Lucha Underground Preview: The Triple Threat
Much like Shawn Kemp in a tight game of NBA Jam, Lucha Underground is heating up! The best wrestling show on TV today continues to roll towards Aztec Warfare, only two weeks from tomorrow night and full to the brim with promises of violence, a new number one contender for the Lucha Underground Championship and (more than likely) the return of EL JEFE! As such, tomorrow night’s episode looks to be the last chance someone will have to take the belt off Immortan Mil Muertes, meaning that the main event will be bonkers good, while the rest of the show…is also good. It’s Lucha Underground; there’s no bad, only not as epic. And as such, I’m here to break it all down for you the only way I know how. Get it? Got it? Swell. Let’s begin!
Cage, Mundo and Taya Continues!
What to Expect: We’ll have to put this one in the unknown category because it’s yet to have been announced what these three will be doing. Is there going to be a confrontation? Are we getting a Cage-Mundo rematch? Cage-Taya? A handicap match? None of the above? Who knows, other than the fact that we’re getting more Cage, more Mundo and MORE TAYA! I see no negatives here. Not even Hulk Hogan and his lies about his junk could derail this!
Winner(s): Mundo, mainly because I think he’ll be wrestling someone other than Cage, leading to the man from the 559 to come out afterwards and get a small measure of revenge on his new rivals. I know, I’m not happy about Taya not wrestling either, but that’s why Aztec Warfare is in a few weeks. No better time to make a statement than that match!
Marty “The Moth” Martinez vs. The Mack
What to Expect: It’s the return you’ve all been waiting for, the man with Aztec blood flowing through his veins, the favorite wrestler of Drury Walker himself; MARTY THE FREAKING MOTH IS BACK! And what a swell opponent to go up against for his return in Big Willie, who everyone loves and who’s last two appearances of featured him becoming traumatized by the appearance (unseen to us) of Sister Moth and him donning what had to be the most purple shirt in the history of the western hemisphere. No confirmation on whether The Mack chose that shirt because he’s still coping with what he saw a few weeks ago or if he lost track of time cooking shit in the microwave and grabbed the first shirt he could find.
As per usual with the LU, this is quite an intriguing matchup. The Mack is one of the best there is right now and as we saw last year in spurts Marty knows what he’s doing too. The question here is whether this will be given the time to be a showcase for what Marty can fully bring to the table or if this match will be used to further advance the story going on between these two men, Sexy Star and the yet to be seen Sister Moth. I reckon it’ll be a bit of both, with Big Willie and Marty getting about five to six minutes of action before craziness erupts in the Temple. And by craziness, I mean MothaMania. WE WANT THE MOTH! WE WANT THE MOTH!
Winner: Ladies, gentlemen, ancient astronauts who may be reading this, mark March 9th, 2016 down, for it’ll be the night forever remembered for when Marty the Moth won his first Lucha Underground match. That’s right, after going winless in season one, Marty will come out of the gates firing with a win of Big Willie tomorrow, and I’m predicting there will be a twist ending with Sexy Star HELPING Marty get the win. Maybe I’m looking too far into things, but there’s a lot more going on with Sexy and the Moths than meets the eye, and I think they’ve traumatized her so much that she’s become a reluctant servant of sorts to them. The only question I have is whether this or Aztec Warfare will be when Sister Moth debuts. Its coming folks just like MLB Opening Day and that Leicester City Premier League title.
Triple Threat Match for the Lucha Underground Championship
Mil Muertes (c) vs. Prince Puma vs. Pentagon Jr.
What to Expect: Allow me to let gentleman of industry Brian Griffin sum up this match for all of you.
Man this match is going to be good. Puma and Pentagon together has already produced two fun outings (though the last one did end abrupt) and I expect this will be the first time they’re truly able to go off on each other. What’s going to put this over the top however is Immortan Mil Muertes. Thanks to the arm injury and the long wait between matches for our LU Champion, it’s been forgotten that Mil Muertes is a legitimate Beast King who was involved with at least three of the top ten matches Lucha Underground had in season one and was part of one of the best matches this very season (that match with Ivelisse is still a storytelling masterpiece in my book). Add him with Puma and Pentagon and this should be special. And my goodness, what’s going to happen when Pentagon and Mil lock up for the very first time?! Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve see Angelico fly off rooftops, I’ve seen Vampiro hit a man with a florescent light tube; I’ve even witnessed a grown man satisfy a camel (fine, that hasn’t happened in the Temple). But I’ve yet to see Mil and Pentagon, arguably the two most diabolical haters since the so called Beautiful, lock up in Lucha Underground. It’s going to be electric, like Pikachu levels of electricity.
Winner: The elephant in the room for this match is that Aztec Warfare will be less than two weeks away once tomorrow night’s episode ends, meaning that this is likely the last chance anyone will have to take the title off Mil beforehand (though that pesky Fenix can always cash in Gift of the Gods next week I suppose). Until I see otherwise, I’m going to continue to operate under the theory that a) Matanza is winning Aztec Warfare to get a shot at the title and b) will win the title either immediately following that match or a week later. I know Pentagon is the man of the people, but a two week title reign seems unlikely for him and it’s not like the man needs it anyway. That leaves Prince Puma and our redeemer Immortan Mil, and I’m compelled to say Mil takes it (though it wouldn’t surprise me if Puma squeaked it out). It’ll be fun, it’ll be brutal and in the end Mil will rise from the ashes still in possession of that Lucha Underground Championship.
And…scene. That’s all for now guys; I shall return tomorrow with that something cool I promised. In fact, I may return with two or three cool new things, depending on how I feel between the first column and my review of tomorrow’s Lucha Underground show. Till then, go ready my buddy Leaf’s LU stuff, read my Champions League preview with Matt Mortensen, steer clear of the plug life and for goodness sakes read Howard the Duck. I’m on issue #3 of the original comics and it’s the best thing ever since the best thing ever!
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