Bear Bryant -- The Great One

Today we're going to talk about the head football coach of the six time national champion Alabama Crimson Tide.

1954

The Bear was coach of the University of Kentucky before taking a job at a school he thought would be more serious about its' football. To understand the Bear in this regard is to understand an exchange I had on dorkbook(TM) last weekend --

This chick who calls herself a producer and writer was talking about how she's in a complicated relationship. So I suggested that she make some of my stuff so that she can star in it, be seen with the leading man whoever he is, and make this guy jealous.

Not bad, right?

Well on comes one of the countless ugly friends a pretty chick has...to tell me I'm a phony and it's typical bullshit and f*ck you kid.

So we got in a big fight that went on for approximately 25 threads.

She's like what have you sold and had go to film?

I tell her nothing, that I have a lying bullshit agent that I'm going to have to strangle the next time I see her.

She tells me I'm bullshit, and then repeats the question. What have you sold and had go to film?

I tell her to screw off, that she's a ho, blah blah, don't hold it against me because agents lie.

She hears nothing but the "ho" part, and so tells me that I don't know her and f*ck me.

I tell her that she's a scag who's mad that her prettier friend is being played out, and thus is personally angry that she would have double the problems looking only half as good and being twice a bitch.

I also pointed out that a confident guy in any shape or form is something she would react with hostility towards for that very reason.

Okay...

This is Bear Bryant when he's at Kentucky.

He assumes that this problem of players not being serious...was the whole problem.

He didn't know there was another layer to this problem, one he hadn't hit on yet.

Was it that the players weren't serious...or was it that they were all white?

Ah-hah.

So after I hit the nail on the head, this chick tells me that I "clearly know nothing about women".

See?

I was completely correct, I located the root of her hostility, and it MEANT NOTHING.

Because the real problem was that she had layers of bitchiness, and I had only broke down one.

My original facebook friend who was having the relationship problems, the "producer", then comes on to express her outrage at me. After of course letting this spiral out of control, watching the whole exchange like a bitch rather then stepping in and trying to make peace.

Now that her friend lost the argument, O-Ren here was going to step in and counter with "you destroyed her and all she did was question you."

Dumb f*cking bitch.

It gets better.

I apologize AGAIN to her.

On comes this fat bald goateed bodyguard who "has her back".

As well as some Shelby Jewish American Princess bitch and a few of HER ugly friends.

I'm Jewish, relax.

I'm marrying out of my god damn religion. JAPs all want to be white women AS PRESENTED in MTV's The Real World or the film "The Help". That's the difference between a JAP and a Jewish woman.

So I told them they were all f*cking insane, that the producer is a drama queen, and that she's going to sit there and have a good laugh after getting you to apologize for stuff you don't even do.

Bear Bryant had left Kentucky to go to Texas A & M, which he believed would be more passionate and talented when it came to football...only to discover that Texas A & M was no more serious about football then Kentucky was.

Instead of sorry ass white players who couldn't throw or catch the ball...he found...sorry ass white players who couldn't throw or catch the ball.

Now the Bear hadn't realized yet that the problem was segregation, just like I didn't realize the problem with this bitch was that she had friends with the small-town mentality of jumping into skirmishes that are none of their business AND completely in the wrong.

She could have kicked some baby in the head. They would have blamed the mom.

It helps when your crew thinks they can use you, like these folks are using her.

Get a crew before you go some place special to you...or make sure you acquire a crew when you get there.

But back to the Bear!

Still thinking that the goal is to win an argument and everything will be better...he takes his Texas A & M players away from a campus filled with booty, and out to Junction, Texas.

He beats the living piss out of them. 2 buses went there...1 bus returned.

There was a draught.

It went on for several years before and since.

The Bear didn't give them water breaks.

He wet two towels...one for the offense and one for the defense.

See?

The Bear thought it was a matter of being tough.

After learning it was more then that, he'd discover that the problem was that they weren't integrated.

But for now he's just f*cking these kids lives.

One of them, a tackle named Billy Schroeder, would end up with HEAT STROKE THAT HE STILL SUFFERS WITH FIFTY YEARS LATER.

The Bear felt horrible of course.

The Bear in the 1930s had played his final college football game on a broken leg. He wasn't going to hear any shit from a player that whined about water.

Back in the old days, I had a problem being articulate while shutting people down. Verbal abuse was something I had to practice, all I could do was hit people with a wise comeback that went with the flow of the conversation...never could I analyze somebody's intentions when they were insulting me. So just like the Bear, I trained what I thought was a weak muscle.

And I heat-stroked a relationship with people motivated by pussy...which leads to getting beat up.

I'm gonna die, I know it.

Well ever since these days in Junction, the Bear was watching his back.

He was putting up fronts like he knew what he was doing, as long as he could.

Of these players at Junction were Jack Pardee, linebacker at Washington (Over the Hill Gang) and Gene Stallings, who won the 1992 National title with the Crimson Tide with George Teague and Derrick Vlasic.

Alright...so Bryant gets these guys to an undefeated season within 2 years after they never had a winning ever.

He then goes on to Alabama, and they too have the same brand of success for a while.

They win the national title in 1961, and then another with Joe Namath in 1964, and then a third one a few years later.

But it's the late 60s.

Alabama has players who take themselves seriously as hell, but will not integrate.

Bear Bryant won't get in the way of this outright. There is no big speeches in favor of integration, but Alabama is continuously going undefeated just to end up #3 in the nation.

College football was trying to send this school, and the SEC, a message.

What was Bryant to do? He was a normal person. He wasn't going to try to fight a whole section of the country.

And so Bear exercises...creative conservativism.

Like Red Auerbach, like Quentin Tarantino, like Bill Russell, like Martin Luther King, like the hippies.

He will book a game with USC.

USC comes to Bama with an all black backfield and KICKS BAMA'S ASS.

Even people in Bama agreed it was time to integrate.

If we don't get some "nigra" players, they said...we'll never compete in the 70s.

And that's how Bear Bryant would integrate the whole freaking South without anyone pinning it all on him!!!!!

They would win three more national titles.

Bryant, unlike me, had figured out how to conquer the small-town dynamic.

Then in 1983, the Bear died while my dumbass keeps on living...to figure out how to do the same.

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