Lucha Underground Review: All Story

I could tell by the end of tonight’s Lucha Underground episode that it wasn’t going to be popular within the lucha community. Us diehards love great, fast paced in ring action (especially on a day when we were treated to such greatness from Wrestle Kingdom 11), and while this LU episode didn’t feature any awful matches, it didn’t have any must see bouts either. Does that mean tonight’s LU was “meh”? In the words of the Star Wars fan from Robot Chicken who valued meeting George Lucas over the birth of his own son, not even close! You see, while the matches from tonight’s LU weren’t off the walls good, the stories set up by the matches and backstage scenes were, giving us some intriguing options going into the midseason finale and beyond. In fact, we may be looking at LU ending the first half of season three on a high note and starting the second half on a super high note, partially because of what was set up tonight. Who can be salty about that?! Well I’m sure someone will, but they can be so after I break this all down. Moses, meme it like it’s hot.

The Secret to Puma’s Demise and YOU'RE NOT THE ANCHOR THAT GIVES CATRINA’S SPIRIT LICENCE TO SOAR MIL!

Here’s the first big thing that will be forgotten because it didn’t happen in the ring (sorry; my snark is showing). Mil was back in his shrine like lair, loudly wondering why Puma was alive. A good question because he buried him in a coffin and all. Catrina came in and let him in on the secret the rest of us already knew; Vampiro is tapped into some dark magic and that’s why Puma is back. Mil then got a look in his eyes that screamed “I’M GONNA BREAK VAMPIRO LIKE HE’S A KIT KAT BAR!” and…well we’ll get to it later. Oh don't get like that sports fans; patience is a virtue after all.

We weren’t done though! Catrina decided that this reveal of info needed to be followed by her doing a sexy stroll through the Temple hallways, which of course meant Jeremiah was going to make an appearance. He bragged about defeating the person Catrina loved as if this was the shoe in he needed to her heart. NOT SO FAST JEREMIAH; turns out Mil isn’t the one Catrina loves, a reveal that would be shocking to me if I hadn’t called it eons ago. I told all of you Mil wasn’t the one who was the apple of Catrina’s eye. My only guess is that this guy has to be Fenix, unless there’s some sort of lesbian romance reveal involving Catrina and Captain Vasquez coming up. I’m all for either of those by the way; there haven’t been any lesbian romances in wrestling that I can recall (the Trish and Mickie James storyline not withstanding) and Jeremiah targeting Fenix because that’s Catrina’s ultimate desire could be massively fun. This was a big moment right here folks. Hold on to it as we go into the break.

Sexy Star defeated Mariposa

It may not have been No Mas but this match was substantially better than I expected. It’s abundantly clear that, for whatever reason, Sexy seems to click with Mariposa more than anyone else not named Jack Evans in the Temple, and they worked well together here in a much less extreme setting. Mariposa in particular looked as impressive and vicious as she’s ever been (I lost count of how many times she swung Sexy into the announcer’s table). I don’t know if that Battle of the Bulls match was a wakeup call, if she feels compelled to try more with a polarizing talent like Sexy or if it’s something else entirely but she’s beginning to remind me of the performer she was prior to joining LU. Huge credit to her for getting as much out of this match as she could, and unless I’m misreading things it seems she’s being rewarded for her hard work. I expected LU to follow up with the Sexy-tarantula story, but instead we got THE MOTH SIBBLINGS EXPLODE when Marty (wearing the same “Aztec Pride” shirt I have on right now!) came to the ring and choke slammed Mariposa post match. Why did he do this? Who knows; for all I know Marty didn’t like how Mariposa ordered their last pizza and he just snapped. Whatever the case it’s an interesting story to get into and if Mariposa remains motivated, her as a technico against the diabolical Marty could be chiller than a 7 Up chill zone.

Mascarita is the White Rabbit? London Please!

Your basic LU segment where Mascarita Sagrada is getting a pump from the LU gym and suddenly is being called the White Rabbit by Paul London, Saltador and Mala Suerte. Yes sports fans, this was real and it was spectacular. The only thing missing honestly was Son of Havoc, Mrs. Havoc and them pizza rolls, food that a totally not stoned Rabbit Tribe would’ve eaten in a matter of seconds I’m sure. To make a long story short, Mascarita thought all three of these dudes were nuts, London and co. still thought he was the White Rabbit after he’d walked off and I’m sure this will lead to absolutely nothing! Just kidding; it’s LU, everything leads to something.

Drago, Pindar, Vibora defeated Paul London, Saltador, Mala Suerte

Remember how I threw out the idea in my preview that Kobra Moon would have Drago replace her in this match? Score one for me again folks! What can I say; it’s like I turned into Nostradamus and Abed when he’s talking about Inspector Spacetime.

Drago’s insertion into this match is really interesting considering how the match turned out. From a work rate standpoint I’d list the match as okay; the Rabbit Tribe had moments (and looked relatively strong despite the obvious loss that was coming), Pindar was really good both during and after the match and Vibora got to look cool delivering some big power moves. But it’s pretty clear this match was supposed to be a little bit off, both because Paul London and his guys are out of their minds and because the Drago-Kobra thing is bizarre. How bizarre? On one hand he was brought out to the ring with Kobra pulling him by chain that was wrapped around his neck, indicating this was not Drago’s choice to take part in this match. While there was some hesitant moments though, Drago more or less worked well with his new teammates, seemed happy when he pulled out the win and even seemed reluctant at first to be saved by Fenix and Aerostar, who rode in on white horses to rescue their pal after the match. It’s almost as though Drago was caught in a mental tug of war with himself throughout this segment, trying to fight against Kobra’s influence (whatever it is) while also at times giving into it. I may be the only one who caught it (or wanted to catch it) but I was extremely impressed with how this was handled and the next chapter in this story could be great. It wouldn’t shock me at all if we see Drago completely succumb to Kobra’s influence and betray Aerostar and Fenix at the worst possible moment.

Big Willie Getting Ready

The only things you need to know about this segment are as follows; El Jefe is a diabolical hater who will make you wait for your title match so he can milk the build with a stipulation match first (classic El Jefe!); you never, ever bet against The Mack; oh wait, yes you do because Big Willie is dumb and followed in the footsteps of his good pal Sexy Star by telling her not to come to ringside to help him. This may have been the only thing that annoyed me about the show, only it was so funny I couldn’t help but laugh a bit. Come on Big Willie; you’re the same man who brought us the great show Cookin’ Shit in the Microwave with Willie Mack, but you can’t realize that maybe you should have backup after Sexy got screwed over by Mundo because of a lack of backup?!

Johnny Mundo defeated The Mack

This didn’t have the juice people hoped for but considering the match they’re having soon I’ll allow it. It wasn’t like this was a bad match either; Mundo did his usual cowardly rudo routine and Big Willie hit a lot of super cool moves to get the crowd going. They just didn’t go full out, pacing themselves until the Worldwide Underground came to the ring, distracted Marty Elias and allowed Mundo to sneak in the CMLL style foul and roll up to steal the match. So Mundo got to pick the stipulation. What did he go with? Tell us Lionel Richie!

Now as great as this was I do have a bone to pick with someone regarding this segment. That someone is Matt Striker. I thought his attempt at snake puns and snake voices earlier was bad enough, but when presented with having to sell the All Night Long stipulation here (a pretty big match if I say so myself), he did so with the enthusiasm of Ronnie Raymond right before he died in the Singularity. This was a brutal sell job on his part and I wouldn’t doubt that it put a damper on the match for some people (hell I know it did for at least one). Terrible job by Striker. Take that away and this was an otherwise great announcement. It made the match we saw tonight make sense (why would they go long here when they needed to save stuff for what could be a MOTY candidate several weeks from now?) and it gave us something to really look forward to once LU comes back from their hiatus, effectively creating a situation where they close with a hot show and come back with a hot show. Not bad planning El Rey. I guess we should be thanking Big Willie’s stupid decision to not have help at ringside. Who am I kidding; COME ON BIG WILLIE! You’re better than that.

VAMP GONNA DIE!

You may have thought it was over with that main event. NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND! As Jack, P.J. and Mundo celebrated in the ring Mil Muertes and Catrina appeared atop the steps, and for a moment I thought he wanted to enter the title picture. Then I remembered what Catrina told him about Vampiro earlier and I immediately began assembling video clips for the Vampiro tribute video in his memory. Muertes ended up destroying Vamp for a couple of minutes before Prince Puma finally arrived. It looked for all the world Puma was going to save his master…except Vampiro told him not to, leading to Mil putting Vamp down with a Flatliner while Puma watched helplessly (less noticeable was that Vamp actually restrained Puma from going after Mil following this, grabbing him by the leg as the credits rolled). What did this accomplish? Well aside from Mil avenging El Mesias’ loss to Vampiro at Verano de Escandalo 2008 (and that was part of it. Mesias and Mil are tight from what I hear) I’m not sure. Perhaps Vamp wanted Puma to see him get taken down to motivate Puma even more? Perhaps there’s another master plan in the works? Who can possibly tell with Vampiro these days? I just know there’s definitely more to it and it probably doesn’t bode well for Mil. The poor bastard; he’s being lured into an obvious trap, Jeremiah is trying to take his girl away and he’s probably gonna lose her anyway because she loves someone that isn’t him or Jeremiah! It ain’t easy being the most diabolical hater since the so called Beautiful.

This is the end beautiful friends. I’m off till tomorrow, where I’ll be previewing CMLL’s big Friday show as well as catching up on some Rudo Can’t Fail work. Gotta keep my pal Wayne busy after all. Till next time, drop the Tully, get with the SCULLY! I’ll see myself out.

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