Why Jesus Loves Alcohol

That's right, in spite of the Christian conservative model of the perfect man of God who lets no evil, tobacco, or alcohol come into contact with his lips, I stand contesting that model as a falsehood that the very object of the Christian faith would Himself disown. In fact it seems that if that same paradigm of holy perfection would read his bible a little closer he might slouch down in his favorite chair brewskie in hand every now and then.

While it stands to reason that a slobbering drunk will probably not be the most productive member of society and while the Christian bible also clearly states that drunkenness is a sin (Deuteronomy 21:20; Ecclesiastes 10:17; 1 Corinthians 5:11), it never condemns brews as untouchable and there are even places in the book of Proverbs that encouraged people to give wine to those in anguish or need (Proverbs 31:6-7), and where vats overflowing with wine are considered a blessing from the Lord (Proverbs 3:9-10). The only time drinking is forbidden to people altogether is for priests while performing priestly duties and kings and judges while performing their duties.

The new testament shows Jesus' first miracle as being changing water into wine... here's the interesting part... AFTER all the wine has been consumed at the Wedding at Cana. Now Jesus' mother asks Him to cover for the ultimate party foul and behold he takes over a hundred gallons of water and performs a miracle equating to a holy beer run... or wine run... whatever. There are only two main messages one could draw from observing this miracle, one being obey your mom, two being PARTY ON!!

Now I'm not a preacher and not a bible scholar but something tells me that if the pious and righteous who condemn my favorite lagers, wines, and liquors to the pit looked at not only their bibles and the life of Jesus but their founding fathers, they would realize that even back in the early days of America alcohol was an expected pastime amongst the righteous and sinners alike. For example the Mayflower, full of pilgrims seeking religious freedom, set sail bearing far more beer than water to make the voyage eventually landing at plymouth. The first thanksgiving had wine, beer, gin, and brandy at the table (even though there was no cranberry sauce to speak of) and Colonial tavern owners had a higher status than did the clergy during that period in our history (and might still be considered that way today but for different reasons though not amongst such noble folk as those who barhopped in the 18th century). My favorite little fact concerning our American alcoholic heritage though has to do with the origin of our first Kentucky whiskey... brewed by a bonafide Baptist Minister in 1789. I now know how to answer baptists who condemn me for enjoying whiskey and cokes: "why would you guys brew something if you didn't want me to drink it?"

In all seriousness, I doubt that the subject of alcohol need be taken so seriously by the religious or any community. It can be addictive, it can be unhealthy in excess, but then so is carrying a stick in your anus so take the stick out, crack open a bud, and chill. It's what Jesus would do!!

-Marshall West