MEET THE NBA'S "SMALL WONDER" -- History of the NBA Finals Part 32

To understand the Philadelphia 76ers, is to understand not only Chicago sports, but "Small Wonder", a show that came on when we were younger about a little girl who's a robot.

Now...

Philadelphia and Chicago in itself are not racist.

Nor are particularly the people racist.

What they are in fact...are Phillistine Central.

It's the kind of place where people can come from all over the country...and hide behind stuff to gentrify and massacre.

Chicago and Philly are not racist...they're not anti-semitic...they're not bad places...

But they hire bad people. That's for sure.

It is these people that embarrass these two great cities when a sports event happens, for they are the only ones who can afford to be courtside at the NBA playoffs.

The ones at the Bears and Eagles games who you can see them on TV.

So what this means is that both city's sports teams have discovered that...since these are college football and basketball die-hards...we can turn this into the freaking Pledge of Allegiance...and nobody will think it's a bad idea.

They can do everything to these fans to take their money.

But what separates Chicago and Philly in this realm is one very thing --

Chicago is cheap and Philadelphia is not.

Chicago doesn't buy the fans anything. Philadelphia used to get them everything they wanted.

Now before you call Chicago selfish, keep in the mind that...hey...listen to how the fans there are acting during the game.

Listen to how they write about these teams afterwards.

All because they didn't win the title.

See?

Philadelphia sports has never had a sense of cheap owners, and thus expect that a contender is a given.

So they get their hearts ripped out, while Chicago fans are patient.

Same shitty losses.

Chicago owners, for this reason, believe that they are the smartest people in the world for screwing Chicago, for aren't we all just happy the way things are? Us owners know WE are!

And thus Philadelphia had started to take a lesson.

Their owners started to become assholes too, particularly around this time, summer 1980.

It was a terrible year for owners, and a wonderful year for their friends from Chicago.

For Philadelphia will see the Eagles lose the Superbowl, the 76ers lose the NBA Finals, the Flyers lose the Stanley Cup, Temple get denied a national title with the best team in the land...meanwhile Chicago has nothing...and the fans aren't booing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So Philadelphia owners calm down in the understanding that they are...at least...the favorite of all these teams.

This will all change that freaking October, when the Phillies win the World Series.

Now they got to do something.

But lord do they not want to change that much.

They just want to win now.

But Vici can't even talk in a normal human voice! It's all monotone and everything!

She's dressed like she's doing housekeeping...in school!

Yet Dr. J AKA Vici looks to be about the best there is.

What those fans really want is a white guy.

But there's no such thing as a white guy that's better then Dr. J! They won't even come close!

Nothing can go wrong honey!

The problem was this --

If you remember on "Small Wonder", there was a plot behind the reason that Vici was Vici.

Her father had face-molded this girl from a kid's picture he found at the adoption agency one day.

He went and intentionally re-created this kid with a robot's body!

You believe that shit?!

In other words...good family man Ted Lawson, while looking to adopt a child, awwww...creates Vici based on the idea that NO PARENTS WOULD BE IN THE PICTURE TO COMPLAIN!!!

Well in one episode, that girl's father indeed pays a visit to the Lawsons.

They end up playing ball with him.

For the dad wants to form a father-daughter dance/song/crappy comedy team that plays in nightclubs and Vegas and what-not.

So Lawson will disrupt Vici's comedy timing so she comes off like a total bitch and steals his lines in front of everybody.

Thereby the dad...makes excuses to vanish back off in the sunset like he did before.

Philadelphia sports, in a nutshell.

Philadelphia will sign the most flamboyent player on Earth, so the fans can boo at an awesome artist rather then an incompetent manager.

Lightning rods.

That way the fans don't look racist as they're blaming who they want to -- black people.

For when Moses Malone, Terrell Owens, Charles Barkley, Allen Iverson lose...it looks like THEY'RE fault. Not the owners who hung them out to dry.

Lawson transferring the blame to both Vici...and then the real father.

Yet in this case, Philadelphia would not be slick like Lawson.

For they would watch precisely their worst nightmare -- a player better then their flamboyent ace...coming in and beat him in 7 games after being down 3-1, Larry Bird.

Better yet...one their fans would have liked more due to the Caucasian thing.

For these would not be the first big groups of goobers during Bird and McHale's time who booed not because they wanted to express their discontent...but because they wanted to cheer on their opponents without actually cheering for them!

Not only had they knocked down the door and arrested the Lawsons and used Vici for scrap...the fans liked the cops better then they did the family they had been watching!

And so Boston would go to the Finals and dismantle two more powerful robots in Robert Reid and Moses Malone.

Coach Bill Fitch would move Larry to point guard for some of it which would lead to Larry passing to people, then getting their rebounds.

Cedric Maxwell dominated.

The Celtics would win in six games, and Larry Bird had his 1st championship in only year #2 as an NBA player.

In the lockerroom, Bird would borrow Auerbach's lit victory cigar and give himself a puff.

The Boston Celtics were the 1981 NBA World Champions.

AUERBACH TITLE-O-METER = 14

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