CMLL Tuesday: Below Average
Much like Ted Mosby I’m going to keep this short and to the point; tonight’s CMLL show sucked. Most of the matches were tough to watch, the matches that were good had endings so bad that Danny Boyle’s Sunshine felt better and the only bright spot was the main event set up a big main event next week, which is good except it doesn’t help any of us this week. Not good folks not good. And because there is no Cthulhu, let’s now dive into what made this steaming pile of horse dung a steaming pile of horse dung. Moses, get the meme and let’s get this over with.
Mercurio & Pequeño Olímpico defeated Acero & Aéreo two falls to one
Your basic CMLL opener; nothing bad happened, nothing good happened…hell nothing really happened at all. I suppose that helps this match in the long run considering the horror show the rest of the card was. There’s really not much to add other than Aéreo looked pretty decent, it was nice to see Mercurio back and I got to finish making my pizza during this match because it was that uneventful. Oh and how about poor Pequeño Olímpico? Not only was he not very good here but he wasn’t even the best Olímpico on the show! You know you’ve gone wrong when old man Fandango has gotten the better of you.
Grako, Metálico, Nitro defeated Magia Blanca, Metatrón, Robin two falls to one
There may have been matches that hurt the soul far more this evening but this was the worst of the night as far as in ring performances go. Ladies and gentlemen I watched Dakota Johnson and that dude who died in the first season of Once Upon a Time try to pass themselves off as a couple, I lived through the atrocity known as Bennifer; hell I’ve even seen a grown man satisfy a camel (just kidding. OR AM I?!). All of those situations (yes, even the dude and the camel) had more chemistry than these six had. There was no communication, no timing and gradually no effort as the match went along aside from Robin and Magia Blanca, who did at least present himself well in his return. It’s because this match was so off that I’m going to withhold passing judgment on Grako just yet. Was he mediocre at best during this match while Blanca at least looked okay? Yes. But he did have a few nice moments with Blanca at the beginning and I’m fairly certain you can’t judge a guy by how well he does when dudes like Metatrón and Nitro are singlehandedly trying to ruin everyone’s day. So Grako gets a pass here, which is more than I can say for this train wreck.
Lightning Match
Pegasso defeated Disturbio
Maybe it’s because the rest of the show was like sitting through Carrot Top’s stand up act or maybe it’s because this was the only match with a finish designed to get the crowd cheering but I didn’t mind this match at all. It’s on the lower end of good no doubt but this was a good match with a satisfying result. I thought Disturbio really acquitted himself well here, putting together some decent offense in the first half of the match and then settling into the role of catching Pegasso/trying to steal the match from the technico with a flurry of roll ups in the final half. If anything I think CMLL may have done him a disservice by having him face Pegasso. The technico was fine but you could sense he didn’t have the same energy he does on his best nights; he didn’t attempt his really cool tornillo dive (though he did attempt and hit two others) and just looked to be going through the motions for the most part. It was still fine because Pegasso is a good luchador and Disturbio helped elevate the match with his performance. I just think it would’ve been better with someone like Soberano involved. Speaking of that man…
Misterioso Jr., Okumura, Sagrado defeated Soberano Jr., Star Jr., Stigma two falls to one
You’d be hard pressed to find anyone who’d say this wasn’t the match of the evening and it might’ve been even better if not for the…well we’ll get to it in a moment. Everyone did their job here and did it well. Okumura and Misterioso were reliable and didn’t detract from the match. Sagrado, evidently motivated tonight, had one of his better performances in awhile. Stigma, despite still being an odd fit alongside Soberano and Star Jr., did just fine. And of course the two stars of the show were everything you wanted them to be, especially Soberano who just continues to get better and better every time I see him. One day he’s going to make a promotion really, really happy, and Grodd willing it’ll be the promotion that houses this guy.
So what went wrong here? Try the ending. Granted it doesn’t look nearly as bad when you take into account how the next match ended but still; why on earth are Sagrado, Okumura and Misterioso, three guys who need victories like I need dreadlocks, getting the win here? Not only did it make little sense but it completely deflated everyone who was watching the show live, at least from what I saw on social media. And make no mistake; this isn’t on any of the three rudos. Those guys did their jobs tonight and Sagrado in particular did deserve a win on the basis of his performance. But come on CMLL. You’ve got a potential superstar in Star Jr. and a potential megastar in Soberano in this match, two guys who could use wins to build them up. Instead you give them nothing? It burns the ass folks, it really does to see that happen, and the flat ending hurt what was otherwise the show’s best match. The only good thing you can say is that it at least wasn’t as bad as what came next.
Olímpico, Ripper, Vangellys defeated Ángel de Oro, Johnny Idol, Rey Cometa two falls to one
If the last match was proof that a finisher could end a good match on a massive bummer, this one proved a finish could turn a good match into Wolfgang Petersen’s Troy. And yes this match was just fine before the end; sure it was rushed and Ángel de Oro unfortunately messed up what would’ve been his big dive (which he did cover quite well) but the action was overall good from all sides, with even Ripper and Olímpico (now wearing a mask that only covers one side of his face because…who knows and who cares?!) working well thanks to game efforts from the technicos. Then CMLL decided to throw it all away by not only giving the rudos the win but by having Olímpico pin Rey Cometa clean and then having Ripper pin Johnny Idol clean.
I could probably come up with a few dozen jokes or something to describe my fury at this, but I’ll just get right to the point; CMLL, this finish was unacceptable, you should be forced to apologize to Idol, Cometa and Oro for putting them on the wrong end of the result and you should apologize to the fans for thinking we’re a bunch of trained seals who will just go along with every result you do. I’m thrilled Ripper and Olímpico looked good tonight, but there’s no way on earth those two, who generally resemble lifeless corpses in the ring and don’t draw shit (don’t believe me? Look at your half empty Arena Mexico and the less than 1,000 fans who streamed the show), should be going over one of your best all around luchadors, one of your best young luchadors and a luchador who just had a really nice stint in Ring of Honor just a month or so ago. This was an embarrassing result to an otherwise decent match and whoever booked it should be sent packing much like Jurgen Klinsmann should be sent packing. Naturally neither guy will and we can probably look forward to Olímpico pinning Soberano in a Lightning Match next week while Paco Alonso jerks off into a pile of money.
Ephesto, Luciferno, Mephisto defeated Mistico, Titán, Volador Jr. two falls to none
I don’t really have any words for this match beyond saying it was short, uninspired, and really only existed to make Mephisto look really, REALLY strong in order to set up a match with Volador on next week’s show. That part is fine and will be a nice silver lining in a day or two because Volador-Mephisto is a big money match. After the shit show tonight though it just leaves a bad taste in your mouth and serves as a fittingly shitty way to close a shitty show. I guess the joke is on us right?
We’re done here folks. I’m off to prepare my resume for when the United States Men’s National Team gives me a call, though that shouldn’t interfere with me reviewing Aztec Warfare III tomorrow night. Till then, DUCHOVNY TIME!
