Lucha Underground Preview: Pentagon Dark vs. Ninjas!

Normally this would be the time on Monday where I’d post my CMLL Tuesday preview, kick back to some Mario Golf on the GameBoy Color and wait for CMLL’s Puebla show to scar me for life. Not today. Instead when I went to check out the CMLL Tuesday card in preparation for the preview, I came across this on luchablog.

Bengala & Leono vs. Apocalipsis & Grako
Astral, Eléctrico, Último Dragóncito vs. Mercurio, Pequeño Nitro, Pequeño Olímpico
Fuego vs. Arkángel de la Muerte (Lightning Match)
Oro Jr., Pegasso, Star Jr. vs. Misterioso Jr., Olímpico, Sagrado
Blue Panther, Guerrero Maya Jr., Rey Cometa vs. Ephesto, Luciferno, Ripper
Ángel de Oro, Dragón Lee, Mistico vs. Mephisto, Shocker, Vangellys

That my friends is the card for the Tuesday show, a cross between the Twilight books and The Island of Dr. Moreau with Val Kilmer. When I say looking at it makes me want to sob uncontrollably I mean it, and not just because Fuego has inexplicably been condemned to face Arkángel in a Lightning Match. This show looks bad, the people who put it together should feel bad and I don’t hate myself nearly enough to preview it (though I may hate myself enough to review the show tomorrow. Tune in around 11:30 p.m. to find out!). So instead we’re going to do an early Lucha Underground preview. Sure we only know of one match that is happening and a couple of things the preview blurb (which is as reliable as CMLL booking by the by) revealed, but who cares? An LU show with no information is more exciting than previewing…whatever CMLL is trying to accomplish with that Tuesday card. So let’s move away from that and get to some ninja talk. That’s right; ninja talk! Thank Grodd for LU. Moses, go go Memezilla.

Catrina confronts Jeremiah…maybe?

What to Expect: I’d say I was certain this shindig would happen this week…but then again I thought it was going to happen last week when the good people who bring you the LU preview blurb mentioned this confrontation. Instead there was no sign of Catrina, Jeremiah, Mil, Ivelisse or any of the players from this story last week. I haven’t trusted a preview blurb since. Actually I’m not sure I’ve ever trusted a preview blurb entirely anyway; they’re the government to my Fox Mulder I tell you.

That’s probably why I’m including this here despite there being no mention of Catrina or the Artist Formerly Known as Sami Callihan in this week’s blurb. Simple math indicates that the moment has to happen sometime soon, and with this show seemingly having only one big match I’d guess it’ll be here, either to open the show or close it. From there it becomes a matter of how this moment is used to build towards Catrina and Ivelisse’s showdown at the end of the season? Does Catrina lure Jeremiah to her and Mil Muertes’ side as the season three trailer predicted? Is Jeremiah already there and merely cozying up to Ivelisse in order to give Catrina the inside track? Or are Ivelisse and Jeremiah playing them and this is some sort of deep undercover operation that Paul Walker used to do in every Fast and Furious movie? It’s one of those three I tell you.

THE CUETOS EXPLODE…maybe?

What to Expect: That damn preview blurb; it taketh away and then it giveth right back. And it gives a juicy glimpse this week by suggesting that El Jefe and Matanza have “different plans”. Maybe I’m being al little extreme here but that doesn’t sound good…for Matanza. At all. Yes Matanza may be the vastly bigger and far more diabolical of the Cueto brothers, but he also has the distinct disadvantage of being locked up by Dario whenever he’s not in the ring and probably isn’t aware that his bro is looking to replace him with another host for the evil god raging inside Matanza’s shell. Maybe that plays a factor in this “differing of plans” the brothers have (Cage and Texano are overdue for the fourth match of their best of five after all) but I’d venture to guess that’s a ways away. For now I’m guessing El Jefe will have one plan to get the Lucha Underground Championship back to Matanza while the monster has a more emotional, dare I say volatile plan. And so we shall start to see the first cracks in the foundation of the Brothers Cueto. Way to come up with a good last line there Cult and way to ruin it immediately by bragging about it.

Gauntlet Match

Pentagon Dark vs. The Black Lotus Triad

What to Expect: This match exists because of Ultima Lucha Dos, where Pentagon interrupted a match between Black Lotus and El Dragon Azteca Jr. to break both of their arms, marking the death of Pentagon Jr. and the birth of Pentagon Dark. The problem; neither Azteca nor Lotus were that happy he snapped their arms like twigs. Azteca would come after Pentagon almost immediately, only to be sidetracked by Chavo Guerrero Jr., who oddly enough was also trying to get revenge against Pentagon (who hasn’t Pentagon pissed off?!). Nowhere near the hot head Azteca is, Lotus wisely retreated to Hong Kong, where she licked her wounds, rested up and ended up recruiting an army of ninjas to come back and lay waste to Pentagon. And lay waste they did at Aztec Warfare III, where Lotus and her three comrades successfully screwed Pentagon out of the Lucha Underground Championship. One meeting with El Jefe next week and Lotus has what she wanted; a chance to complete her revenge by forcing Pentagon to go through her and those three ninjas in a Gauntlet Match. Here’s a look at two of these deadly bad asses.

Now there’s a couple of questions that need to be answered here; a) are those three the only members of the Black Lotus Triad that will be in this Gauntlet Match and b) how high of quality can we expect this match to reach, especially in the wake of EVERY behind the scenes dude at LU pimping it out? To answer the first question, I don’t know. I think it’s safe to assume that Pentagon merely has to go through Lotus and her three friends considering those four are the only Triad members we’ve seen, but time and time again LU has proven it’s never been safe to assume. Considering this is the only match being listed for Wednesday and that common sense suggests the Black Lotus Triad consists of more than four people, I wouldn’t doubt that Lotus ends up bringing a whole bunch of peeps along for the ride. Hell maybe she’s even recruited some of Pentagon’s old enemies just to stack the odds against him. Seriously; would it really shock you to see Vinnie Massaro walk out dressed in black, pizza slice in one hand and chicken drumstick in the other, ready to drop some Food-Fu on Pentagon’s ass for breaking his arm in season one? I’ll honestly be disappointed if LU doesn’t do this now!

As for how good the match will be, well I think it’s safe to get your hopes up here and not just because people in LU are touting this as a big episode. There will be some concern because of Lotus herself, who had one of the worst LU matches ever back at UL2 with Azteca, a guy who has otherwise had great matches with almost everyone. But regardless of whether that performance was a fluke or a true glimpse at who she is in the ring it really doesn’t matter. Why? Because of those three she has with her. There’s not enough words to sum up Kairi Hojo (Doku), Mayu Iwatani (Yueri) and Io Shirai so I’ll simply describe them as such; they’re not just three of the best women’s wrestlers in the world, their three of the best wrestlers in the world. That’s not hyperbole; they’re legit that good and there’s little reason to believe they won’t be good, individually or in a group, against one of the most charismatic, popular luchadors in Pentagon. Only a lack of chemistry or Lotus getting most of the spotlight (and failing) will keep this from being memorable. Go check out some of those Stardom matches if you don’t believe me.

Winner(s): I was certain about this match going a particular way before today; now I’m not sure. It would make sense for the Lotus Triad to get revenge on Pentagon and dish out similar punishment that he delivered to Lotus. The preview also reveals that Vampiro and Pentagon may be having some sort of confrontation, and generally Pentagon confrontations with Vampiro that don’t involve Pentagon kicking the crap out of his former master don’t end well for him. And yet…I get the feeling that maybe LU is going to surprise us all here and have Pentagon thwart everyone’s expectations to get the W. Oh he may still go through hell to get it and there’s many ways the Lotus Triad can stand tall without winning. But I don’t know; I’m just starting to feel a Pentagon victory here. It’ll be a rough night, but the man of Cero Miedo will triumph. Hopefully he does so with all his limbs intact.

That’s a wrap sports fans. I’ll be back in a few hours to review a hopefully better than expected CMLL Puebla show. Don’t let me down Paco. Till then, bow down to DUCHOVNY!

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