am explaining myself clearly. I fear boring you or offending you. I am afraid of releasing my words, but discouraged when they are not read. Other times I read what I wrote, and I’m glad no one read them. That is why the story of Gideon touched my heart so much. God reminded me that it doesn’t matter if I’m good enough. What is important is that I am trying my best to obey him, and when he is beside me that is all I need to do. He will take care of the rest.



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Comments 25 comments

michael rivers1 profile image

michael rivers1 4 years ago from Boca Raton, Florida

April, your honesty and willingness to be openly share is the heart of your writings. I agree how God's strength is most evident at the point of our greatest weakness. This way there is no doubt that only He is the source of our victories and success. Our inabilities open the door to His provision and sustainment. Remain open to the changes He is conducting in your heart and keep sharing your testimony to enourage others in their walk!


April Reynolds profile image

April Reynolds 4 years ago from Arizona Author

Thank you Michael! It is challenging but I have also found it to be rewarding. I appreciate the encouragement.


jakethewriter profile image

jakethewriter 4 years ago from Fountain, CO

What a fantastic hub!! I have written many things for many people, but the honesty in your hub blows me away. I should be more open and honest in my own writings. You have challenged me in a new way and I am excited to see how God will continue to use you!


April Reynolds profile image

April Reynolds 4 years ago from Arizona Author

Thank you Jake, this took a lot of courage to post. I am glad it encouraged you.


ignugent17 profile image

ignugent17 4 years ago

Beautiful hub April Reynolds. It shows that you are sincere in what you are doing. I applaud you for writing this. Take care!


April Reynolds profile image

April Reynolds 4 years ago from Arizona Author

Thank you ignugent17, I appreciate your comment.


Caleb DRC profile image

Caleb DRC 3 years ago

Hi April,

Risking vulnerability in order to benefit others is an act of love, and the greater the vulnerability, the greater the love needed to overcome it for the benefit of others. So what will people think? Favorably, gratefully, and affectionately, especially from those who benefited the most from that love.


April Reynolds profile image

April Reynolds 3 years ago from Arizona Author

Thank you Caleb, it is encouraging to think that others may be grateful for my vulerability instead of critical


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I have found sitting behind a computer and putting my ideas up for everyone to see to be way easier to talking in person. I can get my ideas out with command and if someone disagrees with me, I can defend my position better.


April Reynolds profile image

April Reynolds 3 years ago from Arizona Author

I agree, the computer is much less intimidating, and gives me time to think through what I am trying to say.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Especially when you start to get better at making an argument. For the most part, ignoring helps a lot at times.


shofarcall profile image

shofarcall 3 years ago

Thank you for your obedience to the great I AM. Your story and your honesty in telling people how God is working in your life is VERY touching and hearts will be opened to our Lord and Saviour through your story. Which is surely why this is being asked of you by Him. We are all called to share the Gospel and our testimonies of our relationship with God and how we came to be in the fold are powerful examples of how the precious Gospel changes lives forever.

God Bless you April. Voted up, awesome, useful and interesting.


April Reynolds profile image

April Reynolds 3 years ago from Arizona Author

Thank you shofarcall for all your kind words today. It is encouraging to know my transparency is appreciated, especially since it is still a struggle for me! So thank you very, very much.


anoocre8ion profile image

anoocre8ion 3 years ago from Texas

April, thank you so much for your honesty and your openness. God is using you right where you are just like you are. that fear of people can be very hard to overcome and I am so glad you are willing to share your walk with others. In that way, Creator God can use you to help someone else. It is in sharing your story, telling others, reaching out to others where you can find the healing only brought about by the one who created you and loves you more than you could ever dream.

God bless you!

Voted up.


April Reynolds profile image

April Reynolds 3 years ago from Arizona Author

Thank you so much anoocre8tion. I surely hope that God can use my story to encourage someone else, maybe even me!


gerrytan profile image

gerrytan 3 years ago from Toms River NJ

I loved your story. I agree you are doing what you are supposed to do. You are good at it. Your writing is motivating.


April Reynolds profile image

April Reynolds 3 years ago from Arizona Author

Thank you Gerry! I appreciate your kind words. I couldn't do it on my own. God has been good, it is all in his hands!


newenglandsun 3 years ago

You should like totally make a YouTube account. You could turn your hubs into videos and everybody could like see you talking. Wouldn't be intimidating and we'd feel as if you're more of a real person.


April Reynolds profile image

April Reynolds 3 years ago from Arizona Author

That would be funny, and much much more intimidating for me. I prefer to stay out of the spotlight


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Nonsense! You'd just be recording yourself and it would be your recording in the spotlight! :)


April Reynolds profile image

April Reynolds 3 years ago from Arizona Author

not buying it


newenglandsun 3 years ago

if you have a camera on your computer you can use that to record videos of yourself


Canan 23 months ago

Amy,If you found someone that neeedd it to complete a bed you might get as much as fifty dollars. No dealer that I am aware of would bother putting it in stock owing to the extremely limited market. You should go to Google Images and search “Simmons bed spring”. One or more might turn up and might have some dollar information connected. The spring is probably 60-80 years old and made so well that it is still useful. You can put a zippered cover over it for cleanliness and use it as a box spring.Good Luck,Marshall


April Reynolds profile image

April Reynolds 23 months ago from Arizona Author

Hi Marshall, thank you for your visit, but it sounds like your comment is meant for someone else. I hope you enjoy your day.


Patel 23 months ago

My daughter of 15 seems to have NDPH for 2 1/2 years. She was so alive until this hit her. We think this stterad from the Chicken Pox or maybe Mono. Her whole nervous system has been messed up. We have been to every type of Doctor you can think of. Her headaches start out around 4-5 in the morning and increase to level 7-9 at night before bed. We have tried every migrain medicine on the market but not one help the headache. We go to the emergency room sometimes 2 times a week. The doctors won't even admit her any longer. Some narcotics work the first time bringing the levels down from 9-10 to 3-4. The next time we go it does not work. She seems to get resistent to the drugs after first use. She is nauseous all the time and is no longer going to school. We are going to look into a spinal leak or possibly neck issues. She had a nerve caterized in her next with no luck. One treatment we hope to try is a lidocain or ketamine infusion. I was wondering if anyone has tried these for their headaches. The Childrens hospital in Seattle is using lidocaine infusion with some successs. There is a pain clinic in Salt Lake City that is using the Ketamine Infusions because they last longer (up to 3 months). We have tried the triptons, erogots, and every other type of medicine. She was put on a pain patch this last week but I don't think it will help at all. Her pain tolerance has been affected also. She had an out patient surgury to remove the galblader that should have been an out patient procedure. She was in the hospital for a week with so much pain. I will never stop looking for an answer to this. There has to be one. I am so tired of the doctors where we live. They think it is in her head and don't think she is in as much pain as she portrays. Make me so mad. I am glad i found this site but it made me even more sad and hopeless.

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