10 Guaranteed Ways for You to Get Thrown-out of Any College Football Game
Fans, it's almost time.
Well, sports fans, here it is about to turn from June to July and with August looming in our future, that can mean one thing: the 2015 College Football Season. Yippee, yi, yo, ki-yay! I can hardly wait. Can you?
I have missed the always-unpredictable and exciting college football games that make Saturday afternoons even more enjoyable. Ahhh, yes. The loud yelling of the coaches on the sidelines, the sometimes unruly, intoxicated fans in the stands yelling vulgar phrases, and how the game announcers describe these actions to our satisfaction.
Shy fan, I haven't forgotten about you.
But now I turn my attention to you, the shy, timid college football fan who has always had an almost unbearable craving to fit in with the wild, unruly, and disorderly college football fan base, but never had the nerve to ask if you could join them in their wild antics in the stands.
Now it is 2015 and you have suffered long enough. You are now a man ready to face the unknown and just "let it all hang out" as you churn-up the nerve to become one of these wild fans that you have worshiped over the years since you first fell in love with college football.
You, my friend, are a calculating, thinking college football fan, so you want to have that one sure-fire, guaranteed way to gain instant-acceptance into this crowd that the civil college football fans hate while the other fans would feel a great loss if these troublemakers didn't show up.
Eureka! The one idea that you get is found in the title of this hub. See if you can find it.
10 Guaranteed Ways for You to Get Thrown-out of Any College Football Game
10.) Eating too much spicy foods and chugging too many beers before the game, and at just the right time, you bend over the shoulders of the fans sitting in the row below you and vomit your guts out.
9.) Flipping-off the security guards at the college football game for no reason. When this gesture gets boring, you start flipping-off the police officers who are there to make sure that fans like you do not ruin the game for the civil college football fans.
8.) Sneaking in apples and oranges underneath your sweater and when the opportunity arises, start tossing the tasty produce at anyone who is the easiest for you to smack with a Granny Smith apple or Florida orange. Note: By writing about a Florida orange is not an endoresement of the Florida Gators football program).
7.) Pull off your clothes and tell the fans to catch you and let you do some crowd surfing.
6.) Start making flirty remarks to the teenage daughters who are sitting with their parents in the same seating section as you.
5.) If one of the protective parents scolds you for your vulgar behavior toward their daughter, you grow angry and stand-up and curse them out worse than a United States Marine on a three-day pass.
4.) You start doing the commentating about the game which annoys everyone around you. Being nice, the annoyed fans ask you nicely to stop this disturbing gesture, but you only get louder.
3.) You stand-up and yell at the top of your lungs, "I am really Paul McCartney and I am now going to sing about 22 of my greatest hits."
2.) You act thirsty and buy a soda from a vendor walking up the aisle near your seat, but you wait until the network camera is pointed in your direction and then you stand up and pour your soda on the head of a fan sitting in the row underneath you.
1.) You challenge the nearest security guard by yelling at him, "Hey, loser! Do you want to fight me in a Kung Fu challenge?" Then start doing some fancy Kung Fu moves that you remember from the hit show, Kung Fu on ABC in 1971 starring the now-late David Carradine.
Now you can get thrown out of any college football game you choose and I hope you enjoy your new life as an unruly fan. And keep in mind that I am not responsible for paying your bail to spring you out of jail.
Be sure to catch my next adventure:
The Advantages of Being Tossed From Any College Football Game
See you soon.
